A Hand to Hold

Chapter twenty-seven

~ Ronan

*

When Natalie looked up at me during our last dance with those tea-green eyes of hers, I lusted after her ruby-red lips. Kissing her was all I could think about. However, as I contemplated my own words, that I had the honor of sharing many firsts with her, a new desire came over me. I wanted OUR first kiss to be just between us. And although the moment was ideal, gliding across the dance floor to the tune of one of her favorite songs, too many eyes were on us. So, I talked myself out of kissing her. But if I’d known how the evening would end, I’d have planted my lips on hers when I had the chance.

*

I couldn’t have predicted Cynthia’s confrontation. Immediately following my dance with Natalie, she dragged me out of the ballroom. “What’s so damn important that you couldn’t say to me in there?” I demanded to know.

“In there, you’re a different person,” she stated, “and I want the truth.”

“The truth about what?”

“Come on, Ronny, don’t play dumb. It’s me you’re talking to, remember? What’s the deal with you and this so-called wife of yours?”

“I didn’t realize the concept of marriage was so foreign to you, Cynthia.”

“It’s not, but it is to YOU. Are you really going to stand there and tell me the two of you have a real marriage?” I shrugged and replied nonchalantly, “As real as any other.”

“Stop being vague and give me an answer.”

*

Mine and Cynthia’s friendship spanned years, but I didn’t appreciate being questioned by anyone. “An answer to what?” I spat. “Whether Natalie and I are truly and legally married? Yes, we are. I don’t understand why that is so difficult for you to grasp.”

“Do you love her?”

“You know I don’t permit myself to love. But… I do care about her.” I thought that’d be enough to put an end to the tedious conversation. I was wrong.

*

After a brief pause, Cynthia looked at me as though she were attempting to read my thoughts when she said, “Is she blackmailing you?”

“Come on, Cyn. Don’t be so ridiculous.”

“There has to be a reason for this nonsense. I simply don’t see what you are getting out of this relationship. This isn’t like you. She must be manipulating you somehow.”

“You’re being dramatic. Do you think I’m so easily manipulated?”

“You can’t deny this doesn’t make sense, Ronan. Even if you’ve ever entertained the idea of marriage… she doesn’t come close to being your type. She’s far too plain.”

“Watch what you say about my wife, Cynthia,” I growled. “Or I will forget we’ve been friends as long as we have.” Her mouth hung open in shock. I was a little stunned myself that I would so readily jump to my wife’s defense. But Natalie was beautiful, inside and out, and labeling her as plain was an injustice I would not tolerate.

*

“Do you even hear yourself?” Cynthia hissed.

“Do you?!” I pushed back.

“No matter what you say, you will not convince me she is your wife in the true sense of the word. Legally, maybe, but not emotionally. I know there is more to this situation.” She moved closer, summoned her sweetest voice as she touched my arm, and said, “Come on, Ronny, you know I know you better than that. You couldn’t even bring yourself to kiss her.” Of course, she was right, but not in the way she thought. “You’re right, Cyn. I couldn’t bring myself to kiss her.” A victorious smile crept across her face, and it did not suit her.

*

I planned to explain further, but I never got the chance. A flash of movement caught my eyes, drawing my gaze in time to catch a flash of gold and red fabric disappear around the corner— Natalie. “f**k,” I swore under my breath as I immediately sprang into action. “What… Ronan?!” Cynthia called after me when I abruptly abandoned her in the hallway. She didn’t matter. All that mattered was my wife.

*

I raced into the ballroom but found no sign of Natalie. How could a woman in a ballgown and four-inch heels vanish so quickly? I needed to locate her as soon as humanly possible. After the last thing she heard me say to Cynthia, I could only imagine what was going through her mind at that moment.

*

I scanned one corner of the room to the other with Natalie nowhere in sight. I headed toward the front entrance, hoping to find her with Harrison, but John stopped me. “Ronan, your wife just ran through here, looking like somebody kicked her dog.”

“Where is she?” I asked urgently. “Did you see where she went?”

“Of course.” He pointed to the side doors of the venue, saying, “She went out that way. You may want to find her quickly. Frank tried to grab a smoke earlier but came back inside because of the rain.”

“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph,” I muttered as I took off toward the exit.

*

Flecks of moisture instantly pelted my face as I stepped outside into the drizzling night. In addition to the rain, it was bitterly cold, and I knew Natalie hadn’t bothered to retrieve her wrap from the coat check before running off.

*

I called out for Natalie into the darkness but received no response. I briskly took off down the footpath, going on instinct. The venue’s manicured gardens were extensive. A short distance from the building, the path split, and I had to make a choice— left or right. It was then I heard, “Oh, f*ck.” My head snapped to the right, and I swiftly followed my wife’s voice.

