A Hand to Hold

Chapter thirty-four

~ Natalie

*

Ronan’s suspicion toward Grant came as yet another splinter in our relationship. The root of the issue wasn’t about not trusting my friend, but rather, not trusting my judgment. After all, he didn’t even know Grant. Not the way I did.

*

I considered the possibility that Ronan may have been a little jealous. The mere idea someone as mesmerizingly attractive, charming, and self-assured as Ronan could experience such insecurity over a puppy like Grant was absolutely laughable. Nevertheless, I decided to cut Ronan a little slack since it was likely his first taste of any kind of emotion.

*

As I filled the wine glasses, my husband entered the dining room. Always the gentleman, he pulled my chair out before taking his seat. The air felt thick with a lot unspoken while we consumed our meal. I wanted to know what had kept him busy all day, but I didn’t want to be the first to bring it up. I held my tongue, waiting for Ronan to freely offer the information.

*

After a quiet dinner, Ronan helped with the clean-up as he did every night. When I began loading the dishwasher, he finally started talking. “What had you upset after leaving Brigid’s today?” He wanted to know. “Oh,” I replied, remembering my visit with his grandmother, “she wanted me to take over as charity director.” I continued rinsing off our dinner plates as I added, “She has a unique way of expressing disappointment.”

*

Having handed me the last dirty dish, Ronan took a seat at the island while I finished up. “Let me guess,” he said, “you’d prefer her anger over her disappointment?”

“Yes!” I exclaimed. “Why is that?” With a chuckle, he replied, “I know the feeling. Móraí is a pro at making a person feel two inches tall. She says anger is reciprocated with anger, but disappointment usually makes people think twice about their actions. Why did you turn down her offer?”

“Well, honestly, I assumed with the target on my back, it wouldn’t be wise to take on the position.”

“That is true. But I get the sense you have another reason.” It was maddening how he could read me so much better than I could read him. I needed to practice my poker face if I hoped to keep any thoughts to myself.

*

“It’s nothing I wish to discuss,” I answered Ronan. He stared at me intently despite my attempt to avoid his eyes. “Nat,” he said lowly. “Please, tell me.” I turned off the kitchen faucet, thinking about the most tactful way to respond. I remembered Candace’s warning that Ronan wasn’t receptive to negative comments about Cynthia.

*

I dried my hands and draped the towel over the edge of the sink as I met his gaze and replied, “I’m glad everything came together for the Christmas gala… but working with Cynthia isn’t an experience I care to repeat, especially on a daily basis.”

“I see.”

“We had vastly different views on the best way to get things done.”

“You and Cynthia are very different, that’s for sure.” What did he mean by that? Did he consider the contrast between me and his lifelong friend to be a perk or a drawback?

*

“However,” Ronan continued, “it may interest you to know she is no longer working at OCE.”

“Since when?” I responded in surprise.

“About an hour ago.” My eyes widened as I asked, “Ronan, what happened today?”

“I had a pointed conversation with David.”

*

I listened intently as Ronan relayed his confrontation with David that afternoon. “I’m sorry you had to deal with him,” I said.

“I’m not,” Ronan replied unbothered. “It was long overdue. He’s been overstepping in my business for years, acting as if we were partners rather than associates. His mistreatment of you was merely the breaking point.”

“I just hate the idea of you losing business contacts on my account,” I said with a regretful sigh. He stood from the stool, extended an arm, and said, “Come here, a ghrá.”

*

I moved around the island. Once I was within reach, Ronan pulled me against him. He linked his fingers behind me, resting his hands against my lower back. “You of all people should know, I don’t do or say anything in business I haven’t given full consideration.”

“It may have been a good move for business, but it will have a negative impact publicly. People already believe I came between you and Cynthia. Now, they’ll think I’m responsible for you severing all association with Price Development.”

“Look, you know I don’t care what people think. But, if it matters to you, I have an idea on how to counteract all this bad press.”

“You do?”

“Yes, come with me.”

*

I followed Ronan into his office. “Sit down,” he suggested. I made myself comfortable on the middle of the couch as I watched him reach into the top drawer of his desk. He crossed the room and placed a stack of cards on my lap.

*

“What is all this?” I asked, examining a variety of festive stationery. Ronan sat beside me, rested his arm along the topside of the sofa, and answered, “Invitations. Pick one.”

“I don’t understand.”

“This time of year, I get inundated with invites to all kinds of parties. The majority of which I ignore. However, if you care so much about how people perceive us, it would go a long way toward improving our image as a couple if we appeared together in public as husband and wife.”

“You’d do this for me?” I questioned skeptically. “This seems like the kind of thing you hate.”

“Oh, I loathe interacting with socialites. But this isn’t just about me— it’s about us. And I don’t appreciate you being labeled as ‘the other woman.’ The world needs to know; you’re my only woman.”

*

An uncontrollable blush crept over my face, which only made Ronan smile. He enjoyed the effect his words had on me. I hadn’t realized his hand, previously resting on the back of the sofa, had migrated to the back of my head until he pulled me in for a kiss.

