Kissing the Fae

Chapter 32 - Into Pieces

“We don’t know where to find the old man...” Terran uttered as we stopped walking in the fringe of mountains.

We were walking nonstop. Honestly, I don’t know where to start finding clues. We asked a bunch of people in the street earlier but no one seems to know about it.

A place where freedom exists... I looked at the blue clear sky.

I have an idea what could it be. I might be wrong with my assumptions hiding in my mind, there’s still no assurance that it could be wrong.

The blue clear sky... Every city has its own rules, they have built those for peace. To avoid chaos, to maintain the silence of each of us living in our kingdom. I haven’t heard of a place that has no rules. I could only imagine those who don’t.

A place where there’s freedom. None. We were all stuck in our realm. People who want freedom escape and eventually, they die for running away.

There’s no freedom but only the sky. Alistair ruled the sky and the wind, but he doesn’t set boundaries below the sky where birds fly. The only ones who made it look like there’s none in the air were those people who killed innocent birds.

Like what happened to the bird. In the Achlys, it was killed.

“I think we need to go back to the Asbel,” I told him seriously.

“What?” Terran knotted his forehead. “Princess, do you know how far we’re right now from here to the Asbel?”

“But I assumed it was the Blue Jaybird that old woman talked about,” I breathed heavily. “A place where freedom exists. Look at the sky.”

They all raised their heads to look above, confusion was all over their faces. I tsked silently. They don’t get it but I’d be more willing to explain my thoughts.

A bird came in sight. It flies high, wings spread together as it enjoys the warm breeze. I couldn’t help but feel a little bit of jealousy inside my heart.

It felt so free. Like it has no problem, and above all, it has wings. Unlike me...

I sighed deeply. What am I thinking? Wings.

I need to have a wing to also secure my position. I hated how my father requires me to show him something I don’t possess. It angered me for it was obvious how much he wanted to kick me out of the position I worked hard to earn.

“I know how far we’ve come now, Terran and Deniz...” I agreed. “But I trust my instinct. The Jaybird... He can freely fly in the air, and he was a bird that can shift into an old man. Don’t you think about the similarities? It can’t be a coincidence.”

“What if he isn’t the one we’re looking for?” Deniz was serious.

They have withdrawn their eyes from the blue sky and focus on me. I felt the pressure as their kins observed me, waiting for me to open my mouth.

What if he isn’t the one we’re looking for? That means we’d waste our time again. The time is running and I can’t afford to lose.

This is the consequence of me — trying to secure my position and the whole Faye region. Losing means I won’t be able to lead anymore. There will be someone else who would replace the la Reina when the times come.

I mean, it wasn’t even in my will to sat on her throne once my mother decided to retire. All I wanted was to make sure that the person in the next line will be a great light of the Acres Kingdom.

But I can’t do that if I lose this game. I can’t pretend to be part of the officials again. And I won’t have the right to interfere in politics again.

Because I lose. Because I won’t be able to prove my capability as a ruler of the Faye region, as a Princess of the Acres Kingdom, and lastly, to be a — possibly — Queen in the next generation.

I can’t do all those things anymore. I will lose everything. I’ll be nothing if I fail this game.

I don’t want it to happen. I want to remain in my position no matter what it takes. I have to continue leading the Fairies...

And if the universe give me more than that, then I’d accept it. Sacrificing my true happiness to lead the Acres Kingdom in my whole life isn’t a big deal for me anymore.

I’m born this way. So, I must oblige and be a responsible daughter like everyone expect me to be.

I must admit it. I’m afraid of disappointments. I don’t want the feeling of being guilty for disappointing the people who believe in you. It has a lot of pressure and I overthink a lot.

I’d feel like I’m not enough for them.

“What if he was the person we’re looking for?” I fired back his question. “We can’t really tell, Deniz. But I have a strong will that it might be the Jaybird the woman referred to. Besides, there’s no such place where freedom exists. Only the skies... And we all know that it’s Alistair, he doesn’t set rules below his realm.”

They both heaved a sigh, baffled. I, too, was bewildered. I believe that it was the Blue Jaybird but I couldn’t help but think.