*

When I rounded a corner of topiaries, I found Natalie lying on the hard stone walkway, holding her ankle. The sight of her in such a vulnerable state, knowing I’d been the cause, triggered a wave of self-reproach. Her hair was already dripping wet, and her face was red from the cold.

*

In a spilt second, I slipped out of my tux jacket and dropped to her side. “F*ck, Natalie, are you alright?” I wrapped my jacket around her shoulders. Surely, my face reflected the worry and concern I felt, but she refused to meet my eyes. “Please, answer me, baby,” I said tenderly, reaching to touch her cheek. But she suddenly whipped her head in my direction, shouting, “Leave me alone!”

“Like hell, I will.”

*

I scooped Natalie up off the ground. She didn’t fight me as I held her close to my chest, one arm securely around her back with the other under her knees, carrying the weight of her legs. I never thought of her as too skinny, yet I barely registered her weight. “It’s cold and wet; why did you come outside?” I questioned as I whisked her back toward the venue.

“I needed air,” she said somberly. My heart ached from the lack of warmth in her voice.

*

I lowered Natalie onto a decorative bench under an awning. I pulled the collar up on my jacket she wore and knelt in front of her. “What are you doing?” she demanded to know as I carefully took her injured ankle in hand. “I want to check the damage to your ankle.”

*

Silence descended between us while I thoroughly examined her, looking for any signs I needed to take her to the hospital. After several minutes, she softly muttered, “I think I liked you better as my boss.” I was not prepared for the distress those words inflicted. I replied the first thing that came to mind, “I think I liked me better as your boss.”

*

Satisfied Natalie’s ankle had only suffered a mere sprain, I released her leg and looked up at her. Amidst the beads of rain on her face, tears stained her cheeks, and in that moment, I hated myself. She stared beyond me as though I didn’t exist at all. How could a woman twist my insides so thoroughly merely by refusing to look at me?

*

“Baby … look at me, please,” I begged. I’d never pleaded with a woman before in my life. At first, Natalie acted like she hadn’t heard me. But after a moment, she rotated her face toward mine. “What you heard…it’s not what you think,” I insisted.

“Do you think I’m dumb as well as unappealing?”

“Unappealing? Damn it, Natalie, nothing could be further from the truth. Let me explain.”

“Fine.” She crossed her arms and waited. The setting wasn’t ideal, but I knew that was the only chance I’d get.

*

“Cynthia was arguing with me over whether you and I have a real marriage,” I began, “She claimed you are not my type. When I denied that claim, she pointed out I couldn’t bring myself to kiss you.”

“Yeah, I caught that part. As well as you telling her she was right.”

“She was right, but not for the reasons you both thought.” I reached for Natalie’s arms and clarified, “I couldn’t bring myself to kiss you because it wasn’t something I wanted to share with everyone else in the room. I wanted our first kiss… to be just between us.”

*

I couldn’t tell what Natalie was thinking as I gave her time to process my explanation. Was she still hurt? Angry? Was she apathetic or understanding? I couldn’t read her emotions at all, and it was infuriating. I needed to move Natalie somewhere warmer as soon as possible, but I was selfishly desperate for absolution.

*

Just as I was about to pick her up again, Natalie surprised me by saying. “What about now?”

“Sorry?” I responded in confusion. “I don’t understand.”

“We’re alone now.” I caught a small fragment of something in her eyes. Hope— and it was contagious. “Natalie, you must be freezing.”

“Then share your warmth with me, Ronan.” Damn, her words were powerful.

*

A bead of rain clung to her eyelashes. As she blinked, it fell to her cheek. My hand automatically shifted to her neck as I brushed the droplet away with my thumb. I took a moment to memorize her eyes before I pulled her toward me the same moment I leaned in.

*

When my lips made contact with Natalie’s, I inhaled deeply and our eyelids fell closed. I searched my memories for a kiss half as overwhelming as that one but found none. I felt that kiss down to my bones. Natalie’s lips were velvety smooth and tender as she molded them against mine. I couldn’t believe I’d known her over a year and wasted all that time not kissing her. How could the simplest contact be so powerful? I could feel her energy radiating throughout my entire body, and I wondered if she felt mine.

*

Our eyes opened again as we pulled apart, and the first thing I noticed was Natalie’s adorably flushed cheeks. The experience we’d shared had a similar effect on her as it did on me. When a tremor shook her body, our surroundings snapped back into place. “s**t. Baby, I’m so sorry,” I expressed, promptly taking her into my arms again.

“For what?” she asked as she clung to my neck.

“For not putting your needs first.”

