Working with so much going on was complicated, and it got in the way of all my thoughts. It was almost as if every day someone new discovered the truth. The feeling was that the next day, someone else would find out, and the next, someone else, and so everyone would learn the truth. I wasn't sure if that was what I wanted anymore. Of course, at some point, I would have to overcome that blockage, but it seemed that the more people who knew, the more the balance between wanting and not wanting to be evened out. I didn't know what to do, and I was afraid to tell Arvel about that fear because I didn't want him to think I was lying about any of the feelings I claimed to have. Everything I said I felt for him was true. However, what I felt for Roger was also real. Perhaps I needed to live more d
