Love Ain't Easy

Chapter Sixteen - I Wanted to do this in high school

You know what's awful, feeling like you don't exist in someone's life.. no, not just someone random, someone who means the world to you, someone you'd turn tables for, cross crocodile river for (if that exists).. it is the most shittiest feeling to feel like someone you love is treating you like you don't matter one bit.

This was a norm now, two weeks after the lash out in my office and Valentia went stone cold on me. Work... We were great, amazing infact and we met a few times to discuss the up coming book and even met with the author to discuss a way forward.

The only thing that was left was me editing the book....

I did slowly.. my mind and heart were not on it because Valentia and I were not in good terms.. we only talked where there is a crowd of people and when it was about work or when necessary, like the last time she walked into the kitchen and I was making tea, she said hi, did whatever she wanted and then left.

That cut deep..way way deep. I know what I said to her was awful but I wasn't going to apologize. It's how I felt. She doesn't tell me anything... anything at all, from how she's feeling to s**t happening in her life that could affect me. I'm just over here like something on a waiting list. Heck to the no. I'm more than that.

I was startled when the kettle stopped boiling bringing me back to reality.

I poured it in my cup. After mixing them I took a sip, ahhhh it always tasted fucken good.

"You look hot..." a voice said from behind me.

Walter..

So, this guy was still trying to pursue me. I mean I told him everything in and out of the book. I don't love him, I don't want him, I'm not attracted to him, I'm in a relationship, I don't like men, can he leave me alone.

But did he listen? No!

"Ok..." I said.

"So what's your favorite tea...since I realized you love tea..."

I looked at him, "I don't have a favorite... look Walter, I'd like to chit chat but umm I have work in my office..."

I started walking towards the kitchen door and he called for me making me stand on my heels.

"Have you ever been with a man?"

I turned to him, "do I have to be with a man?"

He shrugged, "I'm just asking like have you ever done it, since you're so convinced that you're lesbian and attracted to women..."

"Have you ever been with a man?" I asked and he ached his brow, "why are you asking me that?"

I shrugged, "the same stupid reason you asked me for.."

"Olwethu I don't know if you know me... but I'm smooth as they come and I never give. And I don't need to be with a man to know that I don't want them"

"Try men.. you might find your type there, they must be really good for you to recommend them to me a lot." I winked and left him there.

He was starting to get under my nerve with his pushing and I didn't want to reach my most pissed place because he wouldn't like it or me at all.. but he was pushing me. He was pushing it.

"You look pissed." Jeremy said and I rolled my eyes, "isn't it your stupid boyfriend.."

The guy ached his left brow, "still? God.. is he harassing you? We can tell Valentia if you think he is being too much.."

"He is being too much, but don't tell Valentia... I'll deal with it..."

"Are you sure honey because that guy is a bit annoying.."

I nodded, "it's under control I promise..."

Then I left.

I got to my office, finished my tea in peace while starting to edit.

The rest of the week was just me editing the book and hardly seeing Valentia. It was weird. She was either out on meeting or doing whatever, probably out with her wife and Shit.. But I pretented not to care.

I tried not to let all of it affect me. The thought of her and her wife, I tried to not let it affect my state of thinking even though it was slowly breaking my heart.

I needed to accept that I wasn't meant to be with her. They say some people are meant to be in your heart but not your life. I guess this is the case, because she was so darn chilling in my heart and there was nothing I could do but accept that maybe. Maybe she doesn't love me enough. Maybe I'm just not worthy as much as she is to me.

That thought literally broke me, because here I was trying to reaad how she felt about me from a distance since she wasn't talking to me. All those feelings I took from the way she was acting now broke me, she didn't wanna let me in, maybe because she thinks I'm not worth knowing all of her, she didn't want to say how she felt about me, maybe because she didn't love me as she used to say anymore, she pushed me away, maybe she's just silently telling me that she doesnt want me...

It was driving me insane.. the over thinking. I literally hated my mind coz it wouldn't think nice things..not in this case.

I was startled when my phone rang. It was my mom. I sighed wondering if I should answer it or not. Mom has been telling me she's worried about my mental state and my heart. She had a good reason, but I hated her knowing me this much now.. it was awful coz it meant I could hardly hide anything from her.

I sighed and answered, prepared to be told off.

"Mom..."

'you need to come home..'

I looked at the time and it was 2pm, "Mom I have two hours before knocking off."

'your sister eas in a fight at school.. I don't know what happ...'

"Is she okay mom? What happened?"

'i don't know, she doesn't wanna talk about it. So I was wondering if you could just come and talk to her... please.' My mom sounded like she seriously needed my help, so I sighed feeling defeated, "okay mom I'm coming but later today okay, I'll sleep over coz it's Friday... I'll talk to her."