*

Ronan’s lips skimmed mine, softly at first, before increasing into a fervent kiss. His tongue teased mine to engage, and I responded. This time, he thrummed with pleasure. He broke apart with a light chuckle, whispering, “Damn, woman, now you’ve got me doing it.”

“Doing what?” I asked, feigning ignorance.

“Moaning.”

“I do not moan.”

“You do, lass. When I kiss you… you do.”

“You were the one moaning just now, not me.”

“Then, you leave me no choice but to kiss you until I prove it.”

*

Knowing I hadn’t a hope of withstanding the searing effect of my husband’s kisses, my only option was to change the subject. “Ronan, are you trying to distract me from why you abandoned me this afternoon?”

“You really know how to dampen the mood, don’t you?”

*

He pulled away, withdrawing his hands from my body, as his face grew serious. “I met with Alexi today.” Ronan had barely gotten the words out before I was on my feet. “What?!”

*

“Natalie, please calm down,” Ronan said, completely relaxed.

“Calm down? Have I missed something? This is the mob we’re talking about, right?” He stood and approached, reaching for my hands as he soothed, “Nat, baby, it was merely a conversation.”

“Did you go alone?”

“We both did,” he admitted. I jerked my hands out of his, unwilling to be pacified.

*

“Geez, Ronan!” I exclaimed, turning my back to him. “He could have killed you.” I moved toward the windows, and he followed, asking with genuine revelation, “You’re worried about me?”

“Why does that come as a surprise to you?” I whispered. His hands appeared on my shoulders and his chest pressed against my back. I couldn’t summon the willpower to distance myself.

*

“I’m sorry,” Ronan said in my ear. “I’ve never had anyone to worry about me before.”

“You do now,” I replied softly. “And you were worried about me first— the day you couldn’t find me. Did it not occur to you those feelings went both ways?”

“I suppose it should have.”

*

Ronan turned me around to face him and said, “You needn’t worry about my meeting with Alexi. He wouldn’t risk harming a person of my status, especially in his own building.”

“Maybe,” I said, gazing up at him. “But I still don’t understand why you’d take such a risk.”

“Because you cannot live your life until the problem has been dealt with.”

“And exactly how do you plan to deal with it?”

*

Ronan ran a hand through his hair ambivalently. “I didn’t want to tell you until I knew it was a sure thing,” he said. “As Desmond pointed out, they like to hold grudges.”

“What are you talking about, Ronan?” I asked, growing impatient. After a hesitant sigh, he replied, “I made an offer. I’m going to give them the ten million they believe is in your possession.”

*

I stepped back to better gauge Ronan’s expression. “You what?” I asked in utter disbelief. “Wh-why would you do such a thing?”

“Because you are my wife,” he stated quite simply. “However, it’s a moot point at the moment. Alexi informed me I’d have to take it up with Konstantin.”

*

It was baffling how Ronan could speak so casually about shelling out millions of dollars to ensure my safety. “Ronan, please tell me you are not seriously thinking about negotiating with the leader of the Russian mob?!” My husband looked at me with a resolution in his eyes that struck me to my core as he said, “I told you when you agreed to marry me that I would protect you. And that is precisely what I plan to do.”

“This is insane!”

“What do you expect me to do, Natalie?” he bit back. “Stand by and watch you be threatened and hunted while I go about my life, business as usual?”

*

With a deep breath, Ronan’s frustrations eased. He reached for my arms and calmly asserted, “This is the only way we can move on with our lives. And moving forward with you means more to me than the money.” My mouth hung open ridiculously as I uttered, “I don’t know what to say.”

“Just say thanks,” he replied nonchalantly.

*

Words were not enough to convey the depths of my gratitude. So, I communicated my appreciation in a way I knew he’d comprehend. I took his face in my hands, stood on my tip-toes, and pressed my lips to his with urgency. It was the first time I’d initiated a kiss between us, and I could tell by the way his grip on me strengthened that it was a welcome gesture.

*

Our lips parted at the same time, and our tongues danced in unison. We hummed simultaneously, causing us to laugh as we broke apart. Ronan looked down at me and said, “You’re most welcome, a ghrá.” He leaned his forehead against mine as I asked, “Are you ever going to tell me what that word means, or do you intend to tease me with it for the rest of our lives?”

“As fun as that would be for me, lass, I wouldn’t torture you in such a way. As soon as all this trouble with the Russians is behind us, I will explain what it means.”

“That’s fair, I suppose, since you are the one dealing with the fallout of my parents’ mistakes.”

“As you are dealing with the fallout of my father’s decisions.”

*

“About that, Ronan,” I said. “Don’t you think a conversation is overdue?” He quickly pressed his lips against mine, effectively shutting me up. But I wouldn’t be swayed so easily. “Ronan—”

“Shh, I promise we’ll talk about it. But let’s tackle one problem at a time. Alright, bean chéile?” Knowing he could only avoid the topic for so long, I reluctantly agreed, “Fine.”

“Good. Now… what infernal Christmas party are we attending?”

