A Hand to Hold

Chapter forty-one

~ Natalie

*

Life with Ronan was unpredictable. One minute, I’d been sipping coffee with him in Chicago, and the next, we were having dinner with Aunt Mel in Texas. Though I’d expected Ronan to come after me, I hadn’t expected him to arrive so swiftly nor express such a degree of humility. While a part of me was still unsettled over how our first Christmas together had ended, I didn’t doubt the sincerity of his apology. A man like Ronan rarely admitted fault, and he possessed far too much pride to apologize just to pacify me.

*

In two days, we would be in Vienna, fulfilling a lifelong dream of mine. My husband certainly knew how to make amends. Moving our trip forward meant a lot of rearranging for Ronan at the office. He put the need to repair our relationship over work obligations, something I thought he’d never do. That was all the encouragement I needed to take a leap of faith.

*

Out on the back patio, Ronan, Aunt Mel, and I sat around the table, enjoying a bottle of wine after dinner. In Ronan’s relaxed manner, he hadn’t even asked for a glass of whiskey. “It’s so beautiful here,” my husband pointed out as he sipped from his wine glass.

“I’ve missed it,” I admitted, looking out over the pasture illuminated by nothing but the moon and stars.

“I can imagine. You could never dine alfresco in Chicago this time of year. And this food—Melody, I’ve eaten at my share of five-star restaurants, but I’ve never had a grilled pork chop this tender.”

“Thank you, Ronan,” she replied with a grateful nod. “I credit my late husband for that. He was the chef between us. Lucky for me and Natalie, he taught me a thing or two before he passed. Otherwise, we would have lived off of pop-tarts and macaroni & cheese.”

*

“If you don’t mind me asking,” Ronan said, “how long has it been since your husband passed?” Melody set down her empty wine glass and replied, “I don’t mind at all. It’s been twelve years.”

“Do you still miss him?”

“Every damn day. But the memories I have are my saving grace. What we shared was special. It may have only lasted ten years, but that’s more than most people get.”

*

Hearing Aunt Mel reminisce about Uncle Brian reminded me of everything I’d hoped to find in a husband. He used to surprise Melody with little gifts just to see her smile. He supported her dreams and often stayed up late, helping her study languages. When she took me into their home, Uncle Brian didn’t hesitate to accept me as his own.

*

Every quality that made Uncle Brian the amazing man he was, I’d sought in a husband. As I leaned back in my chair, watching Ronan converse with Melody as if they’d been family for years, I suddenly realized… I’d succeeded. Ronan made me truly happy. He made me feel special, valued, and comfortable to be myself. That’s when I knew— no man could ever measure up to him in my eyes. I’d fallen in love with my husband.

*

My mind went into overdrive, consumed with the epiphany that I was in love for the first time until Ronan’s hand on mine snapped me out of my trance. “Nat?” he asked in concern. “Are you alright?” I blinked and sent him a reassuring smile as I replied, “Of course. You know I get sleepy when I drink, that’s all.”

*

“Honey, why don’t you show Ronan upstairs,” Aunt Mel suggested. “I’m sure he’s tired too after traveling. You both should turn in early.”

“I should help you clean up.”

“You’ve spent more than enough time in my kitchen today. To bed with you.” I knew better than to argue. No matter how old I got, she always treated me like a little girl, but it came from a place of love.

*

We helped Melody carry the dirty dishes inside, and Ronan took it upon himself to rinse everything. As he did, my aunt pulled me aside and whispered, “He reminds me of Brian.”

“Me too,” I answered. She gave me a sentimental smile and a loving hug. She knew, or at least strongly suspected, my feelings for Ronan. She’d always been able to read me like a book.

*

After Ronan retrieved his bag from the car, I led him upstairs, stopping outside the extra bedroom. “Here’s the guest room,” I said. “And that’s the bathroom.” I pointed to the door across the hall. He dropped his bag on the floor and leaned into me, pressing me against the wall. “Are you sure there isn’t room for me in your bedroom, a ghrá?” he asked seductively in my ear.

“My bedroom hasn’t changed in twenty years. That includes the twin bed. You couldn’t fit all 6’4” of your muscled body on a twin by yourself, much less with another person.”

*

Ronan reached for the doorknob beside me, pushed open the guest room door, and peeked inside. “Looks like a queen in there,” he stated. “Sleep with me.”

“I’d feel awkward sharing a room with you in Melody’s house.”

“Have you forgotten you’re my wife?” He touched the chain around my neck with one finger and trailed it downwards until he landed on the rings, resting almost directly between my breasts.

