Royals and Rebels 2: Love and War

Twenty One: Penelope Peters

Chapter Twenty-One

Penelope Peters

I took a train back home. Mum worked, and I couldn’t bother her to come pick me up. I knew I’d have to explain everything to her, but I didn’t want to. Audrey offered to have her driver take me, but I didn’t want to take advantage of her. I got on the train by myself, and I managed to make it out of there before Cadoc noticed.

I didn’t know what I felt. Relieved or sad.

I had been so eager to get away from home, to get away from my mistake. How had I slept with a stranger in a pub? Someone whose face I couldn’t even remember.

I did remember his touch.

His taste.

When Jasper had given me an orgasm in the tent, it had been completely different. I’d been sober, for one thing. Not everything had been so dreamlike. With him, it felt like fire. But getting involved with him...

It felt wrong somehow, like I was betraying Cadoc. Cadoc's status complicated everything. He was my Prince. Not in a metaphorical sense. The future King. He could make life complicated for me if I didn't do what he wanted.

A kind of complicated I couldn’t handle.

So, I wouldn’t allow myself to go any further with Jasper. I wish I could say it was because I was a virgin, but it wasn’t. I’d been trying to save the both Jasper and I from heartache. Or from whatever hell Cadoc could create for us. If I thought about it, I still dreamed about the stranger’s touch.

About the way he smelled.

I had thought on the first day of school the stranger had been Cadoc. There'd been a glimmer of recognition in his eyes when he'd seen me. But he had never mentioned it, so I put that thought to the side. I’d never been with Prince Cadoc of Wales, and I never would be.

Especially not after tonight.

I got off the train, arriving in the train station alone. It wasn’t too far of a trek from there to my house. When I got there, I saw the former Prince Apollo, in his garden tending to roses. He was a tall, muscled, golden haired lion. Intimidating, and attractive. Also, in love with his wife.

The two of them had walked away from a monarchy to be together. Deciding that they loved each other more than the chaos that surrounded them. They’d been in Hay-on-wye for almost a year. Rose was round and pregnant. Apollo doted on her, and she on him. They looked at each other like they were each their own version of heaven.

As I came up my road, Apollo saw me, and stood up from his gardening, putting his pruning sheers down. “Well, well, well. If it isn’t the returning scholar! Finish finals early, eh, Penelope?”

I shook my head. “I got suspended.”

Apollo’s face fell. “Oh. Oh no.”

“It was all the Princes fault,” I added, as if somehow that made it better.

A slow smile crossed his face. “Why don’t you come on inside? We can talk about it over a cup of tea. Your Mums not done with parent teacher conferences yet at the school. You can stay with us until she gets back.”

I sighed and followed him inside the small sea-side cottage he shared with his wife.

A heavily pregnant Rose James was lying on the couch. She was small  normally but at that moment the child in her belly was so round she could barely see over it.

“We’re never doing this again!” Rose exclaimed for what must have been the millionth time since I’d known her.     

Apollo chuckled, then walked over and kissed her forehead. “We’ll see. Love, we’ve got company. Pen’s here, and she’s got problems with a Prince.”

Rose smirked. “Cadoc? What happened?” Rose asked as she waddled over to the dinner table. Apollo pulled out her chair, and helped her sit down, ever the doting husband.

They’d gone from having everything to having nothing in the most extreme of ways. Yet they still loved each other.

“I was an i***t,” I said, “and I got foolish, and I got distracted.”

“Princes tend to have that effect,” said Rose, “now tell us. What did our young Cadoc do? Does this have anything to do with last summer?”

I stared at them. “Last summer?”

The two exchanged glances.

“I don’t mean to sound indelicate, Penelope,” said Apollo. “But I visited Cadoc at The Old Black Lion the week before your school started. When you broke up with Seamus. I saw you leaving Cadoc’s room. I assumed he was the reason for the breakup.”

I blinked. That wasn’t possible. “No,” I said, “no, he was a stranger. That’s not possible.”

“What happened, when you met Cadoc for the first time? How did you two even become involved?”

I hesitated. “Andrew Addington insulted me. Jasper, Cadocs security guard, he took offense and there was a fight. Cadoc stepped in, and he told everyone that there wasn’t going to be any harassment of the girls on his watch.”

The two of them exchanged looks again.

“Did he stick close after that?” Apollo asked.

“Yes,” I said, "but that doesn't mean---"

“He was marking his territory,” said Apollo.

“Do you have to be so crass about it?” Rose chided.

“Well, you know that it’s true,” said Apollo, “royal men are different. When we see something we want, we go after it. If there is someone else trying to get the same thing, we might give them an edge for a little bit.  But for the most part we don’t relent.”

