Loving Cino

Chapter 18

Ramona

            It was now Monday morning.  I had just dropped the boys off at daycare.  I stood at the door watching them for about an hour before my phone rang.  I looked at Cino’s picture flashing on the screen.  I swiped up and answered.  “Hello?”  “Hey sexy.  Can you meet me in like ten minutes?”  “Yes, where?”  “Starbucks?”  “Okay. Which one?”  “The one on park.”  I laughed.  “That’s ten minutes away from the daycare.”  “Yes, I know.  So, if you leave now you will make it on time.”  “How’d you know I was still here?”  “Really?”  We laughed and hung up.  I looked back at my boys who were trying to play with a tricycle.  I watched them pull themselves up to stand.  “You’re going to be late ma’am.”  Cino said kissing me from behind.  “Look.”  I said gesturing towards our boys.  I watched Calin let go of the tricycle and took a few steps to the table.  “HE WALKED?”  Cino asked excitedly.  I was jumping up and down with excitement screaming. 

Cino grabbed me and hid along the wall.  “They heard you.”  He whispered.  “Oh s**t!  Let’s go!”  We both ran down the hall trying to hold in our excitement.  As soon as we hit the parking lot, we let it all out. 

“DID YOU SEE THAT?”  I screamed hugging Cino.  “MY BOY WALKING NOW!”  “YES! MY BABY,” I felt my tears filling my eyes.  “Oh no baby, stay happy!”  I couldn’t control it anymore.  My tears flooded down my face and I was crying uncontrollably.  “Baby, it’s okay, they have to grow up.”  I couldn’t speak only cry and let Cino hold me. 

A little while later I had calmed down enough for us to leave.  Cino went back to work and I went home.  I began straightening up my room.  I scooped up the dirty laundry and accidently knocked over Cino’s bag with his electric razor inside.  I went and dropped the clothes in the washer and started it. 

When I returned to my room, I picked up the bag and noticed there were another piece clinking around inside.  Oh, s**t did I break it?  I thought opening it.  I stood there staring at a bag of weed and another with cocaine in it.  I looked at the razor which was in tack.  There was a pint of vodka inside with a couple of cigars.

 I’m not looking at this, am I?  Don’t overreact this was from before, right?  No because I just bought this for him last month.  The other razor was old and worn out.  Has he never stopped?  Has he been doing this the whole time? I trusted him with our boys, and he has been doing this the whole time.  I can’t believe him.   I felt like the biggest fool.  I was so mad I had to sit there a moment until I calmed down.  Okay, now you know.  So, what are we going to do about it?  What can I do?  Has he really been doing this this whole time and I didn’t notice?  When he was drinking, he was getting his ass kicked left and right by his inner demons.  He seemed normal.  What the f**k?  This has to be from before.  Maybe he just put it in here to keep it from the boys?  Or maybe to hide it from me?  I was so confused. 

I sat there letting my thoughts roll around in my head.  I didn’t realize hours had passed until my alarm went off to get the boys.  I left to pick them up.  I stopped at the store and picked up dinner.  After that I returned home.  By then everyone was home or just arriving.  Damien helped me carry the groceries while I carried the boys.  I changed them and put them in their chairs for dinner.  I looked at Cino as he walked out our room.  He stared at me for a moment before I turned away from him.  I went to the fridge and took out the juice and tea.  I felt them leave my hands.  I looked over my shoulder at Cino who was taking them out my hand.  “It’s not what you think.”  He said.  I nodded my head and walked back to the table.  I sat next to Caleb and began feeding him some mashed potatoes. 

Cino

            I could tell I f****d up bad.  I sat the drinks on the table and began feeding Calin.  She was so quiet it scared me.  “Why are you two so quiet?”  Irene asked looking from me to Ramona.  “I’m just tired.”  Ramona answered without taking her eyes off Caleb.  “If you stare at her anymore you will burn a whole in her head.”  Derrick joked.  I forced a smile as everyone went back to their conversation. 