*

My mouth began to water, and his touch gave me chills as I nervously gasped, “Ronan.”

“Relax, bean chéile, I understand,” he softly replied. “Just kiss me goodnight.” I stood on my toes, pulling him down by the neck as I delivered a peck to his cheek.

*

Ronan looked unamused as he said, “I don’t think so.” Then he grinned mischievously and uttered, “Come here,” as he grabbed me around the waist, lifting me clear off the floor. His lips explored mine intensely, and I hadn’t a hope of denying… I most definitely moaned.

*

Ronan slowly lowered my feet to solid ground and said, “Now, that’s a goodnight kiss.” He gazed down at me with affection and sweetly touched my face, brushing his thumb across my swollen bottom lip. “See you in the morning, a ghrá.” Then, he tenderly kissed my forehead before grabbing his bag and disappearing into the spare room.

*

In a daze, I remained in the hallway until my heart rate returned to normal. Once inside my own room, I flopped myself down on my bed. My hands rested on my stomach, trying to calm the butterflies. If this was the effect of a single kiss, what could I expect to feel when we finally slept together?

*

I’d never felt this way before. Nerves mixed with hopeful excitement as I basked in the revelation that I was in love with Ronan. He may not have the same feelings toward me, but my love for him was enough to give me hope that maybe one day he would. Aunt Mel was right— this was all new to both of us. But with time and patience, we could build on what we already had. For the first time since we’d married, I was genuinely optimistic about our future. And for the first time in my life, I wanted to share a part of myself I never had before.

*

When Ronan revealed his plans to take me to Vienna, he jokingly pointed out that we were overdue for a honeymoon. Tonight, when I discovered the depths of my feelings for him, I knew I wanted to make it a real honeymoon. If he could put aside his fears and open himself up to love, I could set aside mine and open myself up to physical intimacy. I would give him all of me. I was done holding back. Like him, I was going all in.

~~*~~

The following day, I made my way downstairs for breakfast to find Ronan already there, enjoying a cup of coffee with Melody and Dan. Before I joined, they’d explained Ronan’s relationship to me, sparing me an awkward conversation. Dan wished me congratulations, told me he was happy so long as I was happy, and then proceeded to grill Ronan all through breakfast. Which Ronan was an exceedingly good sport about. Things got a little tense afterward, however, when Cash and Tucker showed up. They were not so accepting of Ronan as their father.

*

In the living room, Ronan and I sat side by side on the antique sofa Melody had inherited from her grandmother. I sipped my second cup of coffee while listening to Ronan indulge Dan’s curiosity about OCE. Their conversation stopped short, and all four of our heads turned toward the front of the house as the roaring sound of two four-wheelers grew louder. Dan’s sons had arrived.

*

Cash and Tucker may have been years younger than me, but the Montgomery men were protective over the Norris women. It had been that way ever since Uncle Brian died. Dan was a mature adult, but those boys were all testosterone and no common sense.

*

The room fell quiet when the four-wheelers shut off. I turned to Dan and asked, “Are Cash and Tucker going to play nice?”

“You never know with them,” Dan answered honestly. Ronan looked at me questioningly and said, “Ex-boyfriends of yours?”

“No, nothing like that. More like overprotective cousins, really.”

“They’re my boys,” Dan told him. “They may be knuckle-headed, but they mean well.”

*

The front door opened, and in walked Cash and Tucker, wiping their muddy boots on the mat. “Hey y’all,” Cash called from the entry.

“Hey, boys,” Melody called back.

“Mel, you got any coffee?”

“In the kitchen,” she answered. It all seemed innocent enough, but I knew better. They wanted to know about the mysterious owner of the Lamborghini.

*

When the boys entered the living room, their eyes immediately settled on Ronan. I’d grown accustomed to Ronan’s presence over the past year. I’d almost forgotten how he appeared to strangers. Even sitting down, his height and strength were astounding. And even in casual clothes, something about his aura screamed wealthy. Never-mind the fact they’d witnessed his arrival in a quarter-million-dollar car.

*

“Who’s your guest, Tallie?” Tucker asked. Typically, between the two boys, Cash was the talker. But I could see, by the glare Cash directed at Ronan, he was at a loss for words. Ronan paid no attention, however. He merely looked to me and questioned, “Tallie?”

“Ignore that,” I instructed before I stood, preparing to give uncomfortable introductions.

*

Ronan, Dan, and Melody followed my lead and stood. Despite the boys each gaining a foot in the past year, they still came up inches short of Ronan. “Ronan, this is Cash and Tucker Montgomery,” I told him as I pointed to each one and continued, “Guys, this is Ronan Ó Ceallaigh… my husband.”

