A Hand to Hold

Chapter twenty-four

~ Natalie

*

The morning of the gala arrived after a particularly restless night. All night long, I’d dreamt about making an embarrassment of myself. I got up before the sun rose simply because I couldn’t stay in bed a moment longer. Walking into the bathroom, I passed my dress hanging on the door. It was a strapless pale-gold, beaded gown with a deep V neckline, and the bottom swept the ground. It hugged my curvy hips, distracting from what I lacked on my chest. It had a high slit up the right side, and when twirled, it revealed hidden layers of blood-red fabric. The gown’s most sensational quality was the boost of confidence it generated.

*

Desperate to relax, I rolled out my yoga mat and put in my earbuds. Somewhere between warrior pose and downward facing dog, I felt my stress abate. Feeling refreshed, I washed my face and went downstairs for breakfast. When I entered the kitchen, Ronan was nowhere to be found. Yet another morning I was forced to eat alone. I’d hardly seen Ronan at all that week. I wasn’t sure if that was due to his workload or mine, but whatever the reason, it made me antsy. The air between us desperately needed clearing.

*

I spent most of the day on the phone with Elijah and Alice. They were on the front lines at the venue where the gala would take place. They were a Godsend, ensuring everything was set up precisely according to Brigid’s plans. I told them I’d come to their rescue at the first sign of any hiccups, but there weren’t any.

*

In the afternoon, the doorbell rang, and I opened my front door to an entourage, half of whom I didn’t recognize. “What’s going on?” I asked Candace and Trina, who followed the unfamiliar people into the house. “Natalie, I’d like you to meet Seymour, Danielle, and McKenzie,” Candace introduced. The girls looked like supermodels. Both were slender, tall, tanned and had blinding white teeth. Seymour had black spiky hair and was at least a half foot shorter than the girls. He removed his coat, revealing tattoos over every square inch of both arms.

*

“Let’s go, ladies! We’re losing daylight!” exclaimed Seymour as he turned towards the staircase.

“Um, Candace,” I said, turning to my friend. “Care to explain?”

“What’s to explain? They’re here to guarantee you are the highlight of the gala.”

“I don’t need a team to look presentable.”

“Presentable?” Seymour repeated. “Baby girl, why on earth would you want to look presentable when you can be magnificent?”

*

“Natalie,” Candace regained my attention, “have you forgotten that tonight you are being presented to the public as Mrs. Ronan Ó Ceallaigh?” I caught an eye roll from McKenzie. Clearly, she wasn’t the least bit impressed with me. “I suppose I did forget,” I admitted. “Alright, Seymour, do you worst.” I led the hoard of people upstairs.

*

I’d never felt so spoiled. Seymour had just finished putting my hair in curlers, and Danielle was working on my face while McKenzie gave my nails a French manicure. Her technique was exquisite. After one final blow to my wet nails, McKenzie looked up and said, “Alright, her nails are done. Can I go?” Over the past hour, her facial expressions and tone of voice made it obvious this was the last place on earth she wanted to be.

*

“Kenz, darling,” Seymour answered with a hint of annoyance, “I thought you were going to help with her hair?”

“I’ll help you, Sey,” Danielle offered. “Her complexion is so naturally pretty; she doesn’t need much enhancement to her face.” I blushed slightly at her compliment. “Great,” McKenzie muttered, “I’m outta here. Bye!” In a flash, McKenzie was gone.

*

“Don’t mind her, doll; she’s jealous of you,” Seymour informed me.

“Jealous of me?” I replied in shock. “But she’s stunning!”

“Not of your looks, sweetie. Of your husband,” Danielle corrected. “She had a thing with Ronan a while back and thought she blew his mind enough to be the only girl to get an encore.”

“Ha!” Seymour exclaimed. “As if her lady parts are anything to write home about.”

*

“Where did Candace disappear to?” I addressed my question to Katrina, who was lounging on my bed, flipping through a magazine. “I’m not sure,” Trina replied, “but I know she brought a new tux for Ronan. Maybe she’s hanging it in his room?”

