What Love Survived

The Silence Between Us

Filled with intense fear, paralyzing panic and confusion, and a desperate need to protect her. Blood hammered in my ears. I couldn't find her. I clutched my phone, but my voice turned to dust in my throat, a suffocating, silent scream, as I rasped her name into the void. I did not know what to do or where to look. I called her number, again and again. I sent text after text that was left unanswered. Before I knew it, I had tears running down my face.

I called the only person I knew that could help calm me down. The moment Alec picked up the phone, the anticipation of needing his help triggered a sudden, involuntary, physiological, stress response. It was not a conscious choice to remain silent; rather, my body and mind were momentarily overloaded, resulting in a state of temporary inability to speak. "Alec, I need your help!" It came out as a whisper.

Not knowing where I was at that moment. I leaned up against a building and slid down to the ground. My knees close to my chest. My phone was in my right ear and my left hand was holding the back of my head, while my forehead was on my knee. "Where are you?" The voice coming from the other end of the phone?" I was breathing hard. My heart was pounding in my chest, I couldn't get the words out. Finally, I said. "She's gone."

"John, turn your location on, and I will come find you." I managed to turn my location on and just sat there, thinking of what happened to make her react this way. I was a mess. "How will I find her?" I don't know where she lives, nor do I have her friend's number to call them. Fifteen minutes later, Alec was by my side. He kneeled down to my level and asked. "Hey!, tell me what happened."

It took a moment for me to pick up my head and look at Alec. When I did, I saw the concern in his eyes. He had an intense focus when he looked into my eyes, holding my gaze, eyes widened a bit, with furrowed brows. He placed his right hand on my shoulder and said, "Talk to me."

"Katie is actually really freaked out right now. She got this, like, terrifying text message from someone."

"What did it say?"

"That's just it, I don't know. She was frightened, shaking and really truly scared. Then she told me she had to go and ran off. I chased her, but she got lost in the crowd, and now I don't know what to do."

"Have you tried calling her?"

"Yes, I have. Several times. I even texted her. She has not responded to any of my messages."

"Does it show she has read them?"

"Let me check. Yes, she read them."

"Good, then that means she has her phone and she probably went home."

"Let me take you home, and we will figure something out.

"Ok."

Alec flagged a cab. Then he placed his right hand under my arm and helped me up. We walked over to the cab, and he opened the door and told me to get in. He followed after me. He gave the driver our address and immediately he drove off. Forty-five minutes later, the cab pulled up outside our apartment. Alec paid the fare, and we went into the building, climbed to the third floor to get to our door. Alec opened the door and gestured to me to enter. I did.

I tried calling Katie again, with no luck. I texted her and begged her to text me back to let me know that she was OK, because I was just going out of my mind with worry. Just then a text came in from Katie. I was super excited, she finally texted me back. I opened the message and what I read was not what I was expecting. I felt like my heart immediately dropped to my feet, my throat had a huge lump that I could not swallow.

I was so confused. I had an intense pain in my heart. I called and texted her a few times, but she did not answer. I was holding my phone and noticed the screen was getting wet. Alec came to find me and said, "Dude, What's going on now?"

"She broke up with me."

"What! Are you sure?"

"Take a look."

"I am so sorry man."

"Something is wrong, I know it, I can feel it. We were having a great time. Something in that text scared her."

"You will see her tomorrow, and have a conversation with her."

"I guess you're right."

"Get some sleep."

I went and took a shower and went to bed. The next day was Tuesday. I was very anxious to get to work. Left home, got on the train and went to the back to change into my uniform. At work, I was trying to think of ways we could meet and talk. I was looking forward to seeing her this morning. Maybe I can meet her at the park, and we could have a conversation about what happened last night. To my surprise, she did not walk past my building today. "Did she take the day off?" Did I miss her at some point?" "No, I didn't."

I was having a horrible day and could not wait until lunchtime to get to the park to see Katie. I know she arrived at the park around 1:00 pm. I kept looking at my watch all day. Time was going so slow today. Finally, my relief came. I ran into the locker room and removed my jacket and hat. I was left with my work shirt. I ran as fast as I could to the park. When I got there, I saw her friends. I approached them.

They all looked sad and visibly upset, but not at me for me, if that made sense. I walked up to them.

"Hey ladies. Where is Katie?"

'She decided she would no longer come to this park," Ave told me.

"Did she say why?"

"Sorry, we cannot tell you," Mia answered.

"Why not?"

"We promised her."

"Susan, you need to tell me what is going on. She broke it off with me last night." They all gasped.

"Liv said, she did what?"

"We told her not to," Rose replied.

"She was terrified last night. I want to help. But I do not know what is going on?"

Ava said. "All I can tell you is, she is doing this for you."

"Doing what? Breaking my heart. Where is she now?"

"At another park," Susan spoke.

'Which one? We cannot tell you that. We will speak with her later and see if we can speak on your behalf," Mia told him.

"Would it be too much trouble if you gave me her address? Maybe I can speak with her in private, and we can sort this whole thing out."

Everyone looked at Susan, including me. Susan's head dropped, "You should not be here."

"Why? It is a public park."

"You don't understand," Rose said.

"You're right. I don't. Explain it to me. One minute we were having the best time and the next, she was running off scared out of her mind. Tell me, please, what is going on. Maybe I can help."

They all looked at each other. Then Ava said. "I want to tell you, but it is not my story to tell."

"Then tell me this? Is she seeing someone else?"

"Hell no! Ava shouted. That girl is head over heels for you."

I smiled when I heard these words leave her mouth. "Then what is the problem? I was beginning to get frustrated.

"I don't think she will want me to give you her address," Susan finally said.

"Ladies, listen, I like Katie a lot, and it hurts me to think that she is in some kind of trouble and she is dealing with this on her own."

"She is not in trouble, per se."

"What does that mean?"

'We have said too much." Liv chimed in.

"No! You have not said anything. Give me something ladies, anything."

Susan got up and said, "Ladies, watch my baby girl, I will be back." She took me by the arm and escorted me towards the entrance/exit of the park. We walked away from everyone. Then she turned to me and said, "Katie is scared, no, terrified, yes, that is a better word to describe it. We would like to tell you, but she does not want anyone to know." She took a different route to work this morning and will continue to do so."

"This makes no sense. I ran my fingers through my hair, tugging on it hard. I placed my left hand in my pocket, I turned to face the park and then turned to watch Susan. She was staring at me. What am I supposed to do? Just walk away like I never knew her? I can't do that."

"No one is asking you to forget her. Just give her some time, maybe we will come up with a plan to fix her issue, and things will go back to normal."

"How much time?"

"I don't know. I will speak with her later and try to convince her to let you in."

I looked at my watch and realized I had fifteen minutes to get back to work. "Listen, I know you and the girls care about her, but I care about her too. Please tell her I came looking for her, and I miss her very much."

Susan said with a sad smile. "I will, John. Take care."

I walked away feeling dejected, deeply hurt and confused, and in a tremendous amount of pain. I returned to work, went straight to my locker, put my jacket and hat back on and returned to my post.

Physically present at work, but mentally and emotionally "checked out" just waiting for the day to end. The only goal is simply to make it to 6:00 pm. Every hour passed is a victory.