Chapter 6: I'm Not Chasing You Anymore
1259 Words
The party was slowly ending, the sparkling lights on the ceiling were no longer warm enough to dispel the cold that was spreading in her heart.
She quietly walked out, without a greeting, without looking back. Each step on the tiled floor felt heavy, clearly hearing the sound of her heartbeat gradually becoming irregular.
Outside, the night wind blew gently, carrying the scent of flowers, the scent that just a few hours ago made her feel so comfortable, now made her want to cry.
She kept walking, walking, until she stopped at a stone bench in the empty park.
The city was asleep, only the pale yellow streetlights remained, casting a shadow on the damp ground.
She sat down, her hands clasped tightly together. And then, tears began to fall, drop by drop, silently falling into her cold palms.
She cried not only because she was hurt, but because that love, the feeling she had devoted all her heart to cultivating, had hoped for, had believed in, turned out to be just a joke.
She remembered the times she foolishly ran after him, the long messages just to ask him a little, the small gifts she prepared herself, the times she worried when he was tired, and the sleepless nights just because of one sentence he said.
She had forgotten herself.
She loved him with all her heart without thinking about whether she was in pain, tired, or worthy of being loved.
The night wind blew, cold enough to numb her.
She looked up at the pitch-black sky, the last tear rolling down her cheek.
“If only… I didn’t love you so much.”
She sat there for a long time, not knowing how much time had passed.
The laughter of the party seemed to still echo in her head, mixed with his words — “It’s just a bet.”
Each word was like a knife, cutting deep into her heart, repeating itself so much that she wanted to cover her ears but still couldn’t stop.
Her hands clenched so tightly that her nails dug into her skin, but that pain… was nothing compared to the pain in her heart.
Her chest felt heavy, her breathing was intermittent as if waves of sobs were rolling up in her chest, wanting to burst out in tears.
And then she really burst into tears.
They were no longer silent tears like before, but bursts of sobs, trembling, uncontrollable.
Those cries echoed in the quiet night, weak but desperate, as if wanting to release all the pain that had been pent up for so long.
She didn’t understand why she was in so much pain.
It was just a joke… why did it tear her heart like this?
Was it because she had placed him so deeply in her heart that now, when he said a harsh word, her whole world collapsed?
In her mind, every moment appeared — his smile, his eyes, every word, every brief touch.
Each image made her heart tighten a little more, as if someone was trying to tear it apart piece by piece.
She hugged her chest, tears mixed with the wind, salty on the tip of her lips.
"Mac Tham... do you know..." - she whispered, her voice hoarse - "I loved you with everything I had. And you... just saw me as a game."
The night sky was silent. No one responded.
Only she - small, lonely, and broken - sat in the middle of the empty park, with tears that had not yet dried, with a heart that did not know when it would heal.
She sat silently, her eyes red and swollen, staring into the empty space in front of her.
The night wind still blew, carrying the cold into every crevice of her clothes, but the cold in her heart was even more piercing.
Three years…
Three years of her youth, with only one name.
Three years, she lived, laughed, and cried just because of him.
She remembered the first morning of tenth grade, when her eyes accidentally met his, the boy with an indifferent smile, a warm voice, and a strangely calm appearance.
From that moment, her immature heart was completely taken over by him, unable to escape.
She used to pretend to borrow books just to have an excuse to talk to him, used to wake up earlier every day to go to school just when he walked through the gate, just to see that familiar back.
She used to remember every little thing about him: his hobbies, habits, even the way he frowned when thinking.
She paid attention to his every smile, every word, every look, as if with just a little bit of attention, she could live happily all day.
She used to think that as long as she tried hard enough, one day he would come back and see her — the girl who had silently followed him throughout his school years.
But no…
What she received in return was just a harsh sentence, a cold and cruel truth.
It turned out that, during those three years, the feelings she cherished the most were just someone else's joke.
It turned out that all the sacrifices, the efforts, the beautiful memories she kept — were all meaningless to him.
She laughed through her tears. A trembling, weak, bitter smile.
“Three years of youth… just to exchange for a bet?”
Her tears fell again, but this time they were no longer warm.
It was cold, like the truth she had just heard, cold and empty.
She realized that her school years, the most innocent and beautiful years, had ended not with memories, but with a wound.
A wound that would not heal quickly, because the deepest place in her heart was still the image of is his silhouette.
The tears finally stopped falling, but her cheeks were still wet and cold.
She sat there, quietly looking up at the fading sky, where the stars were gradually disappearing behind the gray clouds.
The night was long, and her heart was already tired.
She took a deep breath. The night wind blew through her hair, making her more awake in the midst of the pain that had not yet subsided.
Suddenly, in the midst of all that emptiness, a thought crept in, lightly, but strong enough to make her heart clench:
“Enough… I can’t continue like this anymore.”
For the past three years, she had run after him with all her sincerity, loved him to the point of forgetting herself.
She was always afraid that if she stopped trying, he would disappear from her life. But now, she realized, no matter how hard she tried, he had never really stayed.
She looked down at her hands, her fingers still trembling slightly.
“Maybe… it’s time to let go,” she whispered, her voice hoarse but determined.
No more texting, no more waiting, no more searching for his figure in the crowd.
She would learn to return to herself, the girl who was once happy, once innocent, once knew how to dream without anyone else.
She stood up, wiping away the last tear from her cheek.
The wind blew by, carrying her heavy heart into the void.
This time, she walked very slowly, but unlike usual, her footsteps were no longer directed towards him.
Ahead, the glimmer of morning light gradually appeared on the horizon.
Perhaps, that was a sign of a new beginning, where she would learn to love again, but to love herself.
- Writer
