A Hand to Hold

Chapter thirty-eight

~ Ronan

*

It was nearly dark by the time I made my way home. Cynthia’s condo had been trashed worse than I’d imagined. It also took far longer than anticipated to help her sort things out. I never found the opportunity to bring up her encounter with Natalie during Sheila’s party. I didn’t want to believe it, but Natalie wasn’t the type to exaggerate. I’d severed my relationship with David for making similar threats to Natalie. Still, I didn’t want to consider cutting off one of my oldest friends. Surely, this had all just been a big misunderstanding.

*

A forbidding feeling came over me when I pulled into my driveway and spotted Katrina’s car. Tense situations became much harder to defuse whenever women united. I let out a sigh, preparing myself for the confrontation that undoubtedly awaited within.

*

Parked in my garage, I ran my hands over my face and scratched my beard as I considered how the day had gotten so far off track. One minute, my wife was blushing over my bare chest, and the next, she was looking at me with hurt and disappointment. I hated being at odds with Natalie. However, I also hated being questioned. She was just beginning to trust me again; why did she have to question me over Cynthia?

*

Through the kitchen door, I entered my house and was met with darkness and mostly silence but for the sound of a television coming from the den. I followed the noise and discovered Katrina lounging alone on my sofa, with Natalie nowhere in sight.

*

“It’s about time,” my assistant stated as she got to her feet. “I expected you home hours ago.”

“I beg your pardon?” I asked in surprise. Had I somehow stumbled into an alternate reality in which I was married to Katrina rather than Natalie? Katrina slipped on her shoes as she said, “I promised Natalie I’d wait for you to come home. But she estimated you’d be home after lunch, not dinner.”

*

Scanning the room, I asked, “Where’s Natalie?” Katrina took a deep breath and uttered the words I dreaded most, “The lone star state.”

“F*ck, are you serious?” I instantly pulled my phone out of my pocket and dialed Natalie’s number. It rang twice before going to voicemail. She’d rejected the call. I called again, but it went straight to voicemail. “Dammit!” I yelled.

*

I looked up to see Katrina already had on her coat, keys in hand. “When did she leave?” I demanded to know.

“This morning. But she texted a little after one o’clock, letting me know she’d arrived.”

“Did she say when she was coming back?”

“No. And actually…”

“What?” I pressed, not liking the look of hesitancy on Katrina’s face.

“She didn’t act like she was coming back, but I don’t know that for sure.” I clenched my fists in anger and bellowed, “Why the hell did you let her go?!”

*

What little sympathy Katrina had for me vanished as she yelled, “Do NOT get mad at me! You are the one who left his wife alone on Christmas Day to go be with another woman.”

“It wasn’t like that,” I replied, attempting to regain my composure. “Cynthia’s a friend who needed my help.”

“And Natalie is your WIFE! The socialite princess could’ve called anyone else, and you know that. You’re not the only person in Cynthia Price’s life, but you and I are all Natalie has in this city, and you’ve basically put her on house arrest since you’ve been married. Natalie needed you today— way more than Cynthia did.” f**k. She was right.

*

“You still could’ve at least texted me,” I told Katrina.

“You may be my boss, but Natalie is my best friend. My loyalties lie with her. And frankly, I didn’t feel you deserved a heads-up that your wife was leaving you. She needs to go home, Ronan. She needs her family. I tried to go with her, but she wouldn’t hear of it.”

*

Katrina tied the belt around her coat and said, “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going home. I’ve only been alone in this house for one day, and I’m already sick of it. I don’t know how Natalie put up with it as long as she did. Good night, Ronan.” I said nothing as Katrina left. I was still reeling over the fact that my wife was no longer in the same state.

*

I poured myself a drink, downing it in one gulp before proceeding to pour myself another. Full glass in hand, I went upstairs. As I paced my bedroom, not knowing what to do with myself, it occurred to me that it should’ve been Natalie’s first official night in the master bedroom. She wasn’t meant to be a thousand miles away from me.

*

I called her number again. Voicemail. I dialed Melody’s number. It at least rang, but eventually also went to voicemail. I dialed Natalie one more time. When the voicemail picked up, I left a message for whenever she turned her phone back on. “Nat, baby, please call me. Or at least text me. I need to know you’re safe. Please let me explain what happened today. This has all been one big misunderstanding. Please… call me.” After I hung up, I threw the phone on my bed and ran a hand frustratingly through my hair.

