A Hand to Hold

Chapter thirty-nine

~ Natalie

*

Waking up in my childhood bedroom the day after Christmas was a little disorienting. Aunt Mel was thrilled, albeit slightly confused, when she got my call asking her to pick me up from DFW airport. In the hour-long drive home, she never pestered me about what brought me there, for which I was grateful. I hadn’t been ready to unpack everything between Ronan and me just yet.

*

Melody filled me in on the happenings around our neighborhood and informed me of the new language she’d recently begun studying— Irish. I considered asking her about the new word Ronan had been calling me, but at that point, I wasn’t sure I wanted an answer.

*

For all intents and purposes, Melody was my mother, and she knew me down to my soul. Therefore, I knew she sensed my unhappiness and insecurities over my marriage but understood that badgering wasn’t what I needed. First, I needed to see home again, get some good Southern cooking, and sleep in my childhood bedroom.

*

The morning after my arrival, I walked through our quaint little farmhouse and into the kitchen. There, I found Melody at the breakfast table, having a cup of coffee with Dan Montgomery. Dan owned the ranch east of Melody’s property. They’d been neighbors and good friends as far back as I could remember. He was a widower with two sons a few years younger than me.

*

“Hey, Dan,” I greeted. He sent me a warm smile and stood from his seat, saying, “Hey there, Tallie girl, good to see you!” I welcomed his big, friendly hug and chuckled, “I don’t think anyone has called me that since I became a legal adult.”

“Some things you never outgrow, darlin’,” Dan said.

“I just wish it didn’t make me sound like a horse.”

“Horses are sacred around here,” Melody pointed out.

“Yeah, better a horse than an ass.”

“Dan!” Melody smacked his shoulder while I laughed heartily.

“What? She knows I’m just teasin’.”

*

Dan was a good-hearted man. Why did it seem the kindest people often experienced the most tragedy? He’d lost his only daughter to leukemia when she was six, and his wife died in a car accident during my senior year of high school. It wasn’t fair, but then, life rarely was. However, despite the grief, Dan remained a kind soul.

*

Dan was around fifty, with sun-kissed skin and laugh lines on his face, partially concealed by his brown beard flecked with grey. His warm brown eyes always looked at me like I was kin. His southern accent was thick, even for where we lived, which was saying something. I’d never seen him wear anything other than boots, Wranglers, long-sleeved plaid shirts to protect his skin from the Texas sun, and, of course, his brown Stetson. The man was a true cowboy.

*

“So, how long you home for, Tallie?” Dan asked me.

“Um… I’m not sure.” I felt awkward, unable to answer such a simple question, but my mind was fried by all the overthinking I’d done in the past twenty-four hours. Only days prior, I’d wholeheartedly decided to do whatever necessary to ensure Ronan received his inheritance. But before I could express this desire, Ronan made me doubt everything all over again.

*

Ever since we’d married, I’d been so caught up with whether or not I could trust Ronan, I never once wondered if he trusted me. Our argument over Cynthia brought the startling realization that my husband did not trust me. I was not only wounded to my core but also all kinds of confused. I could only pray a few days home, revisiting my roots would offer some much-needed perspective.

*

“Well, you be sure to let the boys know you’re here,” Dan told me. “I’m sure they’d love to see you and hear all about your life in Chicago. You’d think I’d raised a couple of city boys, the way they carry on about how lucky you are.” I poured myself a cup of coffee and replied, “Want me to tell them it’s not all it’s cracked up to be?”

“Would you?” he asked hopefully.

“Consider it done,” I replied, sitting at the table with Mel.

“You’re a good girl, you know that, Tallie.”

“I do, but it’s always nice to hear.”

*

We spent a while catching up, and I began feeling lighter already, merely getting my mind off Ronan. I wondered if Melody had told Dan about my marriage. He wasn’t the type to read tabloids. If he knew, he hid it well because the conversation never touched on my husband, and for that, I was relieved.

*

After Dan left, I looked through the kitchen, taking stock of what baking ingredients Melody had on hand. “I don’t have any buttermilk,” she said while I had my head in the refrigerator. “But I’ve got whole milk and lemons if you need a substitute.” I peeked at her from around the edge of the refrigerator door and asked, “How did you know what I was looking for?”

