While You Were Pretending

Chapter Ten

Lounging on the couch, eyes closed, it really has been such a long day. As many hours are left in the night, is how many people are left awake in the house. Finally some quiet, finally some peace.

Something nudges my foot and I hear a “Hey, Luke?”

I peek up, surprised to see Jackie. “Hey.”

She pulls at her sweater sleeves, “So, Eric got called in early, some sort of emergency…. Is the offer still on the table? For you to drive me back to the hotel?”

“Yeah – yes, of course. No problem. Did you want to leave now?”

“If that’s okay? It’s already eleven o’clock.”

I push a hand through my hair then brace myself to get up. “Sure thing.”

*

“Are you sure you don’t need help? I can walk you to your room,” I eye Jackie with her overnight bag, purse, and gift bags from the morning.

After her purse falls down her arm to her elbow, yet again, she sighs, “Yeah, alright. Thank you.”

Luckily, I’d parked because the drive-in for the lobby was full. As I take the gift bags and she re-adjusts her purse. “It’s a bit of a walk though, I’m all the way at the back – a garden view.”

I chuckle a little, “A pretty view with all this snow?”

She laughs a little, too, as we have to be careful of sliding on ice. “Yes, actually. They have a little pond that’s frozen over and they put a Christmas tree in the gazebo.”

I try to go for the door, but she beats me to it, getting it open then holding it with her foot.

“Thanks.”

She smiles, “It’s a habit from hostessing.”

I hold the next door open for her, “That right?”

“Didn’t think I had a job, huh?”

Looking around at the marble and shimmering chandeliers, I quickly change the subject, “I’ve only ever been in this hotel once…. Senior prom night, seven guys in one room, one guy actually had passed out in the bathtub, and we slept way past check-out.”

“Oh, they must have hated that.”

Noticing how quiet and empty the lobby and elevator out cove is, I nod. “It’s probably their least favorite time of year.”

On the fifth floor, I follow Jackie out. “Have you been liking it okay?”

She peeks over her shoulder, “What, living in a hotel?”

“Yeah.”

She gives a little shrug, “It’s nice, I guess. I always thought if I was going to have an extended stay in a hotel it would be somewhere like London or Paris.”

Quickly, I close the gap between us. “You want to travel?”

She laughs, “Oh yeah! Big time. All over the U.K., France, Italy… you name it. I have this sort of wanderlust heartache for places I’ve never been.”

She just put my feelings into words. “My mom just got me a U.K. travel guide! I’m thinking of Spring – May, probably, just after school ends.”

Her whole expression brightens, the light in her eyes twinkling. “Yeah? How long?”

“Three weeks, maybe? Originally the idea was a few days in London –”

“Right.”

“Then go up into Scotland, at least as far north as Edinburgh.”

“Of course.”

“Then down to Liverpool –”

“Where you’d have to hop the ferry to Dublin, I’m sure?”

My smile widens, “Exactly. Then back to Liverpool, back to London, then take the train from London to Paris.”

She does that swoon girls do when they hear something they are geeking out about. “That’s the dream though.”

“It is, isn’t it?”

“Then a couple of days in Paris, and then head home?” she asks as if confirming a plan with me.

“Right.”

She shakes her head and looks back to the walls to check room numbers. She slows and then points to the last room in the hall, “That’s me.”

After opening the door, she continues in and I don’t know what else to do but follow. There’s a nice little antique-replicant writing desk that she puts her purse by. I put the gift bags on top, then turn to see her unloading the overnight bag on the king bed. “So, if that was the original idea, what’s the new idea?”

“Sorry?”

She glances at me quickly, “For the trip.”

While she’s distracted, I pull the gift out of my coat and hold it in my palm. “Oh, well, Peyton doesn’t want to go.”

She straightens and looks at me with an expression of confusion. “What?”

I slide the gift into my sleeve while I cross my arms over my chest. “It was supposed to be to celebrate graduation, but then I got into a car crash and had to get a new car. Over the summer I had a decent job and now that I know what to expect after my first semester, I’m going to get another job. So, at least for me, the plans are back on… hopefully,” I stress, “for this May.”

“But Peyton doesn’t want to go?”

“Right.”

“Are you still going to go, then? Alone?”

“I might have to. I’m not going to miss out on such a great opportunity – on something I’ve wanted for years, just because I may be by myself.”

“That’s how I feel. Maybe I should go with you, then.”

Not thinking, I’m already nodding and smiling, “That would be awesome.”

But she does have a moment to think and hesitates. “Well, thank you for helping me.”

I bob my head, “Yep, of course.” I lift from the desk and pull the gift out of my sleeve. “Merry Christmas.”

We meet in the middle and she takes the little, poorly wrapped gift. Easily opened, she looks at the small box, that mimics a case of cigarettes’ size, even with a hinged lid. I shift my weight from one foot to the other, “I saw the deck of cards in your purse, wrapped with that rubber band….” And I thought it was adorable that you still carry a pack of cards with you wherever you go. “I thought this might be nicer.”