*

Slouching in the chair by the window, I slowly sipped my whiskey. By the time the glass was empty, Natalie had still not returned my calls, nor had Melody. So, I resolved to go to her. This was not a disagreement that could be solved over the phone anyway.

*

Katrina’s words resonated with me. I never considered how much Natalie needed me because she rarely complained about being cooped up in the house by herself. But I saw it now. Cynthia could’ve called someone else. She could have sorted her affairs just fine without me. Natalie had been completely alone, on Christmas no less, and I was too distracted to see how much that pained her. Adding insult to injury, she’d tried to stop me, but I chose to leave anyway. I was utterly ashamed of myself.

*

The house was far too quiet. The solitude I once craved had become unbearable. The paintings, newly hung in our room, mocked me. I knew I’d never get any rest in a room haunted by my wife’s absence.

*

As I migrated into Callum’s room, I pondered when exactly I’d become so dependent on a damn woman. When did my ability to sleep hinge on my proximity to Natalie? She was too f*****g far away. I was determined not to disturb any of my employees on Christmas. I would wait until first thing the next morning to arrange my private jet. But in the meantime, I was on edge without Natalie.

*

I returned downstairs for more whiskey, grabbing the entire bottle before retreating to the guest room. The only way I’d get any sleep that night was by getting thoroughly soused. A recliner was nestled in the corner of Callum’s room. I leaned on the arm, resting my face in my left hand and dwelling on the day’s events. When I removed my hand from my face, I stared at the band on my ring finger. I’d hardly taken notice of it in all the time I’d been wearing it. But that night, the metal suddenly felt ten times heavier— an unpalatable reminder of my colossal failure as a husband.

*

I heard Harrison’s voice in my head as I recalled our conversation in which he pointed out Natalie deserved better. Though I’d agreed, back then I’d been of the mind that she’d have to settle for less because I was unlikely to change. But I had changed. Whether aware of it as it was happening or not, the irrefutable fact was… I had changed.

*

After all the ways in which I’d subconsciously changed for Natalie, why hadn’t I been more understanding about where she was coming from regarding Cynthia? She was my wife. And though we didn’t marry under normal circumstances, that position still afforded her a certain level of respect, beginning with me. Whether or not Natalie was mistaken about Cynthia’s intentions didn’t give me license to abandon her the way I had.