“Natalie, sweetheart, I raised you. I’d know your baking-face anywhere.”

“I didn’t realize I was that obvious,” I said, closing the refrigerator.

“To me, you are. And if you expect to do any baking in my kitchen, you’d better plan on talking while you’re at it because I still don’t know what caused you to show up unexpectedly. It can’t be good if you have baking face.” She slid out a barstool from under the island counter, sat down, and looked at me expectantly. With a sigh, I admitted, “I suppose that’s fair.”

~~~

By the time I’d explained almost everything that had happened over the past month, the breakfast table was laden with chocolate-chip cookies, brownies, and blueberry muffins. I was getting out what I needed to make homemade whipped cream when I finally took a breath, having just finished describing the abrupt and disastrous end of my first Christmas with Ronan.

*

Melody sat in silence for several moments before finally saying, “Well, I can certainly understand why you felt the need to get away for a bit.”

“But?” I strongly suspected there was more she wanted to say. Melody hadn’t been pleased to learn I’d chosen to elope in order to escape danger, but she’d respected my decision. And she was a firm believer in standing by and following through with one’s decisions. So, it shouldn’t have come as any surprise that she didn’t support me staying home indefinitely.

*

“Natalie, you need to put yourself in his shoes,” Melody stated.

“How can you say that?” I asked in disbelief. “You’re supposed to be on my side.”

“Honey, I am always on your side. I’m simply trying to offer you a bit of perspective. That is what you came home for, isn’t it?” When I nodded, she continued, “Ronan has been a bachelor his entire life. He’s never had a single long-term relationship. Nor have you, I might add. Even for experienced couples in love, marriage is a huge adjustment and takes time to find your footing.”

*

I stopped in the middle of slicing strawberries, pushing the plate away as I leaned on the counter and said, “All I expected from him was a little trust. That’s what hurt the most. I trusted him when it came to Grant, but he wouldn’t even hear me out when it came to Cynthia.”

“I know it’s not what you want to hear,” Melody replied softly, “but Natalie, he’s known her a lot longer than he’s known you. And as you said, he’s a prideful man. Can you imagine the amount of humility it would take for a man who prides himself on his superb judge of character to admit he’s been completely wrong about a friend he’s known most his life?”

“I guess when you put it like that…”

*

Melody put a comforting hand on my wrist and said, “Just promise me you won’t freeze him out for too long. Take your time returning if you need it, but give him a chance to explain himself.”

“And if he doesn’t?”

“He will.”

“What makes you so sure?”

“I’ve only spoken to him once, but I believe he’s a man of good moral character. I have a feeling that, although he may not be in love with you, he cares a great deal about your opinion of him. And if I’m right, he won’t allow you to keep a low opinion of him without attempting to explain himself. Just be open-minded when he does.” I nodded and muttered, “Yes, ma’am.”

*

Aunt Mel was right. Though, she should’ve been more on my side, at least calling him a name or something. But I couldn’t deny… she was right. Melody stood, saying, “Alright, give me your list.”

“List?”

“Your supply list. Because if I know you, you’re not done baking until there’s a chocolate cake sitting on this counter.”

~~~

I took a break from baking while Aunt Mel went on a supply run. The house was quiet without her, but it was preferable to tagging along to the store and inevitably running into someone I knew. Dan was a dear man, who I was happy to see, but bumping into anyone else would undoubtedly bring up questions I had no intention of answering.

*

Not long after Melody had left, I heard the front door open and more than one set of boots enter the foyer. Then came, “Natalie!” I smiled from the familiarity and hurried out of the kitchen.

*

“Cash!” I exclaimed, seeing Dan’s firstborn standing in Mel’s living room.

“Hey beautiful!” he greeted with a wide grin. We happily embraced one another before I turned to his younger brother, saying, “Tucker! Good to see you, too.” After a hug from Tucker, I appraised them and commented, “Damn, you two are freakishly tall.” The Montgomery boys were the spitting image of their father— brown hair, warm brown eyes, and tanned skin, though Tucker stood a few inches shorter.

*

“It wouldn’t be a surprise if you didn’t stay away so long, girl,” Cash told me.

“I know, I know… but I’m here now. You guys are looking good. I bet all the girls chase you down.”