'thank you honey.. I love you.'

I smiled, when was the last time was I told that? I don't remember.

"I love you more... bye..."

After putting my phone on the table I smiled again. It was really amazing how far my relationship with my mom was. How she'd now say she loves me and I'd believe it without any doubt. It felt amazing...

Someone cleared their throat and I turned to Valentia standing by the door.

"Hey boss..." I said and she nodded, "hi..."

I sat there looking at her and she did the same too.

I cleared my throat, "so is there anything I can help the boss with?"

"Just coming to check how far you are with editing..."

I turned to the computer in front of me and scratched my head, "umh... I'm..."

"Busy with your phone during work hours?"

Me jaw dropped looking at her shocked. Did she just say that? She had no fucken idea who I was talked to and about what?

Instead of me talking back at her and creating a huge fight I decided to just keep quiet and opted for the easy way out.

"Sorry boss.. I'll never use my phone again during working hours."

She looked at me for a few minutes and sighed, "alright.. whatever makes your boat float..."

I looked at her and she didn't do nor say anything. I turnee my attention back to the computer and started editing.

Things were just f****d up, at how Valentia would be the first person I wanted to let in on my life, because no matter what I wanted to talk about she was amazing to shre with, whether it's my fears or me joining a friggin soccer team... she managed to make me feel okay if it was sad or make me feel prouder if it was something good.

I needed a her right now, someone I could turn to and talk with about what was happening in my life. Worse about the letters I have been getting this past week with an address that was the prison where my father was moved to.

But she wasn't here, she and I weren't having normal conversations. Besides, she had someone and probably her staff to worry about, so I couldn't worry her about my shitty life.

So it's my father trying to make contact with me from prison and my sister being violent at school.

I sighed, collecting my things and headed to the door. My weekend was already long.

"Olwethu...."

"Not now Walter please.. not now please."

"I just want to..."

"No... and I mean NO.. leave me alone..."

"Just.."

I put my lap top inthe car and shut the door so much. I was fucken messed up and he was just adding up to that.

"No dude... leave me the f**k alone and I mean this. Stop it!"

He walked closer to my car looking like he wasn't even listening to what I just said.

"Can you just hear me out.."

I shook my head, "no YOU hear ME out Walter.. I do not want you.. leave me alone please.."

"Can you please just...."

"No! Leave me alone!" I yelled.

"Is there a problem here?" Valentia's voice was like music to my ears. I was honestly starting to feel freaked out with me and him alone in the parking lot which was underground...

"No no boss.. it's all good, was just telling the lady to drive well." Walter said and Vee turned to me, "are you okay? Is everything okay?"

"Can you please tell him to leave me alone......" I said suddenly feeling a little bit emotional.

She held my shoulder, "hey what's wrong? What's he doing?"

I shook my head, "just tell him that.. or I'll go get a restraining order against him and that wouldn't be good since he is in design and I work with him when creating cover books..."

Valentia turned to Walter, "can you see me in my office first thing in the morning on Monday.... and leave miss Lin alone... for good."

God!

The way she ordered that and how she said "for good" I felt it. Her being protective of me made me feel very safe. A feelings I missed.. her presence in my life, her showing that she cared about me.

Walter smiled, "I'll see you on Monday boss...." then he turned to me, "drive safe..."

Valentia stood there next to me watching him. When he saw that she wasn't going anywhere he turned and went to his car, slowly got inside and then drove off.

Valentia turned to me, "are you okay?"

No, I wasn't. I missed her like hell, I wanted her to be with me, I needed her because my personal life was falling apart and that was slowly tearing me down.

I smiled a bit, "I'm fine thank you... have a nice weekend."

"You too..."

I got inside my car and drove off.

Of course after reaching the apartment I told the girls I needed to go visit my fam. I didn't tell them about letters from a certain jail bird. Precious was busy with her companies and Susan was having trouble with Max... Paige was in a shoot in Hollywood.. her biggest break as a model and I couldn't be more proud.

I got home and my mom told me that my sister was in her room listening to music.

"Should I go now?"

Mom nodded, "she hasn't eaten..."

Good thing I came with her favorite food from Spur.

"Good thing I came with ribs then."

My mom seemed a bit worried. I rested my hand on her shoulder, "it will be okay.."

"She's asking about him..." mom said, "just be prepared."

I nodded, "yep got it."

I slowly went to my sister's room and knocked with no one answering. I was so sure this was going to be a disaster. she waso probably going to overpower me with questions I couldn't answer or those I wasn't ready to answer.

I knocked again and she didn't answer. I opened the door and walled in. She was in her bed reading and listening to music.. on her demin shorts and a tank top.

She looked up and removed her earphones, "hey...? I didn't know you were coming."