*

All at once, I got to my feet, ignoring the effects of the alcohol coursing through my bloodstream as I retrieved my phone with newfound determination. I would get to the bottom of things concerning Cynthia once and for all, and that could only be accomplished face to face.

~~~

Standing at the living room window, I gulped down a large mug of strong coffee as I watched Cynthia’s Porsche glide down my driveway. I rubbed fatigue from my face as I moved toward the entrance to meet her. I opened the door before she could ring the bell. “Thanks for coming, Cyn,” I greeted as she passed the threshold. “We need to talk.”

“So you said in your message. Well, here I am, darling. Let’s talk.”

*

Cynthia made herself at home, strutting into the den. As I followed, I took notice of the drastic change in her appearance since I last saw her. Her sensible clothes had been replaced with a tightly fitted, magenta cocktail dress, and she wore a heavy layer of makeup, making her look ready for a night on the town.

*

“Did I catch you on your way to meet Justin?” I asked, eyeing her attire.

“What? Oh,” she glanced down at herself, then quickly back to me, and finished, “No, um … I might meet up with some girlfriends later. It’s been a trying day, as you know, and I thought I deserved some fun.” There was something in her smile I’d never seen before. Was that deception I sensed? Or maybe I was imagining things as a result of Natalie’s claim I didn’t know the real Cynthia. I didn’t want to jump to conclusions. I merely wanted the truth, whatever that might be.

*

“So, where is your wife?” Cynthia inquired with contempt in her voice. I knew she was skeptical about Natalie’s reasons for marrying me, but I sensed more animosity toward my wife than mere distrust. “Natalie went to visit her aunt for Christmas,” I said.

“And she left you alone for the holidays? I would never leave MY husband alone on Christmas.”

“Actually,” I corrected. “I delayed my travel plans in order to be a friend to you. Or did you forget?”

“Of course not, Ronny. I am ever so grateful.” She didn’t sound grateful. If anything, she sounded annoyed.

“Natalie wasn’t very pleased with me for altering our plans at the last minute.”

“Oh, I’m sure she understands.” She waved me off with a flick of her hand. “After all, you and I’ve had a relationship long before you met her.” Again, I didn’t appreciate the tone in her voice when referring to Natalie.”

*

“Natalie would’ve been a lot more understanding,” I said, “had you not recently threatened her.” I caught a brief flare of her nostrils and a flash of fear in her eyes, a reaction I would’ve missed had I not been watching closely. A feeling of dread crept over me.

*

“Threaten her?” Cynthia questioned. “What on earth are you talking about, Ronny?” I cleared my throat and answered, “I’m talking about your encounter with Natalie during Sheila Camden’s party.”

“You mean when she gloated about snaring the biggest catch in the country?”

“What?” I responded in confusion.

“That’s right, Ronny. The sweet, innocent wife you think you married is all an act.”

“You don’t know her,” I stated, feeling a sense of deja vous as I repeated the same words from my earlier argument with Natalie. At that point, I could only rely on my well-defined instincts and prayed they wouldn’t steer me wrong.

*

“That’s true,” Cynthia admitted. “I don’t know her. But after I spoke with you at Sheila’s party, I went to her with the intention of giving her the benefit of the doubt out of respect for our friendship. And how did she respond to my flag of truce? With an ultimatum. She said if I didn’t distance myself from you, she’d turn you against me. Now I know she wasn’t bluffing. I didn’t threaten her, Ronan; she threatened me.” When she tucked her hair behind her ear, a fragment of a memory began to nag me. After a few seconds, it came to me.

*

“Cyn, do you remember that summer before I left for college?” I asked casually. She didn’t seem the least bit suspicious in the abrupt change of subject. She merely smiled happily and replied, “We were inseparable that summer. We had quite a few adventures, you and I.” She slowly moved toward me and placed a hand softly on my chest. A gesture Cynthia had made regularly over the years suddenly made me extremely uncomfortable. I stepped out of her reach, but her smile didn’t falter.

*

“The last week we were together,” I reminded Cynthia, “we thought it would be a good idea to borrow your dad’s yacht, thinking he’d never find out. But he did… didn’t he?”

“Only because you crashed it into the dock,” she said with a giggle. “But I’m confused… why are we going down memory lane when I just told you how manipulative and deceptive your wife is?”

“Because, I was there when your dad discovered the damage. And I was there when you looked him square in the eye and claimed we had nothing to do with it.”

“I saved us from a world of trouble. What’s your point, Ronny?”

“My point is, that was the day I noticed you always tuck your hair behind your ear whenever you lie through your teeth. Same as you did just now when you claimed Natalie threatened you.”

*

Cynthia’s face paled at my words, and she fidgeted nervously. “Ronan—”

“You see,” I interrupted what was sure to be another lie. “I may have known you longer, but I’ve worked alongside Natalie, day after day, for over a year. I know her true character far better than you, or anyone else, thinks I do.”

“Ronan, she’s been planning this from the very beginning. She is not as innocent as she portrays herself to be.”

“She’s a hell of a lot more innocent than you, and we both know that.”

*

Cynthia pursed her lips and said, “Fine. I didn’t want to upset you. However, you leave me no choice but to tell you everything.”

“Everything?”

“Yes, everything. After your wife threatened me, I did a little research on her.” My heart raced as I suspected where the conversation was headed. “Ronny, I’m sorry, but Natalie isn’t even her real name. Her real name is Natasha Novikov, and she’s a part of the Russian mob. She only married you to extort money out of you. She plans to drain you dry and leave you with nothing.”

