Taste The Rainbow

Nicole

Nicole

"Nicole, wait." I plead and she turns abruptly to glare heavily at me.

"No, Neveah, I am not going to 'wait'. You really hurt me." She adds a tear escaping her pretty brown eyes tells me she's not as composed as she seems. I sigh and run a hand through my hair in frustration.

"I'm sorry," I inform with a pleading voice but she just glares at me.

"I don't care if you're sorry, Nev. I don't want to hear it." She spits before leaving the house, slamming the door behind her and making me wince.

I groan in frustration, looking around the empty room filled with shattered glass among other things. I begin to carefully clean up the glass, getting the broom when I've gotten the big pieces.

After I finish cleaning this room I go around the small one bedroom apartment and clean everything else up.

The house is soon spotless and I'm left to try to think if a way to get Nic back here. I know what I had said had scared her but it wasn't my intention I was just telling her something I thought she would be able to understand, or at least handle with some grace.

But no, instead she freaked out. I sigh and try to push thoughts of the fight away but they find their way into my main thoughts.

The whole fight started because we were messing around with a game of twenty questions. We would just ask the other about scenarios or just things we haven't known about each other, which is a small list.

"Would you rather be eaten by a bear or a tiger?" She asks and I ponder it for a moment.

"Bear. Would you rather go to New York or Los Angeles?" I returned and she pulled her lip into her mouth, chewing lightly on it while twirling a lock of her chocolate brown hair in her finger.

"New York. Would you rather die in snow or fire?"

"Fire," I answer immediately. "Fries or chocolate?" I ask and her eyes go wide.

"I have to choose one?" I nod solemnly and she sniffles dramatically. "But they're both so good. But I guess chocolate. Would you rather be stuck with a thousand needles at once or stabbed with a knife once?"

"Needles," I answer absently, nearly shivering at the thought of being stabbed with needles. Hell, any kind of pain is good but that would be continuous.

"Why?" She asks in horror and I shrug nonchalantly.

"I like pain," I answer truthfully and her eyes widen in alarm.

"What?" She questions and my brows furrow. Surely I've told her this. I thought I told her this on our first or second date.

It's one of those things you should bring up before getting too far into a relationship. It's one of those things that could be a deal breaker for people.

"Nicki, I thought I told you that on our second date," I explain and she shakes her head vigorously.

"No, you didn't. I would have remembered that. So, you're a masochist or something?" She demands, her voice harsh but her eyes betray her voice, telling me she's just scared for my safety.

"Nicki, it's not that unusual. And I don't put myself in danger or anything. It's just another personality trait. You don't get mad that I'm bisexual." I counter and she glares at me.

"Being bisexual doesn't put your life in danger." She hisses and my brows furrow once more.

"Nic, I'm not putting myself in danger. I don't do anything that could threaten my life. Really, it's not a big deal." I try to persuade her but her fear is clouding her judgment.

"Why didn't you tell me this before we got together?" She demands and I sigh, rubbing my temples to hopefully prevent the oncoming headache.

"I didn't realize that I left it out," I reply and she huffs, abruptly standing.

"Oh yeah, sure you did. You lied to me!" She yells, turning to swipe the pictures off the table in a fit of pure rage, rage fueled by fear I caused.

"Nicki," I murmur and she turns to glare at me once more.

"Do not 'Nicki' me! I'm leaving." She yells, her breathing highly accelerated.

I snap out of my thoughts when the phone rings but I don't bother answering it. Instead, I begin to wonder if she had a point.

I mean sure, I'm not jumping off bridges or getting into wrecks to feel pain, that's not how it really works. But I still do occasionally do something that'll hurt, I occasionally cut myself to feel pain but I'm a doctor, I know enough about the human body to know how far to take it, where my veins and major arteries are so I never risk my life by doing this.

And yet she says it's unsafe. A danger to myself. Maybe she's right.

But I can't just stop. Pain is addicting, even without the endorphins that kick in.

I like the pain. It's as simple as that and there's nothing I can do about it. I've seen therapists in order to get help, see if they would actually help me but it's just like being bisexual: it's a personality trait that I can't help. I didn't ask to be this way, it wasn't my choice.

Nicki doesn't seem to understand this though. I thought her of all people would understand doing something abnormal, being something other than normal.

But she doesn't. She doesn't get it. And how she's mad at me as if it was something I asked for. As if I asked to be like this.

But I love her. If I have to stop, I'd I really have to stop doing things that will hurt me then I will because I love her unconditionally and with all my heart.

I decide to call her, I don't like her being out this late. I take out my phone and scroll through the contacts, tapping on her name u then put the phone to my ear.

It rings three times before she answers and I sigh in relief that she did answer.

"Nicki, please come back, I promise I won't do anything dangerous, I won't do anything you don't want me to do." I plead and I hear her sniffle.

"I'm already on my way. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean anything I said. I'm in the driveway, I'll be in in a few." She murmurs with numerous sniffles before she hangs up.

Not five minutes after she hung up I hear the front door close and I meat her in the hallway. She sniffles once more and I immediately pull her into a hug.

"I'm so sorry." She whimpers and I shake my head despite her inability to see the gesture.

"No, it's okay. You don't have to be sorry. I should have made sure I told you before we got too far into our relationship, it's my fault." I murmur, holding her tighter to me until she pulls back slightly to gaze into my eyes.

"I live you, you know that right?" She adds with one last sniffle and I smile softly.

"Of course I do. I love you too, I really do." I murmur before capturing her lips in a light kiss.