"I never say when I'm coming.."

She put the book down, "true.."

I noticed a scar on her cheek, just a scratch.. God, this child was messing her beauty already?

"What happened to your face?" I asked sitting down next to her and she shrugged, "just I don't know..."

"You don't know?" I ached my brow

"I don't remember..."

"Tell me what you remember.. any detail is important.."

She shrugged again, "I don't know, just a fight I guess..."

"Just a fight Lizzie? What happened?" I was calm so that she'd talk to me freely.

"Just some guys said staff at school about my dad and we pushed each other around."

She said it like it was a normal thing to do, like it wasn't wrong at all.

"Babe what happened? What were they saying.."

She looked at me, "just Theo, he's been saying his father says my dad did horrible staff it's why he is in jail.. and you guys don't want to tell me what happened. I need to know."

"And I'm for you knowing.. but at the right time. After your sweet 16 I promise I'll tell you."

She rolled hee eyes, "why is it so hard to just say it Sis? Why? He didn't kill anyone did he?"

I swallowed, "no he didn't do that babe and you shouldn't listen to what they are saying.. please.."

"I don't want to listen to them. Please talk to Stacy and tell her that Theo should leave my family alone. Please...."

God! So Theo was causing all this havoc..?

"I'll meet up with her and tell her okay.."

"Thank you.."

I took her hands in mine, "but baby you have to do something for me first..."

She nodded, "anything."

"Stop fighting... please. Mom's worried and I am now too, you're scaring her."

She shook her head, "I didn't mean to. It just happened. I can't remember well, but it just happened.."

I sighed, I didn't like the thought of this.. Her sounding like this was starting to be familiar.. it was freaking me out.

"Just call me anytime you're not feeling well... I'll be here okay."

She pulled me into a hug, "I love you.."

"I love you more.. so much more... and baby please apologize to mom for the fight at school..."

She nodded her head, "I will.."

I kissed her cheek and she smiled but a few seconds later she wiped her cheek, exactly where I kissed her, "eww I'm not a lesbian..."

I laughed, "well I am one..but I'm your sister also, so I can kiss you.."

"I know.. so are you and Paige a thing.. ?"

"Are you passing your grades?" I asked getting up and she followed, "come on.. you're my sister, talk to me about it."

"I'm not talking about Paige with you.. but I have Spur ribs waiting for you down there.."

She pushed me out of the way, "why didn't we start with that before all this boring talk."

I laughed my ass out and followed her out of her room.

"Already dished up.. you guys can come and just dig in.."

We sat down, held hands and prayed before I started eating. I lifted my head up and looked at my sister giving her the eye. I needed her to apologize.

She cleared her throat, "umm mom I'm sorry about the fight. It won't happen again I promise..."

My mom smiled, "you're okay it's all that matters and thank you for telling me it won't happen again, I'd hate to worry about it happening.."

The dinner went great after that..

"Please don't forget the promie you made, talk to Stacy about Theo.. please..." My sister reminded me when we went to our bedrooms and I smiled, "of course, night baby..."

I took my phone hoping and praying that Stacy still used the same number. I dialled it and smiled when it rang..

'hello...'

It was a guy..

"Umh, is this Stacy's number.. I'm sorry I maybe got a wrong number.."

'hold on she's inn the shower...baby there's a call for you.'

'who is it?'

'i don't know.. some lady, just take it I need to go finish my game..'

I rolled my eyes..

'hello...Stacy speaking..'

"Lewis... it's Lin... hi..."

She kept quiet for a while, 'Lin? Olwethu? The lesbian chick?'

"Keep going..."

She laughed, 'just wanted. To know it's you. My God Lin, how are you and where are you?'

"I'm home for a weekend... I'm good thanks and you? How are you and where are you?"

'home for two weeks.. God we should meet up and talk.. for old time's sake... I know we weren't in good terms but I'd like us to meet. For real."

Yeah I didn't want to talk about the past and how she and I never got to talk about my father since she believed his lies.. but this was part of it, so meeting wasn't an awfully bad idea.

"Yeah.. how does tomorrow sound... I can come fetch you then we will head out.."

'in the afternoon please, around 4 then.. I promise I'll be set.'

"See you tomorrow Lewis..."

..

My Saturday was goodd, my sister seemed like a child again and stress free, she asked to sleep over at her friend's place and mom said yes.

"Honey come sit with me...."

I did not like this at all.

"Mom I'm getting ready to go meet up with Stacy. Can't we. Do this later or better yet tomorrow because I'm leaving in the afternoon."

"It's just to talk please.."

"About what mom.."

"Your father...Sipho..."

My heart sank... I got up, "I'll go bath... Stacy will call now now.."