“It’s true,” said Rose, “his way of asking me out was declaring to the world we were a couple on ** without asking me.”

“I had to claim you somehow,” he said, “and our situation was different. We were in the middle of a war.”

“Yes well,” said Rose, “whatever the case, when a royal sets their sights on something or someone, they usually get it. Cadoc set his sights on you.”

I wanted to throw up. I had thought that our intense interest in each other had been fate. That somehow, the stars wanted us to be together. I’d been a total and complete fool.

“He used me,” I whispered.

Apollo frowned. “What do you mean?”

“He was trying to get close from day one. I should have known it was for some reason. He wanted me in bed again and now...”

“Did you sleep with him?” Rose asked tentatively.

It was as if the wind had been knocked out of me. No. No. I remembered Addington knocking into me on the first day, and now I couldn’t help but wonder....

Had it all been a game? A way to mess with the scholarship girl?

“I have to go,” I said, now feeling sick to my stomach.

I stood and left, ignoring their protests. I went to our small cottage, using the key Mum left under the welcome rug. The house was dark and there was no sign that she knew that I was coming home.

God, I was going to have to tell her that Cadoc wasn’t coming. That I’d gotten suspended. That this had all been some sick ploy to mess with my head.

Had Gwyneth been in it?

Had Audrey?

 He had to have known who I was, and he decided to mess with me….and Jasper…. oh….           

I was a fool, thinking that I could have been with him. That he saw me as someone special. It was all a game, and I was the i***t who had been dumb enough to fall for it.

“Oy, Peters!” a voice called.

I started at the sound. Turning, I found myself staring face to face with Seamus Flannigan. He was sandy haired, wore glasses, and a scrawny lover of flannel, Seamus Flannigan. My ex-boyfriend. The boy whose heart I’d broken all for a fling with a stranger who had wanted nothing more than to wreck me.

“Seamus,” I whispered half-heartedly, no enthusiasm in my voice.

His brows furrowed. “What’s up? You look like you’ve had the piss taken out of you. Aren’t you supposed to be off at that posh boarding school that you left me for? I saw pictures of you. With the Prince.”

I cringed. “Please don’t talk about him.”

“That much of a prick, huh?” he asked with a laugh.

I smiled a little too bright. “Something like that.”

He fell in step with me. “Why are you home early? Missed home that much?”

I took a heavy breath. “Seamus, I screwed up. I screwed up, and I’m so, so, sorry.”

I could see confusion on his face again. “What are you talking about? We parted fine, Pen. You gave me that letter, and I get it. With school and everything….”

I was sobbing again. I didn’t know what had happened to me. One minute I was fine, the next everything was bubbling out of me. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close the way that he used to.

“Pen,” he said, “come on. Let’s go somewhere and talk.”

We went to the Blue Boar Pub. Tucked in a table in the back, the two of us not even touching the drinks that we’d ordered.

“Start from the beginning,” he said. “You left last summer. I was to go with you to Hollow Hills but then you decided that you didn’t want anything to me.”

“It wasn’t like that,” I said, “there was something that happened.”

“Does this have to do with Annie?” he asked. “Penelope, I told you a million times that there’s nothing between us. Annie’s gay. She didn’t know how to tell you. That’s why were whispering all summer. I caught her making out with her girlfriend.”

I blinked. “Are you…are you serious?”

He nodded. “You know how your uncle is, he’s conservative, catholic. She didn’t want him to find out. Or anyone. I was trying to help her with that. I’m sorry if I made it seem like something else, but that’s the truth. I never would have done that to you.”

I shook my head. “Can’t you ever do anything wrong?”

He shrugged. “I littered on the way here.”

“No, you didn’t.”

“No, I didn’t,” he admitted.

We sat there in the pub staring at each other. If I hadn’t gone to Hollow Hills Academy, we might have talked. We might have still been together. We might have still…. god, I should have talked to you.”

“Tell me what happened,” he said.

I bit my lip. “You won’t believe me. I barely believe it myself.”

“Try me.”

I wiped the tears away from my cheeks. “I slept with someone, Seamus. That night you were arguing with Annie at the party, I thought you were trying to break up with me. I was so hurt; I just went to the pub…there was a stranger….and I slept with him.”

Rage flickered in his eyes for a moment. I expected him to storm off, but he didn’t. Instead, he took a deep breath. “Well. That hurts. I…. I always thought that we would…”

“I know,” I admitted, “I know, I ruined that. I’ve ruined a lot of things. I’m sorry. But that’s not even the biggest thing.”

“That’s not?” he tapped his thighs nervously.

