Absolute Silence

10

Why did our night have to be over so soon? Would he be staying once I left? Was he going to f**k another woman once I was gone? Jesus, Cam. Are you jealous? This isn’t a relationship. Being with random people is the whole point of a s*x club. Yeah, but it was hardly fair that I was limited to him while he could indulge in whomever he desired. My thoughts argued amongst themselves as he walked me to the elevator. I felt like I was being dismissed. Filip had brought me to his room, given me a mind-bending o****m, and now was sending me on my way. Was this what he planned for our arrangement? To humor me in the most expedient fashion possible, then cast me away? A wave of embarrassment crashed over me. I felt like the child who was given a toy version of the real thing to keep away a tantrum. Was my time with Filip the equivalent of a fake plastic lipstick used to keep me out of Mommy’s makeup? Heat seared up my neck, but I resisted the urge to jump to conclusions. I’d made plenty of progress for one night to go home happy. Filip had conceded substantial ground in allowing me to keep my membership. With more time, maybe he would relax and allow me even more freedom without the threat of telling my father about the club. Even more important, I’d learned that my instincts had been right. The club was exactly what I needed—I’d never come so quickly in my life. The confirmation of my suspicions both relieved but also troubled me. A part of me had desperately wanted to be normal, but it appeared that wasn’t in the cards. In my heart, I’d known I wasn’t the same as those around me. Maybe that was why I chose to go blonde and stand apart from my sisters and parents. I’d wanted to be as outwardly different as I felt on the inside. I’d told myself that no matter what had gone on in my past, I was still the one in control—I was the developer of the landscape of my life. One hour at the Den proved that was only so true. There was an insidious desire inside me that I couldn’t deny. It wouldn’t be quashed or ignored. A taste for darkness. I found pleasure in things that others shunned. I craved deeds only performed in the shadows of society. I should have known there was no escaping it. Once an addict, always an addict. I needed Filip’s brand of seduction like I needed my next breath. The small taste I’d been given wasn’t enough. I needed more, and I would get it, one way or another. OceanofPDF.com 6 FILIP I put Camilla in a cab as quickly as I could and went back inside the club. I saw the questions in her eyes but had no answers for her because I was just as disoriented as she was. I needed her to leave so I could regain my bearings. Most of all, I needed a stiff drink. The decent thing would have been to reassure her that everything was fine, but I couldn’t make myself say the words. Our initial interaction would set a precedent between us for our future encounters. It wouldn’t benefit either of us if she came to think of our time at the club as more than it was. I wouldn’t have walked any other woman home from the club or set her up to expect my call, so Camilla should be no different. In fact, it was even more crucial that I maintained boundaries with her. I sensed a spark of possessiveness trying to ignite when I thought of her, and that was a problem. She wasn’t at the club for a relationship, and I wasn’t looking for that either. Boundaries were going to be imperative. How did I keep a woman like Camilla out of my head when she melted in my hands? For the moment, alcohol seemed the best tactic. It would also help me forget that I’d foolishly agreed to enable one of the Genovese girls to moonlight at a s*x club. If anyone in her family ever found out, I was f*****g toast, no matter how good my intentions. Okay, so my intentions weren’t entirely pure. No one’s perfect. I walked back to the bar on the far side of the main gathering room and ordered a scotch. The room around me pulsed and gyrated with s****l energy, but my attention was fixated elsewhere. The club might as well have been filled with blue-haired old ladies playing bingo. There wasn’t much I hadn’t already seen take place inside the Den, so no amount of t**s and ass was going to draw my mind from Camilla. “Did you see Camilla come in tonight? Beth said she’d changed her appearance.” Dante slid onto the bar seat next to me, motioning the bartender for a drink. “She’s gone,” I snapped, pissed with the reminder of what she’d done to avoid me.“Already? That was quick.” My eyes cut sideways to my friend, who appeared blithefully unaware. “Do you have any idea who she is?” I growled. Dante sobered. “Actually, I do.” “What the hell were you thinking when you let her in here?” I wasn’t sure the alcohol had sufficiently saturated my veins for this conversation. I was already tense, and Dante’s belligerence wasn’t going to help. “That’s her choice. If she wants to go up against her family, it’s her decision. She’s an adult.” “Barely,” I muttered before downing the rest of my drink. “You give her s**t about being here?” His voice was edged in warning, drawing my gaze back to him. His black eyes assaulted me with accusation. It was easy for him to hold the high ground; he wasn’t the one who’d be tossed in the Hudson if Camilla got hurt. His lack of respect for the situation pissed me off even more. I rolled my shoulders to relax the clenching muscles. “Of course, I did. That’s a f*****g disaster waiting to happen.” “I knew I shouldn’t have left you two alone last night.” He shook his head. “She’s twenty-two and fully capable of making decisions for herself.” I didn’t need him to tell me her age. I’d memorized every last detail of her life, and it changed nothing. As far as I was concerned, she would never be old enough to share herself with a club of perverted men, myself included. “Easy for you to say.” I motioned to the bartender for another drink. “How I feel about it is irrelevant, though. She’ll be back.” “Oh, yeah?” I heaved out a heavy sigh. “That kitten has claws and the determination of a pit bull on steroids.” Dante threw his head back and laughed.