~~*~~

I recruited Brigid’s assistance in choosing an ideal party in which mine and Ronan’s attendance would make a good impression. Of course, she had to point out that these were the sort of connections I would make as charity director. But ultimately, she was delighted to be of help in improving our public image.

*

Upon learning I would not be forced to work alongside the Barbie queen, I gave Brigid’s job offer further consideration. However, I still struggled to make any life choices until the Russian threat was behind me.

*

The night before Ronan and I planned to attend a cocktail party hosted by Sheila Camden, a close friend of Brigid’s, I tossed and turned in my bed for hours, arguing with my inner voice. My unrelenting heart incessantly urged me to open myself up to my husband. The time had come for me to make a choice.

*

Ronan proved his willingness to make sacrifices for me left and right. He’d been clear it was not in his nature to love, and that gave me reservations, but I could see he cared based on the effort he poured into making our marriage work. He protected me, respected me, and went out of his way to make me happy. I knew I’d have to make sacrifices, too. And one such sacrifice may be love itself.

*

I’d reached the time to either lean in or leave. I couldn’t have Ronan pay off my debt only to turn around and leave him because he couldn’t love me. I had to make the decision before he made that gesture.

*

However, a bigger question loomed on the horizon. Could I have a child with a man who didn’t love me? That was the elephant in the room we’d yet to talk about. He still needed a child in order to fulfill the conditions of his inheritance. I couldn’t imagine anyone else at the helm of OCE. Perhaps it was selfish of me to expect everything from a man who didn’t ask to be put in this situation in the first place.

*

As much as I had reason not to, the truth was, I did trust him. The Ronan I knew wouldn’t bend for anyone, yet this man had continuously demonstrated his flexibility… for me. I needed to give a little, considering he was willing to give a lot. In that moment, I made my choice. I would do whatever necessary to ensure Ronan was granted his inheritance.

~~*~~

The next morning, I caught Ronan in the kitchen before he’d left for work. “Hey, do you have a minute?” I asked sheepishly. He automatically checked his watch and replied, “Not really. I have an early meeting.” He must’ve seen the disappointment on my face before I could hide it because he asked, “Is it important?” I absentmindedly fiddled with the tips of my waist-length hair, a nervous habit of mine and part of the reason I kept it long.

*

“No, not really,” I answered halfheartedly.

“Nat, be honest,” Ronan encouraged.

“Fine. Yes, it’s sort of important,” I muttered under my breath and quickly finished with, “But it’s not time-sensitive. We can talk later.”

*

Ronan already had his phone in hand. “What are you doing?” I wanted to know.

“I’m texting Katrina to push my meeting back thirty minutes.”

“Ronan, you don’t have to—”

“It’s already done,” he told me, returning the phone to his pocket.

*

A new realization struck me. The night Ronan convinced me to marry him, he’d made it clear that a big reason he chose me was because I understood work would always come first. Yet, I just watched him postpone a meeting without hesitation. Was this even the same man who’d convinced me it was in our best interests to marry? He seemed to be putting me first at every turn. If I’d had any reservations before that morning, they’d vanished entirely.

*

Regardless of my newfound resolve, I struggled to find the right words to get my point across. “What’s got you so anxious, lass?” Ronan asked, removing my hands from my hair as though he’d recognized my nervous quirk. “There’s something I wanted to ask you,” I confessed.

“You have my attention.”

*

When I didn’t respond, Ronan gently squeezed my hands and said, “Just say it, Natalie. Whatever it is, I promise to try to be open-minded.” I wondered if he was aware of how much he’d changed since we married. But that was a conversation for another time.

*

“You remember a few nights ago when you asked me to give us a chance?” I began.

“I remember,” Ronan answered with a nod.

“Well, I want to…”

“But?” he questioned, sensing my reservations.

“As I said that night, I’m afraid of depending on you only to end up being let down.”

“And I told you, I won’t let that happen.”

“Then you’ll have no problem agreeing to my request.”

“What request would that be?”

“I want reassurance if things don’t work out between us… you’ll let me go.”

“Let you go?”

“Yes. If I give our relationship a real chance, and it turns out all we do is make each other miserable, I want you to grant me a divorce without a fight.” His eyes widened, but apart from that, I saw no emotion on his face.

*

Ronan was quiet, but I knew his mind ran at top speed. I waited patiently for his answer. Finally, he said, “If you remember, that night you requested space, which I agreed to give if you gave our relationship a chance.”

“What’s your point?” I asked, a bit confused.

“My point is, you’re tipping the scale.”

*

I didn’t know how to respond, so Ronan seized the opportunity to say, “Here’s my counteroffer.”

“Ronan—”

“Ah, now I heard you out; the least you can do is hear me out.”

“Okay,” I replied, but I suspected I wouldn’t like what he was about to say.

“If there ever comes a day where you are completely miserable being married to me… I will grant you a divorce without a fight.”

“And? What do you want in return?”

“You.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“To be more specific, your presence.”

“I still don’t understand.”

“Stop keeping me at arm’s length. That’s the only way to truly give us a real chance.”

“Meaning?”

“I want you to move into my bedroom.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~