*

The boys’ eyes grew twice their size in utter shock. They briefly exchanged looks before staring at me in confusion. “Your husband?!” Cash exclaimed, being the first of the two to find his voice. “What the hell, Natalie?”

“Boys calm down,” Dan scolded.

“It’s alright, Dan,” I said. “I should’ve explained everything yesterday when Ronan showed up.”

“Why didn’t you?” Tucker asked.

“Because I wanted the chance to talk to him before you all gave him the third degree.”

“When did this happen?” Cash wanted to know.

“Nat, why didn’t you tell us you were even engaged?” Tucker added.

“It all happened really fast. We got married the day after he asked me.”

“How long ago was that?”

“Less than a month,” I answered.

*

Ronan, sensing my discomfort, wrapped his hand around my hip and pulled me against his side. The closeness seemed to aggravate Cash. He looked at me and said, “Don’t you think you’re too young for him?” His gaze shifted to Ronan. “What’re you, like forty?” Ronan didn’t so much as flinch but remained impressively chill as he casually answered, “Thirty-two, actually.”

“Thirty-two?!” Cash shouted. “f**k, Natalie. He’s practically a decade older than you!”

“Cash!” Dan rebuked, clearly ashamed of his son’s behavior.

*

“Seriously, Nat,” Cash went on, “what could you possibly have in common with this relic?” Still, Ronan remained unbothered by Cash’s outrage, simply stating, “Perhaps she enjoys the company of a man who can buy her a drink.”

“I’m a lot closer to her in age than you are, p*****t!” When had this turned into a pissing contest between Ronan and Cash? Even Tucker appeared a bit shocked by his brother’s behavior.

*

“Knock it off, Cash,” I said.

“Knock it off?” he repeated. “Am I the only sane person in this room?” He turned to my aunt, saying, “Mel, how can you be okay with this?”

“Ronan’s a good man, Cash. And ultimately, it’s Natalie’s choice.” Cash looked back at me with an unexpected hurt in his eyes. “Is this about money?”

*

Hearing such a comment from someone who was practically family stung deeply, and my response was instant and automatic. Luckily, Ronan was quicker. As my hand flew toward Cash’s face, my husband snatched it out of the air. “You’ll regret it, lass,” he whispered in my ear. He was right, of course, and I was already thankful he’d intervened.

*

Ronan glared at Cash in a way that sent shivers down my spine despite not being directed at me. I recognized my husband’s growing anger in his thick Irish accent as he warned, “If you insult my wife again, I’ll be forced to remove you from her presence.” The thing about testosterone-filled male Texans was that, even when all good sense told them to, they never backed down.

*

Cash stood tall and replied, “I’d like to see you try, old man.”

“Stop it, Cash,” Dan demanded. Melody backed him up by saying, “I think it’s best you go outside and cool off.” Cash didn’t say a word in response but did as he was asked, stomping through the foyer and slamming the door on his way out.

*

“What was all that about?” I asked Tucker.

“You didn’t know he’s had a thing for you since high school?” My mouth fell open, and I softly replied, “No.”

“You’ve long underestimated your beauty, a ghrá,” my husband said.

“I’m gonna go talk to him,” Tucker announced. “Uh, Ronan, it was nice to um… meet you.” Ronan nodded at him in response, and Tucker followed his older brother out of the front door.

*

“Well, that could’ve gone better,” I muttered.

“Tallie, I’m sorry about Cash,” Dan said. “He was just… surprised, is all. He’ll come around.”

“Thanks, Dan. But you shouldn’t apologize on his behalf. He’s an adult. If he wants to apologize, he needs to man up and do it himself.”

*

With his arm around me, Ronan comfortingly rubbed my shoulder, kissed my head, and said, “If it’s alright with you, I think I should talk to him.” We hadn’t heard the four-wheelers start up, so either Cash walked home or was angrily pacing on the porch— my money was on the latter. Cash wouldn’t drop the issue until he’d said his piece; I knew that much.

*

I hesitated to answer Ronan. The last thing I needed was my Irish-blooded husband getting into a knock-down, drag-out fight with a twenty-year-old I’d known all my life. “Natalie, trust me,” Ronan urged. With a sigh, I answered, “I do,” After a quick kiss, he followed the boys outside.

*

“Natalie, honey, are you sure letting Ronan go out there is such a good idea?” Aunt Mel questioned. She and Dan had retaken their seats, but I was too anxious to sit. “No, I’m not. But I trust Ronan,” I said to myself as much as to her.

