Chapter One: Awakening

2490 Words
*** The sun's heat was jarring after the chill of death. It warmed my skin, removing the cold I had become too familiar with. I lay beneath soft but heavy blankets, fingertips brushing against the softest fabric as disbelief settled heavily on my chest. Is that my own breathing? Silence? I hadn't known silence in such a long time; I had forgotten it. My eyes slowly fluttered open, confusion coursing through every part of me as I tried to make sense of the white canopy swaying gently above me. Pale curtains danced in the breeze drifting through the open balcony doors, bringing forth the scent of summer flowers. Am I…dreaming? The memories returned almost violently at my question. Blood. Fire. Steel clashing against steel. A battlefield filled with smoke and death. My stomach twisted violently, pushing me out of the bed on weak and heavy limbs that didn't feel like they belonged to me. Stumbling across the room to the open doors leading into what seemed like a bathroom, I gripped the edges of the marble sink hard enough to turn my knuckles white as I heaved nothing but saliva into it. Unsteady breaths and fragments of horrific memories are all that replayed in my thoughts as I collapsed, finally, against the cold marble floor. Sweat clung to my skin, a sheen covering my entire body as a migraine pulsed behind my eyes. I had died. I was sure I had. Even now, the memory lingered of the loss of breath as my life seeped away from my body and death welcomed me into its embrace with an indescribable chill. The taste of blood was still on my tongue, my hands slick with it from the wound that had contributed to my end. Death isn't something you forget easily, so…how? And who… The face of my murderer was foggy, as were the moments before my end. My migraine seemed to get worse with every effort I made to remember, and so I stopped at the feel of the nausea creeping back in. Why am I here? My trembling hands moved instinctively over my body, searching for wounds that no longer existed. Instead of the bloodstained armor I remembered, soft white fabric brushed my skin. A nightgown. Confusion engulfed me once more just as fragments of memory returned with every breath I took. Seems the very moment of my death is foggy…But I know what led up to it… Blue eyes. A warm laugh. Gentle hands brushing reverently against my skin. Promises whispered in the dark. Forever, Astraea. I squeezed my eyes shut at the memories. What a f*****g joke. Love had turned into pure hatred long before I died. Devotion into possession. Affection had become cruelty. And the man I had believed would never hurt me had become the architect of my destruction. Caius Virelle. Crown Prince of Ortheos. My betrothed. My executioner. Hatred burned fiercely beneath my ribs at the thought of him. He had treated me worse than the dirt beneath his f*****g shoes. I remembered my blood on his hands as he beat me constantly, sometimes within an inch of my life. I remembered the night before my escape, how he had looked at me, not with love but with resentment so deep, it had consumed everything else. I gave him my heart. And he crushed it in the palm of his hands before throwing the remnants to the dogs. Pain lanced through my skull as I returned to the present. I pressed trembling fingers to my temple, forcing myself to breathe through the dizziness threatening to drown me. So then, did my vengeful heart bring me back from the very depths of darkness? And how far back did I return… I forced myself upright slowly, gripping the edge of the sink until the room steadied enough for me to move. Everything seemed to come into focus all at once, allowing me to notice the bathroom. The polished white marble. The silver mooncrest carved into the walls. Recognition hit me so strongly, it took my breath away. What…no… I turned, my pulse thundering in my ears as I returned to the main room. It was large and elegant, bathed in the soft light of the morning. Moon-white curtains framed tall windows, and familiar shelves lined the walls exactly as I remembered them. My gaze fixated on the vanity near the balcony and on the contents atop it, which seemed almost carved from my memories. Crystal perfume bottles. Scattered hairpins. Silver brushes. A singular memory overpowered all the others, one of my mother who stood behind the Victorian chair, smiling softly as she braided my hair. I went still, my gaze lifting fearfully at the mirror across the room as the reflection from my memories now stared back at me. The girl looking back at me was not the one who had died. The shadows beneath my eyes were gone. The exhaustion. The fear. The scar stretching from my throat