“I was,” Candace announced upon re-entry. She scanned the room and asked, “Where’s McKenzie?”

“She left,” Danielle replied, not taking her concentration off my face.

“Ugh.” I saw Candace’s look of frustration in my mirror. “That’s the last time I do her any favors,” she griped. “She never pays them back.”

“Well, what did you expect, dragging her here to work on Ronan’s wife?” Seymour pointed out.

“Is she still not over him? Good Lord, she needs a hard dose of reality.”

“You’d think she’d have snuffed out that candle when he slept with this one,” Seymour replied, nodding toward Danielle.

*

“Wait,” I said in surprise, “you slept with him too?”

“Yes, and am I pining away for him? No, I’m not,” Danielle stated flippantly. “There’re still a few women who appreciate the code of the one-night stand. Kenzie needs to move the f**k on. He wasn’t that good anyway.”

“Bullshit!” cried Seymour. “You’re just saying that because you were too drunk to remember details.”

“That could be true,” she giggled and continued her work on my face.

*

My palms were sweaty, and my hands were clenched. I wanted to be anywhere but there. Why did discussing Ronan’s past affect me so deeply? It shouldn’t. It was before we even met. He told me he stopped his one-night stands when he began wife-hunting. Perhaps I felt the way I did because the women he’d been with were standing right in front of me. It’s easier to pretend they didn’t exist when I’d never met them— before I knew his type was devastatingly beautiful. Again, I found myself wondering why he chose me.

*

Danielle had just finished my makeup, and Seymour removed the curlers from my hair when Candace said, “Take five guys. Go downstairs and get a snack.”

“Did you forget we’re on a deadline,” Seymour protested.

“Five minutes won’t make a difference. Go. I want to talk to Natalie.” Danielle took Seymour by the arm. “Come on, Sey. I need a sparkling water.” After they left the room, Candace pulled up a chair beside me. I could see Trina in the reflection of my mirror. Her attention perked up, interested in what Candace had to say.

*

“Are you going to give me pointers on how to behave tonight?” I suspected.

“This has nothing to do with your manners, Natalie. It has to do with your confidence. I saw how your face changed when you heard about McKenzie and Danielle’s history with Ronan.”

“If you could even call it that,” Trina interjected. “One night barely counts as a history.”

“Trina’s right,” Candace admitted before continuing. “Ronan has been with many girls—”

“You don’t need to remind me,” I snapped.

*

With a frustrated exhale, I said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to get snippy. I know you’re only trying to help. But it doesn’t matter because, as I’ve said before, Ronan and I don’t have a real relationship. Therefore, his history makes no difference to me.”

“Natalie Rae!” Trina shouted at me. “You’ve never lied to me before; don’t you dare start now!”

“Please, Trin. I don’t want to talk about this.”

“Fine,” Candace replied. “Just listen.”

*

Candace cleared her throat and said, “I’ve known Ronan since we were kids. He is vehemently against love. He’s gone above and beyond to avoid it his entire life, but… he made a vital mistake in marrying you.” She placed a comforting hand on my knee and went on, “He could love you, Natalie. I’ve never been more certain about anything. If he let himself, he could love you. So please, for both your sakes, don’t close yourself off. He’s going to need you to help him figure it out.”

“I can’t help him,” I replied meekly. “I’ve never been in love either. And even if you were right, that he could love me, he’d never allow himself to. The thing I know best about my husband is that he’s a master of control. He’d never relinquish that control long enough to allow love to enter his heart.

*

“I appreciate the pep talk,” I said. “I promise I haven’t closed myself off to anything. But I am proceeding with major caution because I cannot afford much hope right now.”

“Fair enough,” Candace conceded. “Thank you for at least hearing me out.”

