Dragon

14 - To be a dad

Dragon

I can’t get my head around any of this; I am a father. I have an eight-year-old daughter. A little girl who knew who I was the second she saw me. A little girl, I don’t know anything about.

I should have done a little digging, found out where Kyla lives, and gone over there right away. I know Kyla would have been shocked to see me on her doorstep, but she would have been happy to see me. Regardless of whether or not there is a boyfriend or husband, Kyla would have been happy.

I also know that she’d have an explanation as to why I didn’t know about my child. I would have listened to everything she had to say. Kyla would have told me everything she’s been through all these years without me, and I would have told her how sorry I was for not being there when she needed me.

If Kyla hasn’t moved on and she has waited for me, I’d have mentioned that I’d been faithful to her, waiting for her to come back to me.

Christ, I have a daughter!

I always imagined Kyla coming home and how happy we’d be when that day came. I envisioned myself standing under the oak tree, waiting for Kyla, just as every year since she left. Then I’d see her across the way, and she’d smile while running toward me. I’d catch her in my arms and hold her tight and safe. Kyla would pull away from me only enough to kiss me. I’d kiss her back before telling Kyla how much I still love her, and she’d tell me the same.

I had all these dreams about Kyla and me spending time together. We’d go on dates and get to know each other all over again. We’d talk about the things we got up to in the past few years, and we’d fall deeper in love. I’d show Kyla the man I am today, everything from the biker to the cage fighter, and even my job at Snakeskin Inc - the club’s tattoo studio.

Kyla would show me her life and all the things she loves. We’d laugh about the idiotic things we got up to when we were kids, and how much trouble we’d get ourselves into. Christ, we got ourselves into some crazy situations, but each one is a memory I’d never change.

I should be with Kyla right now. We should be talking things through, but where am I? Wallowing in self-pity and drinking away my problems.

The only problem I have is realizing that I have a kid. God, I'm not ready to be a dad, let alone a dad to an eight-year-old little girl.

How the fuc.k am I even supposed to deal with that?

But I need to deal with it because that little girl needs her father. Any idio.t could see how happy Greer was to be meeting me. For Greer to have been that happy, Kyla could only have told her good things about me. My heart aches with love for Kyla, knowing that she would tell our little girl about me, even though I wasn't around.

What the hell am I supposed to do?

I’ve missed so much of Greer’s life.

How am I meant to just walk into the role of Dad?

Kyla may have told Greer all about me, but I’m not the young boy Kyla remembers. I’m a grown man with a full life, and I do shady things for my club. If I tell Kyla the truth of who I am now, she may not want me to have anything to do with Greer.

I still can’t seem to make myself believe that I’m a father. It’s like I’m in a dream and I can’t wake up. My head is fuzzy, and I feel as though I’m not really here.

God, how the fuc.k did this happen?

You know how this happened, dickhead, you fucke.d Kyla and got her pregnant. She’s spent all these years taking care of your kid, and you saw how perfect that little girl was. She’s half you and half the woman you still love.

I do love Kyla. I never stopped loving her. I don’t give a shi.t who told me it was puppy love, that it would fade, and I’d fall in love with someone else when I got older, it was always true. I kept our love alive in my heart and mind, and now I have a little girl who needs me, one we made out of love.

I don’t know if I’ll be a good dad, but I know that I have to be everything that little girl needs me to be. I have to grow the fuc.k up and be her dad. Greer has to come first, and I know deep down that I’ll do everything I can to make her happy.

Of course, I’ll fuc.k up sometimes, but who doesn’t?

The truth is, I want to be Greer’s dad. I want to prove to myself as much as Kyla that I’m the man she believes me to be. Expectations are high, and I have a lot to live up to, but I’ll do whatever it takes.

Right now, I want Kyla in my arms. I want everything we promised each other —the life we dreamed of —and everything in between. Now we have Greer, and I feel my heart suddenly widen with love for both of them.

I pray that Kyla waited for me the way I waited for her. If she didn’t, it won’t stop me from being her friend; we’ll always be that, regardless.

I swig my beer from the bottle and snatch my phone from the inside pocket of my cut. My brother. I don't need his shi.t right now, but if I don’t answer, he won’t give up until he finds me. Besides, I can’t hide out here forever. Even though right now, I would gladly stay under the old oak tree, mine and Kyla’s secret place, for the rest of my life and die happy.

I need to see Kyla as soon as possible. We have a lot to talk about. But I don’t think tonight would be a good idea, not when I’ve been drinking. I’ve been without Kyla for nine years; I can wait one more night.

“What do you want, Storm?”

“Dragon. Fuc.k. I’m sorry, man. Fuc.k, I am so sorry.”

“Whoa, calm down,” He’s talking in a rush.

What the fuc.k has he done?

“What the hell is wrong? What are you saying sorry for?”

“Dad, me, and Rabid went to see your girl,”

I grind my teeth. “What? How did you even find her?”

“It wasn’t hard; she’s staying at her grandmother’s old place.”

Huh, why didn’t I think of that?

It’s obvious when I think about it.

“Dragon, I said some shi.t I shouldn’t have. I scared her, she chased after my bike, and fuc.k!”

I jump to my feet, my heart banging. I suddenly have a horrible feeling in my gut. “What the hell have you done?!”

“You have to come to the hospital right now, Brother. It’s Kyla; she got hit by a car. It’s bad, Dragon. Fuc.k, it’s bad.”

I end the call and jump on my motorcycle before I even realize that I have. It won’t take me long before I arrive, not at the speed I’m doing.

I can’t think about anything other than getting to the hospital. Nine fuckin.g years I have longed for Kyla to come home to me, and she did, she just hadn’t found me yet.

Fuc.k, what if Kyla dies and I never get to hear her voice now that she’s a woman?

What will happen to Greer?

What the fuc.k did Storm say to Kyla to have her chasing him down in the middle of the road like that?

I know he wouldn’t have physically hurt her; that’s not what Storm is about. Though I have to admit that if my brother thought Kyla had hurt me in any way, he’d throttle her. The club might not be about hurting women and kids, but Storm has always made a point of saying that women can be evil creatures, and some need to be dealt with accordingly.

What do you do with evil things?

You put them in their place and show them that you’re the Alpha, no matter what.

I know that Storm loves me; he’s my best friend, and he’d do anything to protect me. I’d do the same for Storm, but I am so pissed at him that I could kill him!