THE JOURNEY OF SHEIRA HART

41 | Is That Really You?

I never fainted in my entire life. 

It was ironic because I didn’t faint while I was still alive and when I was already a ghost, I was knocked unconscious. 

I opened my eyes slowly and all I could see was the canopy of leaves. It wasn’t thick enough so sun rays still managed to penetrate through the spaces between the leaves. I squinted my eyes when a ray of light hit my face. I looked around and found out I was sleeping on the grass but it wasn’t uncomfortable. In fact, it makes me want to go back to sleep but then I realize, this is no time for me to sleep my ass off. 

I abruptly got up and looked around. I couldn’t see anyone and I was in some kind of clearing in the middle of the forest. I checked myself and then I checked the surroundings. The last time a pain lanced through my chest, I found myself inside my subconscious and struggling to get out. 

So I looked around, watching for signs that might indicate where I am. But I couldn’t find anyone. Not even Mikhael. That’s when panic started to build inside me and I started to feel nervous. What happened in my imagination really traumatized me. 

I was about to get up when I heard a voice behind me. “You sure look active for someone who just passed out and went unconscious for a whole day,” he said. 

I whirled to see Mikhael behind me. He was standing right behind me with his hands stuffed inside his pockets. “Mikhael?” I called and he just raised his brows at me as if wondering what’s wrong. 

“That’s you, right?” This time, his brows furrowed. You can’t blame me if I wanted to make sure. But Mikhael looked confused as hell but I didn’t care. I have to make sure.

“Tell me, is that really you?” I asked, taking a step back. He noticed it and he sighed. 

“Who else would I be? I mean, no one is as good-looking as I am,” he said with so much seriousness in his voice. And that extreme high regard for himself was enough for me to know that it was indeed Mikhael di Angelo. No doubt. 

So I let out a deep breath after I realize I’m back. And I would never go back into that place ever again. 

“What happened to you?” he asked after a moment of silence and I just went back to lying on the ground and closed my eyes. 

“Terrible place,” I said and I felt him sit beside me. 

“More terrible than the underworld?” 

I scoffed. “I have never been to the underworld so I can’t compare. But I could say the place I’ve been to was hell.” I opened my eyes and glanced at him who was looking far ahead. 

He didn’t say another word and we were wrapped in comfortable silence. But then I remembered what he said earlier that made me got up again.

“You said I was unconscious for a whole day?” I asked and just gave me a bored look and said, “Yes. I was bored to death. I can’t go anywhere without you.” 

I gasped. “What happened after the breakup?” But then I realized that wasn’t the question I wanted to ask so I asked again, “What happened after he said he doesn’t love me anymore?” 

“You suddenly curled into a ball and was gripping your chest. You went like that for almost an hour.” 

I groaned. “I know that’s what happened to me next. But what happened to the flashback?” 

“Jacob walked out and you stayed there,” he said. Miserable and alone. I added in my mind. I couldn’t feel anything. It might have hurt to me before but given the fact that I couldn’t remember that it ever happened to me, I can’t feel anything at the moment other than sympathy. And the anger that I felt before was gone after I came back. I couldn’t feel angry at Jacob anymore. But I couldn’t help but wonder of what went wrong. I couldn’t help but wonder what I have done that Jacob did to me. And it must have felt worse before, while I was in the situation. I must have wondered what was wrong with me. I must have wondered if I did something offensive to him. I must have wondered it was me. 

I looked at the watch strapped on my wrist. We still have a lot of time until the last stop. I looked at Mikhael only to find him looking at me too. I blinked but he didn’t budge. 

“The place you went to, was it scary?” he asked. And I was so taken aback by his question that I couldn’t respond right away. So he repeated his question. I swallowed hard, thinking about the time I was there. 

“You were sobbing. You were trembling. Was it that scary?” he asked and I looked far ahead and thought about the question. Was I scared about the place? Scared enough to be sobbing like that? 

It wasn’t scary. It was creepy but not that scary. But why was I sobbing? 

“Relief?” I answered without even thinking. And because I already started it, might as well finish. So I went on, “I was relieved to be back. I wasn’t scared while I was there. I was more scared of the fact that I won’t be able to see you again.” 

And it went out of my mouth before I knew it. Mikhael’s face was laced with surprise. I cleared my throat. “You know…you are the one who helps me with this so I was scared I won’t be able to go back to you and stuck there forever so I was relieved when I finally was able to get out and see you. I was relieved beyond measure.” 

He stared at me for a long time before he chuckled. And his chuckle turned to laughter. I just looked at him and bit my lip because of embarrassment. 

“I don’t know what the place was but I like it that you returned a bit different,” he said and I furrowed my brows at him. 

“What do you mean a bit different?” 

He stood up and removed the leaves and grass on his pants. “Normally, you would come up with a sarcastic retort but earlier, you were definitely sincere when you said you were relieved to see me again.” 

“I told you—“ 

“I don’t care about the other things you said. What’s important for me is that you were relieved to see me,” he let out a boyish grin. “I don’t know if you already know or what but,” he extended his hand and helped me stand up, “The feeling is mutual. I, too, am relieved to see you back, Sheira darling.”  He gave me a wide grin and I hated myself that I couldn’t stare back and I could feel the heat creeping my cheeks. 

Apparently, ghosts feel flustered too. But I cleared my throat and rubbed the back of my neck as he continued to stare at me, grinning widely. 

“So, I…what was I doing then?” I asked just to change the topic. 

“I don’t know what happened next. The moment you lost consciousness, the flashback ended and now we’re back at that place where you said you used to go if you didn’t notice,” he said and gestured his round. And indeed, the place looked familiar. And when I looked over the edge of the cliff and found out the bench and the railings and the view of the whole city down below. 

“This isn’t a flashback anymore,” I muttered more to myself than to him. “This is the present time.” 

Mikhael didn’t say anything but I continued to observe. As usual, no one visits this place except those people who were hardworking enough to climb the steep way up here. And for some reason, everything flashed before my eyes. Everything that I have discovered so far came back to me. From the moment I woke up in the café owned by the Grim Reaper, discovering I already died and that I can find out the way I died but that would end up as suicide should my time run out and I didn’t manage to find out the whole truth. Why did I decide to find out my death anyway? I knew it wouldn’t be something pleasant. Whoever died in a pleasant way? Whoever wants to replay how they died?

Regret. That must be something I felt. That must be something I realized right when I was in the middle of the journey. I can feel I am close to the truth. And being almost trapped in my subconscious made me realize that I could fail at any moment if I am not careful. This journey doesn’t only involve stops and flashbacks. It involves situations that could put our second lives in danger. And what’s worse, I might drag Mikhael down with me. 

And strange enough, just the thought of it scares me. Just thinking about it scares me. I know I’ve already said several times ghosts get scared too, apparently. And when I say scared, not the ‘I’m scared of ghosts’ type of scared. It’s more like the ‘I’m scared of what ghosts are scared of’ type of scared. See, as you already have seen and witnessed, there is a lot of creepier stuff than ghosts. Monica, for example. The Mr. Grims. My own imagination. Those are what ghosts like me are scared of. 

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