THE JOURNEY OF SHEIRA HART

39 | Be Careful What You Wish For

The inside of the house was even more comfortable and it was warm. The show was showing and it was indeed one of my favorites. I saw my brother, Mars, chewing on some popcorn while my sister, Melissa, was eating a slice of cake. My parents were at the corner of the sofa. My mom’s head was resting on top of my father’s while he played with his hair. 

Then his eyes met mine. “What are you doing there? Come and sit. This is your favorite show, right?” he said and pointed towards the television. I looked at it and then back to them. Still unable to believe that my dad could see me. My lips quivered. 

“What’s wrong, Sheira? Did you stay too long in the lake? Are you cold? I told you you can’t go and swim in there. You had a cold, right?” My mom stood and picked up a blanket and wrapped it around my shoulders. It was warm. As if it was real. And then I stared at her face. She was looking at me. Really looking at me. She could see me. And it was too much that I didn’t hesitate to hug her so tight and sob in her shirt. I could feel she was taken aback but moments later, I felt her hands caressing my back softly which made me even cry harder. 

“I don’t remember you being a crybaby but this might be because you are sick,” she whispered and I didn’t say anything. I continued crying and felt her hand caressing my back. I had no idea I have longed for this until now. I had no idea I missed them so much until now. 

“What is she crying about? She was literally OK a few minutes ago? Did something happen outside?” my brother asked and I chuckled. I miss them. I miss them so much. 

I sniffed and chuckled. “No. No, I’m fine. I remembered a sad movie and I am sick so cut me some slack, will you?” I said jokingly and Mars just chuckled. My mother ruffled my hair and kissed it before pulling me to sit on the sofa. 

That was something my mother would never do but just like Mira said, this is my imagination. Where my greatest desire dwells. And perhaps I longed for my mother to be that loving. All of these are the things I wish to happen. And it was nice. I looked at the wall of glass to see what’s outside but was surprised to see it wasn’t grey colored anymore. It was just dark but I could clearly see the green grasses outside that were freshly mowed. 

“Sis, I borrowed your computer earlier and I saw a message coming from someone named Jacob. He says he misses you,” Melissa said and I almost choked on my popcorn. I could feel my parents’ gaze on me and I gave them a smile. 

“Well, Jacob is … a friend,” I said and they just raised their eyebrows at me. 

“I thought he was your boyfriend?” my dad asked and I coughed. 

“I…did I tell you that?” 

My father raised a brow. “You invited him over for dinner a week ago. The day before we came here,” he said and I couldn’t believe what is happening. Did I desire for my family to know Jacob? That means in real life, they didn’t know I had a boyfriend. And then I remembered my room that night I visited my room. I couldn’t see any trace or signs that I had a boyfriend. I must have kept it a secret from them. I remember Mikhael laughing at me because of it. 

Wait. 

Mikhael. 

Mikhael di Angelo. 

“Dear, what is happening to you?” asked my mom and touched my forehead. “You don’t have a fever, though.” She clicked her tongue. “And you told me you want to go swimming again tomorrow? Don’t do it. At least not when you still have this cold. You should go and try boating. You said you’ve always wanted to try that, right?” 

“I want to do that too!” Melissa yelled. 

“No, missy. You promised dad you’re going fishing with him tomorrow, right?” 

Melissa just pouted. 

“So… so who will go with me boating?” 

“No one. You can explore, honey,” said my dad before he ruffled my hair. 

I didn’t ask any more questions. I was happy. I get to see my family. I get to touch them.  I get to talk to them. And I would love to be there forever. 

But….Mikhael di Angelo. 

Somehow, his name sounds familiar. And whenever I think of his name, I feel a surge or urgency. A kind of urgency that tells me that I should go to him as soon as possible. 

I looked at the TV. “Do you know anyone named—“ I didn’t continue what I was going to say. I don’t know why but I feel like telling them about a certain Mikhael di Angelo is not a good idea. 

“What is it, dear?” my mother asked. 

“I meant to say, did Lorena message me, Missy? You borrowed my computer right?” 

She just shook her head and continued to eat her cake. “No, she didn’t.” 

I swallowed hard and just focused my attention on the show. The faint sound of the fire crackling was supposed to calm my nerves but I just got even more nervous and wary with my surroundings. And what’s worse is that I realized a certain scene of my favorite show kept playing. On repeat. It will show half an hour of the scene and then goes back to the first minute. And that’s when I realized everything here is wrong. Everything in this world is wrong.

I calmed myself as much as I can and said, “Mom, where did you put the medicine? I have to take some.” 

“Check the kitchen, honey,” she said and I stood up. Walking towards the kitchen. And when I reached the table, I was panting very hard. Panic started to build up and I was starting to pant. But I immediately went to get some water and drank a whole glass. I scanned my eyes around and saw the cupboards. I opened it loud enough so they can hear. I found the medicine and purposely popped the lid loud enough. 

And when I managed to calm myself down a little, I walked down the hallway where the rooms are located. It was easy to locate mine as there was my name on the door. I opened it and turned the lights on. It was simple compared to the bedroom I had at home but it looked comfortable enough. But I had to keep in mind that this is just an imagination and all of these are not real. So I roamed around the room to look for anything useful. 

