1 He's My Husband, But I'm Not His Wife
1715 Words
Haley’s POV
I watched my husband as he paced back and forth around our living room.
He just received a phone call that made him jump up. He had a pissed-off look on his face. His jaw kept twitching, his eyebrows were furrowed and he kept biting the inside of his cheek.
It was a look I was used to. He was always angry around me. I always saw hatred in his eyes when he looked at me.
It made my heart hurt. It made my soul burn. It made me want to scream and sob until I ran out of breath.
It was hard to believe what my life turned into. It was hard to believe that the man who once loved me endlessly, could hate me as much as he did. I couldn't believe that the man who once protected me, now wanted me to disappear.
Nate sighed angrily. He ran his long fingers through his dark hair and glanced at me. The hatred in his eyes was like a bullet to my chest.
I missed the look of love in his eyes.
I still had hope it would return; that he would look at me and smile like none of this pain and sorrow had ever come between us. Maybe I was naive, but I still had hope that my Nate was still in there somewhere.
He ended the phone call and threw his phone on the couch.
I wasn’t sure if he even said anything. I wasn’t listening. It was hard to focus and listen when all I could think about was my heart breaking inside my chest.
I thought that I would get used to the feeling, but I never did. I never would.
“Nate…,” I spoke, but he interrupted me immediately.
“I told you not to call me that,” he said, gritting his teeth. “I am Nathaniel to you.”
He was Nathaniel to his business partners. But I wasn’t his business partner. I was his wife.
I took a deep breath and tried to swallow the lump in my throat. It was impossible, though. I had been trying to swallow it for the last year, but it was always there. I couldn't get rid of it no matter how hard I tried.
“What’s wrong, Nathaniel?” I asked, my voice breaking as I said his full name.
He was Nate to me. He would always be Nate to me.
He continued pacing back and forth. He grabbed a fistful of his hair and pulled. The muscles on his arms clenched.
“Lidia is in the hospital,” he said and I could hear worry in his voice. “She had an accident.”
My heart raced. I gasped quietly.
“What happened?” I asked as I stood up. “Is she okay?”
Nate looked at me and chuckled darkly.
“Don’t act like you care, Haley,” Nate said. “You hate her.”
Hate was a strong word, but Lidia did try to take my husband away from me. I couldn't say that I liked her or wanted her around. But that didn’t mean I wanted anything bad to happen to her, though. I just wanted her out of our lives, to leave us alone so Nate could remember who I was to him.
“I don’t want her to get hurt,” I mumbled quietly.
Nate narrowed his eyes. “You are a great liar. Did you learn how to lie in a group home?”
I had to hold back a gasp. No matter how many times in the past year he insulted me, I would never get used to it. It would always hurt and make me want to sob, but I stopped myself from crying. I knew that he wouldn’t care and I knew that my tears would only frustrate him more.
He continued pacing back and forth.
“I have to leave,” he mumbled as he grabbed the phone and started typing.
My heart raced.
“Leave?” I asked, my voice quiet and laced with pain.
“Yes,” he said, glancing up at me. “I have to go see Lidia. She needs me.”
It was like he pierced a hot knife through my chest.
I needed him. I needed him to remember me. I needed him to love me again.
“You can’t go, Nate,” I said as I approached him. “Your appointment is today. You...”
He turned around abruptly and I flinched. The look in his eyes made me stop talking immediately.
“The love of my life is in the hospital!” he shouted. “I don’t care about the appointment, Haley! There is nothing wrong with me! Maybe you should get your head checked!”
I felt tears gathering in the corners of my eyes.
Nate turned back around and placed the phone on his ear.
“Get the car ready, Jason,” Nate said sternly. “I need to leave in 5 minutes.”
Nate started walking toward his office. I followed him. He entered his office and glanced back at me. I saw him rolling his eyes. I stopped at the entrance to his office.
“She is at Northwestern Memorial,” Nate said as he walked inside his office. “I need to get there as soon as possible.”
He ended the call and put the phone in his pocket. I watched as he approached his desk and rummaged through the drawers.
“Your appointment is at 3 p.m.,” I said. “It is at Northwestern. You will already be there, Nate. You can go.”
He looked up at me and tightened his jaw.
“Do you really think that those appointments make any sense?” he asked, narrowing his eyes at me. “Do you really think that they help?”
“I do,” I said, nodding my head.
They had to help. He had to remember.
Nate scoffed and shook his head. He took the wallet out of the drawer and put it in his back pocket.
“They don’t help, Haley,” he said. “Do you want to know why?”
I didn’t respond. I knew why. He told me a million times ever since he started going there.
“They don’t help because there is nothing wrong with me,” he said, making my stomach twist. “I am perfectly healthy. I know what I am doing, and I remember everything that I should remember.”
He didn’t remember everything. He didn’t remember me.
“Nate…,” I spoke, but he interrupted me again.
“I told you not to call me that, Haley,” he said as he approached me. “I am Nathaniel to you.”
I looked up at him and I wanted to sob. There was no trace of any kind of affection on his face. His warm green eyes which once looked at me with love were now cold and filled with hatred.
“Move,” he said coldly.
I didn’t listen.
“Promise me that you will go to the appointment,” I said, trying to stop my body from shaking.
“Haley…,” he spoke, but this time I interrupted him.
“Promise me and I will move,” I said, trying to sound brave.
I wasn’t brave. I was a coward. I just couldn't let him see that.
He studied my face for a few seconds. I watched his jaw clench.
“Fine,” he mumbled. “Move.”
I did as I said I would. I stepped aside so he could walk out of his office.
I followed him toward the front door, trying so freaking hard not to burst into tears. I could imagine him entering her room. I could imagine him hugging her and kissing her. I could imagine him telling her that he loved her.
It was killing me inside, but I didn’t want to give up. I couldn't give up. This was my Nate. This was the man who I loved more than anything in this world. This was the man who saved me. I couldn't leave without trying everything to get him back.
Nate opened the front door and rushed outside. His SUV was already waiting in the driveway for him.
“Mr. Sinclair,” Jason said, bowing his head a little.
“Thank you, Jason,” Nate said as he sat in the back.
Jason glanced at me before closing the door behind my husband.
“Mrs. Sinclair is staying in the house?” he asked. “Should some of our men stay with her?”
I already knew the answer to that question, but I was thankful to Jason for caring. He was a nice man and he always made sure that I was safe.
“No, Jason,” Nate said, scrolling through his phone. “She doesn’t need anyone to stay with her.”
Jason looked up at me and I saw guilt flash in his eyes. I gave him a small smile, hoping that it would show him how thankful I was.
Jason gave me a small nod and closed the car door.
I couldn’t see my husband anymore.
I watched as Jason walked around the car and sat in the driver’s seat. The car slowly cruised away into the distance.
Tears finally fell freely down my cheeks as soon as the car passed the gate. I couldn't hold them in anymore. I was slowly losing hope that Nate would come back to me - losing hope that he would remember.
But how could he forget me of all people? We made vows to each other and he had called me his world. But now, all Nate had eyes for was another woman, and looked at me as though I was nothing but a disturbance to his happiness.
I took a deep breath and turned around. I walked inside the house and closed the door behind me.
I looked around the empty house and a quiet sob broke through my lips. This house used to be filled with happiness and love, but now it was only an empty shell.
Just like my heart.
- Writer
