The Doorman

Where Love gets Complicated

After John left my apartment, I just could not help letting my mind wander regarding what would happen to our relationship when he finds out the truth. I am terrified. I am happy and sad at the same time. My lips feel different from all that kissing we did today. As I touched my lips over and over again, feeling his lips on mine and his tongue in my mouth, I realized I did not know that was how it was done.

Now that I am John's girlfriend, does that mean we'll kiss all the time? I hope so! I'm just so happy. Nothing can change the mood that I'm in. Just yesterday we spent all day together, and now I'm here in my apartment all alone. John could not get the extra days off. He will, however, have this weekend off and has hinted that we will spend the whole weekend together. I absolutely cannot wait. I love spending time with John.

John texted me throughout the day asking me to send pictures of myself to get him through the day. He did this because he didn't get to see me this morning. He said he would be stopping by after work. I am thrilled he was only two blocks away from me. It is so unbelievable that the guy I have been crushing on for all this time lives literally around the corner! This whole time, the universe has a way of playing tricks on us.

The day passed super slowly, and I just could not wait to see John. I decided to cook for him. I made baked chicken, baked macaroni and cheese, rice, and a tossed salad. This is an old family recipe for baked macaroni and cheese, passed down through generations. I do hope he loves my cooking. I texted John to let him I cooked, so he didn't need to bring dinner or order out. He replied, "Awesome."

When it was eight in the evening, my buzzer for the door rang. I went to answer it, and it was John. I buzzed him in and soon after came a knock at my door. I opened the door wearing black shorts and a pink tee shirt. John was ogling me with his eyes. He looked me up and down and said,

"When I think you cannot look prettier, you go and do this." With that we both laughed. With me still standing at the door, he walked in, gave me a hug and whispered in my ear,

"I have missed you."

"I've missed you too."

He pulled away slightly and began kissing me. I kissed him back with an urgency I couldn't control. He was walking in, still kissing me, closed the door behind him with his right foot, then spun me around, making my back rest on the door and, and at this time, he was pressing his body onto mine. His left hand was holding the back of my head and his right hand was on my back, slowly moving down to my waist. I had my hand around his neck pulling him in.

I felt the bulge in his pants pressing right above my private area. I instantly pulled away, trying to catch my breath. I looked away in embarrassment. I could not look at him in his eyes. What do I do now? What should I say? Should I walk away? I am frozen, can't make eye contact, and can't speak. What is happening? Sensing my uneasiness, John apologized, saying

"I just got carried away."

"It's ok. I just have not....... I'm sorry too. Why don't we sit down to eat?

"I can't wait to taste your cooking. Is it a dish from the Islands?"

"It is. I hope you like it."

I'm sure I will."

My apartment was an open concept, featuring the dinner table in the kitchen area with a slight separation from the living room. I told John to sit while I dished out our dinner. Our dinner was kept in the oven to keep it warm. I got two plates from my cupboard, placed them on the counter, and opened the oven door. Then, I pulled out the baked macaroni and cheese and the baked chicken, placing them on the stove top. I placed a piece of baked chicken on my place and one on John's. Then, I placed a square-shaped piece of baked macaroni and cheese next to the chicken. I opened the rice cooker, took two tablespoons of rice, and placed it on the other side of the chicken, leaving room for the tossed salad.

"It smells delicious; I can't wait to dig in."

John was already sitting at the table, watching me prepare the plates. I set a plate and a sprite in front of him before grabbing my own plate and a ginger ale and joining him at the table. I said,

"Dig in and tell me what you think? Please be honest with me; don't try and spare my feelings. I am a big girl, and I can take it."

"OK, I promise I will be totally honest and don't hold back."

John tried the chicken first, then the macaroni and cheese, rice and then the tossed salad. I just watched him as he tried everything on his plate. He had a pleased look on his face. I was hoping it was an honest look or not just making me feel good kind of look.

"Well?"

"Wow! I have never tasted macaroni and cheese like that before. How did you make that?