There was my journal and a pen beside it. My laptop and some books. I went for the journal and opened it only to see it was blank. There was nothing written on it at all. And then I went to the books. Those were my favorite books. And when I opened it, there were no texts on it. I swallowed hard. And then I opened the laptop only to see a white screen. There was nothing on it. I tried pushing different buttons but it was no use. 

“Phone,” I mumbled. I looked around for my phone and I found it in my drawer. But on the screen was just a picture of me and Jacob. 

Jacob Paulo. My boyfriend. 

And then a sharp pain lanced through my chest. He was trying to break up with me. I remember he was trying to break up with me. But I broke up with him first and then I couldn’t remember what happened next. This place…I am not supposed to be here. I have to be out of here. 

I tried opening the phone but I couldn’t see anything aside from the photo that served as the wallpaper. I started to get panicky again. This place isn’t something I wish I had. This is different. This isn’t my family. This isn’t my life. I have to get out of here. I have to go. I have a feeling I have to be somewhere else and I feel like it’s pulling me. As if telling me I shouldn’t be here any longer. 

“What’s wrong, sweetie? Did you find the medicine?” I whirled to see my mother—no, this isn’t my mother. She was standing by the door and when her voice was sweet, her face says otherwise. I couldn’t see any emotion on her face at all. 

I swallowed hard and tried to calm myself down as much as I can and gave her a smile. “No, I found it. I already took some. I was looking for my phone,” I said and waved the phone so she could see. She didn’t even look at it and continued to stare at me. 

I gave her a confused look before I asked, “Is there something wrong?” 

It was then that she flashed a smile and tilted her head. “Nothing, dear. Come on, your siblings are waiting,” she said before she turned and walked down the hallway to where the living room is. 

One thing about my imagination is that I did try to imagine what it’s like if my mom wasn’t someone who likes to yell every time. I imagined what if my dad was someone who has more time for his family than he has for his work. I imagined my siblings to be peaceful and mature individuals. And those times I begged my father for us to have a short vacation was something I also imagined a lot of times. This place was my dream place and now that this part of my subconscious is showing me what I desired the most, I don’t want it anymore. 

Somehow, seeing those imaginations turn into reality is weird. And I don’t like it. Those people outside, watching my favorite show and my favorite scene on repeat, were not my family. This place in the woods with a lake in front is not a real place. This isn’t what I want. And I have to get out of here as fast as I can. 

I walked out of the room and towards the living room where they were all too focused on the television. It was still on repeat and as if it wasn’t weird enough, they look like they were enjoying every bit of it. I didn’t let them see I am hesitant to sit with them and when I did, I almost flinched when my so-called father ruffled my hair. Earlier, it felt good. But now that I somehow know that I shouldn’t be here, I couldn’t help but have the urge to run outside as far as I can. 

I looked at the clock and it says seven o’clock in the evening. It’s still early. We probably had dinner already. I wonder if they will do other things aside from watching TV. 

So I asked, “What time are we sleeping?”

I heard my dad chuckled. “You suggested we have a marathon of this show so I think we’ll be sleeping late tonight.” 

I cursed silently inside my mind. But I am not giving up. My own imagination is my enemy. This place draws out my desires and I figured just earlier those desires are not advisable to be desired. I prefer my family the way they are. 

“Why won’t we bake a cake, mom?” I said and looked at my so-called mother who was still focused on the TV s if there’s something to see in there. 

“Shh. Sweetie, isn’t this your favorite part?” she said and I resisted the urge to yell. 

“Yeah, it is. But I have seen that a hundred times before so it isn’t my favorite scene now.” 

But they didn’t say anything. I looked at my siblings and they were doing the same thing. I swallowed hard. 

How on earth should I get out of here? Mira said something that I could leave whenever I want. But how? Somehow, I got a feeling that they won’t let me go that easily. 

“Watch it again,” my so-called dad said and they continued to watch. I couldn’t do anything but to sit still and watch it together with them. I don’t even feel sleepy and when I looked at the time the second hand didn’t even move a minute.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I muttered loudly causing them to look at me. 

“What is it?” asked Melissa. 

I cursed myself silently before I said, “Oh.  I mean that particular scene still gets me every time,” I gestured towards the television. 

“I know. This show is good. We should do this a lot,” my so-called mother suggested and before I could even think, I groaned and said, “Heavens, no!” 

They all looked at me again questioningly and I blinked. “I…I mean no! The male lead shouldn’t have done that, right? Now it just complicates things,” I said and fake a sigh of frustration, mumbling my rants towards the television. 

“Are you really okay, honey?” 

Another weird thing:  my father never calls me honey. In fact, none of my parents are fond of endearments. They call us by our names and when we don’t listen, they call our attention by including the family name. And I don’t know why they’re suddenly fond of it now. Was it what I want deep down and I just didn’t know about it? 

I shook away the thought. No, it can’t be. 

I looked at the clock and the time was not moving. It kept ticking but rarely moves a minute. Panic started to build but I willed myself to calm down and think things through. I have to get out of here. And I have to be calm to think of a solution. 

And then I remembered what my so-called mother said earlier: 

Boating. 

Nobody will be with me as I rode the boat and I am free to go wherever I wish to go. And I have to see Mira. I have to get out even if it means I’m going to force Mira to do it. I’ll just wait for the right opportunity. 

Because this is going to be a long night. Literally. 

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