Taste The Rainbow

Don't Upset Your Father

Don't Upset Your Father

Have you ever had a secret that wasn't yours to tell, but you knew it would hurt someone if you didn't spill it? But it would also hurt someone if you did spill it? It's a catch twenty-two, you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.

I'm in this situation.

My kid brother has a secret that I shouldn't even know about. It wasn't my fault I found out. I was innocently minding my own business, going into Blaze's room to get a game from him he took from me when I saw it.

On the bed had been my brother, half-naked, sucking face with his best friend Arian. Needless to say, I let out a yelp of surprise, scared them both, and ran back to my room, the game long is forgotten.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm fine with my brother being gay, I'm not straight either, but it was a huge surprise. I mean, walking in on your brother nearly screwing anyone would surprise and possibly traumatize anyone. Of course, Blaze got extremely scared and pleaded with me not to tell anyone.

I reluctantly agreed but only because I know what it's like worrying about coming out. I was practically a shell before I came out, I was so worried someone would find out that I closed myself off to everyone so no one would realize it.

I also remember the distant memory of telling my parents. My mom was okay with it, she cried though. My dad is a different story though. He's not the healthiest man, in fact, he's incredibly sick, not physically though. He's mentally sick. He has mild schizophrenia, and it affects his moods a bit too much. He was okay with me being gay when I told him. But then he'll get mad about it at times. Which is why Blaze doesn't want to come out, or so he said. I can understand that.

However, I also know what a toll keeping that secret can be. And with a boyfriend nonetheless, assuming Arian is his boyfriend rather than just a friend helping out Blaze. It didn't look like they were testing their sexuality though, then again I only saw my brother without a shirt and Arian's unbuttoned jeans before I high tailed it to my room.

But that's not even the catch twenty-two I'm in. I completely understand my brother wanting to stay in the closet if he can handle it then all the more power to him. No, my catch twenty-two is whether I should tell my parents that Blaze is hurting himself.

Now, this is something we never even talked about.

A few days after I caught my brother making out with Arian I walked in on him in the bathroom. It's honestly made me realize I need to knock, and I now believe fate is against me because what I saw was worse than him feeling up his best friend who is like another little brother to me.

Blaze had blood dripping from his freshly cut wrist to the gray tiles in the bathroom. He had his eyes closed when I walked in, a razor blade in his right hand while the blood dripped from his left. I was too shocked to do anything but let out another disturbing sound of shock, making his eyes snap open with fear prominent in them.

He had quickly wrapped a washcloth around his wrist before he had met my eyes with embarrassed, pained, fearful green eyes.

I felt like someone was stabbing me in the chest, it hurt to see my baby brother look so, miserable.

He once again pleaded for me not to tell anyone, to trust him when he said he has it under control.

I wanted to yell at him, demand how he destroying his body is being in control. But I couldn't find the words. I merely nodded mutely and left. I don't know what to do now. I'm lying in bed, trying to figure this out.

If I don't tell my parents then Blaze could do something irreversible. He could end up six feet under, and it would be my fault.

But if I tell my parents, and they get him help, he'll hate me and never trust me.

I don't want him to hurt, but I don't want to betray his trust. I sigh and when I hear the front door closing, indicating my mother is home, I make a decision.

I meet my mom in the living room before she takes her seat, and quickly sit down on the couch across from her.

"Mom," I start, not knowing how to tell her that one of her sons is hurting themselves. I'm only glad Blaze left the house, muttering to me about going to Arian's house. My mom furrows her brows at me in confusion after a few minutes of silence.

"Honey, what's wrong?" She asks, tilting her head to the side. I clear my throat then inhale a deep breath.

"Mom, there's something both you and Dad need to know," I reply, knowing my dad is lying down in my parents' bedroom.

"Is it something bad?" She questions, scooting back on the beige armchair as if it'll help her better understand what I'm about to say.

"Yes," I admit quietly and her eyes widen before they dart to the ceiling, where their bedroom would be.

"Will it upset your father?" She questions so softly I barely hear her, no doubt worried my father may somehow hear us if we talk at a normal level.

"I think it will," I answer, biting my lip as the images of Blaze's bloody wrist flashes into my mind like a morbid movie.

"Then you won't tell him. Don't upset your father, not now. He's having another bad episode, he's only sleeping because he stayed up late last night trying in the basement." My eyes widen at that.

"What? Mom, this is important, he needs to know!" I nearly yell but she shushes me quickly.

"Not right now, Pheonix." She states sternly and I stare at her in horror.

"It's about Blaze, it's important." I nearly beg, panic rushing through me.

"You can tell me, and when your father is feeling better we'll tell him." She states, calms once again. I nod quickly in agreement because it's the best I'll get, I have to tell someone and she's the best to tell.

"Blaze is cutting himself," I whisper, pain piercing through my heart.

"You bastard!" I hear Blaze yell from behind me and my eyes go wide.

Fuck.