Your Pain Is My Comfort

Dr. Morgan

Three years ago, I realized I was a lesbian. I know, kind of off topic but I just felt the need the bring that up. I've never slept with anyone, had s*x, done anything remotely close to it. I don't know why but I've never had the urge to do so. No one has ever made me want them in a s****l manner.

I mean of course I've masterbated, who the hell hasn't. But no one has ever made me horny. Like ever.

And looking back at it, I think the main reason for that was because I was looking in the wrong direction. The day I finally took a step out of my comfort zone, was the day I realized no one ever made me horny because I was only looking at men.

Women.

That's a whole nother story.

So you best believe when I tell you, as I was sitting in front of this woman who looked like she wanted to tear me down from the inside and out, my insides were burning.

I was conflicted between being intimidated, the way her eyes pierced into mine, the way her legs were crossed over one another, the way she was leaning back with a notepad in her lap, she had on a pencil skirt and a white blouse. Her chest was slightly showing and my pervert ass couldn't take my eyes off them.

My hands were still between my legs and I could feel them starting to sweat. I've never done therapy nor shared my feelings so I don't know if this intense staring in supposed to happen or not.

Why the f**k am I still here?

I cleared my throat and looked everywhere but at her. I could feel her still staring at me and it felt like the side of my head was burning. "Nice place you have," I said, finally breaking the silence.

I did the unthinkable and looked at her. She was wearing glasses which just made things worse.

The things I was feeling were unnatural for me. I kept shifting in my chair, I started scratching my arm as I do when I'm nervous, and couldn't stop biting my bottom lip. "Thank you,"

A vibration went straight through my body as the words left her mouth. I looked up at her to see her still looking at me. But the look in her eyes were now filled with a hint of amusement. "What, exactly, am I supposed to talk about?" I asked. She squinted her eyes at me as if she was trying to figure something out, which is understandable considering she's a therapist, but what wasn't understandable was the look that meant she already knew who I was.

"Whatever your comfortable with," I slightly scoffed and put my hand to the side of my head.

"If that's the case, I would walk out the door," I watched as she slowly nodded her head and wrote something down. What the f**k is she writing?!

Ha, when you make a joke with your therapist, and instead of them laughing they write something down.

"You know yourself and you know what your comfortable sharing, so share that,"

"But what if I don't know myself,"

"Figure it out," the room went silent as we looked at one another. Anger rose in body but the way she was staring at me had me scared to move. I cleared my thoughts and scoffed.

"Why am I even here," I stood up and walked towards the door.

"You get offended very easily,"

"I dont get offended easily, I just don't like wasting my f*****g time on someone who just wants my money," I watched as the woman watched me, she hasn't moved from that position since she sat down.

My eyes slowly dropped to her legs. She looks good in what she's wearing but she seems like a suit type woman. I swallowed the lump in my throat as I realized she was still watching me. "Five minutes," I squinted my eyes at her. "You lasted for five minutes before you wanted to leave. Sweatheart, even I can last longer than that,"

"And how long exactly can you last,"

"Longer than your tiny ass could handle," she said that just above a whisper as her eyes scanned my body. I felt another vibration run through me and I couldn't handle it. I just shook my head and opened the door. "Your parents treated you like s**t," I paused. Silence followed and I knew she wasn't going to finsih until I turned around, so I did. "But you only hated one. You hate yourself for being born. You don't make friends because you think they're going to leave you," she tilted her head to the side and grinned. "And you have serious mommy issues," I put my shoulders back, trying to look intimidating but her stare was making it hard.

"And what makes you think that?" She rose her head a little, and that simple move had more confidence in it than my entire person.

"Because you haven't been able to keep your eyes off me since you got in here,"

"Well you're a very beautiful woman, no doubt men can't keep they're eyes off you," she was getting ready to say something back but instead she just gestured with her hand for me to sit.

I sighed seeing as she has gotten her facts right. So far.

"I think that's enough talking from me," she said as I closed the door and sat back down in the seat. "Now it's your turn," I leaned back in the chair and threw my head back. There was no point in trying to impress this woman seeing as I'll never be seeing her again.

"Ugh, I'm in college, I just moved here not too long ago, I want to murder everyone around me except my one friend. She's probably going to end up leaving me anyways," it was quiet for a minute so I moved my head to see her staring at my neck. I started rubbing it, checking if I had some type of scar on.

"And why do you say that?" I shrugged my shoulders and slightly chuckled. I tilted my head to the side and squinted my eyes at her. Do people really do this for a living? Ask people questions about their lives, pretending that they're actually helping them?

"If you already know the answer, what's the point in asking?" She didn't say anything but stared. I don't know this woman but she's already starting to annoy me.

"I wanna hear you say it,"

"Say what?" She uncrossed her legs and leaned forward.

"Something terrible happened to you and you won't be able to move past it unless you stop running running from it and face it," deep down I knew she was right but I would never admit it. No doubt she could see the anger and annoyance inside my eyes so she just leaned back. "How old are you Ms. Miller?"

"21," she nodded and wrote it down. I watched as she stood up to see she is much taller than I thought.

"What about you? How old are you?" She looked down at me, no doubt I looked like an ant she can step on with those damn heels.

"Too old for you if that's what your thinking?" I threw my hands up and shook my head as she walked towards her desk.

"Eh, no disrespect. But I am curious. Is it Ms. or Mrs.-" I paused seeing as I don't know her first name. She looked up at me from shuffling through papers.

"It's Dr." I nodded in respect and stood up.

"Well, nice to know, because if I ever-"

"I would watch your mouth if I were you," my knees became a little weak making me grab on to the chair. I don't know what it is, but the way her voice flows from my ears through my body paralyzes me.

"Or what?"

She put down the papers in her hand and slowly walked around her desk and towards me. I did my best not to back away but my instincts took over me and I took one step back which was enough to have my ass hit the couch.

She stopped when she was in front of me and leaned forward to where I could smell the lavender scent roaming off her.

"Don't tempt me,"