*

Dan and Melody fell back into a comfortable conversation. With nothing else to do, I watched and listened. It occurred to me how close they’d become over the years since I’d been gone. When I left for college, Melody was an emotional wreck, and Dan had been buried in grief over the loss of his wife. But now, years later, I was witnessing their friendship blossom and possibly evolve into something more.

*

After ten minutes, the front door opened, and all three guys returned to the living room. “We’re going to the shooting range,” Tucker announced. “Do you want to come, Tallie?” I looked from one to the other and replied, “That depends… are we good?” I directed my question to Cash, to which he answered indifferently, “We’re good.” I looked at Ronan for confirmation, and he nodded. “Alright then, I’ll grab my boots.” I had no idea how Ronan managed to broker peace, but I fully intended to make him tell me later. For the time being, I just wanted to enjoy what little time I had left at home with my family.

~~~

The ‘shooting range’ was not official. It was what we called a stretch of pasture on the backside of Dan’s property, where the boys had spray-painted targets on several round bales of hay. Ronan and I spent most of the day polishing our skills alongside the Montgomery boys. I considered myself a fair shot, but unsurprisingly, Ronan was better. I half-expected him to be put off by the idea of his wife handling guns, but his reaction was the exact opposite. He was delighted to witness my proficiency with firearms.

*

As we packed up to return to the house, Ronan said, “Now that I’ve seen your competence in handling a weapon, you should know I keep a handgun in both safes back home.”

“You have more than one safe?” I questioned. With a nod, he said, “The one in the office you know about. The other is in the master closet, in the wall, behind my suits.”

“What other secrets are you hiding, Mr. Ó Ceallaigh?” He leaned close and replied, “You will find out in due time, Mrs. Ó Ceallaigh.” The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end at his implication, and I was grateful for the interruption that came next.

*

“Hey,” Cash called from across the field, “I just got a text from Dad. He’s grilling dinner tonight at our place.”

“Sounds great,” I said. “We should get back to the house and clean up first.” It was cool outside, but in the Texas sun, working up a sweat was typical, even at the end of December. On the way to the range, the guys had politely offered one of the four-wheelers to Ronan so we could ride together while Tucker rode with Cash. We returned to Melody’s house the same way.

*

Upon our arrival at Melody’s, Tucker reclaimed the four-wheeler we’d borrowed and took off toward his house. Ronan and I were about to go inside when Cash pulled me aside. “Can I talk to you alone?” I pursed my lips in thought and asked, “Are you going to question my marriage?”

“No.”

“Alright then.” I agreed, nodding to Ronan, who hesitantly walked into the house. He was putting his trust in me, just as I had earlier.

*

Cash and I wandered toward the corner of the house where the yucca plants grew. He shoved his hands in his pockets and sincerely said, “I’m sorry about earlier. Especially for what I said— about you marrying for money.”

“I appreciate that,” I replied. Cash’s eyes narrowed in suspicion as he asked, “Were you really going to slap me?”

“If Ronan hadn’t stopped me? Most definitely.” I crossed my arms as I explained, “You’re not the first to accuse me of being a gold-digger since I married Ronan.”

“I didn’t—”

“I’ve had to suffer a lot of harsh judgment from complete strangers; I wasn’t about to take it from someone I grew up with. Someone who oughta know me better.”

“You’re right.” He tussled his hair and continued, “I’m sorry I acted like an asshole.”

“You’re forgiven.”

*

Cash relaxed once he knew I had no intention of holding a grudge. “Now that we got that out of the way,” he said, “do you mind if I ask … why did you marry him?”

“That is a long and complicated story.”

“And I get the sense you don’t want to tell me.”

“It doesn’t matter anymore. The fact is, I am his wife.”

“Are you happy… with him, I mean?”

*

Knowing Cash would never drop the matter if my happiness was in question, I considered my answer carefully before honestly stating, “I am.”

“And if you could do it over again, would you still choose him?” I took longer to answer that question. Our marriage may have come about unconventionally, but even before he proposed, I’d felt a true connection to Ronan. I wasn’t sure I believed in fate, but if I did, there wasn’t a doubt that Ronan was mine.

*

“If I could do it over again,” I said, “I would still choose Ronan.” Cash nodded in acceptance and said, “Alright then, so long as you’re happy.” He gently grasped my arms and added, “But know this— if he ever screws up, if you ever need anything, I am only a phone call away.” I hugged him around the middle and replied, “Thanks, Cash.”

“Anything for you, Tallie.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~