The hole in me

The bench

On a dark evening she sat on a cold bench in nearby garden and she nearly wiped the earth with her tears she never forgets that day cause it was a masterpiece of all her breakdowns , she sat on that bench and cried for hours every passing by looked at her with pity and maybe disgust cause she looked awful, image seeing a growing up women weeping like a homeless kid .

At that point she did not understand why she hated herself that much or why she never cared about herself or the fact that she loved to hurt herself cause that's all she knows very well being hurt not physically but spiritually, some days people could hear her wailing voice although she's not shredding tears but you still can hear her weeping only by looking at her dreadful face , she was dark not only deeply in her soul but she always wore black and if she was asked why black she would tell you without hesitation I'm safe not seen on black cause since she could remember her only wish was to fade away to disappear she dreamt of doing the spell "Obliviate" from harry potter on herself to be forgotten, people always want to be remembered they wish their names are preserved in the book of life forever for every generation to come and go to know them but SWAN never wished to be remembered she wished to have the power to fade like she's never been on earth before that was her dearest wish ..

Swan had a dark brown eyes with dark brown hair which she always thought it was black but recently she was amazed to find out it is actually dark brown she had at first white lovely skin no one knows why but with days and sickness she started to become darker she always thought maybe cause my soul is getting dark everyday it started to dim her skin too "who knows ?!" she would say to herself everyday.

she had an acceptable body but soon enough she turned into something she never understood she was completely different by days different in a way she couldn't stand or accept, maybe cause she never truly accepted herself, she would accept everyone but not herself she was always confused about the way she could love and accept everyone else but not herself,

I would say at some point she was pretty but she would actually disagree cause she can't stand to be seen , appreciated , loved or complemented she would fight you if you dared to say anything nice about her although deep down she was craving for anything anyone craving to be told she's beautiful , kine , nice , loved , smart , cared for and every single word of love and appreciation ,but she acted like she never needed anything she's used to hurt but the truth she never used to it contrariwisly she was wounded to the depth of being non fixable but she always wish the pain to ease on her since she can't fade away .

that day on the bench she started to have flash backs of everything thing happened to her and she broke down knowing that it's never going to be easy if she decides to fight the whole temple will collapse over her head and she will be buried in the wreckage of their mistakes , she wanted to fight for her life but she was really scared cause she didn't believe in herself so how could she make them believe in her ?!

to be continued ..