“No, that’s not,” I said, “Rose James just told me who it was that I slept with. I didn’t remember, but Apollo saw me come out of his room and put two and two together.”

“Who did you sleep with?” he asked. “The Prince?”

He said it as a joke. I could tell from the laughter that was dancing in his eyes.

When I didn’t laugh with him, his face fell. “Pen, how…. how the hell did that happen?”

I shook my head. “I don’t know. I honestly don’t. I don’t even remember having any idea that it was Cadoc---”

“Christ, you call him Cadoc now?”

I nodded. “He’s at my school, Seamus. He became obsessed with becoming my friend. I thought it was because he was being nice, but now….”

“You think it’s because you slept together?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted, “he hasn’t said anything about it. All I know is he snuck me into the astronomy tower. I got suspended until January because the astronomy teacher thinks we slept together.”

“You did,” Seamus reminded me.

“Not at school,” I said, “this is such a mess. I don’t know what to do.”

“First of all,” said Seamus, “you should relax. You’re home now, away from that mess. It sounds like Hollow Hills is filled with dicks.”

“It is,” I said with a nod, “Seamus, I can’t come to your gig. I’m a horrible person. I slept with someone else who was using me. You should hate me. You should scream at me. You should yell at me.”

“I could,” he said, “but I missed you. A lot. And my gigs just aren’t the same without you. Come on. Come to my gig tonight. It’s in an hour. I’ve just got to go get my guitar, and then I’ll be performing at the pub.”

“Alright,” I said, “I’ll go with you tonight. You swear you’re not in love with Annie? Even a little bit?”

“I swear,” he said, “I think Annie would probably kill me if I were, even if she was straight.”

I laughed. “Probably.”

“You’re the only girl I’ve ever been in love with, Pen. You were my first everything. I swear. I thought…I thought we’d be each other’s firsts, but I get it.”

“I’m sorry, Seamus,” I said, “I wanted it to be you. I really did. That’s why I was so angry, when I thought that you wanted to be with Annie. I thought that you were leaving me. I was a mess.”

“We were a bit of a mess that summer,” he admitted, “I thought I was never going to see you again. That you were going to go off to your posh boarding school, and you were going to leave me all alone.”

I stared at him. My chest tightened. If only we had talked, how different things would have been.

“Go grab your guitar,” I said, “I’ll see you at the gig. Usual place?”

He nodded. “Always. Right here, at The Blue Boar. You know it’s the only place that will let me play for them.”

“That’s because the owners niece has a crush on you.”

He blushed. “Cat doesn’t have a crush on me.”

“She does,” I said, “she’s always had a crush on you. It’s why she hates me.”

“Well, she’ll have to get in line, because the only girl I care about is the one that’s sitting right in front of me. Go, do what you need to do. I’ll see you had the show.” He smiled at me, and my heart ached.

I smiled at him, and I left the pub. Taking out my cell phone, I called a number I probably shouldn’t have. Jasper picked up on the first ring, reliable as always.

“Pen?” he said. “Everything okay? Cadoc came home early, and everyone’s pissed. Something about a s*x scandal---”

“We got caught together in the astronomy classroom,” I admitted, “I got suspended. We both got suspended. Jasper, I’m going to tell you something, and you have to be completely honest with me. I know he’s your Prince, but I have to know the truth.”

“The truth about what, Pen?” Jasper asked. “What did he do?”

“Last summer, I lost my virginity to someone. That’s why I didn’t want to rush things between us, because I wanted it to be special if we ever were together. I didn’t want it to be rushed. I thought that it was to a complete stranger but it turned out to be Cadoc. Did he know? Does he remember? Has this whole time been just to mess with my head?”

There was a pause. “He can’t know, Pen,” Jasper said.

“How can you be sure?” I asked.

“Because if he knew, he never would have let me anywhere near you. He let us be together. He doesn’t let that happen. Ever. Once he’s had someone, that girl is his. Forever. No one else is allowed to touch them if they’re in his inner circle. If you’d been with him, and we’d been together, he would have killed me.”

I took a deep, shaky, breath. “I hate him so much, Jasper. He ruined everything. He ruined us; he ruined my first year…everyone’s going to think I’m a slag.”

“No one got any pictures,” Jasper told me, “I heard the Queen saying about how that was a miracle, at least. Don’t give up on him, Penelope. He didn’t ruin us. It never should have been the two of us in the first place. It should have just been him and you. I just couldn’t see it.”

“Have a Happy Christmas, Jasper,” was all I said, and I ended the call.

Whatever universe had existed where Cadoc and I were a couple had ended. We were never going to be together. Ever.