Bad Girl Life

Chapter 20

*Aria POV*

After coming to Jades, we decided to get things set up. Mia came over to help us and to go over for tomorrow. We talked to her for a bit and then she left an hour ago. I have been thinking about Klaus, I still want to be with him but I don’t think I can heal from what he did. I also don’t know how to feel about Gray coming back. If he does, I don’t know things are going to go. Over the summer it was fun, but did I want more? It’s just too many things to consider. 

I was lying in bed and took out my phone and dialed Klaus' number. 

“Hey”, I say

“Hi, how are you feeling?”, he asked

“I’m okay for now. You?”, I asked. 

“Yeah, I just got done talking with the boys”, he sighs

“I’m really sorry Aria”, he apologized. I can feel my heart beating faster, not the good feeling nor the bad. 

“I know Klaus, Why didn’t you just talk to me about it?”, I asked.

“I wasn’t thinking straight. How can I really fix it, love. I’m sorr-“, I stopped him. 

“It’s okay, I like it when you call me that. We’ll see how tomorrow goes and we can take it from there”, I say. I do miss him but at the same time, it hurts. 

“i love you”, he says before ending the call.

“i love you too”, I whispered before turning off my phone to sleep.

I may be young to know what love is, but what if I do? I can’t stop thinking about Klaus, I remember the good times and the bad times. My heart aches when he’s away. The silence between us is comfortable. When he is near, I feel complete. Do I see a future with him? I can see us finishing college, moving into our first apartment together, the joy of having our first child, and many more. 

When Gray comes into the picture, I don’t know. Gray made me feel like I was something other than a f**k up. We both related to things that Klaus and I can’t. I really do have a f****d up life but then again, it could be worse. Gray is kind of similar, he only lives with his mother. His father was abusive toward Gray and his mother. So they left his father and had to move away. 

Gray was much more of a loner but he wasn’t to me. He mainly wore hoodies, jeans, and his specialty converse. He loves converse as much as I tried to convince him into Vans, he still stuck with it. 

Over Summer he and I went to a park and hung out. We’d race each other to the benches and the loser had to do a dare. It was fun but in a stupid way. I may have cheated a couple of times but he let me. He was always faster for some odd reason. I remember I dared him to do a ballerina dance for me but it only lasted for like 20 seconds. Then after that, he told me corny jokes, it really made my day as much as it was really corny it was funny.

*Flashback*

“How do you tell if a vampire is sick?”, he asked

“Uh weak??”, I said

“No, If he is coffin”, he said before he threw his head back and let out a loud laugh. Right after I laughed as well. 

“Whyyy?”, I managed to say without laughing. 

“It was so stupid, I just had to”, he said while calming down. 

“Hey, what’s your favorite food or holiday?”, he asked.

“Err Christmas, why?”, I say.

“What do reindeers say before they tell you a joke?”, he asked.

I sighed, “What”.

“This one is going to sleigh you”, he said, letting out a chuckle.

“Oh n-oo”, I tried to say but ended up laughing. 

“Sorry, I just had to”, he chuckled.

“It’s alright but that one is pretty good though.”, I say.

“Thanks. Aria your laugh is really adorable”, he says rubbing the back of his head. 

“Uh yeah, thanks. I like your laugh too!”, I say, trying my best not to be awkward. I suddenly then realized we were standing really close to each other. I looked up and saw his hazel eyes staring at me. He tries to speak but he stops. 

“f**k it”, he says before smashing his lips onto mine, cupping my face and his hand in my back pocket. As my heart was beating faster, he licked my bottom lip, asking for entrance. I teased him and denied his request, until he gripped and pulled me in with his hand in my pocket, letting him have access. He kisses me harder, as our tongues follow a slow rhythm. As much as I wanted to keep going, I slowly broke the kiss to breathing heavily. 

“Woah”, he says 

“Definitely Woah”, I managed to get out.