"That is a family recipe."

"That chicken is awesome. You did something to the rice; It looks and tastes different."

"Someday I will share my secrets with you."

" I shall also share my mom's recipes with you, someday soon."

We chatted about our day, and he told me a few stories about the tenants—the things they did in the elevator and things he saw on the train. We laughed, and just had a very pleasant dinner.

"What are your plans for tomorrow?"

"It'll be pretty much the same as today; I'm staying home to cook and waiting for you to stop by for dinner. But if you already have plans, I totally understand. I'm enjoying the time off, so, I'm just going to laze around my apartment."

"I do not have any plans and would love to have dinner with you tomorrow."

"Great! And then it is all settled, dinner at 8:00 pm tomorrow evening. I figured after dinner we watch a movie?"

"Sounds great! Have you picked out a movie?"

"I shall give you choices. Always be my Maybe and the second is Set it Up."

"Tough choice. Have you seen any of these movies before?"

"No I have not."

"What are they about?"

"Set it Up is about assistants trying to pair up their bosses. Always be My Maybe is a very funny, sweet, about childhood friends that had a falling out and bumped into each other after 15 years. Or you can pick something else on Netflix."

"I will go with Set it Up. Tomorrow I get to give the choices."

"You have a deal, Mr. Daniels."

After dinner, John and I got up from the table, and he instantly embraced me.

"Thank you so much for a lovely dinner. It was delicious."

He kissed me on the top of my head, my forehead, my right cheek, then my left and placed a gentle kiss on my nose. Then he tilted his head to the right and went for my lips. I shifted my head to the left, immediately opening my mouth slightly, granting him access as he saw fit to explore as much as he wanted.

We pulled away, panting. I looked down and saw something I had not seen before; the bulge in his pants was huge. I closed my eyes, but then John made me look at him by placing his finger under my chin and lifting my head up.

"Katie, this is a natural reaction when I kiss you. I have feelings for you, and I just cannot help it. I promise you, nothing will happen until we are both ready."

I buried my face in his chest and hugged him like my life depended on it. We pulled away and went to the table to start cleaning up. We placed the dishes in the dishwasher. Then, I went to get a blanket so we could cuddle while watching the movie, while John set up the movie on Netflix. When I got to the living room, John had made himself comfortable. He had removed his shoes and he had his legs stretched out on the sofa with his legs open. He looked at me and said,

"Come sit here, pointing between his legs, you will be comfy here."

I swallowed hard and sat in between his legs; that meant I would be touching him—Oh my, I thought to myself. I walked over slowly and made myself as comfortable as I could, even though it was a little awkward. After settling in, I threw the blanket over us and John placed his hands around my waist. Then press play on the remote to start the movie.

The movie was filled with funny senses that had us both laughing, but during the quiet moments, John would make me look up at him just to kiss me—it was wonderful. Once the movie ended, John whispered to me,

"Turn over and face me."

As I lay on top of him, he placed his left hand gently on the back of my head, guiding me into a deep kiss. Meanwhile, his other hand moved slowly down my back, tracing my waist before lingering lower. I was startled by the gesture and pulled away quickly, and got to my feet.

"What are you doing?" My voice is breathy but sharp.

He holds my gaze, his eyes soft and voice low and raspy. "I'm sorry I went too fast. I just lost my head for a second—you make it really hard to think straight."

Still breathing fast, looking at him, a mix of overwhelmed and intrigued. "It was....a lot. Suddenly."

He reaches out to me, not touching me yet, but waiting for permission. "I know. I'm sorry if I rushed it. You're just irresistible."

I give him a slight smile, relaxing my shoulders, moving back into his space slightly. "You're lucky, you're cute."

John, smiling back at me, pulls me slowly and gently. "Let's take it slow, then. How's this? He then placed me in his lap, kissed me gently and said, It is so hard to keep my hands off you. I better leave. I have an early start tomorrow and a cold shower I need to take."