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1068 Words
“I know it’s up to you, but if it matters at all, I think you should try.” Her gaze finally lifted to mine, eyes suspiciously glassy. “Yeah?” “Yeah.” I wasn’t particularly comfortable with displays of emotion, and while the moment had been touching, awkward unease circled in around me. I peered back into the dining room to see it empty. “I’m gonna go find G and Val, unless you need any more help.” I hoped she didn’t because I needed an escape from the mounting emotions. I’d hit my capacity for difficult emotions dealing with my own issues; I couldn’t take on any more. “Nah, you go see what they’re up to.” She waved a soapy hand in my direction. “I saw them scurry off with their heads together when I brought in the salad bowl.” Scurrying off? Giada and Val didn’t normally hang out, mostly because of their age difference. Curiosity and the greasy tinge of jealousy sent me in silent search of my sisters, hoping to catch them unaware. I found them in the study, huddled together cocooned in secrecy. It stung more than I’d expected. “Everything okay in here?” I asked, announcing my presence and putting a quick end to their counsel. They both jumped. “Yeah, just checking in with Val. School stuff and all,” Giada shot back. She’d never cared about her own schoolwork, let alone any of ours. Valentina glanced at Giada before weaving her own explanation. “There’s this new guy at school. He thinks he owns the place and is a bit of a bully, but it’s no big deal. You guys get the dishes all done?” They both stared expectantly at me like world-class amateurs. Had I thrown them off their game that much? My sisters could lie better than that. The question was, why did they feel they had to keep something from me? Our parents were one thing, but I was a fellow sister. What could they possibly need to hide from me? “Yeah … Mom was just wrapping up. I thought I’d let you two know I was heading out.” I gave them a tight smile. It was all I could muster through the hurt. I knew I didn’t exactly fit in among them, but I rarely faced such a stark reminder. “Okay. Be safe on your way home.” Giada wrapped me in a quick hug, followed by Val. I said my goodbyes and went outside to request an Uber. As I filled in the necessary information, a text notification appeared at the top of my screen. Filip: Camilla, don’t ignore me. Why not? So you can bully me some more? It was too much to deal with on top of everything else. His oppressive agreement. My narcissistic boss. Guilt trips from my mother and a secret half brother. Being ostracized by my sisters. Filip’s demands were more than I could handle. I dismissed the notification and placed my Uber order. My heart ached for so many different reasons that I could hardly see through the darkness that descended around me. A thundercloud of anger and remorse lingered ominously over my head with no sign of sun to chase away the storm. When my ride arrived, I slipped into the back seat and wrapped my arms snugly around my middle to help hold myself together until I was home. There was only one way I knew of to release the swell of emotions and keep them from consuming me—to free myself from the oppressive weight of the world—and I had denied myself that comfort for too long. I needed it, no matter the resulting shame. With or without Filip’s help, I would find what I was after. That promise to myself was the single flickering flame that kept me from being swallowed by the darkness. I focused all my attention on its unsteady light and greedily consumed its warmth to fortify myself. The moment I was home, I crawled into bed and welcomed the oblivion of sleep. Thursday, February 6th Filip: Do I need to come find you and force you to talk? I’d obsessed over my situation with Filip all morning. His domineering behavior was more than I knew how to handle, but his words had resounded somewhere deep inside me. A bond linked us together—something dark and elemental. The unsettling demand of desire. The insidious whispers of torment. I couldn’t put a name to the connection between us. There were no words or explanations. He was drawn to me the same way I was to him, and it was making both of us crazy. Could something so powerful ever be good? Neither of us was a match for the unspoken chemistry that sizzled and popped in the air around us. As though fate charted our course, and we had no say in our destination. The prospect was terrifying. Would it be better for us to sever ties? Should I abandon my mission and admit defeat before I ended up hopelessly broken? I had no answers, so how could I possibly respond to his texts? A knock sounded at my office door before Trent leaned around the doorframe and poked his head inside. “The Marshall Group just moved our lunch meeting to dinner tonight. Seven o’clock at Fiorino’s. It’s a little Italian place not far from here. Can you make it?” Trent was the only reason my job was remotely tolerable. “Yeah, I can do that.” “Great. I could manage it alone, but I’d rather not. I’ll see you tonight if I don’t see you before then.” He rapped his knuckles against the doorframe and disappeared. A working dinner wasn’t my ideal way of spending the evening, but discussing a new construction finance project over dinner could be worse. Donald wasn’t involved with this particular project, so my boss was not scheduled to join us. The outing would also help distract me from all things Filip, though he did his best to deny me even that one bit of solace. At four thirty that afternoon, another text came through. Filip: Last chance. I heaved out a sigh and gave in. I need time to think. It was the best I could give him.
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