THE JOURNEY OF SHEIRA HART

46 | Wasting Time was Never an Option

I stood frozen on my feet as I tried to process what just happened. I swallowed hard as I willed my feet to move towards the bin where Mikhael was standing just a few seconds ago. My hands were shaking as tears started to fall down my face and I couldn’t understand what he meant by that. He says he will be back but where is he going? Until when will he be gone? 

The ambulance stopped in front of my house and my mother immediately went out to tell them what happened. But when they looked at the bins where the old man was, they couldn’t see an old man. But there was blood all over the trashes and also on the road. 

But I just stood there, watching them getting baffled by what happened. Even I, who has seen everything, was baffled. I don’t know where Mikhael is right now. And I don’t have a good feeling about it. 

The medical team stayed in the house for several minutes to interview my mother. I hoped to see my brother but I figured he was already resting. What he saw must have been traumatizing for him. And I couldn’t blame him. 

What I did—what I did to that old man was unacceptable even if I did it to protect my brother. But I didn’t know. I didn’t expect that to happen. All I wanted to do was to protect my brother and then it happened. I didn’t intend it to happen. 

I looked around. The ambulance already left and my mother was talking to my father in the living room. I couldn’t help but feel scared and alone. Of all the times, this is the first time I felt alone. I felt left out. I did something terrible and I am scared for myself. I am scared for Mikhael. I don’t want it to happen but what I did was something that would make me a tainted soul. And if I become a tainted soul… 

I swallowed hard and realized what could happen. I would be sent to the Underworld. I will not be able to find out about my death. And Mikhael will not be able to return to the Silver City. 

I frustratedly ran my hands through my hair and looked at the living room where my family is. My sister was there and my father too. My mother was saying something to them that I couldn’t comprehend. My father has this serious look on his face that he shows whenever he was reading a newspaper every morning with his coffee beside him. My sister has a worried look on her face as she listens carefully to my mother. And my mother, even though I couldn’t hear what she was saying, I could definitely tell from her expression that she is giving them instructions. They would look occasionally outside, to the garbage bins where the old man was, their field of vision passing through me. 

I couldn’t help when my lips quivered. It was at that moment that I dropped to both of my knees as I looked at them. It was at that moment that I realized how badly I missed them. It was at that moment that I realized how badly I want to be with them. It was at that moment that I felt so scared and so alone that I don’t know what to do. Mikhael is gone and I don’t know where he is off to. I don’t know how to find him and I don’t know when he will be back. 

I stayed there for a little longer until they turned on the lights. Until they all went to sleep and I was left there in the yard wondering what I should do next. 

I thought about where Mikhael could have gone too. He brought the old man with him. Did he bring him somewhere where some people could see and help him? It would be possible. 

With that in mind, I decided to stand and fix myself. I cleared my throat and wiped the tears on my cheeks. I couldn’t afford to feel miserable right now. I have to find Mikhael. I have to do something. So with one last look at my house, I willed myself to fly. 

The air was crisp. The wind was cold but I couldn’t feel it. The city was very alive up ahead and even with my considerable distance from the city, I could hear the horns of the vehicles. I wonder if Mikhael went there. And I hate to admit it but I am starting to get worried. Not only for myself but for Mikhael. He said to trust him. And I did. So I figured I should shake the worry off. Mikhael tried to con me before. He rarely gets serious but when he does, he gets real serious. 

I looked around. Below me was a small forest leading to my town. Up ahead is the city. Behind me is my town. Our purpose in coming here was to visit my family and Jacob. I looked at the watch on my wrist. For this stop, I still have quite some time. I hope Mikhael will be back by then. 

I went to the place where I usually go when I was still alive. And just like before, it offered a pretty good view of the city far ahead. The bridge was very visible from where I was. And it has lights on each side that reflect on the water down below. I don’t remember those lights while I was still alive but perhaps they just recently installed it there. Even from afar, I could see how long and how wide the bridge stretched over the sea. 

What I like about this place is that it makes me think of certain things. It makes me think of things that I don’t normally when I was in my bedroom, or in my school. It’s like this place has the ability to draw out my deepest thoughts. Even now, as I am already a ghost. I can’t help but think that people die and other people will mourn for you or grieve for you and then move on. It might take a long time for some but for others, it wouldn’t. I am not saying this to sound bitter but that was just a realization. People die every day. And those people who aren’t aware of it just continued doing their business. While the others that knew the person would mourn and grieve for days. 

If you die, you die. Life still goes on. People move on. But I know the pain they felt when they lost a loved one will forever be ingrained in their hearts. And I know no matter how many years have passed, they will not forget those who passed away. I know my family won’t forget me. 

And then my mind went silent. As if it has lost the ability to think too. I was just staring at the buildings ahead. And then it was Mikhael di Angelo who popped into my mind. I have always been so curious about how he died. I have been so curious about where he lived. But I am sure that like me when I first started this journey, he was clueless too. 

I sighed. I don’t know what to do. Despite how many things I think about, the face of the old man I hurt earlier kept flashing back to me. And I felt the harrowing feeling of guilt as I recalled what happened in my mind several times. I don’t know how long it would take before Thanis gets me but I have to find out how I died before I become a tainted one. 

You may wonder how I am taking this calmly. I want to tell you that you are wrong. I am not handling this calmly. Panic is starting to build inside me. It was like I am swimming in my own thoughts and I am drowning. I couldn’t swim away from it no matter how hard I try. That’s what I am feeling. And despite Mikhael’s words that he will come back, that I should trust him, I couldn’t help but feel worried. I couldn’t help but think about things that have made me even more paranoid. See, ghosts get scared. And they get paranoid too. 

But the real reason why I want to find out the truth about my death is that I don’t want Mikhael to wander in this world because of me. He has a life in Silver City. He has a life before I came and offered him to come with me. He is my responsibility. 

Thinking about that, I decided I will not wait for him and get moving. If Mikhael is somewhere right now, I will trust him for as much as I can while I do my business of finding out some truth about my death. I couldn’t waste time. Not when both of us will be doomed once we fail. 

One moment I was staring at the city down below and the next moment, I was already soaring in the air. My hair swayed with the wind and despite how fast I moved, I didn’t squint my eyes. It was probably because I am a ghost and I am partially wind. 

I already have a place in mind. For now, I should stop worrying about Mikhael. He is someone who would survive on the streets and he is someone who knows what he is doing. So with enough resolve, I flew into the night, not wasting any time. Because Thanis’ or maybe his cronies might be searching for me out there. And it will only be a matter of time before he gets me. 

“I will certainly find out the truth,” I whispered into the wind and wandered into the night. 

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