*

Without a word, Natalie leaned her head onto my chest, relaxing into my embrace as I carried her toward the side of the venue. “Do me a favor, lass,” I said, “reach into my jacket pocket and use my phone to text Harrison. Tell him to pull the car around.” Despite my urgency to get her warm, I knew my wife’s self-conscious nature would rather avoid a scene such as being carried through the ballroom in her current state.

*

Quick to act as always, Harrison steered the car down the vacant side street just as we came around from the back. “Is she alright, sir?” he asked in concern when he saw Natalie in my arms. She answered for herself, saying, “I’m fine, Harrison. I knew the risk I took when I let Ronan talk me into wearing high heels.” I couldn’t stop the chuckle that escaped me.

*

I carefully helped my wife into the car. “Ronan, what about our coats?” she asked. “And I left my purse inside.”

“Don’t fret, a ghrá. I’ll take care of everything.” I kissed her forehead and addressed our driver, “Harrison, blast the heat in the car. I’ll be right back.”

“Yes, sir.”

*

When I re-entered the ballroom, I assured John and Jerri that Natalie was alright. I quickly gathered what we’d left behind and made a beeline for the exit. Cynthia attempted to stop me, but I brushed her off with one sentence. “Not now, Cynthia, my wife needs me.” If she understood my tone, that would be the end of her questioning the validity of my marriage.

*

I reached the car and slid into the backseat. After dumping our stuff onto the floorboard, I pulled Natalie to my side, asking, “Are you warming up, baby?”

“I am now,” she replied as she relaxed against my chest. A sense of gratification came in knowing my body heat eased her discomfort. “I’m sorry for the misunderstanding,” I said. “But I wish you hadn’t run off.”

“I told you, I just needed air.”

“Cold and wet air?”

“It was bracing,” she admitted, causing me to laugh.

*

Once her body temperature normalized, Natalie said, “I feel bad we left earlier than planned.”

“Don’t. I’m sure the only people remaining were drunk and oblivious to our disappearance.” She didn’t reply, but I suspected more was on her mind. “What is it?” I urged.

“I was just wondering…”

“Tell me.”

“Why do you think Cynthia couldn’t accept the idea of you marrying me?”

*

I considered my answer before I sighed and replied, “We’ve known each other since our teens. In all that time, I’d been consistently averse to marriage. Then, out of the blue, I walk into our annual charity gala with a wife on my arm. Cynthia’s just concerned about me, that’s all.” Natalie fidgeted uncomfortably in her seat, sparking my concern over her ankle. “Are you in pain?” She shook her head and relaxed into my side as we returned to a comfortable silence.

*

When I began to think Natalie had fallen asleep, she suddenly spoke, “Can I ask you a question?”

“Anything,” I encouraged softly.

“Were you ever in love with Cynthia?” I rubbed her arm soothingly and replied, “No.” I softly kissed the top of her head and continued, “That’s one thing you and I have in common; we are both virgins in love.” I thought that would satisfy her, but she shocked me by saying, “David seems to think I’m the reason you stopped loving her.”

*

Natalie’s statement struck me as odd. When had she talked to David, and why would he imply such nonsense? “What are you talking about?” I asked.

“That’s why I was looking for you earlier,” she explained. “Before I stumbled across you and Cynthia, David more or less told me I’d gotten in the way of plans he’d made with your father years ago.”

“Natalie, tell me everything.”

*

I listened in a quiet fury as my sweet wife relayed every word that son of a b***h dared speak to her. “That f*****g bastard,” I growled. “Who the hell does he think he is?! I’m severing all association with Price Development first thing in the morning.” Natalie had a firm grip on the front of my shirt as she insisted, “Ronan, please don’t. I can’t be the reason you cut ties with a family friend.”

“David was a friend of my father’s, not mine.”

“But Cynthia is your friend, and he’s her father. Besides, I’m sure he was simply acting from a place of shock and disappointment.”

“You’re too kind for your own good, lass. I know my father had no such plans for me to marry Cynthia. He’d told me, on more than one occasion, he didn’t believe we suited one another. But I’m immensely proud of you for standing your ground. I certainly couldn’t have handled him better myself.”

*

“Just so you know,” Natalie uttered, returning her head comfortably against my chest, “if you wanted to divorce me, in order to try again with her, I wouldn’t stop you. I know I implied to David that I would, but it wasn’t true. I’d let you go.” I squeezed her tighter and said, “Then you are more valiant than I, baby… because I would never let you go. I already told you— you will be my wife till the day I die. That’s a promise.” I couldn’t be sure, but I thought I sensed Natalie smile in the dark.

*

“Ronan…” Natalie whispered sleepily. “About what you said earlier… being sorry for not putting my needs first.”

“Yeah?”

“You did.”

“Did I?” I asked rhetorically, knowing she referred to our sensational kiss. I sighed peacefully and said, “I’m glad.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~