I quickly went up and my mom didn't attempt to stop me.

My feelings were all over the place and I wondered what mom would wanna talk about. Was it the letters? Did he tell her about them.

I decided to ignore this and pay attention to my meeting with this kid...

..

If I said she was beautiful it was an understatement. Stacy was all grown up now and hella hot. Okay maybe not having s*x for this long can do s**t like this, but believe me.. Stacy Lewis was fucken hot.

I watched slowly as she walked towards me with a guy next to her, he was alright.

"Hey.. oh my God Lin.. long time.." she said standing right in front of me and I smiled, "am I not getting hug?"

She opened her arms, closed the gap between us and hugged me. I held on tight and inhaled her fragrance... you guessed it right, she smelled so fuckenn good. I pulled away a bit, "are you trying to make me get a boner... you look hot as fuck..."

The guy cleared his throat and Stacy smiled, "umh.. s**t, umh Justin this is Lin.. Lin this is Justin... we will be back later okay?"

"Later.. when..? Hi Lin.. are you gay?"

Aww cute, so insecure.. I laughed and opened the door for Stacy. She got in and I turned to the guy, deciding to play with his feelings, "umm... later.. I don't know... we got a lot to catch up on.."

"Are you gay?" He asked again. I mean I was fucken obvious right now because I was fitting the stereotype of lesbians exactly. Black ripped jeans, white sneakers, and a white shirt. I screamed GAY...

I opened my door and got in, "I'm human dude.. see you later if you won't be sleeping.."

I made reservations for two at a local cosy restaurant.. we got comfortable in our sit and ordered food.

"Woow.. I can't believe you are here..."

"I can't believe you're hotter than you were."

She laughed, "and you're still a flirt"

We talked about the s**t we were doing right now and my break up with Jasmine. When she asked if I was single I had no idea what to say.. I'm single but my heart is owned by a person who's with someone else? s**t I hated this.

"Never dated since Jasmine..."

She ached her brows, "what that was 2 and a half years ago if not 3..."

I shrugged, "yeah.. just haven't found the one... but I see you did.."

She laughed, "what Justin.. he is no one.. literally."

"He called you babe when he answered your phone." I said and she smiled, "such an observer. Well we dated, broke up and he now wants me back.. so there's that."

I wiggled my brows, "I see..."

"Yeah..."

I took a sip on my drink and decided to get on with the s**t we were here for, "so, my sister says Theo is talking s**t about her dad."

Stacy changed, "meaning..."

"Meaning your parents are either too loud when they discuss my family or they sit around the dinner table and breathe s**t about my step father doing horrible s**t to go to jail."

She sighed.

"My sister got into a fight.. please advice your parents not to make us the centre of their lives and tell Theo to stop being a journalist by spreading what he shouldn't spread."

She cleared her throat, "I'm so sorry I didn't know. God I'm sorry I'll talk to them all."

We finished up our dinner around seven and I noticed she was in no hurry..

"So you don't wanna go home?"

"Not yet... what can we do?"

"Movie.. there's one playing in 15 minutes... we can go check it out... A Simple Favor... starring Anna Kendrick and Blake Lively..."

"We should go check it, I heard Anna on an interview with Trevor on the daily show saying she shared the mintiest kiss with Blake.. I wanna seee that."

I ached my brow, "isn't that your ass straight?"

"Really? I thought we were the new generation.. where I could date and f**k whoever I have feelings for without being judged.."

I felt like kissing her right there and then... She was just so sexy and smart... "can we go watch this movie before I do something stupid like kissing you."

She laughed, "wouldn't you love that...."

I rolled my eyes, she was still like this.

The movie was amazing and funny... and I now had a full blown crush on Blake..

Stacy laughed, "God you looked like you was going to have an o****m every time Blake called Anna as "Baby""

I rolled my eyes, "leave me alone or I'll kiss you..."

She looked at me, "you wouldn't.. even if I tell you to.. trust me."

I smiled, "you're right.. I wouldn't."

We drove home joking around about this and that and I wasn't surprised when she said she was a social worker for orphans.. she was just so happy helping kids..

We reached her home and I parked outside...

"It was really great seeing you.. very very amazing..."

"It was great seeing you too Lin.. don't be a stranger.. I work in Rosebank and you're in Sandton... that's not a day away.. we should do this again.."

I smiled, "definitely.. now go, your boyfriend probably peed on his pa..."

I didn't even finish my sentence I felt soft lips on mine. I held her and deepened the kiss, which she allowed me to very well..

She held my neck and pulled me closer biting my lower lip and then she pulled away making me sigh.

We looked at each other and she smiled, "you have no idea how much I wanted to do this since high school..."

I smiled, "do what?"

She closed the gap between us and kissed me again.