The Thesis Defense
1026 Words
8:00 AM.
I was wearing gray.
He said he liked me in gray.
Lucien was in the back row.
Not on the panel.
Not speaking.
Just sitting.
Blue shirt. Hands folded. Like he was trying not to fidget.
Aisha sat next to him.
She winked at me when I walked in.
Dr. Patel, Dr. Moreno, Dr. Singh.
My panel.
No Lucien.
He’d made sure of that 10 days ago when he resigned.
“Ms. Carter,” Dr. Patel said. “You may begin.”
---
9:42 AM.
I finished.
30 minutes.
On power, consent, and archival erasure in 19th century institutions.
Questions started.
Academic. Sharp. Fair.
Then Dr. Moreno leaned forward.
“Ms. Carter. Your primary case study involves the Ashford Foundation.And your former advisor.Can you speak to potential bias in that section?”
The room got quiet.
Lucien didn’t move.
But I saw his jaw.
“Yes,” I said. “I can.”
“Because the relationship ended before the final draft,” I said. “Because I had full access to the archives without supervision. And because I rewrote that chapter 4 times to make sure it wasn’t about him. It was about the system.”
Dr. Singh: “And the system?”
“The system let it happen,” I said. “And the system let me write about it.”
Another pause.
Dr. Patel: “One last question. Off the record.”
She looked at Lucien. Then at me.
“Are you two... together?”
Lucien sat up straighter.
Like he was about to answer for me.
I didn’t let him.
“Yes,” I said. “We are.”
“When did that start?”
“After he stopped being my advisor,” I said.“After Day 180.He asked. I said yes.”
Dr. Patel nodded.
“Thank you. That’s all.”
They talked for 10 minutes.
I stood there.
Lucien watched me the whole time.
Then:
“Congratulations, Dr. Carter. You passed. With distinction.”
Aisha screamed.
Lucien stood up so fast his chair scraped.
---
Hallway. 10:15 AM.
People were hugging me.
Faculty. Students.
Lucien waited until it cleared.
Then he walked to me.
Stopped 2 feet away.
“Can I hug you?”
“Yes.”
He did.
Right there.
In the hall.
In front of everyone.
“You did it,” he whispered in my hair.
“I did,” I said.
He pulled back.
“Can I take you to lunch?”
“Yes.”
“Can I tell people you’re mine?”
A pause.
“Yes,” I said.
His whole face changed.
---
Lunch. 12:30 PM.
Just us.
Corner table.
No board members. No students.
He ordered for both of us.
Then stopped.
“Sorry. Can I order for you?”
“You already did,” I said. “It’s fine.”
He looked relieved.
“Can I ask you something?” he said.
“Always.”
“Was it hard? Up there? With me in the room?”
“Yes,” I said. “Because I wanted to look at you.
And because I was scared someone would use you against me.”
“Did they?”
“No,” I said. “Because you weren’t in the room.
You were in the audience.”
He reached across the table.
Took my hand.
“Can I be proud of you?”
“You already are,” I said.
He smiled.
“Dr. Carter,” he said. Testing it.
“Don’t,” I said.
“Why?”
“Because it makes me feel old.”
He laughed.
“Okay. Maya.”
---
3:00 PM. My apartment.
He followed me home.
Carried my bag.
Set it down by the door.
“Can I stay?”
“Yes.”
“Can I do nothing?”
“Yes.”
So we did nothing.
TV on low.
His head in my lap.
My fingers in his hair.
At 5:14 PM his phone buzzed.
Eleanor.
Proud of you both. Dinner Sunday still on?
Me: Yes.
E: Bring the thesis. I want to read it.
Me: Okay.
Lucien read the text over my shoulder.
“She’s going to grill you,” he said.
“I know.”
“Can I be there when she does?”
“Yes.”
He turned over. Looked up at me.
“I want to kiss you"
And he did, passionately.
---
8:00 PM.
He was cooking. Again.
This time he didn’t burn it.
“Can I tell you something?” he said from the kitchen.
“What.”
“I’m not scared anymore.”
“Of what?”
“Of wanting you,” he said. “Of asking. Of you saying no.”
He came out with two plates.
Set them down.
Sat next to me.
“Because even if you say no,” he said, “I’ll still ask tomorrow.”
I set my fork down.
“Why?”
“Because that’s the difference,” he said. “Before I took.
Now I ask.
And you get to choose.”
He looked at me.
“Do you choose me?”
“Yes,” I said.
He exhaled.
“Good,” he said. “Me too.”
---
11:30 PM. Bed.
We were under the covers.
Lights off.
His arm around me.
“Day 190,” he said.
“Day 190,” I said.
“10 days since the rules ended.”
“I know.”
“Best 10 days,” he said.
I turned in his arms.
“Can I kiss you?”
He smiled in the dark.
“Yes.”
I did.
No power dynamic.
No office.
No deadline.
Just us.
Asking.
And saying yes.
---
Day 191. 7:00 AM.
Text from Dr. Patel.
Your thesis will be published in the department journal.
And Maya? He did good. Letting go.
Me: I know.
Lucien was already up.
Making coffee.
In gray sweatpants and my hoodie.
“Morning, Dr. Carter,” he said.
“Don’t,” I said.
“Morning, Maya,” he corrected.
He handed me coffee.
“Can we do today again tomorrow?”
“Yes,” I said.
- Writer