            After dinner Ramona took the boys and got them ready for bed.  I helped Damien and Derrick clean the kitchen before I went in the room.  I walked in to see she had both babies on the bed putting on their diapers.  The three of them were laughing and playing around.  When she saw me, her smile disappeared.  “Baby, we need to talk.”  I said watching her slide Caleb’s shirt over his head.  “Ok.”  She didn’t make eye contact.  She kept her focus on the boys.  “Baby can you look at me?  Please?”  She finally looked up at me.  “What?”  “I f****d up bad.  I’m sorry.”  “What are you sorry for?”  “I’m sorry you had to find out like this.”  “What did I find out?” “That I haven’t exactly quit using drugs and drinking.”   “So, this whole time you’ve been using and drinking?”  “Yes, but not how I was. It’s been three weeks since I smoked or drank.  I bought that bottle the day after Melissa was here.”  I watched the tears fall down her face.  “You need to go get help.”  “Baby I got it.  I am not how I was.  That’s got to count for something.”  “If that’s true, why is it still here?  Is it just in case?”  “Baby,” I sat next to Caleb and Calin in front of her.  “I needed it before.  I don’t need it now.  But to be honest I can’t get rid of it yet.  I still need it to get better.”  “You can’t do that and still be around them.”  “I promise I am fine.  You were sober and they were kidnapped and hit by a car with you. They haven’t been in danger around me period.”  She scoffed at me before walking away.  I followed her into the bathroom.  “Baby, I’m sorry.”  She ignored me and cleaned up the bathroom. I looked back at my boys.  They were lying in the middle of the bed getting ready to pass out.  I looked back at Ramona as she pushed passed me.  She grabbed her towel off the bed and returned into the bathroom closing and locking me out.  I laid next to my boys.  They sleepily watched me until they both fell asleep.  Eventually I fell asleep next to them waiting on Ramona. 

            That morning I awakened to someone kissing my lips.  I reached up to hold Ramona, but she pulled away.  I opened my eyes to the door closing.  I sat up and let my eyes adjust.  I looked around the neat room and couldn’t help but feel something wasn’t right.  I looked next to me at the empty bed.  Did Ramona ever come to bed last night?  Where are my boys?  I stood up and stepped on a piece of paper.  I picked it up and saw my name written across it.  I unfolded it and began reading it.

            “I can’t do this with you like this.  I need you to get the help you need.  Yes, so far you have been lucky, but I can’t take the chance of your luck running out with our children.  They mean the world to me and I will protect them with my life.  I love you and I hope you will take care of yourself so one day we can be together with our kids.  Please forgive me for putting our kids first.  Love always, Ramona.”

            I felt as if someone knocked the wind out of me.  I couldn’t breathe.  I sat down for a moment trying to catch my breath and couldn’t.  The only thing that made sense was to go after her.  I ran out the room and into the kitchen.  I saw Carline and Daria sitting there in shock.  Both had been crying.  They looked at me and lowered their heads.  I ran out into the living room and panicked even more when I didn’t see Ramona or any sign of my kids.  I ran out the front door and saw Ramona’s car sitting in the driveway without her.  I ran to the street and looked down the street in both directions.  There wasn’t a moving car in sight.  She’s gone?  She really left me?  She took my kids and left me?  I walked back inside the house and closed the door.  I walked back to the kitchen where I found Carline sniffling.  She looked at me as I sat next to her.  “I don’t know if she is coming back Cino.  What happened?”  I looked at her.  “She didn’t tell you?”  I asked.  “She only said she was leaving to protect your kids.”  I looked down.  Why didn’t she tell them what she found?   

“What is she protecting your kids from?”  I looked back at Carline.  “Me.  She wants me to go to rehab.”  She stared at me as everything sunk in.  “Oh Cino.  You got to get your s**t together.”  She got up and walked away leaving me sitting there by myself. 

I walked into our room and closed the door.  I grabbed my razor bag and opened it.  I sat on the floor against the bed facing the bathroom and opened the bottle of vodka.  I drank it in one long gulp.  I then opened my bag of cocaine and began snorting line after line after line.  Nothing seemed to ease my heart broken pain. I can’t believe she left me, was the last thought before I passed out.

                            THE END