Why can't he love me?

Is this bad or good?

"Sometimes you feel empty.

Not really.

It's like always you feel empty.

Not because you are but because you weren't."

A week has passed. I don't know if he killed someone that night. Nobody talks about it. Imagine, I don't really talk about it. Sometimes there is a monster in him, a monster that needs to be filled. This week he was mostly in business trips. He just came home. He argued really bad with Anj. I don't know why. But he kept telling him not to make him angry. I fear he is angry now. Like really angry. I am in the kitchen, making his coffee. He asked especially me to bring it. 

Should I be scared? Yes.

He drinks it without sugar. I just can't imagine drinking it like that.

My hair looks tired. My eyes too. I look so pale. In fact I am pale, always.

With his coffee in my hands I'm going to his bedroom. I hope she isn't there. Her presence with him really hurts me. She has been with him all this time. Even in the trips. I am taking the stairs, I don't really know why I do this when there are four elevators. 

I am at his door now. I knock three times. My emotions are all over me.

"Come!" - his husky voice says. I missed that so much. It makes my hearts beat happily fast.

I open the door carefully and see him sitting in the bed. His hands are in his head and.. emm, he is topless. My throat is kind of really dry, right now, I think.

His muscles are...eatable? Is that a word?

"I said COME, not stay at the door... admiring me.. he said mockingly.

I nodded and closed the door, I went near him with the coffee. He took it while I kept my eyes lowered.

Yeah, weird I know.

He took a sip of it, and emm, i wanted to be that coffee. Emm, in the good meaning.

"Do you know how to massage?" He asked me bluntly.

'No I don't know. But if you do, please make me one.'

He looks more tired than me. And stressed too.

"I don't know."

He looked me blankly.

"Try it!"

He took another sip of coffee. Emm, I will touch him now. 

"What if I burn?" I said under my breath. 

I think he smiled. I am not sure but maybe he did. I smiled myself too. I waited him to lay down. But he didn't move at all. 

"What are you waiting? Jump on the bed!" He said a little irritated. 

He was different. He was really tired.

I took off my sandals, the ones who really hurt and jumped on the bed. I kneeled down and breathing shakily I put my hands on his shoulders. Felt like touching happiness. And there was something else, his smell was intoxicating and whenever I touched it I felt my entire self burning.

I was trying hard to massage him. At his shoulders, back and head.

He isn't saying anything, so i think I'm doing this really good. 

I am always good at things.

"Are you touching me or not?" He said in an angry tone. 

"Wait, what??"

"I am massaging you.. very well sir!"

" I AM NOT EVEN FEELING YOUR f*****g HANDS!"

"THAT IS YOUR PROBLEM!"

I didn't mean to raise..

In a split of second I was pinned in the bed with him on top of me.

And.. I didn't know if this was bad or good.