A Hand to Hold

Chapter thirty-six

~ Natalie

*

I needed a break. We’d been at Sheila’s for over an hour, and I’d grown tired of the same questions. Every woman wanted the details of my relationship with Ronan. It was as if they thought I’d won the bachelor lottery, and everyone wanted to know how I’d rigged the system. I hated being the center of attention for nothing other than I married well. But I tried to focus on the positives. I’d met some interesting people. Sheila had been kind enough to assume the role of guide, helping me navigate through the wives of the upper class.

*

As I worked through the crowd, I wasn’t oblivious to the few nasty looks and hushed comments that followed. Even some who’d arrived with dates looked at me as if I’d stolen something from them, which made me pity their escorts. I wouldn’t want to be anyone’s second choice. Ronan may not have wanted to get married at all, but at least I could take comfort in the fact that he chose me. I’d been the only woman he could see spending a lifetime with. That wasn’t love, but perhaps it was potential.

*

After I managed to wriggle my way out of the center of attention, I passed by the dining room and spotted Ronan deep in conversation with Cynthia. I couldn’t control the insecurity that crept into my heart. They seemed so drawn to each other. I reminded myself that he could have asked her to be his wife, but he didn’t.

*

At the bar, I requested a refill of white wine before slipping out of the main room and into a deserted hallway. I needed a few quiet moments in which to center myself. I should’ve known it wouldn’t be so easy. Not a full minute later, my quiet hallway was invaded by a dark-haired woman.

*

“It’s a madhouse in there, isn’t it?” she said casually, implying she also sought an escape.

“It is,” I answered. The woman was considerably taller than me, with her hair styled in a perfect French twist. The dark-red, glittery cocktail dress she wore fit a smidge too tight, giving the impression she aspired to reclaim a bit of youth.

*

“I’m so glad to have run into you alone,” she said. Her tone was friendly, and I saw no ill intent in her hazel eyes. “I’ve been hoping for the chance to introduce myself,” she said, smiling sweetly. “I’m Helena Ó Ceallaigh.” So, this was Maddie’s mother.

*

“Hello,” I greeted, returning her smile, “It’s nice to meet you.”

“And you. I must say, I was terribly disappointed not to be invited to your wedding. Ronan’s father and I were always so worried he would never marry. I would’ve been delighted to celebrate with you both.”

“Forgive us,” I replied. “We were so swept away by our sudden desire to be married that we eloped without considering our families. My aunt was extremely disappointed as well. Please, don’t hold it against Ronan.”

“You’re a sweet wife to defend your husband. He’s lucky to have you. Unfortunately, even if you hadn’t eloped, I doubt he would’ve desired my presence. My relationship with my stepson has always been a little strained.”

*

What little I knew about Ronan’s view of his stepmother was from the brief exchange I’d overheard between him and his sister when Brigid was in the hospital. He’d never discussed Helena with me directly, and I was curious to hear her side of things.

*

“I’m sorry to hear that,” I said. “If it’s not too invasive, may I ask why?”

“I’m surprised he hasn’t told you. But then, Ronan prefers to keep things to himself. It’s a misunderstanding, really, that’s kept us from repairing our relationship. He blames me for ending my marriage to his father. He’ll never let go of that resentment.”

“Oh, I see. Ronan does have a tendency to hold onto grudges,” I replied, remembering the way he’d cut ties with David.

“Yes, he does,” she answered. “It pains me the way Ronan sees me as a villain. He never understood how hard it was for me to make the choice I did. But after years of pouring effort into my marriage while Patrick continually prioritized the company over his loved ones, well… what could I do? Eventually, my heart couldn’t take it any longer.”

“I understand,” I replied honestly.

“It’s kind of you to say so. I wish I could get Ronan to understand. But then, he’s always been exactly like his father— addicted to work.”

*

Helena took a healthy swig of red wine before continuing, “I thought Ronan would understand my side, seeing how his father all but abandoned him the day he lost his mother. Instead, he grew up to be just like Patrick.”

“What was Ronan’s father like?”

“You can’t describe Ronan without describing Patrick. Both brilliant yet stubborn, self-assured, charming, and very Irish. Patrick was hyper-focused when it came to everything but his own family.”

“I see.”

*

“Perhaps things would have been different if I only had myself to worry about,” Helena went on. “But I hated seeing my children disappointed by their father, time and again. It hurt my heart to see Ronan and Maddie yearn for their father’s love, only to come second to his work. I suppose that attributed to Ronan emulating Patrick… because of how badly he sought his approval.” She briefly patted my arm and added, “But do not be discouraged. I’m sure history won’t repeat itself.”

*

Helena’s words struck a chord. Even my inner voice was in doubt. Despite Helena’s reassurance, history repeating itself was all I could think about. Hardly a day after making the decision to lean in, all the worries that plagued me in the beginning came crashing back. And I couldn’t help but feel like our relationship didn’t stand a chance.

