“You want me to splash you again?”
“Do you have rings? A date in mind? A wedding planner?”
“Shut up, Singer! Can we get back to the part where me not sucking as much as you expected was apparently such a glaring disappointment that I spent three f*****g weeks on Carey’s lumpy sofa bed? Jesus!”
“I didn’t tell you to leave, you did that all by yourself. You can’t run to Carey’s whenever you’re mad at me, Jake.”
“Don’t act like that’s all it was! Every time I tried to talk to you, you changed the subject, you did everything you could to avoid ever talking to me about anything. And then your mother was there, constantly, making me feel like you were just biding your time until we broke up. How long did you want me to hang out while she said this wasn’t my home?”
“I told you this was about