*Flashback Over*

Thinking of Gray has made me have this weird feeling. I just know I have to make a choice when it comes down to it. If he really came back, I’m afraid of losing one of them or both of them. I just let my thoughts wander as I drift off to sleep.

~~~

“Yeah, I’ll wait here and watch the kids while you're out.”, I hear a man say down stairs. 

Few minutes later my door opened. I looked and saw the man, one of guys my mother has been with. He approached my bed and started to pull my blanket down. He leaned in and kissed my cheek. 

“Stop, please”, I said.

“Why? Don’t you like it?”, he said, kissing my lips this time.

“Stop!”, I yelled.

“Don’t Yell at me. Answer my question, he demanded. 

“No”, I said.

“Wrong answer”, he said, touching my arms.

I woke up realizing it was just a stupid nightmare. I just hate when I f*****g have them because now I’m drenched in my sweat. I grabbed my phone and checked the time. For my luck the time was 4:58 am. I didn’t want to go back to sleep feeling sticky, so I got up, grabbed some clothes and made my way toward the shower. 

After I got done with the shower, I went to the kitchen to grab some water. I checked the clock and it was 5:29. I went back up to the room and wrote in my journal.

        It’s nearly 5:34, I had another nightmare but this time it just stopped at the arms. I can say it was not as bad as before. I just can’t stand the sight of him. What makes a person do that, like why. It’s honestly so disgusting because they get to live on with their lives, and we are their victims who have to pay the price. I’m just over here suffering with no help. I can’t talk about it to Jade or Mia or anyone else, they wouldn’t understand. Even how much they want to, they just can’t unless it happens to them and I would never wish that on anyone. It’s really traumatizing, being forced against your will. As a kid I kept quiet, but now I just want to scream or do something so abrupt. I just know it wouldn’t help my cause, it’ll just make it worse. I just try my best to stay alive because I can’t leave Nick alone. If I didn’t have a brother I would’ve done it already. I have already had a couple plans that would've worked if I stuck to it. 

Today is Christmas and I have gifts for everyone, the necklace for Klaus, Mia, and Jade, the guitar for Nick. I also got Liv the DSLR bundle but I am thinking of giving it to her someday, whenever I get a chance. I hope today is going to be well.

Emma talked about Gray, he’s been on my mind recently but I don’t think I should. He was only meant to be a summer fling but sometimes I thought maybe. it could’ve been more but it didn’t work out because he had to move. I remember the little argument that happened between us. He wanted to do long distance but I wasn’t able to and he was kind of frustrated but then later he agreed to leave it at that. 

I closed my journal and put it away.  I checked my phone and it was now 6:15am. I got up, grabbed my guitar, and started strumming. 

Why does my heart have to hurt

It hurts, it pains

In my mind its confused

It’s colluding

I wish it could be simpler, but it isn’t

Why do I have to feel like this?

A bit a happy

But later it turns into sorrows

Feeling euphoric 

the next feels numb

Is crying supposed to be weak?

does it mean weak?

Overthinking is a running course

I think I should be given a A for it

It never fails to quit

It’s a constant reminder

that i’m just hurting

I feel numb, I feel sad

…I’m afraid

“Aria?”Jade came through the door.

“Yeah?”, I sniffled as I wiped a tear off my cheek.

“You know you have a beautiful voice.”, she said softly, inviting me to a hug.

“You know I love you, right?”, she added as she kissed my head.

“I know. I’m just broken, you know?”, I said, hugging her back. 

“I know, I wish we could just have a humanity switch. You know?”, she said sitting down. It made me chuckle a bit, she always has to lighten up a mood with a show reference. 

“It would be so much easier. How’s it going with Conner?”, I asked. 

“I- I just don’t know. I know he was with Ava and he claims he wants to be with me but I just don’t want to get hurt. I know we are young but when I ended it, I really felt empty, you know? Jeez Aria, we're the quote on quote bad girls. We should be the ones playing them.”, she says, rolling her eyes at the end. One thing I admire about Jade is that she keeps going even after feeling down and also in the end, she always has to have a joke.

“I know, I don’t know if I want to be with Klaus like that anymore. I want to, it’s just getting hurt again would suck. It’s like he’s confused because everytime we seem to have it good, something that has to involve Emma comes biting back. It’s just tiring”, I say, ending with an exaggerated sigh.

“Emma really is getting on my nerves. Her little perky ass has everything. She always has something up her sleeve and it's annoying.'' Jade puffed.