*

In an effort to reclaim my hope for the future, I reminded myself of where I was standing. Ronan had swallowed his own discomfort in escorting me to Sheila’s party because he understood our image’s importance to me. It reaffirmed my belief that Ronan not only had the power to change, but he already had. Maybe he was destined to turn out like his father unless he had a reason to be different. If recent events were any indication, I was that motivation.

*

“I’m so sorry,” Helena suddenly said, snapping me out of my thoughts. “I didn’t mean to unload all this family drama on you. I only wanted to meet you.”

“That’s alright,” I reassured her. “I had the pleasure of meeting Maddie a few weeks ago. She is just as open as you are.” I smiled, indicating my meaning as complimentary.

“Yes, my daughter is like me in as many ways as Ronan is like Patrick.” I found it odd the way Helena continually circled the conversation back to Ronan.

*

“If you don’t mind me saying,” I said, “if the friction between you and Ronan bothers you so much, why don’t you try resolving it?”

“Oh, I have. Unfortunately, he won’t even hear me out.” I felt for the woman. If I cut off Aunt Mel, I could only imagine how miserable she would be. She may not have been my biological mother, but she loved me like one, and she spent her life raising me like Helena did Ronan.

*

“Well,” I said, “I can’t promise he’ll listen, but I can ask him to at least hear your side of things.”

“Oh, no, I couldn’t possibly ask you to get involved. Your husband might not appreciate that.”

“I can at least ask him to talk to you. There’s no harm in that.”

“You’re so kind. I see why Ronan cares for you. I knew all those stories I heard about you were fake. Ronan is many things, but he is not easily manipulated.”

*

I sipped my wine, uncomfortable with the direction the conversation had turned. Helena sensed my nerves and said, “Oh, don’t worry, darling. I know better than most how the press twists the truth to sell stories. I’ve had my fair share of slander thrown at me, too. You’re not alone.” I took my time in replying, “Thanks.”

*

After bidding Helena a polite farewell, I returned to the bustling part of the house, heading back to the bar. Instead of asking for a refill, I ordered sparkling water, knowing more wine would only make me sleepy. I was enjoying the refreshing liquid until I nearly choked in response to the voice behind me. “You don’t fool anyone, you know,” Cynthia sneered as she came to stand at the bar. “This little innocent act of yours isn’t as convincing as you think.”

*

Cynthia signaled the bartender, ordering another glass of champagne. Unwilling to engage with Ronan’s ex, I walked away and tucked myself into a vacant corner. However, Cynthia wouldn’t leave me be. She pursued me to my quiet corner, saying, “Every single person here sees you for what you are.”

“And what would that be?” I replied, not bothering to keep my voice polite.

“An opportunistic wench who offers her body in exchange for money and prestige.” It was almost comical how people continued to mislabel a virgin as a w***e.

*

“Don’t you think that seems a little harsh,” I said, “considering you don’t know me at all?”

“I know your type,” she replied smugly.

“No, you don’t. You assume just because Ronan married me, instead of you, I must fit the mold of a gold-digger. But it isn’t true.”

“Then explain how you achieved what so many women, leagues above you, could not. How did you become the wife of the most eligible bachelor in the country? Because we both know… he doesn’t love you,” she smiled with superiority, knowing she was right.

“It’s simple,” I answered. “He offered, and I accepted. We grew close during the year we worked together due to how much we have in common.”

“You and Ronan have nothing in common. He is refined, whereas you are common as muck.” I refused to take part in slinging insults. Besides, I knew my calm demeanor would aggravate her more.

*

“It’s no wonder you’ve gotten the wrong impression, Cynthia,” I told her. “Clearly, you do not know Ronan at all.”

“How dare you?! I know him better than anyone.”

“You may know him well on the surface, but you know nothing about the man beneath.”

“I know this— you do not have what it takes to hold onto him. Either he will tire of you, or you will buckle under the pressure of being in the spotlight. Either way, your days as his wife are numbered. Then … it will be my turn.”

“Maybe you’re right. I don’t know what the future holds for me and Ronan. But I do know, if ever there comes a day I am no longer his wife, he would never replace me with you. He could’ve married you at any point over the past decade. Which means he would rather be alone than be with you.”

*

Cynthia’s face turned bright red. She gritted her teeth as she said, “Whether or not he would marry me doesn’t matter. I will see to it that he gets rid of you.” She leaned closer and added under her breath, “You’ve just made yourself the worst enemy because I always get what I want.”

“Except Ronan, apparently,” I pointed out with a polite smile.

*

I half-expected to see steam shoot out of Cynthia’s ears as she clenched her fists in an attempt to refrain from slapping me in front of so many witnesses. Her eyes threw daggers as she hissed, “You will be gone from Ronan’s life, and Chicago, in a matter of weeks if it’s the last thing I do.” She threw her nose in the air and strutted away, projecting poise while seething with fury.

