Santa Monica

The party

After we have received the text messages, we all looked back and forth from each other probably all wondering the same thing who saw us in the Woods that night? Who could have seen us disposing of the body and if they did see us disposing of the body why haven't they turned in the body yet? Why haven't they brought up that they know who killed her they know where the missing body is? But we must act like everything's normal we have to act like we're the same people that we're just in the church making jokes laughing smiling. All I know is we must make it to jaspers without breaking down. To make it to jaspers without breaking down we must pull it together here on this bench. My eyes fluttered words the car maybe we could make a run for it as if Astro knows what I'm thinking she shakes her head.

Maybe she thinks it would be too suspicious that we leave right now. Maybe she thinks we can't make her run for it this would catch up with us anyway. We all look like we're a wreck right now we all look like we're falling apart. I take my hand and racket through my hair pulling on the ends a little bit period to the outside world right now we just look like they're falling apart because we're at the funeral. Juliana puts her hand to her eyes as if she was crying, she's probably trying to hold in some anger. I take a deep breath “we just have to make it through today” I mumbled towards them. They nod their head and I lean back on the bench.

Astro glances between the two of us and then says, “tomorrow we can meet at jaspers and figure out what's going on with everything.” we simultaneously agree I take a deep breath in, and Juliana tries to calm down are all my shoulders back glancing towards the Sky. We should probably head back inside we came outside to take everything in. By taking everything in suddenly just seems like a nightmare. I glanced Ord’s the girls as I stand up motioning for us to go back in, they follow. It was seeming about an hour later filled with laughing and crying we make the way to the car to go to jaspers.

They drove did jaspers was always long he lived on the outskirts of town more with the older rich people with the bigger mansions. Not saying that every house in town was a mansion it was nice houses, but some people had lower income, so some houses were lower class houses. But his side of town was the original built houses for this town. It just seemed as if his life was always planned for him. He was always going to end up with Vanessa he was always going to have Twins with her. In somewhere along the lines, he wasn't supposed to fall in love with Arabella.

But somewhere between freshman year for a short six-month stint he ended up falling in love with Arabella it was so many years ago none of us really talk about it anymore. We all believe that it was during then that Arabella met Vanessa and Casper were just friends during that they lived across the street from each other their whole life. Vanessa came from rich old Hollywood money. She was more like Hollywood sweetheart. Shows had a smile on her face and always knew what to say to the crowd. But only nights she could be debating physics or psychology with you. She was blonde and skinny. although if you asked her what her better half was, she would smile and look at Casper. He was a tall 6-foot 2 Brown hair broad shoulders type of guy. He always had a chiseled jawline one that could make any girl fall for him but somehow, he found the right girl at a young age. When they were living across the way from each other they always wondered what each other's lives would be, and I think that's what made them fall for each other. At the age of 16 they ended up having Twins together this didn't pull them apart it pushed them together. They figured they could conquer the world knowing that they'd be together forever. Their kids are now seven years old they're probably the oldest in the front group. Other than Arabella was the oldest in the Oldest in the front group.

As we go down this winding Rd that leads us to Casper’s house, we park on the side in step out of the car. Try not to make eye contact as we walk up towards the front door but making a little joke here and there to make it look natural. We reached the front door and entered the house. They had a front door open policy with everyone in the friend group. That's what my eyes spotted Adriana it looked like she was with another dude. I hadn't heard anything about her dating anyone recently since her ex who passed away. The guy seemed friendly he had a Russian accent, so it was kind of funny. He was another 6-foot 2 blonde haired broad shoulder chiseled jawline, but he seemed friendly. Adriana to describe her as a person she was one of those people who had the law on her side her family basically hard the police station in their back pocket. She had Brown hair blue eyes was skinny but never from an eating disorder.

She ran track for most of her life she could probably outrun anyone. though when she was running, she said it felt like the whole world was at the palm of her fingers. is it look like they invited money people to this gathering it looked like it was basically the seven of us and whoever we were dating? I put a smile on my face walking around the people making friendly conversation friendly conversation that I probably won't remember the next couple days. I ran my fingertips through my hair taking a deep breath in. Raising my shoulder, I glanced towards everyone and that's when everyone’s phones started going off. Shaking my head, I looked down towards my phone seeing who could have texted us.

