Love Unexpectedly

Chapter 11 - Cassandra

I stood there shocked and disoriented. I didn't even know if I'm standing there for a couple of minutes or hours. I couldn't move!

What the hell just happened? 

Did Alexander rejected me for the second time around? 

And did he just insulted me, saying no one will ever agree to sleep with me? 

Why?

Am I that ugly? Undesirable? But I could clearly see it in his eyes that he wants me! Or maybe I just misinterpreted it?

My mind is running with a lot of unanswered questions. I can't even follow it.

And then something breaks...and I cried. I cried so loud that I think my bodyguard could hear me. No, possibly the whole building can hear me now. But I didn't care, I just want to let it all out.

I cried for all the loneliness I feel.

I cried for all the insults I heard.

I cried for all the unfairness of the world.

I cried for the hurt and pain that Alexander has caused.

I've never been this devastated and heartbroken in my entire life.

I just cried until I have no more tears left in me.

Later that night, I lay awake thinking about the bad things that happened to me. I should stop feeling sorry for myself like it's my fault that I'm in this situation. I shouldn't let those people get to me. Because if I do, they'll eventually destroy me. 

I should stop letting them control my mind and emotions.

Fuck them! I think I like that word. 

Fuck! 

Fuck you, bitches! 

Fuck you, Alexander! 

I hope you all go to hell! I shouted in my mind. 

There, I think my conscience likes hearing it.

Feeling happy and resolved, I sleep a little restlessly that night.

A month has passed and I didn't see Alexander or hear anything from him. That's a good thing though because I don't want to see him either. But our family dinner will be this coming Friday and I'm not sure if I'm ready to see him by then.

Well, I don't blame him for rejecting me. He's right anyway. I'm doing it all wrong. It's not right to force anyone to sleep with someone you're not attracted to. Both parties should be willing and at least, should like each other physically to act with it.

I've been thinking about it for days now and I think I owe Alexander an apology. I shouldn't have put him in that situation. Regardless, he acted like a real asshole to me which is unforgivable, but still, what I did is wrong too. He was trapped and any normal person would do or say anything hurtful in order to escape from that situation. 

I plan to talk to him about it after dinner. And I'll have to corner him one more time. At least he wouldn't protest or run since our parents will be there.

As for now I just have to formulate what to say to him and how to apologize. With luck, he'll forgive me and we'll just forget about it.

Friday came and I found myself sitting opposite of Alexander in the drawing-room of my parents home. And to my horror, we're both alone. My parents are upstairs while his parents are still on the way here. 

Well, luck is really on my side, not! I didn't expect to see him alone this early. I thought I still have time after dinner.

Oh god, this is awkward! 

He is looking everywhere but me. I noticed him sitting stiffly with his drink clutched tightly with both hands. Time ticked by. One minute, two minutes, three. With every passing time, the atmosphere gets more tense and uneasy. 

I squirmed in my seat. Say something.

"I just..."

"About..."

We stopped when we notice that we're both talking at the same.

"You first..."

"Sorry, you should..."

Oh my god, this is getting horribly uncomfortable now!

We didn't speak for a few minutes then we look at each other. We gave each other a little strained smile. 

"Can I just say something?"  Alexander requested.

"Okay." I granted since I also want to hear what he wants to say. Is he going to apologize or is he going to lecture me again?

"I just want to say how sorry I am about what I said the last time we talk. I was being an asshole and I shouldn't have said it. But you should know that I still don't like your approach regarding that...the s*x thing." Yup, I guess he would say both. Typical Alexander!

Before I can even utter a word. 

"But I want you to know that I'd like to reconsider your proposal."

I almost choke on my own saliva when I heard it. I was about to say something when a knock came to the door and both our parents entered the room. 

I couldn't even listen to what they're saying. All I'm hearing is a buzzing sound of a bee because I'm too busy comprehending what Alexander just said. 

Is he for real? Did I hear it right? He's accepting my proposal? My mind is asking a lot of questions which gave me a mild headache.

I look at him and try to catch his eyes but he's not even looking at me anymore! He's busy or rather, pretending to be busy, talking to my parents! Yeah, he's a real scoundrel! He always confuses me like no other!

After dinner, we made it back to the drawing-room. I was going to ask him again when he beats me to it.

