I SEE YOU

Chapter 2: Abbrasion

I take a deep breath in, hold it for a moment, and then push the air from my lungs slowly. My hand is resting on the handle of a doorknob and I am working up the courage to turn the knob. With another quick breath in I lift my head a bit higher and open the door. I enter the threshold of my Sargent’s office and see a head tilt up to meet my eyes. Internally I am shaking though by my outward appearance you would never know.

“Brightner, have a seat.” My Sargent tells me, his tone is flat and detached as he looks back at his computer and clicks away at his keyboard. His clicks become slower and harder against the keyboard and he signifies he is done by smacking the last key with a hard CLICK. “Sorry about that, I had to get this back to the asshole attorneys office or they will crawl my ass until I can’t sit down properly.” He turns back to me and gives me a quick smile before going back to resting in a neutral position. “So, tell me what happened at the motor vehicle accident,” it’s more of a statement rather than a question. I sigh and nod singularly, well here goes nothing, I internally state.

I give him all the details from start to finish of the call where I disobeyed my commanding officer. I know that’s why I am in here. I know that Reed complained. I know that I will be reprimanded. I also know that I would not change my actions. When I have finally finished my detailed account Sargent Holden takes both of his hands clasps them together and tucks them under his chin. He ponders what I have said while giving a thoughtful yet distant look. Quickly he removes his hands from his chin and straightens himself.

From this angle Sargent Holden looks all business. “Let me ask you this. Knowing that everything that you did would lead you to my office to have this discussion right now, with me. Would you have done it differently? Would you have not got in that car? Would you had listened to your commanding officer?”

“No.” The words leave my lips without an ounce of hesitation and I lock eyes with Sargent Holden. The Sargent c***s his head slightly and repeats my answer back to me, questioning, “No?”

“No sir,” I say in a tone that corrects my last response. Formalities I guess,I think to myself. I can see the curve of his mouth upturn ever so slightly, as though a smile is playing on his lips. His eyes hold a bit of amusement but in an instant the look vanishes and I contemplate whether it was there at all.

“Very well,” Sargent Holden says simply and grabs a piece of paper, quickly jotting down notes. “This is not a write up Brightner, what I am about to give you. This is simply a verbal counseling on the importance of listening to your commanding officer.” He hands me the paper to sign. “This will not be held against you, this is just going to go in your training file. In no way does this affect you going to the road on your own on your release date.”

I sign the paper I am given, never showing that internally I am fuming. I hand it back to him and go to stand up. Before I know what I am doing my mouth begins to open and words pour from them swiftly, “Sargent, if I may, what would you have done?” I look at him and he stops fiddling with the paper I have handed back and he stares at me. I continue, “If you were me knowing everything I told you, if you were in the exact situation, what would you have done.”

Sargent Holden purses his lips and begins, “As your Sargent, I will tell you that I would have listened to my commanding officer. They are the commanding officer for a reason, they have seen more and done more than you. You are new to this world and you feel like you can save everyone. You quickly learn that you cannot.” I nod silently and head toward the door.

As I begin to turn the knob I hear my Sargent’s voice behind me once more and I turn to face him, “That’s what I am going to tell you as a Sargent. Now, from a fellow officer’s point of view I will tell you this: I would be in the exact spot you are in right now. Having a one on one with my superior before I watched a child suffer when I thought I could help. I would wear this counseling session as a badge of honor. Probably would have asked for a copy to frame it above my desk.”

I smile and turn to walk out of the door. “Brightner,’, Sargent Holden says, “What’s policy and what is right are two different things, sometimes. A good cop always follows policy. A great cop does what’s right.” I smile once more at the Sargent and see him set back down at his desk wordlessly. I shut the door behind me and head toward my desk. I know I just got a verbal reprimand but it felt just the opposite.

As I walk back to my desk I am lost in my own thoughts as Corporal Reed cuts me off. “I assume, you have already talked to the Sargent?” He questions. “Yes, a verbal reprimand has been placed in my files.”

“Good,” Reed says but something in his eyes doesn’t match his cold callous tone of voice. “I know you are trying to save the world, Brightner, but you putting yourself in danger makes it harder for your team. You have to know when to step back.”

I have the overwhelming urge to glare at him. To scream at him. To use every cuss word I know of to explain exactly what I think of him. Better yet, I would like to knee him in his balls. I would gladly take an official write up for that one, or firing. I shake the last thought off knowing I have worked too hard to throw it all away on some asshole who would relish my leaving.

I nod my head once. “Noted sir,” I say and leave Corporal Asshole in the middle of the hallway.