Santa Monica

The wake part 2

Juliana chimes in with a remark “hopefully their relationship is better than any of ours. William and I broke up we've been keeping it very quiet right now though. I think I might go and do the arranged marriage that my mother and father want me to do.” I glanced towards her soft eyes realizing that the void or the world is still beyond her shoulders. Her family came from old money I believe older than mine, so they like to keep her family in quite quarters. Arranged marriages that no one was happy about then no one had a partner that they loved. Juliana had a year to make a guy love her she chose William, but I guess that fell apart on her as well. I wouldn't pry into it, but I hope the arranged marriage doesn't fall apart on her and hope she finds happiness in the guy.

I glance up towards Astro wondering if this is where she would chime in about her new boyfriend or anything. She mostly stays quiet which I take it as a good sign I take it she's not dating anyone. Maybe she hadn't moved on from last year maybe she hadn't moved down from the plan that we put in motion. The plan of us getting our happy ever after with each other. Although she looked like a wreck her blonde hair was messy Ann you could tell that she had been trying to put highlights of Brown throughout it more of the beach vibe. You could tell around her eyes they she had been crying for days. Or that she had gotten no sleep. You could tell that she was losing weight rapidly in that if I just put my one arm around her it would fit perfectly. You could tell that suddenly, the unbreakable the Astro was broken. It might have been the drugs it might have been where her mind had gone for the last year. To me it was all the same it might have been a little bit of both.

And at this point I wondered what she thought of when she looked at me did, she see me broken did she see the bags underneath my eyes did she see how swollen my eyes were? Did she see there was probably about 115 pounds wet now? But suddenly, I grew my hair to my shoulders, and it was still Brown and curly that I was trying to hide from the world, but I was still being this artist who hid behind his feelings in paint? Did she see beneath the mask of the man that I had become? I feel like she would be the one to ask where I really had been. There were no pictures of beautiful women all over my social medias and unless I was hiding from the world there would have been. Could I make up an excuse that maybe she was the only one I was thinking about for the last several months that maybe no one's beauty compared to hers anymore? But we were both a shell of the person that we were a year ago.

You could see on Juliana; everything wore her down her life her relationships her friends and family everything wore her down. You could see that she was crumbling beneath the shell of cocaine, but she probably did every night to lie awake and look at the ceiling and wonder if she was ever going to be that beautiful girl that got broken so many years ago. To be the girl with the sand kissed skin and the Brown hair that flowed to her back. Her hair was curlier than mine although she wore it better too sometimes, she worked with bandana around her forehead sometimes she wears it up in buns. I think about girls’ hairstyles they have better hairstyles than for males. Bye her eyes were so shut in and she was skinny due to not wanting to eat. The way that Arabella broke her years ago forcing her into an eating disorder forcing her into a shell that was herself. If you couldn't be skinny, you couldn't be on the cheerleading team. And Juliana had it beyond the cheerleading team she had to be something in high school.

And as we all just sit around each other talking not laughing just making small talk none of us are opening enough for any of us to crack. It reminds me of a family gathering one is if your family was holding secrets over you much like my family. The family that always wanted to send me to rehab because I was not the person who they wanted me to be. The family if you made the wrong move, they would yell at you. Were this the people that we had become because of all the damage over the years? As we made our silent goodbyes and best wishes we realized tomorrow was the memorial how are we going to get through this memorial? How are we going to make it through this day?

Is that curled into my bed and wondered what life would be if I just stayed at the mental hospital just stayed away from everything my mind wandered to sleep. Waking up in a panic attack after the same dream it was always the same dream never knowing when this dream would end. the ironic fear of the one night that was supposed to be perfect. It was supposed to mark a new decade in our friend group the ironic fear that will always overwhelm me. As I wake up and get out of bed realizing I was in my own bed for the first time in several months stretching my legs out and going to get dressed all in black for the first time they were putting her to rest. It might not be the last time they were putting her to rest if they ever find the body. I straighten back my hair trying to do something with it other than looking like a mop today. When I get the text message that the girls will be here in 15 minutes I put on some Cologne and then walk downstairs.

As I open my front door for the first time to leave it in several months, I'm reminded of the small things that I like in life that I gather joy from. I closed the door again and walked herds Juliana’s car getting into the back seat. I messed with the seat belt before putting it on. we are silent on the way there. I look down at my phone and get a random text message from an unknown number ignoring the text message in swiping out of it I look up towards the road seeing that we are almost there. As I step on to the ground outside of the car getting another text message reading this one this time “Spotted, Jasper Daniel's back in town, is it for the long haul? Is he going to face the consequences of his life he left here?” ~ Santa Monica secrets. I glance around looking for whoever could have sent that message.

I walk over to Astro and say, “do we know who runs the Santa Monica secret website since it's clearly not Arabella anymore?” I say slipping my phone into my pocket. Astro raises her right shoulder taking a deep breath in “it could be physically anyone, the website had gotten hacked a couple times When she was around. Now that they know she's not around it's more free game for hacking.” I take a frustrated sigh out this is just when I needed people keeping tabs on all of everyone in town and wanting to be Arabella. Rolling my eyes, I put my hands into my pocket but then I remember about the unknown number who texted me before the gossip page pulling out my phone again, I checked my messages.

“I know what you did I am not going to stop until you tell the truth” ~unknown. I roll my eyes again if this isn't just getting creepier and creepier by the minute. What next is Arabella going to surprise everyone and not be dead at her own funeral? I know logically in my brain that can't be true because we did Bury her, but this is just getting crazy right now. I slide my phone back into my pocket wondering if anyone else in the friend group had gone in the same text message. I put my arm out for Astro to link her arm with and she does we walk into the church. Arabella’s father had put seats out for us in one of the rows it was going to be all seven of us sitting together again.

Astro, Juliana, and I decided that in the middle of the row. Then I see Casper sitting next to Juliana and spike is sitting next to Astro. Vanessa is next to Casper; they're probably still together knowing their large in the relationship Department. I rolled my eyes. Adriana is sitting next to spike. Adriana was always closer friends to Vanessa and Casper. Where Astro and Juliana we're always closer friends. Is kind of awkward with all of us together again. I glance up towards the front of the church trying to not make a remark that her body wasn't there that this isn't the same without a body.

That's when I see Arabella sister come in and sit down next to her father. And my father and my daughter come in and sit next to Arabella’s sister. I should be there with him I shouldn't be sitting back here with my friends I should be with the family area. But I never did marry her we broke up during her pregnancy if you could even call us a relationship. We were 16 we didn't know what to do. That's why my father adopted my daughter. It was two hours later the priest had given his speech we all cried a little rejoice we at all made jokes and laughed and smiled

That's when I see Arabella sister come in and sit down next to her father. And my father and my daughter come in and sit next to Arabella’s sister. I should be there with him I shouldn't be sitting back here with my friends I should be with the family area. But I never did marry her we broke up during her pregnancy if you could even call us a relationship. We were 16 we didn't know what to do. That's why my father adopted my daughter. It was two hours later the priest had given his speech we all cried a little rejoice we at all made jokes and laughed and smiled and cried again. That's when Astro said she needed some air and we all decided to walk outside and sit on the bench.

And that's when all our phones started going off just text messages coming through. Juliana grabbed her phone first, then Astro grabbed her phone they both look shocked. Then I grabbed my phone, and it was a picture of one of us standing in the Woods that night and the message was you can't ignore me I know what you did.