“you guys can't outrun the law for too long” it was from that unknown number again. This is getting quite annoying that's when everyone started gathering around. Casper looked towards everyone and said, “how long have you guys been getting these messages?” a few people rambled off a couple weeks some people said a few months. I glance up towards Casper and say “I just started getting them today at the funeral” I guess I was the last one invited to the party of these weird text messages. Unless the person who's sending them knew I didn't have my phone.

Casper kind of shrugs and gives me a weird look I didn't want to get into detail about why I just started getting the messages but if the person does know that I just got my phone it would be interesting to know how they know that. “Who do you think it could be from?” Juliana said from the back of the room. At this point I'm guessing the results here have motive for bringing us all here. I walk towards some of the food that was laid out and grab something to eat just going to listen.

“We were really safe with what we did, I'm guessing it's some prank that the kids are playing thinking that we know more than we do. although until we know for sure we should keep this between all of us.” Casper says then glances towards Vanessa “we should keep everyone updated on what is going on with each other's text messages and what they're saying.” Vanessa says then glances towards Adriana “it should give us some type of idea of what they're trying to gain from it at least” Adriana says, and I take a deep sigh in. “Are you sure they probably don't know anything?” I ask that's when Casper says, “it's not like she could come back and tell them what happened.”

At that point the room is feeling unbreathable for me, so I walk outside towards the back. It looks the same as the last time I was here. The last time I was here was when Casper had a party when I was in senior year of high school. I remember Arabella dancing in the middle of the room although I'm pretty sure she had ulterior motive at that point for why she was dancing why sure is making all the boys look at her. The day before someone had started a rumor that she could never have fun. I remember her getting drunk and starting to table dance. I remember one of the guys walking up to me that was at the party and asking how I got her to loosen up a bit. If I'm being honest, it wasn't me who got her to loosen up.

Life had just hit her hard after she had gotten pregnant and had our daughter. She didn't know what life she was anymore didn't know what she was going to do with life anymore. And I feel like the rumor just set ablaze to what she wanted to do. What she felt like doing. What she was going to do in her life. She was going to wreak Hellfire all over everyone. The ones who made her feel miserable when she got pregnant the ones who told her to get an abortion the ones that told her she hopes she passed away in child labor. She was going to make everyone's life miserable, and she was going to loosen up doing it. As I think about these moments the calm before the storm just heard dancing on the table.

I realized that in these moments they were the silence before she opened to the world again. Before she put her full plan in motion. Before she pulled the wool over everyone's eyes again an emotionally damaged more people. I realize that in these moments there is a little slice of heaven, and it showed the real person beneath the mask. But was that real person ever who she wanted to be? Was that real person ever who she thought she was going to be? or was she the person after the calm was, she the storm?

As I'm standing here remembering these moments and thinking about them in a different way, I feel a hand on my shoulder. Knowing that that's a gesture that neither of the females that I came with would do I turn and look and see Casper standing there beside me. I glance up towards him taking a deep breath in and running my fingernails through my hair again pulling on my curly ends once more. He glances down towards me nodding his head raising his right shoulder.

“I know this must be hard on you and I know that decisions that we've made this past year must be hard on you as well. Loving her was difficult losing her must be more difficult. I do understand that the love you felt for her was many years ago, but I do understand that she is the mother of your daughter.” Casper says I nod my head and take a deep inhale it is hard harder than anyone would understand being in this situation. Especially when I don't understand what wound me up in this situation.

“It is hard I think it would be hard for you to lose Vanessa as well. Although you've loved Vanessa since you guys have been in your high school years. I didn't love her anymore, but she was the mother of my child. I care about her. I just wish the universe would give me a sign avoid doing at this point.” I say taking a deep exhale rolling my shoulders back and glancing into his eyes nodding my head. Times like this I remember that I still must play the grieving baby daddy. Even though the grieving baby daddy is all I play nowadays and is all I remember about her.