“Are you gals done with your chit-chat? Because I have work to do,” Seymour declared as he returned to the room. “You think perfection comes about naturally? Not without my help, it doesn’t.”

~~~

Just before six o’clock, I was finally ready to present myself and all Seymour’s hard work to my husband. My dress was amazing, my hair and makeup flawless, and the jewelry Candace lent me was the cherry on top. As I admired my reflection, I couldn’t help but wonder how much Seymour would charge to do my hair every day. I adored the way he’d expertly pinned half my blonde curls up at the back of my head and the other half intricately braided, cascading down my shoulder. He’d added pearl hair pins as the perfect finishing touch.

*

When I reached the top of the stairs, I grew apprehensive about Ronan’s assessment of me. Something special about that night had me eager for my husband’s approval. One foot in front of the other, I encouraged myself as I took a steadying breath and slowly made my way down the stairs. Ronan must have sensed my approach because halfway through my descent, he emerged from the den and gazed up the staircase.

*

Ronan’s eyes widened as he took in the sight of me from head to toe. I took each step slowly and carefully. His clean-shaven jaw was the first thing I noticed as I drew closer. Every inch of him looked incredibly dashing in his perfectly tailored tuxedo, shiny black shoes, and neatly combed hair. However, his bare chin left something to be desired. I missed his beard, which I’d always thought made him look manly, distinguished, and downright sexy.

*

When I reached the bottom landing, Ronan gave me one of the broadest smiles I’d ever seen from him and said with awe in his voice, “Ty shedevr.” Warmth spread throughout my body at hearing him call me a masterpiece in Russian. “Spasibo,” I replied. (Thank you.)

*

“Come with me into the living room for a moment,” Ronan requested politely.

“Aren’t we on a tight schedule?”

“This will just take a minute, lass.” I followed him into the den as he said, “Please, have a seat.” Taking note of his use of the word please, I did as he requested.

*

“You’re missing something,” Ronan informed me.

“What are you talking about?” I questioned. “I’ve had a team of people working on me for hours. What could possibly be missing?”

“These,” he said as he took a box off the mantel, passing it to me. I opened the lid to find the exact pair of shoes Trina and Candace had begged me to buy. The strappy, beaded red heels were a perfect companion to my dress. However, they were also four inches tall.

*

“Ronan, I … I can’t,” I stuttered timidly.

“Why not?”

“I don’t wear heels. I’ll fall flat on my face.” He knelt down, meeting me at eye level, and said, “What makes you think I would ever let you fall?”

*

My brain was void of words for several moments. “Wear them for me… Please,” Ronan urged. There was that word again. I didn’t know what to make of it. “You looked incredible in the heels you wore the day we married. I want to see you in heels every time we go out.” His compliments gave me confidence, and I was suddenly feeling bold.

*

“What’s it worth to you?” I asked coyly.

“What do you mean?” Ronan replied in confusion.

“A trade.”

“I’m listening.”

“Your beard is gone,” I pointed out.

“So it is. Do you like it?”

“As a matter of fact, I don’t.”

“Really?”

“Really. I miss your beard. I’ll wear the shoes tonight. But in future, if you shave before we go out, I’m wearing flats.”

“Deal,” he stated happily. “Natalie, I have to confess, I shaved for you. Most women hate my beard.”

“Oh, Ronan, when are you going to learn? I am not most women.”

*

Ronan helped me with my warm faux-fur wrap and led me out into the night, where Harrison and the Rolls waited. Once we were on our way, a thought suddenly occurred to me. I turned to Ronan, sitting beside me, and said, “I’m sorry, I never told you how great you look.” He chuckled under his breath and replied, “Vy nakhodite menya krasivym?” (Do you find me handsome?)

“I do,” I admitted.

*

Neither of us spoke for several minutes until I had to ask, “Ronan? Why do you speak to me in Russian?” He considered my question for a couple beats, then smiled at me, tucked a loose hair behind my ear, and answered, “The first time, on our wedding day, was quite by accident. But then, when we were arguing in my office last week, and you called me an insufferable man, I realized something.”

