Stay

It’s All About Him…

I'm far from good, it's true,

But still I find you

Next to me…

- Imagine Dragons

“Alex, no, I won’t leave you.”

“You won’t?”

“No. What happened later?” He sets me down and clears his throat.

“It happened in a split second. It was only me and her in the room. She said that she fell in love with him. I asked her why she didn’t break it off with me then. She said I had money… I was so angry… I asked her if the baby was mine… She said it was not… Then I hit her on the face. I realized it only after I had done it. I didn’t want to. I promise.”

This is the strangest moment in my life. I understand him… I even think she deserved it… It is wrong on so many levels to think this way but I still do.

“I understand you. I’m glad you did. But is the baby okay?”

“You are glad?” He grins. “Yeah, nothing happened to their baby. She’s fine. Three years old now. We have met once at a party.”

“You and Katherine?” I’m boiling with jealousy.

“Yeah. And her baby girl.”

“Do you have feelings for her?”

“Hell, no, Sarah. Why would you even ask that?”

“I don’t know.” I look away. “What about Eric?”

“They never married. He left them and fled to Europe. He didn’t care about his child.”

“They are so messed up. I’m happy you are away from that mess now.”

“Me too sunshine.” He kisses my lips softly and lovingly. Then he pauses the kiss and looks into my eyes. “You are not afraid of me right? I am not abusive. At all. I wouldn’t ever hurt you.”

“I know, ace. I trust you with my life. You know it… You should have told me this a long time ago.”

“I know, and I intended to. But after you told me he hit you, I thought if I tell you this, you will be afraid of me and you will leave.”

He can be so sensitive sometimes, so deep… My possessive, handsome, insecure man… I go to the start of our relationship in my mind… He has suffered a trauma, he has felt pain and he has become distrustful of women after on. The day we met… The day we parted… The day I thought it was the end of us… Suddenly it downs on me…

“Alex?”

“Hmm?” He hums into my hair.

“Did you leave me after the carousel night because I asked you about your friend?” He keeps silent. It’s a ‘yes’.

“And today, you got angry with me because I asked you about your friend…” He keeps silent again… The parts of the puzzle come together and I see the clear picture of what has happened between us.

“You left me alone in the street after you bought me a phone because you felt connected with me the way you were with her and it scared you. Then I met you at the lunch bar and you were with a friend, that’s why you didn’t say ‘hi’, so he wouldn’t notice me. You were protecting me from what you thought as danger… Then you contacted me on the same evening because you were overwhelmed by emotions. I had smiled at you and it had given you hope. We spent an amazing time at the carousels but then when I asked you about your friend, you got scared… You thought I would like him more than you and I would cheat on you with him. Then Arthur… You saw us and it finally downed on you that you were losing me because of your fears. Am I right?”

“You are smart.” He says and grins. I now understand every piece of his behaviour I had once considered irrational. He has PTSD. He was only trying to avoid activities or people that reminded him of the traumatic event. My questions about his friend resurfaced the distressing thoughts inside him.

His fears have been keeping him a prisoner…

“Alex, no matter what, I am always, always with you. I appreciate you and I would never cheat on you because you are the best thing to have ever happened to me.”

“Sarah.” He says and kisses me gently. “What did I do to deserve you, sunshine?” I look into his eyes. “My baby… I am so happy to have found you and to have conquered you. I see the world in your eyes. My sweet little girl, my most beautiful… I… I love you…”

I open my eyes to the most beautiful morning in my life. Alexander is lying next to me, watching me intently, then he smiles.

“Good morning, Sunshine.” He brushes my lower lip with his thumb.

“Hi, ace.” I kiss his fingertip.

“You are so beautiful. In my bed, in my t-shirt, in my arms…” He pulls me to him and pins me to the bed with his left hand. His right goes on to explore my body. “Mm, so soft… This is mine.” He cups my thigh. “And this…” He strokes my stomach. “And everything else. Mine. You are mine. Say it.”

“Mine, you are mine. Say it.” I mock him playfully.

“Oh, wanna play with me, miss?” He grins mischievously. “I’ll teach you the rules.”

“I want to take you somewhere.” He says with a serious face at the breakfast table.

“Where?” I am curious.

“I want you to meet my parents, sunshine.”

“I... Really?”

“What’s so unexpected?”

“Nothing, it’s just… I don’t know… You make me so happy.”

He grins. “It’s you who makes me happy. So, are you in?”

“Sure. When?”

“Tonight.” Oh.

“Okay. We’ll do as you wish. I would love to know your parents.”

“They are good people, really.”

“I know. What will we take with us?”

“Mm, I don’t know. Do we need to take anything with us?”

“Sure, it’s going to be my first visit.” I think on the possible options… “Wait! Would you let me to bake a cake here?”

“Let? Consider this place your home. Will you excuse me if I work a bit? I will be in my study.”

I kiss him firmly on the lips. “Go, make money, ace.” He grins and leaves for his room.

After clearing the table I look inside his fridge. Eggs, cream, fruits… Good, I won’t have to go to the grocery shop. I proceed to making the cake. I have some trouble finding the flour but I sure know Alex also has no idea where it is, so I find it myself. I put the cake pan into the oven. 35 minutes till it’s ready. I don’t want to disturb Alexander, so I take my phone and just try to kill time. I open the f*******: app. I scroll, and scroll and scroll. Nothing interesting… Then I see something.

Miriam Atoian has tagged Alexander Tateossian in a photo. The capture reads ‘Throwback to happy times .