“Honestly.”, I agreed with Jade. She really wants Klaus that bad. She literally could have the football team.

“Ever since Emma has mentioned Gray. I’ve been thinking about him lately..”, I mentioned to Jade. My weight shoulders felt a bit lifted.

“How’s it going? I have a feeling she has something to deal with him coming back, if it’s true.”, Jade says looking up at the ceiling. 

“I just keep thinking over the summer fling. I also wondered if we could ever be together but it’s just a thought. Emma always has something to deal with either Klaus or me. It’s getting annoying, I’m about to tell Klaus to put a leash on her”, I explained to Jade and lightened up the mood with a joke.

“You have to tell him, that’d be really funny. If you do, make sure I’m there”, Jade laughed.

“What if I gave Conner another chance?”, she asked

“That would be up to you. I don’t want you to get hurt, Jade. I know I don’t show much affection. I just really care about you and seeing you hurt would make me want to punch Connor”, I smiled toward her.

“Are you giving Klaus a chance again?”, she asked.

“I’m thinking about it. Maybe, I think I should give him some time to think about what he really wants because I can’t have a constant reminder that I’m just a burden. I’m trying to get better, I am.”, I say to her.

“That’s a good idea, Aria.”, she says getting up. 

“Hey, what happens if Grayson actually comes back?”, she says. I really hope she’s joking because sometimes when she says that something actually happens.

“Jade, remember the last time you said something and it ACTUALLY happened?”, I asked her stupidly.

“Maybe”, she laughed.

“It isn’t funny, you ass”, I said laughing at the end.

Time passed and now some people were arriving. Mia and Axle  came over soon after talking with Jade and now we're just waiting on Conner and Klaus.

“I’ll set the gifts under the tree. Conner gave me his and Klaus said he would bring his.”, Axel had said, then after he gave me a nod. 

“How’s the relationship going for you guys”, Mia asked.

“Er I think I’m going to tell him to take some time and actually think what he wants”, I finished and gave Jade a nod.

“I think I have to agree with Aria. I don’t want to get hurt again.”, Jade says. 

“Plus I think Aria has someone else on her mind”, Jade smirks as I give her the death stare.

“Who?”, Mia asked, hopping on the counter.

“Gray”, I say, biting my bottom lip.

“Grayson, isn’t he supposed to be back?”, Mia asked. 

“Alright, enough saying he’s back. If he were and I saw him, I honestly wouldn’t know what to do. I would probably be shocked”, I say being honest. 

“Does Klaus come into play with Grayson coming back?”Mia curiously asked. 

“Maybe, I don’t know. I don’t think Gray would have feelings for me anymore. It’s been nearly 2 years. I think a lot of things have changed”, I say ending it there. 

An hour later, the boys arrive. Klaus came in and set his gifts under the tree and Connor went to Jade's room. 

“Aria?”, Klaus approaches me.

“Klaus?”, I sarcastically asked.

“Very funny”, he chuckled then pulled me into a hug.

“I missed you”, he says, kissing the top of my head.

“I missed you too.”, I say, hugging him still.

“Can we talk?”, I asked him. 

“Yeah, where?”, he asked.

“Up the stairs, second room on the right”, he nodded and left.

I followed right behind him and closed the door.

“You okay, love?”, he asked

“Yeah, I'm just-. Klaus, what do you really want?”, I asked him, fiddling with my fingers. 

“I want us to be together, love.”, he says looking at me

“I do too but how will we know it isn’t going to be like how it always is?”, I asked.

“We don’t know, but I do know that if you give us a chance. I will confide in you with all the problems that would involve you or our relationship. We can solve it together and I will try my best not to f**k it up again.”, he says grabbing my hand.

“For Emma she can forget the whole future thing with her father. I want no part of it. I know it’s cheesy but I'd rather have you instead of her because she’s like Dolores Umbridge”, he says scrunching up his nose at the end. 

“You really did her like that.”, I laughed and gave him a hug. 

“I had too, it’s the truth love”, he says, hugging back.

“I think we should give it time and see where it goes. I just want you to have time to know what you really want because I- I don’t think I would be able to handle another heartbreak, Klaus.”, I finally admitted it, breaking the hug. 

“I understand love, we’ll take it slow and won’t label anything until you’re ready”, he says, looking into my eyes.

“Thank You, I think we should go down now. I think Nick is ready”, I say, giving him a kiss on the cheek. 

“Can I still kiss you, love?”, he asks.

“Uhm, we’ll see”, I winked at him. I started laughing when I exited the room. I knew he was a bit frustrated, his vein was showing on the side of his head.