“What did you realize?”

“You sound delectable when you speak Russian. I wanted to encourage you to speak it more.”

“I don’t like to,” I expressed in a whisper.

“Why not? Your technique is flawless.” I didn’t answer. Instead, I turned my face toward the window and watched the scenery go by.

*

Ronan wouldn’t let the topic go that easily. He gently took my chin in hand and turned my face back to him as he softly said, “You can trust me, Natalie.” I was shaken by his sincerity. “Can I?” I couldn’t prevent the tremble in my voice. “Trust was literally the one thing we had going for us, and you threw it away. The only foundation we had is gone.”

“I refuse to believe that,” he stated. “The details of my inheritance was the ONLY thing I concealed from you. There is nothing else.”

“How do I know?”

“Because you trusted me before. One deception can’t be enough to undo it all.”

*

My hesitation caused Ronan’s face to contort into regret. “Natalie, I am truly sorry. I never meant to make you feel like I only wanted a surrogate. You’re a true friend, and I really care about you.” He took both my hands in his, looked into my eyes, and said, “Natalie, I swear to you, I will never intentionally mislead you ever again. You have my word. And I regret that I ever did in the first place.”

“You told me you felt no regret because it got you what you wanted.”

“But it didn’t. Not really. Because the moment you realized I deceived you, you wanted nothing to do with me.”

*

The car once again fell quiet, but my mind raced. I wanted to let go of my resentment and move forward with Ronan, but I was scared. Part of my fears stemmed not from his mistake but from my own insecurities. I was a completely inexperienced woman, married to a very experienced man. I couldn’t help but picture the women he’d slept with in the past, as well as dozens more exactly like them. I didn’t have much hope I could keep his attention. What would happen to me when the inevitable came to pass? I would be broken.

*

“You made a mistake choosing me,” I whispered.

“What are you talking about?” Ronan questioned, his voice dripping with concern.

“I don’t have any… experience. You should’ve chosen someone like Cynthia. You made a mistake choosing me.”

“No,” he replied firmly. “I didn’t. You think I’m put off by the fact you’re a virgin? I’m not. It took me by surprise, I admit. Which is why I reacted the way I did.”

*

My hands were still in his, and his thumbs rubbed my knuckles soothingly. “This is simply uncharted territory for both of us,” Ronan said. “We will work through this.”

“Maybe, maybe not.” I lowered my head to avoid his gaze as I asked, “Do you really want to risk your company to find out?”

“Look at me, bean chéile.” When I did, he stated, “It’s not a risk. I know you want me.”

*

Ronan’s assertion didn’t come off as arrogant but a simple statement of fact. And I hadn’t a chance at denying it because it was true. Instead, I simply said, “That’s presumptuous.”

“It’s not. It’s impossible for you not to feel the same attraction to me that I feel toward you.” I blinked in surprise. “You… you’re attracted to me?” I knew he could be flirty at times when he wanted to be, but I hadn’t let myself even consider that he might actually want me.

*

“Of course, I’m attracted to you,” Ronan answered. “Do you really think I’d marry someone I didn’t find appealing? I’ve been attracted to you since you first ran into me by the elevators at the office. I simply ignored it for the sake of our working relationship. But it’s always been there.” I was stunned. From the moment he’d uttered the words ‘marry me,’ everything since had felt like nothing more than a business deal. This revelation changed everything.

*

The car turned a corner as Ronan stared into my eyes and said, “Look, in a matter of minutes, we’re going to arrive. Once the gala begins, I plan to announce to the world that you are my wife. If you want to back out… now would be the time.”

“You’d let me go?”

“I don’t want to.” He took a long breath, exhaled harshly, and said, “Natalie, I really don’t want to. But… I took your choice away once before; it’s time you got it back. What do you say? Do you want to be my wife?” As we pulled up to our destination, I smiled at my husband and took a leap of faith. “I do.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~