Red

My Chains

Back after Thanksgiving break. The time to be happy for what you have. What I have a complaining mom, a whining sister, and a brother stealing all of the good food. Mom was complaining about her mom and going to go to there house across town.

Funny, isn't it? I'm complaining about my mom complaining about her mom. I find it intriguing. I drew a picture of me and my friends. I was going to paint it but I can't really paint. It's probably what caused my breakdown.

I can't do anything right. I just mess everything up just trying. I can't trust myself to do things right. Not art, not work, hell, I can't even live the right way. Every time I try to do something I get told I'm not doing it right.

I slowly get up arm pulsing again. Lucky, she doesn't notice. My mom shoves the door open. "Get out of bed! I woke you up 30 minutes ago."

Yeah, right. 30 minutes ago, more like I just woke up. Just because you yell for someone to get up doesn't mean they will be up when you tell them to. That's not how it works especially for deep sleepers.

Nevertheless, I crawl out of bed pack my backpack for school. My leather jacket on too. I started to wear it even at home. I barely ever take it off. Only to take a shower or go to the bathroom.

I left my room brushed my teeth and my hair. I didn't grab food because I don't really need. I am not going to eat it anyways.

My family all gather around the crowded living room expect my sister. She always takes longer to get ready. I sat on the floor looking at my phone. I decided to go check up on some stuff, play some games.

I can't help but to wonder. What happened to my old life? The me that thought could do anything. A shy, independent but yet strangely happy. That girl probably died. She probably was poisoned by the reality.

I snap back to reality to see my mom leaving the house. I get up and grab my stuff. Heading to the car in this cold 40 degrees weather.

For me, anything less than 60 is too cold. I am a warm weather person. I don't know why. I'm from way up north. Lived through extremely cold weather but I can't stand it. Right now I am wearing my leather jacket and a huge winter jacket. I'm still freezing.

I hurry to the car but only to be told to go back and grabs my brother's lunch. I don't see why I should though. He is the one that left it inside. I get out of the car and leaves the door open. I'm going to be back anyways. I run in grab his lunch and quickly get out again.

It's been 35 minutes since I was done getting ready yet my sister is take her precious time getting ready. I get out run back to the car to find my door closed. It's not like I took twenty minutes to get the lunchbox. It was barely even five minutes.

Without complaining, I open the door and hop in with the lunch. I set it on the floor and wait for my sister to get out. Once she got in we started to drive away. I buckle up and sing softly along to the music on the radio.

Christmas, got to admit, least favorite holiday but the music is good. I don't care about the presents, the food is ok, I don't really care about the tree. Just every year the one thing I want is a family. Not this broken family, I mean I want a happy complete family.

The car stops and I say my normal good bye with a hug and kiss for my mom and sister. I run to the door and Andrew opens it for me. I put some stuff in my locker and grab my math book.

It's nothing fancy just my daily routine. I only do my homework at school in the morning. By in the morning, I mean before school even starts. I don't know why just I hate doing homework in study halls.

For me study halls is a time to relax or to do something small. Then when I need to get stuff done it is either before school or during the weekends.

I open my math book and go to the page that I need. Wow, for once it's actually kind of easy. It only took me five minutes to do it before the van people came. I close my chromebook and go to open the door for them.

I put on that usual fake smiles of mine. It's freezing outside. They all hurry inside faster than usual. I am thankful of course because I took off my heavy winter jacket. I kind of volunteered for this little job by opening the door for them once and they just started to keep coming to the area I'm in.

None of them really say thank you or anything in fact. It's fine with me but a part of me wish that they would say something. It doesn't matter. No one is going to say it and I can't force them too. I am just going to open the door and freeze.

The day goes long like normal when study hall rolled along I convinced my friend to come so I could show her a video and not get in trouble. It was amazing I am died just having to pause the video. When the video ended I couldn't control the small happiness inside of me.

I started dancing around. It's amazing how fake things can bring happiness into people's life but everyone knows it's not real.

After lunch was english class. I don't hate the class just highly dislike the person sitting next to me. He is always bumping into me and is slightly annoying. I kind of really dislike where I sit. Other than that, it's all fine.

I already lost my good mood but it never last. Like the saying goes good things never last. What if that relates to people? Then all of the good people who dies. Either physically or mentally, what if they doesn't deserve it?

I bet most people don't deserve to die. Honestly I believe everyone has a good in them. Some people don't like that. They want to be tough, to be bad. No one is ever completely bad though.

Not even- not even my dad. He may seem like an a-hole but he did help me before. I wish he could've been different. Maybe I wouldn't be so, you know, like this. Like this crazy little girl I am.

I'm mad. I'm sad. Depressed and broken. Anger fills but only realise self hurt. Trust me this is not something new to me. This whole hating my life and everything I am. I was born with it. It never leaves, never fades away.

It's like I am a prisoner and theses are my chains. Dragging me down with every step I take. It's get heavier and heavier until... Well, I shouldn't go farther. Just the point is, the stuff I go through is not once and awhile.

It's most of the time.