I Will Find My Way Back to You

Ch. 5 Lucian

Luca was avoiding me. I get it.... But I'd much rather have him mad at me than hurt or worse out there beyond the safety of the coven. I also knew I couldn't keep him sheltered much longer. If there was one thing my brother inherited from my father, it was his determination.

I made my way wearily to the pack house. Dad had asked to speak to me and I'd put it off nearly all day. I was losing patience for my dad's wild goose chases and conspiracy theories. He had never put to rest the circumstances that led to Luca's attack and my mother's death, as we were falsely accused of murdering wolves in Shadow Moon pack. My dad was hell bent on finding who was truly responsible.

As I walked up the stone steps to the pack house I noticed my brother's backpack dumped carelessly on the ground. I sighed, I thought I'd taught him better. I made a mental note to talk with him about taking better care of his things. I didn't bother to knock on my father's office door, just let myself in. He was staring down at a mess of maps and scattered papers on his board room sized table. I frowned as I glanced around, noticing Gray was not in attendance. He was my dad's right hand.... It was rare to not see him at my dad's side.

"You wanted to see me, dad?" I called, clearing my throat.

He tore his eyes off his table top to look up at me, "Lucian! Come here, I need to show you something!" He replied excitedly.

I dutifully walked to his side. My dad, whom I was the mirror image of, rarely showed much emotion all my life. He was a demanding, strict father when I was little. My mom was the softy, always playing with us and making us feel loved. Then when she died, my dad was gutted. He was left with a broken coven, a battered child fighting for his life, and a broken heart. The day my mother died was the first time I'd seen him cry. At 12, I was able to see how lost he was.

That day, I took on caring for my little brother. Dad just didn't know how. As I got older, I took on most of the daily tasks to run the coven... And my dad sunk farther into his obsession.

"There's been a sudden uptick in attacks, son. More wolves going missing only to turn up drained of blood. More covens claiming Innocence," dad said. He poked his map, dragging his finger tip around a line he had drawn outlining the attacks. "You know what used to be here?"

He glanced up at me expectantly. His dark green eyes burning into mine, "Mage conclave."

I fought the urge to sigh and roll my eyes. Dad was convinced mages, who no longer existed after being wiped out during war, were the ones staging the attacks.

"Dad ...." I began.

"Don't Lucian.... Listen to me," dad cut me off, "The covens are scared. They want some help investigating the area. I need you to select some of the best men to come with me. Good trackers, probably Gray since--"

"Where is Gray, dad? He's always by your side," I interrupted.

"Training grounds. Said something about your brother, I don't know," dad said absently, looking back at his mess on the table.

I tensed thinking about Luca's bag tossed so carelessly. How he said he'd talk to Dad about going on patrols.

"s**t," I muttered, rushing to the door.

"Lucian!" My dad yelled after me, but I was already out the door, running toward the training grounds. If Gray was doing what I thought he was, Luca wouldn't give up trying to pass his test. A test that was impossible for him. Gray was unstoppable in a fight.

I came to an abrupt stop, in shock at what I was seeing. My little brother was still standing in a spar with Gray and.... Gray was bleeding! But my eyes took in my brother's physical state and I felt sick to my stomach. He was bleeding profusely, half his face swelled up as he staggered.

"Enough!" I growled, my heart pounding. I couldn't fight the terror that overcame me seeing my brother in this sorry state.

Both of them stopped. Gray turned to face me, setting his shoulders. But before he could speak my dad beat him to it. I hadn't even realized he'd followed me.

"Luca!" He gasped "Godess son, what are you thinking?"

I narrowed my eyes at Gray. In my eyes, he was responsible for this. My brother was a stupid teenager, desperate to prove himself. Gray knew better. I turned my attention to Luca and rushed to him. I held his bleeding face in my hands so he would look at me, "f**k, Luca." He had no strength left to fight me as I dragged him to a work out bench and made him sit while I rushed to get what I needed to clean him up.

"Lucious," I heard Gray begin. "He's a damn good fighter. He held his own. I think he deserves a chance."

Luca winced as I wiped the blood from his face, "That's what this was about, huh," I muttered to him. "You think that by standing up in a fight against Gray means you're ready to be out there?"

He tried to push my hands away from him but I smacked them away, "There are no rules out there Luca. If someone wants you dead they don't play fair."

I tuned Gray and my dad's conversation out, giving my brother my full attention. He was a f*****g mess. As I looked him over for his wounds he said, "Lucian....I can do it." He had to turn and spit blood out of his mouth.

I ignored him as I tried to clean his mess of a face.

"Lucian, stop!" He growled, pushing my hands away. "Let me do this. If I f**k it up I will never ask you again!"

I threw the bloodied rag to the ground, "What if the f**k up gets you killed, huh? What then? You aren't ready. You...."

I met my brother's green eyes. The eyes of my mother. I saw how stubborn he was and I knew.

I knew that if I didn't let him, then he would find a way to do it anyway.... a way that would be way more dangerous than if I let him go on my terms. I let out a long sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose, "Fine. But you go with me."

His eyes lit up and he sat straighter. I couldn't help but grin when he gave me a bright smile, "I don't care who I go with! Thank you!"

"Go get cleaned up. We leave before dusk," I instructed him.

He hopped up and jogged away. I watched him until he disappeared into the house.

"He's good, Lucian," Gray said proudly. "He'll be a good asset."

I crossed my arms and faced him, "Of course he's good. I trained him. But you crossed a line Gray. He's still a kid."

My dad bridged the space between us, resting his hand on my shoulder, "He's ok, son. You gotta let him grow up. He's desperate to prove himself to you, so let him."

I sighed, running my hand through my hair, "I know how good he is. I know better than anyone. It's just ...."

I squeezed eyes shut as memories flooded my mind of my six year old brother clinging to life, everything we loved on fire.

I forced my eyes back open and let out a long breath, "He doesn't remember.....but I can't ever forget."

Gray and my father stood silently. All of us lost in the nightmare of our memories. I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked into Gray's eyes, "I know Lucian. And we won't ever forget. But we also can't let our fear hold him back." With a final squeeze of my shoulder Gray stalked away.

I was about to head back to the packhouse when dad spoke, "You did good, son."

I glanced at him curiously.

"You took on so much when the coven was in shambles. The most important though, was raising your brother. You did what I couldn't and you contine to do it. He will be ok because of you. For that ....I am forever grateful."

I was stunned. My dad had never expressed gratitude like this to me. I didn't realize how badly I needed to hear it until right now.

"But its time to start living your life. Luca is grown now. Let him go." He added before turning and walking away.

I watched him walk away, his last words bouncing around my head. Was it even possible for me to let Luca go? The thought made me sick to my stomach. But I could try.

Baby steps.