Your Pain Is My Comfort

Patient, Patience

"Taking care of yourself is not selfish or egocentric but essential to finding your own success. Finding balance begins with allowing yourself the opportunity to build a foundation of how you want others to see you. Feeling compassion for ourselves in no way releases from responsibility for our actions. Rather it releases us from the self hatred the prevents us from responding you our life with clarity and balance. Each of us secretly and desperately yearns to be recognized for our own uniquenesses, our fullness, and our vulnerability. We yearn to be genuinely valued by others for who we are.

Instead of adding to your anxiety by being mean to yourself abate to it by giving yourself the same kind words you give to others."

I closed the book as the chapter ended. It is a good book, and somewhat inspiring. But I don't see this author changing a murderous homicidal man into a good citizen.

I had decided to give Venessa's therapy book a hand. Although I will nerve admit it to her, it wasn't that bad. After every chapter I had sat there and thought about what it was saying, and put those words into my past.

Also, it took my mind off of Veronica. When she kissed me yesterday I froze. It wasn't my first kiss but it felt like it. The fire I felt inside of me, the yearning I had for more when she pulled away. Everything just seemed so different, but yet. There was something off.

I don't know what it was, or if it was just my mind playing tricks with me. I wanted her. Like, badly. But there was something pulling me in another direction. A complete different one.

I knew what it was. But I didn't like it. Nor did I understand it. Why would someone who is not doubt playing with me, stopping me from pushing forward with what's right in front of me? I don't even know the woman's name, and yet the thought of her lives in the back of my mind.

She's very secretive, mysterious. And maybe it's that. Maybe I see a mystery I want to solve. Maybe if I solve it, I won't think of her that much. Hopefully none at all. But solving a mystery that no one seems to have solved before is a terrible place to start.

Well. Maybe someone has.

Angela and Venessa dated. And from the looks of it, Angela was in love with her. Maybe in the time frame of them "together", she learned her name. I sat there while biting my lip, deep in thought. I don't want to upset Angela though by asking about Venessa.

I looked at the clock by bed and saw that my first class was in about an hour.

I decided to head in early to see if I can catch Angela before school starts. Waking up at 9 in the morning should be an easy thing to do. Which it is. But getting out of bed is different criteria.

My adrenaline to find out these things were the only thing that got me up. I did all my bathroom routines. No need to go into detail about that. I grabbed my stuff and left.

When I got to school the place was empty. Only a few professors roamed the halls. All of them looked like they were, happy. Like that actually enjoyed their life's. I guess the peace and and quiet made them sane. They are usually yelling at us up and down. I don't blame them though, half the people here are annoying as hell. I don't even know why they come.

I went to Angela's class and quietly knocked. I poked my head in to see her at her desk. She looked up and smiled. "Hey, your early," I closed the door behind me and sat my bag on one of the desk.

"Just wanted to come and hang out...and other things," she leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms. She squinted her eyes at me as if she didn't believe. I don't blame her for it.

I started messing with my hands as I walked towards her. I don't know how to start because I don't want to just straight up ask her. I started debating with myself if I should even ask her. It's a sensitive topic that she no doubt wants to talk about.

But the way that this woman kept my mind occupied haunted me. "Olivia. You okay?" I cleared my throat and looked around the classroom.

"Uh, yeah. I'm just," once I turned to look at her my words spilled out my mouth before I could even process it. "What's Dr. Morgan's first name?" I immediately regretted asking it as I watched her smile disappear faster than it came.

I started scratching the back of my hand as I could feel her eyes on me. "Why do you care. So much. About her?" There was a sense of pain and anger mixed in her voice. I stuttered upon my words as I wrapped my arms around myself. The way her eyes pierced through mine. The hate that visibly showed, pained me. But before I could even apologize the door opened. And when I freaking tell. Worst. Timing. Ever!

