The Angel Within Herself

A Not So Perfect Family.

I got to school and surprise, surprise, I was late. I walked to my classroom and knocked, as I walked in everyone was staring at me and I just stood there expecting for someone to say happy birthday or something but that never happened.

"Are you gonna sit down?" My Visual Education (arts) teacher asked.

"Yes of course teacher" I replied trying not to roll my eyes. I hated that women: she thought she was the greatest person to ever live on this earth , treated us like we were babies or just plain stupid and if anyone wasn't that good at arts she would complain or mock instead of helping. The worst part is that that teacher had had my brother before having me and she hated him because e used to be kind of a class clown so, by proxy, she hated me too. Way to go Alex! *grunts internally*

I started to draw but ended up rapped up in my thoughts as usual: ever since I lost my hair in the begging of the school year, people were making my life a living hell, they would throw my head scarf to puddles or to the ground, they would call me an alien or a bald rat (they would specifically call me Rufus, Ron Stoppable's pet from Kim possible) and I now spent most of my lunch time hiding in the bathroom when I can't find my brother or crying because sometimes it's just too much too handle. I spent a lot of nights in my brother's bed telling him about these things and crying to sleep while he tries to comfort me. I didn't tell my mom because every time I tried to talk to her she just said she was too busy, which I understood because I know how exhausted she is.

"Alexis! I asked for that drawing to be finished 10 minutes ago and you've barely started! Are you confused? Do you not know what to do? Hurry up before I give you a 1" My "lovely" teacher ranted at me and almost made me fall of my chair.

"Yes teacher I'm sorry"I replied monotone .

I guess this day isn't exactly going great...

But my father will be waiting home and I know we are going to have a great family time and the next day is my birthday party ( well if the people invited even remember it...) so it still has room to improve!

The day went by and neither of my friends wished me happy birthday, but my brother's best friends did which is kinda ironic.

We went home by taxi because our mom had to go pick up our father, but when we got there we heard yelling and something breaking, and our father stormed out of the house and slammed the door. Our mom was crying in her room and their wedding foto was broken on the floor. I tried to talk to her but she told us to go to our rooms and leave her alone.

Ever since that night our father became more and more aggressive and irritable, specially towards me, and our mom seemed to get more distant from him. Everything was never the same after that and neither me nor Alex knew why.

Me and my father also grew apart because everything I did never seemed to be enough: my grades were never enough, the amount of chores were never enough and he thought my behaviour was never good enough and used it as an excuse to ground me. Every time I tried to vent about what happened at school my father would just call it "teenage drama" and made it look like I was just being dramatic, invalidating my feelings and experiences. I grew more and more distant from him and started to feel invisible and that just because I was younger my feelings and opinions didn't matter.

I am the kind of person that cannot old back an opinion and I'm not one to let myself get stepped on because that happened constantly at school and I was getting tired of it. My temper and personality began to change and that didn't sit well with my father and we started to argue all the time, which ended in both of us screaming at eachother and him hitting me.

My uncle( my mother's brother) also didn't help the situation because he would say stuff like :"Why are you at school for? Walking the books around?", "She needs to be punished by her lack of respect" and he would generally just make everything worse, riling him up and making things worse for me. I used to fight with him a lot too because he would say very mean things to me or mock me and I just wouldn't have it. I don't really remember why but I remember that there was this one big fight with him when he actually slapped me and it had to be my grandma( my dad's mother) to say that he mustn't do that to me because I am not his daughter and he should treat me with more respect. I talked about it a lot with my mom and asked her to stand up for me but she would say I just need to be more respectful towards people who are older than me.

My mom is very protective of her brother because their mom died when they were young and so my mom, being the oldest, had to be kind of a mom to my uncle.

Anyway I understand that she is protective of him but I just wished she would be more protective of me.

But anyway, my father and I did nothing but scream at eachother and my mom and I were fine but I also didn't feel like I could talk to her about some things. My brother also started to fight with my father but he didn't hit him as much, I guess he just really doesn't like me.

As the year went by I started to feel more and more like I didn't wanna live anymore and that is when I started to cut myself. I also felt really bad about my body and about my appearance and I felt that because of my lack of hair no one would really accept me, I mean not even my father did so why would anyone else right?...