“Tucker’s the one with all the girlfriends,” Cash said, elbowing his little brother.

“No lie?” I looked at Tucker. His hair was considerably longer than his brother’s and fell in front of his eyes. “Only ‘cause big bro is too busy with work,” Tucker answered.

“I believe that,” I said to Cash. “You’ve always been your dad’s shadow.”

“Yeah, yeah… anyway, what about you? Last Christmas, you were still the shy little southern girl who went away to college, but now… damn girl. You’re a goddess. Look at you!”

“Shut up,” I chided, rolling my eyes. “You’re just trying to get a blush out of me, as always.”

*

We knew each other far too well. Cash and Tucker were like the kid cousins I never had, and their dad easily filled the role of uncle. Before he died, Melody’s husband, Brian, had been Dan’s best friend. This feeling of family was what my life had been missing lately. Deep down, I worried after being home again, I’d never find the will to leave.

*

I led the boys into the kitchen and told them to help themselves to whatever baked goods they wanted. When their hands were full, we migrated onto the front porch to sit and chat. I wasn’t the least bit surprised to learn Cash planned to take over the ranch from his father when he retired. Whereas Tucker had plans to attend college before returning to assist his brother with the business. Their plans fell perfectly in line with their differing personalities.

*

When we stood to say our goodbyes, Tucker’s eyes grew wide as he caught sight of something in the distance. “Whoa!” he said. “Who does Mel know that drives a Lamborghini?” My head snapped toward the driveway, and sure enough, a shiny and outrageously expensive sports car was coming up the long driveway. “f**k,” I muttered. Cash’s mouth fell open as he said, “My Lord! Did goodie-goodie Tallie just utter the big swear?”

“She did, bro,” Tucker answered. “You’ve changed more than we thought.”

*

Unable to take my eyes off the car, ominously coming closer, I flinched when Cash touched my shoulder. “Do you know who it is?” he asked with concern, noticing I’d grown tense.

“I do, unfortunately. He’s here sooner than I thought.”

“Who is he?” Tucker asked.

“If I told you, you wouldn’t leave. And I really need you both to leave.” I tried to shove Cash off the porch, but I would’ve had better luck shifting a mountain.

*

“We ain’t going anywhere,” Cash stated. “Not till you tell us why you look more shaken than Aunt Ida’s martinis.”

“Because I hate confrontation,” I replied. “And this is a confrontation I cannot avoid. I promise I’ll explain later. Please, just do me a favor and let me sort out my troubles on my own?”

“No way we’re leaving you in the state you’re in.”

“Guys, I’m fine. Ronan may be an ass at times, but he’d never hurt me. I need you to let me handle this myself.”

“Fine, but we’re coming back in an hour if we don’t hear from you. You still got my number, right?”

“I got it. Thanks, guys.” I hugged each of them, and they walked off the side of the porch toward their place just as the car door opened.

*

I untied the apron I’d been wearing and flung it over the porch railing before running my hands nervously through my hair in an attempt to tame it. I moved to stand at the top of the porch steps as I shoved my trembling hands into my pockets. It was the uncertainty that had me on edge. I didn’t know what to expect from Ronan. Part of me imagined him throwing me over his shoulder, tossing me into the car, and driving me straight to the airport. But even he wasn’t that boorish.

*

As my husband approached the house, I thought it was criminal for him to look so good. Even with all the lingering tension between us, the sight of him still made my heartbeat quicken. He wore a casual pair of jeans and a simple black long-sleeved shirt, yet somehow still looked like a billion dollars. His strawberry-blonde hair was perfectly tussled to the side, and he also had his hands in his pockets as he moved toward me.

*

Upon closer inspection, I noticed Ronan’s perfectly composed expression marred with fatigue. He clearly hadn’t slept much, if at all, and I suddenly regretted leaving my phone off. I had assurance from Trina that she’d passed along the message of my safe arrival. But the lack of contact had taken a larger toll on Ronan than expected.

*

My husband slowly moved up the porch steps and came to stand directly before me. I suspected he could hear my heartbeat, as it was deafening. In all the scenarios I’d run through my head, not once did I envision what he did next. Before I could react, his arms were wrapped around me in a firm but tender embrace as he sweetly whispered, “A ghrá.” My heart fluttered happily, feeling quite at home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~