My breath got caught in my throat as she stared at me. "What are you doing here?" I managed to say. The only reason I was so caught up in my words was because of Angela. I just brought of memories for her and then next thing you know, the cause of this memories appears.

"Heard my name. Thought I pop in," she turned her head to look at Angela. "Hi beautiful," she winked at her and Angela took a sharp breath in. I cleared my throat and grabbed my bag. I feel obligated to stay but I don't want to. "Matter of fact, I actually came by to talk to you,"

Angela's eyes snapped towards me. I squinted in confusion. "Olivia's busy. Leave or-"

"Or what?" Venessa snapped. I couldn't help but slightly jump back, but Angela didn't move an inch. They stared one another down. It was quiet for a while and I couldn't stand it. So I just walked out the door.

People have problems. People have a past. Hell, I have a past. And I know I keep saying this, that I shouldn't barge into their lives, but I did. And I know I shouldn't have. But my curiosity took over me. My selfishness took over me.

I walked into the bathroom and threw my bag on the floor. It was still too early for anyone to be here. I groaned and covered my face with my hands. I turned on the water and splashed my face.

I heard the door open and close. And then I heard it lock.

I wiped my face of the water and reached for a paper towel. Once I dried my face I opened my eyes and screamed. Venessa was standing behind me with her arms cross. Staring.

I looked at her through the mirror. I didn't want to turn around. I don't know what was running through me. It wasn't fear. But I was afraid.

That makes no sense.

"I like to take my time with my patients," she was staring straight at me now through the mirror. "When I first became a therapist, I was straight forward. I didn't really care about any of them. I just wanted pleasure. I wanted power," she moved off the wall. "But as time went by, my knowledge grew. My hunger, for dominance grew. Now, I have patience. I get to know my patients. I get to know what makes them weak. What brings them to their knees," she walked towards me. "I. Am patient," I stiffened as her front came in contact with my back. She leaned down to where her mouth was right next to my ear. "But I don't want to be patient with you," before I could even comprehend what was happening, she turned me around and kissed me.

Hard.

Her hands were gripping my waist tightly and her lips were pressed against mines. My mind was swarming with thoughts, but I couldn't focus. Cause I didn't want to.

Cause I felt content.

I felt as if something that has been weighing me down for so long, was lifted up.

I felt as if a weight was lifted off my shoulders.

She slowly pulled away, bringing my bottom lip with her. Her hands traveled up my body as she kissed me again. I felt her tongue run against my bottom lip but she didn't give me a chance to accept it.

Her mouth moved to my neck. I opened my mouth to moan but instead, a squeal came out as she bit down. "I know you're seeing someone," she moved her knee in between my legs. I held myself up against the counter sink. "I don't know who, nor for I care," her voice got more aggressive with each passing word. "All I know, is that they better not touch you,"

I was so seduced by her words I didn't even feel her hand move into pants.

I jerked back as I felt an unfamiliar feeling flow through my body. "A flower isn't meant to be ruined. It should be treasured, kept safe, protected," her finger started making circular figures and my mouth gaped opened. She took my lip in hers and bit down hard.

I felt the blood run down my throat. "I can pleasure you in more ways than you can imagine," I yelled as I felt her finger enter inside me. "So tight. So pure," she whispered.

She took her finger out of me and out my pants. I fell down to my knees and put my hand in between my legs, feeling my wetness sink through my pants. She bent down in front of me and grabbed my chin with her hand and made me look at her. "No one touches you. Am I clear, Olivia?" I was too stunned to say anything. She stood up and my eyes dropped.

She looked at where my gaze was and smiled. "Like I said. I can please you in more ways than you can imagine," the look that crossed her face of me on my knees in front of her made her smile. "And clearly, looking at you so sexually frustrated, and helpless, pleases me," my breathing was heavy as I looked up at her. She winked at me and walked away.

I heard the door unlock and open then close. I leaned back against the wall and closed my eyes.

"f**k,"