to my chest, the one Caius had given me during the first year of our marriage, had vanished entirely. In its place stood a girl untouched by suffering and despair. Sixteen. My breath caught painfully as my gaze took in all that had changed. Midnight-black curls spilled freely down my back in soft waves, glossy and cared for in a way they had not been in the years I spent as Crown Princess in a severe bun. My skin was smooth and unmarked, my face softer with youth. And my eyes, amethyst-hazel, were bright with life instead of bone-deep grief. I had returned to a time when I was simply Astraea Adelina Dain, firstborn daughter of House Dain. The pride and joy of my parents. Tears burned my vision, a mixture of relief and unexplained grief that melded into a cocktail of emotions I could not fathom. No... No, this is impossible… A knock sounded at the door, pulling me from my spiraling thoughts. "Astraea? My darling, are you awake?" The soft voice on the other side of the door froze me in my tracks entirely, my heart seizing for a moment as recognition burned its way through my fogged brain. I know that voice. The handle turned gently, and I held my breath as I came face-to-face with her. My mother. For a moment, I could only stare speechlessly at her, too overwhelmed with my emotions to speak. Lady Ayla Emilia Dain stood bathed in the warmth of the morning light, her dark blonde hair loose around her shoulders and her silver-threaded robes flowing softly behind her. She looked exactly as I remembered her, before war and grief had stolen the light from her eyes. She's beautiful. Alive. My throat closed painfully as another barrage of painful memories assailed me. In my last life, she had died for me. I still remember the blood. The screams. The way she had held my face in her trembling hands that had fought for me and begged me to run while House Dain, this very home we now stood in, burned all around us. Memories, friends, loved ones…all gone in the flame and destruction that Caius wrought. She had known what my husband truly was long before I did. And I… Goddess. I had condemned her to death for the sake of a man who never deserved my love. "There you are," She murmured, relief flickering across her features before concern quickly replaced it. "Astraea… why are you crying?" The sound of her concern, the way she frowned as she assessed me for any pain, the fact that she was here, in front of me, was enough to break me. And break I did. A strangled sob escaped me before I could stop it. Crossing the room in seconds, I threw myself into her arms with enough force to nearly send us stumbling backward. She froze in shock for a moment before her arms wrapped around me instantly. Warm. Safe. Real. "Mother… you're here." My voice shattered completely as I broke in the arms of the woman to whom I owed everything. And for the first time since awakening, the crushing rage inside me gave way to something far more dangerous. Hope. My mother held me until my breathing steadied, her hands smoothing gently through my hair the same way they had when I was a child, frightened by storms. Only this storm had already destroyed me once before. "Astraea, tell me truthfully. Did something happen with the Prince?" She spoke softly after a long moment, pulling back just enough to cup my face between her hands. The question nearly made me laugh and sob once more. If only she knew. If only she knew how many nights I had spent praying for death beside the man she spoke of so carefully now. I swallowed the bitterness before I erupted and showed just how I really felt about that bastard. "No, I'm okay, mother. It was only a nightmare." I whispered carefully, watching as her eyes narrowed slightly. She had never been easy to deceive. Even now, I could see suspicion flickering behind her gaze, sharpened by the instincts that had made her one of the deadliest women in Ortheos long before she became Lady Dain. Still, she said nothing, her thumb brushing gently beneath my eye to wipe away remnants of my tears instead. "Well, nightmare or not, you frightened me." She sighed softly, her words twisting the guilt in my chest even more. In my previous life, this woman had stood between me and an empire. Fearlessly, she had raged against the world to protect me. And I had repaid her with grief. "I'm sorry, mother…." I meant it to the deepest depths of me, especially the part of me that never got to tell her how much I loved her and how grateful I was for her. Her expression softened instantly as her fingers softly brushed my curls off my forehead. "There is nothing for you to apologize for, my darling." The tenderness in her voice nearly unraveled me all over again, but