*

I drew in several deep breaths, regaining control of my emotions and settling my heart rate. I did well keeping my composure in front of Cynthia, but inside, I was a raging storm. It was hard not to be frustrated Ronan didn’t see Cynthia’s true face, considering he was ordinarily such a good judge of character.

*

Suddenly quite ready to leave the party, I wondered if it would be considered rude to cut out early. In the end, I decided I didn’t care. I needed to find my husband. I desperately craved the respite and comfort of our home.

*

My small silver clutch offered just enough room for my lip gloss and cell phone. After sending a short text to Ronan, I made my way back to the bar to meet him. I passed the bartender my empty water glass as my husband appeared at my side.

*

“How are you fairing, lass?” His soothing tone caused me to meet his gaze with a smile as I said, “I’m better now.”

“Oh, really?” he replied flirtatiously. He wrapped his arm around me, settling his hand comfortably on my hip as he softly kissed my temple. “I am ready to leave, though,” I told him. “Would that be alright?” Plainly as eager to abandon the party as I was, he answered, “Who cares? Let’s go.”

~~~

The drive home was strangely quiet as I replayed my conversation with Cynthia over again in my head, analyzing every word spoken. I considered confiding in Ronan. However, Candace’s cautionary words regarding Cynthia stopped me.

*

I snapped out of my thoughts when Ronan reached over the center console and took my hand. “Are you alright, Natalie? You’re awfully quiet.”

“So are you,” I pointed out.

“That’s fair. But you’ve seemed off ever since we left Sheila’s.”

“I just have a lot on my mind.”

“Please, tell me.”

“I’m worried you won’t like what I have to say. I don’t want to start an argument.”

*

Ronan paused in thought before replying, “If you tell me something I disagree with, I will simply remain silent. Is that fair?”

“I suppose.”

“What happened tonight that has you overthinking?”

“What makes you assume I’m overthinking?”

“You’re biting your lip.”

“Oh,” I answered in surprise. “I didn’t notice.” But he did.

*

Ronan squeezed my hand, regaining my attention as he said, “Come on, Nat. Tell me.”

“Alright. I had a conversation with Cynthia just before we left.” He sighed, but I wasn’t sure what part of my statement caused him to do so. Was he exasperated with her… or with me?

*

“You needn’t pay Cynthia any attention, a ghrá,” Ronan stated.

“Why?” I asked.

“Because she doesn’t know you. She’s made assumptions about you, including the idea that you’re taking advantage of me. You and I both know that isn’t true. Therefore, what she says doesn’t matter.”

“You didn’t hear what she said to me, though,” I pointed out.

“I don’t need to. I spoke to Cynthia this evening, too. She’s hurt that I severed ties with her father and under the wrong impression I did it solely for you. When the dust settles, she’ll see her error in judgment.” I got the impression that no matter what I told him, Ronan would continue making excuses for her. So, I dropped it.

*

“I also met your stepmother tonight,” I informed Ronan, unprepared for his irrational reaction. “Whoa, Ronan! Careful!” I exclaimed when he nearly swerved off the road.

“What did Helena say to you?” he asked angrily.

“Only that she regrets no longer having a relationship with you and wishes you’d let her back into your life.”

“You cannot believe a word out of her mouth, Natalie. Trust me.”

“She seemed pretty sincere, Ronan.”

“She’s a master at manipulation.” His grip on the steering wheel tightened as I replied, “That seems a little harsh, don’t you think?” It wasn’t my intent to question him, merely to learn what made him hate her. “It’s not,” he stated. “Trust me, you don’t know her like I do.”

*

“It’s just hard to believe that Maddie’s mother could be so manipulative,” I said, “when your sister’s so kind.”

“I understand how you’d think that. My sister’s an angel. But her mother is driven by money and power. Those are the only things she values. When my father divorced her and cut off her supply, she became hateful and vindictive.”

“Oh,” I said, realizing Helena intentionally misled me.

*

“Oh?” Ronan questioned. “Why did you say it like that?” I shook my head and replied, “It’s nothing, it’s just… she told me she ended things with your father.”

“That doesn’t surprise me. She loves to paint herself as the victim, telling people he was a workaholic who never made time for her, giving her no choice but to leave. The truth is, my father would’ve been much better off if it had happened that way. Instead, she had an affair and broke his heart.” Based on the conversation I’d overheard between Ronan and his sister that day at the hospital, this account of events definitely made more sense. “Please trust me, a ghrá,” Ronan said, clutching my hand. “Helena is nothing but a snake in the grass.”

*

I looked over at Ronan, his face dimly lit by the glow of the dashboard. A small part of me still saw him as my boss, and I wondered if that would ever completely go away. But I wasn’t sure I wanted it to. The relationship I began with him over a year ago was the one that led me to put so much faith in him in the first place and became the foundation of our future together.

*

I reassuringly squeezed Ronan’s hand in return and stated, “I trust you.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~