I think the saddest part about it is I don't remember her smile because she was so vengeful in her last years. I don't remember the way she smelled because they didn't hold her the last few years. I don't remember loving her the last few years because I remembered I couldn't love her the last few years. Everything fell apart on us after she got pregnant, she promised she would be with me forever and then suddenly, she didn't love me anymore and I didn't love her. We were just two kids trying to find love and we couldn't love each other.

And as I see Astro entering the room in rolling her eyes, she's going to have a smart remark about this. “Just admit it you still loved her.” she said after Kasper left a room, I shake my head and roll my eyes. “If I did love her, I had a messed-up way of showing her that I loved her, if I did love her for the last year, I wouldn't have been falling in love with you.” and as if it stabbed her heart, she took a deep breath in. Being reminded of the last year Arabella was around that we were sleeping together and that I told her that I loved her. “I didn't love Arabella for a long time I didn't care about her either. Yes, I care about my daughter yes, I care about being a father figure. I don't care that I didn't love my baby Mama.”

And at that point I start rubbing my hands together as if all the blood from them had slowly drained in that conversation and start shaking as if I needed my next high. I hadn't had this conversation in a while I hadn't had the I didn't love her I don't have to pretend to play the grieving man conversation. I must grieve for my daughter because my daughter doesn't understand. I don't have to grieve for myself. that's the difference between Astro and Casper I must admit one thing to a different friend and admit the truth to Astro.

I roll my eyes and tap my foot on the ground she could see that I'm obviously upset right now. It's not like it mattered though. “Why does it upset you so much when I bring up that you love her?” Astro asked me. I roll my eyes and look towards her taking a deep breath in not wanting to shout it but raising my voice a little I say “because I didn't love her, she's impossible to love. I didn't even love her in the beginning the only reason I hung around her was because you guys did. The only reason she wanted a kid with me was because she had no reasonable leverage against me. And when she lost that reasonable leverage because my dad adopted the kid, she lost any leverage against me. I didn't fear her like most people I found it funny that she was doing this to everyone. I found it funny that all of you guys would let her in so close so that you guys would fear her, and she would use it against you at any given time. By the time I became friends with all of you already knew what was up with her. I never loved her Astro there's a difference between love and being trapped. I had s*x with her once and that caused me to have a kid with her.”

As if being hit with the truth for the very first time Astros eyes go wide. Her mind went into Overdrive I raise my shoulders the girl had nothing to hold against me, she had nothing to hold me for our fault me for. All I know is if I don't get high right now, I'm going to lose it and I'm going to say something that I ultimately regret, and I already know that Casper and Vanessa do not hold drugs at their house. I needed to get home as soon as possible I needed to get him as soon as possible but with Astro pushing for answers right now I'm probably going to push her to her limit. Astro notices that I'm starting to act a little weird as if I'm going through withdrawals suddenly.

“I’m going to call us an Uber back to your house, but this conversation isn't over. First I'm wearing to tell Casper to tell us all the information through text messages that they discussed though.” Astro says as she turns on her heel towards the house again before she leaves the room, she then follows up her statement with “meet me out front in 5 minutes”

As I make my way towards the front door and say goodbye to a few people. I tell Juliana Astro and me heading back to my house so she can stay if she wants. I head out front and stand in the driveway taking a deep breath holding back all the negative thoughts that I was just having. Trying not to think of all the answers that are sure is going to want. Am I going to be able to give her those answers? Am I going to be able to tell her what she needs to hear? Am I going to be able to give her what she wants?

It is those five minutes and me thinking of what I should say and what I shouldn't say I hear Astro behind me, and I wrap my arm around her waist waiting for the Uber to pull up. I take a deep breath in lay my chin on her shoulder. “I know you want answers, and you are the only person I can't lie to. let me just say I did miss you when I was away.” I say in a soft voice into her ear. As if Astro was listening and not overthinking the moment she says quietly back “I miss you too, but you can't leave me here again.”

As we get into the Uber starts with the million questions and I don't know if I have the million answers that she's going to want to hear I don't even know if I have the right answers that she wants to hear. I lean back on the seat in the Uber glancing over it towards her and looking into her eyes with a smile on my face nodding my head rolling my shoulders back.