I turn over her hand, showing the bottom where I wood-burned her initials. She lets out a small gasp and runs her fingers over it, “Oh, Lucas….”

Rather close now, I can see all the faded freckles across her nose. “Jaqueline….

In my moments of hesitation to kiss her and then tell the truth, she hugs me instead. Her head sliding just under her chin, the smell of her strawberry shampoo filling my nose. She is just sweet… inside and out.

*

Hey, Charlie, you up?

Barely.

What’s up?

It’s Jackie

Oh? What’d she do now?

Is Peyton bitching again?

No.

I like her…

Peyton’s cool.

No.

I like Jackie.

Like like-like?

Yeah.

So, tell her?

I can’t.

‘Cause of this whole fake relationship thing with Peyton.

And if I tell Jackie we’ve been lying to her?

She’ll probably hate me.

Or maybe she’ll be relieved.

Or maybe she’ll never talk to me again.

What should I do?

Don’t cheat on your girlfriend with her sister.

Ha ha, very f*****g funny.

*

Sitting in the local coffee shop, I hold my chilled hands against my hot mug of cocoa. Peyton is still waiting for her drink, some complicated coffee order I could never enjoy. My foot is bouncing, causing the whole table to shake… I just need her to get over here so we can talk.

The thought is: we come clean about not being together, and Peyton tells Jackie it was a joke. That way the blame sort of falls on her and I was just trying to be supportive. That made sense, right? Hell, she could say it was some social experiment that she had to write a paper on, I don’t care. As long as Jackie knows that I have never been with Peyton and don’t ever want to be, it’s all good.

Finally, she slips into her seat. “So, what’s up? Why’d you drag us all the way out here?”

“‘Cause I wanted to talk.”

After a sip of coffee, a brow c***s, “And my house wasn’t good enough?”

“Everyone was there.”

“And your house wasn’t good enough?”

“Everyone was there,” I repeat.

She looks around the busy coffee shop, “So a non-private place for a private conversation? Okay….” But then she actually looks at me, “What’s wrong, Luke?”

“It’s about this whole Jackie thing.”

She cuts me off before I can continue, “You know what my dad wrote in my Christmas card this year? That he was proud of me. Proud of me for my grades, proud of me for budgeting financial aid. Can you believe it? I literally cannot remember the last time he said that – that he was proud of me.”

She takes another long sip. “All those years of him saying ‘why can’t you be more like Jaqueline’ and my step-mom saying all last year ‘well Jaqueline and Rachel are in school, have perfect grades, and a job’. Finally… finally, I’m proving myself – I have proven myself.

“And when I was on the phone with Dad last night, he said it again. He said he was proud that I was acing school, while still balancing my job and social life. And he said he was so happy that I finally found ‘a nice boy’.”

Shaking my head, I am a bit flabbergasted. “And what about when we ‘break up,’ huh? You said for Christmas, maybe New Year’s. What then? How are you going to explain that? How is he going to react to yet another failed relationship?”

I know I’ve gone too far when she sits back in her chair, crossing her arms over her chest. I know I’ve gone too far when she doesn’t speak, thin-lipped and eyebrows raised. I sigh, “Peyton….”

She shakes her head once. “I’m going to say we were better as friends and I made the mature decision to be single and focus on school.”

Of course, she has an answer for anything, but a solution for nothing. She just gets so blind-sided by emotions that she won’t talk about, let alone feel. She’s just going to get her way, no matter who she has to manipulate.

“Jackie,” she continues with a bitter tongue, “has never wanted anything of mine. She’s never, ever been envious of me. She was always the golden child, the perfect one to be compared to. Until now.”

Beyond frustrated, I just stare, “And how could you possibly know that?”

“She told me. And! And you know how bad it is? She told me she’s switching to our university.”

“What?”

“Yes,” she says smugly. “That’s why she came out this Christmas, she wanted to tell Mom in person. How she’s going to be closer and wanting to ride the train in on weekends. But! Anyway, she’ll be starting school with us after the New Year.”

*

So, apparently Jackie’s switching schools.

And will be joining Peyton and me this semester.

That’s awesome!

Now you can pursue a relationship.

It won’t be long distance.

Except I’m still “with” Peyton.

I thought you broke it off with her today.

I couldn’t.

And why not?

She said her dad’s finally proud of her.

So?

So what?

You brought up the whole:

“What happens when we break up” thing, right?

She says -

she’s going to say it was so we can stay friends

and something about focusing on school.

She has a plan.

Again, so what?

Do you really think….

Well, that Jackie’s going to be okay dating her sister’s ex?

Well, no?

But I can tell her the truth.

And make Peyton look psycho?

Well, no….

Uh-huh, exactly.

I’ll -

I’ll figure something out.