What if it wasn’t the one we’re looking for?

“We have wasted enough time, princess... But until now, we got nothing. We still don’t know where to go.” Terran shook his head and I could sense the hint of disappointment in his voice. “We can’t afford to waste another time... Your position is at stake, we need to get fast. We need to achieve your goal before the time ends for you.”

“That’s why we need to try it,” I convinced them, not wanting to give up. “What if my instinct was true? What if it was really the Jaybird who has the Power of Glamour? We can’t really tell, Terran. Unless we go back to the Asbel.”

“Then, we have to set a condition here before we go back.”

My eyes fall back to Deniz who was sitting on the tree that fell down.

“What conditions?” I asked with the knotted forehead. “What agreement, Deniz? Do we really have to do that?”

“We need to, Rani Letisha. We have to...”

“Then, what is it?” I tried to be calm as much as possible.

Nothing would happen if we’re driven by our emotions. I need to be calm. I need to put myself at peace before deciding anything or be angry at them for trying to build rules against us.

I know we have to. But I don’t understand. For what? Why?

“We’re here to help you, Rani...” Deniz started, he was void of emotion. “But please, don’t forget that we still have people waiting for us and we’ve been here, jumping from cities to cities, looking for answers but still, we got nothing and it sucks.”

“Please do tell me what you want. Don’t play with words, Deniz.”

“Asbel and the Acres Kingdom, they’re just near...”

“And?” I anticipated, stopping myself from bursting out because of his suspense.

Why can’t they tell me straight? That they can’t help me anymore for they still have a responsibility back home. While I, I don’t know if I come home, I would be a leader or just be thrown outside my region.

“C’mon... Tell me straight, Deniz. I won’t mind if you can’t help me anymore because it’s sucks, yes. Besides, I didn’t force you guys to be here with me. You voluntarily came with me. Remember?” I mocked at them.

I feel so annoyed. My insides were shouting in anger for myself. Why can’t I seem to achieve something since I went out of the Acres Kingdom?

I feel weak... Perhaps I really am weak. Maybe they were right about their comments thrown at me. That I’m nothing without the la Reina and the la Roi beside me.

That I can’t do anything alone. Without them, I’m weak.

He sighed and stood up, then run his hands over his hair. He’s torn, I know. I could see it in his voice. After all, it’s my responsibility.

And if I were him, I’d choose the former. The obligations I’m ought to attend to.

“Deniz...” I could hear the warning in Terran’s voice.

“Terran, you’re needed in Sidhe. The mistakes you made there weren’t done yet. You have to end those,” Deniz replied and that’s when my eyes fall back on Terran.

“You have left a problem there?” I squint my eyes. “Instead of seeking a solution, you chose to leave and here you are. Isn’t that a way of running from your problems, Terran?”

“It isn’t big, Rani Letisha. The people of Sidhe just made it like it was a big issue. It wasn’t.”

“But still,” I gritted my teeth.

“If the Jaybird isn’t the one we’re looking for, then we have to go back to the Acres Kingdom to attend to our duties in our own region, Rani Letisha. We can’t be here and get nothing, waste our time for something you are not sure about.”

I think my blood just boils because of Deniz’s words. But instead, I tried to calm myself. Being angry at him won’t do us any good and besides, he has the right to.

“As I’ve said, I didn’t force you to be here with me,” I reminded them again. “You can freely leave, Deniz and Terran. In the first place, I’ve told you not to join me but you insisted.”

“Because I thought you already know what you’re putting yourself into. But I was wrong... You went to the Achlys with no concrete plans and that’s not the Rani Letisha we expected to help.”

I shook my head and let out a mocking smile.

Not the Rani Letisha they have expected me to be? And now they’re disappointed because of their expectations.

Who told them to be with me? I only remember asking Alistair for help. I only remember Terran and Deniz insisting to help me, to join me to win this challenge.

“Alright, then...” I agreed with no remorse in my voice. “If the blue Jaybird isn’t the one we’re looking for, then go...”

That was what I said before I turned my back from them to walk away.

Upon doing so, I can feel my heart breaking into pieces.