Absolute Silence

26

“You stay the f**k away from me, Filip De Luca.” The words were a venomous threat, her voice cracking with emotion. She bolted for the door and fled from sight. I took one lunging step to go after her, then froze with the overwhelming certainty that following her was a terrible idea. No good would come from pressing her now. I knew what it was like to be irrationally upset. If I followed her, I’d only make things worse. I would give her time to calm down, but she wasn’t going to avoid me forever. Camilla had seared herself into my being, branded herself in my thoughts, and planted roots deep inside my soul. There was no walking away now. I tried to take a few minutes to calm down, but I wasn’t going to be able to stop my racing mind without a distraction. Something far from the Den where I wouldn’t keep replaying what had happened. I needed to take a drive and let fresh air filter through my lungs. Set on my own escape, I yanked open the door to find Dante on the other side with a dangerous glint in his eyes. “What the f**k did you do to Camilla?” he growled, pushing inside my room and slamming the door shut behind him. “What happens between Camilla and me is none of your concern.” He never meddled in member drama, so I saw no reason for him to take a special interest in our situation. “Bullshit,” he spat. “Not when I see her running from my club with tears streaming down her face.” I’d known she was upset, but it still gutted me to hear it. f**k. What had I done? Whatever her past entailed, I was sure it hadn’t been her fault. She’d been lost in her own turmoil, and I’d gone and acted like a caveman demanding answers. I dropped my gaze to the floor and sighed. “I f****d up.” “No s**t, Sherlock. The question is, how bad? If I need to beat the s**t out of you, I will.” “I didn’t do anything physical if that’s what you’re implying. We were both upset, and I should have been more understanding. I don’t know what it is about her, but I lose my head when I’m around her.” “You want me to talk to her?” “No, I’ll fix it.” “You better. She’s not just some club bunny looking for a little kink.” The skin on the back of my neck pricked with awareness. Why the f**k was he talking about Camilla like he knew her? Like he was some kind of honorary older brother looking out for her. Maybe I was being overly sensitive, but I suddenly felt an intense need to piss a circle around her and claim my territory. “I think I know Camilla a hell of a lot better than you.” His lip fish hooked in a sneer. “Good, because lately, I can’t tell what the f**k you’re thinking.” “Not your problem.” I might have berated myself over how I’d treated Camilla, but I was done taking s**t from him. “There’s no reason for you to be in my head or meddling in my relationship. If we’re done here, I’m leaving.” I headed to the door, not waiting for his response. “Make things right, dickhead.” I would. Soon. OceanofPDF.com 12 OceanofPDF.com CAMILLA It’d been six days since I’d run from Filip. Six long, confusing days of reflection and a full gambit of emotions. At first, I bathed in a vat of embarrassment and self-loathing—for what I’d done at the club and for what I hadn’t done so many years before. I wallowed in uncertainty, wondering what assumptions Filip might have made, then questioning why I cared. I felt anger at Filip for pushing me but mostly at myself for unveiling my secrets. Who needed enemies when I was so proficient at airing my own dirty laundry to the world? When I finally sluffed off the sweltering blanket of emotions, I was left feeling numb. Without Filip around me, I was free of the torment. Free of the memories and pressure to share them. Locked in my apartment, I was safe. I could pretend nothing had happened and my life was just as it was before I’d ever stepped foot in the club. Filip had texted once, asking if he could see me. I told him I needed more time. I couldn’t talk to him yet because I wasn’t sure what to say. I wasn’t sure I ever wanted to see him or the club again. A small voice urged me to take a chance and trust him with my story, but I trapped her in a Mason jar and vacuum-sealed the lid. I didn’t owe him an explanation—I didn’t owe him anything. If I told him about my past, he would undoubtedly see me differently. How could he not? I didn’t think he was the type to judge me, considering he had his own issues, but my past would color the way he perceived me. Instead of headstrong temptress, he’d cast me in the role of a wounded bird and try to cage me. Protect me. I craved his dark intensity, and I didn’t want him to sheath those sharp edges. If he couldn’t see me as more than my past, I wouldn’t give him my present. Plus, telling him would breathe life into the memories. I’d never told anyone, ever. As much as I wanted to believe I could slip into oblivion and never see him again, that would never be an option. Filip would demand to see me at some point. Talking to him was inescapable, and I hated that the outcome of that conversation was a complete mystery to me. The uncertainty was daunting, but as each day passed, a fissure in my heart cracked and deepened. Down in an emotional abyss I’d created to hide the pain, longing clawed its way out and seeped back into my thoughts. I missed him as though I’d banished a piece of my own soul. I was a living, breathing conflict of interest. When Friday rolled around—a day we would have likely been together had I not been in hiding—remorse over not seeing him made my limbs feel heavy. We’d only had s*x one time. Would that passionate handful of minutes be our last? Was I willing to allow fear and embarrassment to steal away our Friday night at the club? To steal everything that could develop between us? There was a chance, no matter how small, we could resolve our differences. Wouldn’t I rather get it over with and see him than miss a chance to feel Filip’s heady touch forever? The inner debates were exhausting, and the looming solitude sucked every ounce of joy from my week. The cherry on my s**t-show cake was that today was Valentine’s Day. Normally, the commercialized event didn’t register on my radar, but somehow, this year’s celebration magnified Filip’s absence from my life.