You are Enough

Chapter 20

The days run short but there is always something to be done. Dylan is now out of the military and lives about thirty minutes from us. He decided that he finally wanted to be a part of the kids' lives. Per our divorce decree, he would get the kids every other weekend. Believe me, I was a basket case every time they went to him. It would play with my mental health and I would stress about their well-being. I would worry that he was hurting them or not spending time with them since he was now remarried to Sabrina. I didn't know her and I'm sure Dylan had made up all kinds of lies at this point. My little brother had decided on going into the military and had moved away. We didn't see him that much due to his line of work. He would often be sent overseas to a location where we were not allowed to know. My ex and he had started hanging out while he was still in the military. He would pick fights with me all the time and then when I had had enough I would explode and he made sure that my brother was there to hear and or see me blow up. My brother decided to stop talking to me because of this. Corey and I used to be so in sync growing up. Corey ended up getting married at the courthouse and I wasn't invited. Our relationship had indeed become nothing. I wanted my brother but I couldn't do anything about it. "Mommy, when will we go see nanny," Holden asked? "Later today baby we will go," I say. I watch my children play and sign back and forth. Harper was starting to come out of her shell and into her own. She was learning more words and how to put a sentence together. Scott was working for the postal service and I would take care of the kids and the apartment. My thoughts always swirl around one another. I'm always trying to do new things but I never stick with anything and that's because of my bipolar. I'm glad that I stuck it out and got my GED. I had often wondered how my life would have turned out had I not married my ex and stayed in school. I wouldn't have the kids and I was not too fond of that. They were the only good things that came out of that marriage. Things have been hard for the kids and me until we met Scott. I can't believe that we are married. The kids played and had fun in their room while I finished up with the housework and listened to the rain hit the roof. It was one of those days where you want to curl up in bed and read a good book. However, when you have two three-year-olds that's not in the cards. While washing the dishes the kids come running out and chased each other around. "Kids you can't run inside. Remember the people downstairs," I say. "Sorry mommy," Holden says. They quickly go into the living room where I start Finding Nemo for them. They love that clownfish. I go back and finish up the cleaning while we wait for a break in the storm so we don't get soaked to the bone. Once done I hurry to get the kids ready while it has stopped raining. We drive out to my mom's and head inside. "Mom where are you," I asked? "In the office honey," she says. We walk down the hallway and head into the office. "Nanny, we are here to see you," Holden says. "Hello, my babies. How are you," she asks? "We are good," Holden said. We had been learning more signs for Harper so she could be more involved in our conversations. They talked a little more before mom turned to me with a grave look. "What is it," I ask? "I spoke with Corey and they are sending him overseas again," she says. I slowly take a seat and all the air leaves my lungs. "How long this time," I ask? "He's not sure and he doesn't know where because it's top-secret," she says. "So is he coming home for a visit before he's shipped off," I ask? "He might but he doesn't know yet. He and Mary may come home before he goes. I know that she's moving back here while he's gone," she says. I watch as the kids play with Lue trying to soak up what my mom has said. It's hard not knowing where they are sending him. How is it that he can sign up to protect the country yet he's not old enough to drink? I send him a quick text not knowing if he would even answer. We end up having lunch over here and the kids played with mom and Lue until they got tired. I decided to head back home so they could nap. They ended up falling asleep in the car on the way home. I hurry to take them up the stairs carrying both at once. I finally get them into their beds and shut the door. Scott wouldn't be home for a while and the kids will sleep for a bit so I sit down and read a book. At this stage, I was going to church as a Pentecostal woman. Harper and I would only wear skirts or dresses. We didn't cut our hair or wear makeup or jewelry. Our hair was long and free of any dye jobs. Of course, I wouldn't dye my three-year-old's hair. We had a lot of rules to follow in the church. My husband doesn't believe what I believe but he would go with me on some occasions. He had become such an amazing dad to my kids that you would think that they were his by blood. They loved him and he loved them like they were his own.