*

I turned away from Cynthia in order to think clearly. Had Natalie played me from the beginning? Had she suckered me into paying off her debt? Or had she been entirely right in her assertion about Cynthia’s true nature? When I compared the two possibilities, I immediately deduced the truth. For the first time in my history, my head and my heart were in complete agreement.

*

When I faced Cynthia again, I calmly said, “My wife may have been born Natasha, but her legal name is Natalie.”

“You knew?” she responded in surprise.

“Of course, I knew. I’m a little insulted that you assumed I didn’t. Natalie told me the truth about everything before we married. You see, Natalie is so rarely anything but truthful with me, to the point she’s terrible at lying. I can spot her dishonesty a mile away. Whereas you…”

“What about me?” Cynthia bit back defensively. If she’d truly been innocent, she would’ve sounded hurt, not defensive. “You’ve been putting on an act with me for so long, I don’t even know who you really are.”

“Ronny, how can you say that? Has she really poisoned your opinion of me that much?” She did her best to summon a wounded expression, but it was too late. I saw through her now.

*

“On the contrary,” I answered coolly, “I think I am finally seeing you for who you really are. A true friend would’ve told me their suspicions regarding Natalie’s intentions straight away. You, however, used it as a bargaining chip.”

“I only recently learned the truth, Ronan. And as you may recall, my condo was trashed today. I’ve been a little distracted.”

“That’s true. But you’d think after we’d spent the entire day together, you would have found the time to tell me my wife might be a Russian operative sent to steal my money. I mean, that is kind of important. A lot more important than you making an insurance claim on your Gucci shoes and Louboutin bags.”

“Ronan, you’re missing the biggest point here. She only married you for your money!”

“And I had my own ulterior motives for marrying her. Which you know nothing about.”

*

Cynthia’s face turned red in frustration as she said, “I don’t appreciate being spoken to with such hostility. Have you no respect for our years of friendship?”

“Cynthia, I don’t even know who I’ve been friends with all these years. And don’t you dare question my respect for our friendship, when I abandoned my wife on Christmas for the sole purpose of coming to your aid.”

“And I’m extremely grateful, Ronan. I hope you know that.” She regained her composure and somehow moved closer without my notice.

*

Cynthia gazed at me with doe eyes and a pitiful expression, one that in the past would’ve resulted in sympathy rather than agitation. After several moments of heavy silence, she snaked her hands around my neck and said, “Do you remember that week we spent on the French Riviera?”

“I do,” I answered emotionlessly.

“Wasn’t that a fabulous week? Sunbathing on Paloma Beach. Driving through Monaco. Making love on the hotel balcony to the sound of the waves. Those were the happiest days of my life.” That feeling of dread grew and overcame all my senses. “What is your point?” I asked coldly.

“My point is, we can have that again. We should have that again. Ronan, don’t you see? We were made for each other.”

*

Before I could stop her, Cynthia pulled me in for a deep kiss. I’d like to say I instantly pushed her away— but I didn’t. I let it happen. Not because I enjoyed her affection but because I was so stunned by the stark difference between her kiss and Natalie’s. My physical relationship with Cynthia had lasted nearly a year, and in that time, I’d been immensely attracted to her. Her kisses used to immediately stir a physical response. But now… nothing. In fact, just the opposite.

*

I peeled her hands off my neck, severing our connection with a big step back. “Stop this!” I demanded. “No, Cynthia, we are NOT meant to be. You don’t know me. If you did, you’d know how much I detest infidelity. I made a vow to Natalie. You should know how seriously I take that.” Cynthia’s face contorted with anger as she shrieked, “I know you a hell of a lot better than she does!”

“No, Cynthia, you don’t. And now I am convinced you never did. This conversation is over. Please leave.”

*

I walked into the foyer with Cynthia on my heels. “Ronan, I do know you,” she insisted. “You will tire of her. And when that happens, I will be there for you.” I opened the front door for her and replied, “You shouldn’t put your life on hold for things that will never come to pass.” I could tell there was a mountain of things she wished to say, but she held her tongue and left.

*

Back in the guest room, I rested in the recliner, once again staring at the ring on my hand. It was as though I saw it in an all-new light. I didn’t know what my future held, but I knew Natalie was a part of it. I had to get her back. She was my path, and I needed to prove I was her’s. At one point, I’d persuaded her to stop holding me at arm’s length without realizing I’d been doing the same by offering everything but love. If I hoped to convince my wife we belonged in each other’s futures, I’d have to lower my guard completely. Even if that meant putting myself at risk.

*

Morning could not come soon enough. I wouldn’t be able to breathe deeply again until I laid my hands on Natalie. The uncertainty surrounding our relationship was unbearable. I deliberated finishing off that bottle of whiskey but opted for a hot shower and a strong sleeping pill instead.

*

Before falling asleep, I penned a letter to Marie, informing her of my sudden departure and leaving instructions to move Natalie’s belongings into the master bedroom. I also left a message with my pilot, giving him orders to make the necessary preparations for my trip to Dallas the next morning. I wanted to go after her sooner, but after everything I’d put her through, Natalie deserved a little space, as well as time spent with her only family. But come tomorrow, I would do whatever it took to remind her… I was her family, too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~