I held myself together, watching as she stepped back lightly and regained her own composure. I'd learned from the best after all… "Though, if you truly feel unwell, we can postpone tonight's announcement." She continued carefully, her words confusing me further, even as my body froze in an effort to try to remember what she could be talking about. Announcement? What in the world is she talking about…think, Astraea… The word echoed through my mind like the tolling of a funeral bell. No. Could tonight really be… The memory was vague, but as clear as needed for this moment. At sixteen, they held a royal banquet at the Palace's moonlit ballroom to announce what many noble families had already surmised… This is the moment the Crown Prince of Ortheos officially claimed me before the entire kingdom. Fuck. "My betrothal," I voiced my fate quietly as my mother nodded, confirming my worst fears. "Yes, to Crown Prince Caius." The name tasted like poison, the kind that erodes every bit of you in the worst ways imaginable. In my previous life, I had spent this morning nearly unable to contain my happiness. I had loved him so desperately then. Loved him with the blind devotion only foolish girls possessed. I remembered sitting before my vanity while the attendants dressed me like a queen, my heart fluttering every time someone mentioned his name. I was a f*****g i***t. Mother watched me presently, concern etched on her features as she mistook my silence for distress. "We can speak to your father. If I send word now, the King may agree to delay the announcement until…" She said immediately, the gears turning in her mind as she prepared herself to protect me as she always did. "No." The sharpness of my voice startled even me, a reflection of how volatile my emotions were in this moment. Mother stared at me, blinking and speechless at the sudden outburst. Control it, Astraea…calm down… I forced myself to soften before suspicion could take root in her. I knew she would pull at the thread until it unraveled. "I mean…there is no need to delay anything. I'm okay, I promise." I inhaled slowly, centering my emotions as I had learned to do in my past life. One thing is certain: I'm far from being alright. But prepared? Yes, this time, I would be prepared. Mother studied me for several long seconds before finally sighing in reluctant acceptance. "If you are certain." "I am." Resolve marked my words as a strange calm settled over me. I was finally in the acceptance stage, ready to face whatever was thrown my way. Mother led me back toward the vanity, pulling the chair for me to sit with a soft smile that I returned. Warriors sharpened swords before battle, whilst Queens? They sharpened smiles. The attendants arrived moments later in a flurry of excitement and silk, carrying jewelry boxes and gowns embroidered with silver thread. Their cheerful conversations filled the room almost instantly. "The palace sent sky lilies!" I hated sky lilies. "I heard all the Great Houses will attend tonight!" Of course, they would. No one would miss the moment the two greatest houses of Ortheos were joined as one. "The Crown Prince himself chose Lady Astraea's jewels…" I nearly smiled at the irony. Of course, he had. Caius had always been meticulous about appearances. Even as he broke my spirit, he had ensured the kingdom believed he cherished me more than they ever could. He had closed all paths for my exit. I sat silently as my attendants brushed fragrant oils through my curls and fastened shimmering jewels against my skin. But, unlike my previous life, I noticed things I had been too blinded by my misplaced affection to see before. The nervousness hidden beneath Mother's composure. The calculating glances exchanged between certain attendants. The political weight suffocating the room beneath all the excitement. House Dain was not merely powerful. We were dangerous, ancient, and beloved by the people. And that was precisely why the royal family had wanted me. Not because Caius' loved' me. But because House Dain stood too close to the throne. I met my own reflection in the mirror as a silver circlet crown with diamonds set around it, was carefully settled atop my dark curls. This is it, Astraea. You're sixteen, young, and untouched by war. But although your body may be young, your soul has experienced and survived a worse fate. It is time to turn the tables… Caius would never suspect the woman beneath this face had already watched him destroy kingdoms. Good. Let him underestimate me. In my previous life, I had entered that ballroom dreaming of love. This time… I would enter as the beginning of his end.  ***
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