"Cassy, can we talk?" I look at him and nod. Leaving our parents in the room, we decided to go to the garden. It feels like a deja vu but this time I know a lot will change after this talk. I can feel it and I know he knows it too.

"Ahem...Cassy I...I want to say I'm truly sorry about what happened a month ago."

"You've already apologized earlier." What I want to hear again is what you said after! I shouted in my mind.

"Well, yes but I just want to know if you are not mad at me." 

Oh, I'm mad Alexander. I'm outrageously furious you brute! You rejected me twice! Twice Alexander! And then you insulted me! How can I not be mad?! My mind screamed at him.

I assumed I was okay now but when he mentioned the word 'mad' it just irks me.

I smiled at him sweetly. "What? No, of course not! I understood why you did what you did! I'll never be angry with you." I'll just hit your head with a sledgehammer until it breaks and dumps your body in a compost pit with worms and maggots eating your body slowly! 

Oh goodness! I'm becoming a violent person because of him.

"Oh thank God! I thought back there you were going to hit me." He chuckled slightly.

Yup! You're not far from it though. I was thinking in a more homicidal way.

Minutes passed and we are still walking in the garden side by side both lost in our own thoughts. It is so quiet that I can only hear the sound of our footsteps and the crickets in the background.

"So about what I said earlier."

"I told you it's fine Alexander. Let's just forget about it."

"What if I don't want to forget about it?"

What? What is he talking about now? "I already forgave you so it's okay, we're okay now." I told him matter of factly.

"No! Not that, about what I said after...about reconsidering your offer?"

I stopped in my tracks. Why did I forget about that? Oh yes, because I was busy plotting my brutal vengeance that's why. I forgot that this was the reason why I agreed to walk with him in the garden.

I'm lost for words. What should I say? That it's too late? That I've already decided not to pursue it?

"Why the sudden change Alexander?"

I look at him, really looked at him and for the first time, I noticed something has changed. I don't know what it is yet but I know in the back of my mind I'll figure it out sooner.

"Look, Cassy, we can go slow. We'll not rush it. I'll be gentle with you."

Yes. Definitely, I see something there. Feelings. Does he really feel something for me now? Affection? Deep affection? Why do I feel giddy as warmth all of a sudden? 

I haven't felt like this to anyone or to him before. You can't just have affection for someone quickly. Or maybe I already did? I just didn't recognize that it was already there until now.

He closes the distance between us and enclosed both my hands in his.

"I've realized a lot of things ever since that day happened. I really cared about you, Cassy. When I saw your face looking lost and sad, I felt devasted. Do you understand me?" He looks at me tenderly like I'm the most precious thing in this world.

Yes, yes Alexy I perfectly understand! I thought to myself smiling like an i***t. 

"What I said that night, I'm truly and deeply sorry. I didn't mean to say those words to you. I admit I was being an asshole and I felt guilty for it. You are family Cassy. And...and you know how close our family is and I can't ruin that."

"Ah what?" My smile slowly faded. Not affection? But guiltiness? Is that what his eyes wants to convey to me? He is just feeling guilty that's why he agreed now?

And family? So he wants to do it because he doesn't want me to get mad and ruin the relationship between both families? Now I feel offended.

"I can't."

"I...What? Why? Did you already agreed with someone else? Is that it? Or...or you've already done it?" He released my hands and move back a little. 

Why does he look so pissed now?

"No and no! No, I didn't agree with anyone else. And no, because I'm still a virgin!"

"Then what's the problem?" He looks annoyed. Well, I'm more annoyed than you to be honest.

"I just don't want to do it anymore."

"But I...I want to help! You said you needed my help, remember?" 

What? Now I feel like a charity case! First, he's feeling guilty and now he treats me like one of his charity cases? 

I know I asked for it but why do I feel like my heart is breaking? Did I read it wrong again? I thought he felt something there. Am I being dense? Probably, I expected too much. 

I feel like crying at the same time I want to laugh at my own stupidity. Just because I discovered my true feelings for him, it doesn't mean he's feeling the same way.

Ugh! Why did I expect something more? Maybe because you saw something in his eyes that you stupidly thought there is more to it? A little voice said from the back of my mind.

I guess I'm wrong then. Maybe he just really did feel guilty and scared he'll lose the connection of our family. I admitted feeling dejected.

Now what? What do I really want? This is what I want right? Someone, to help me and take my virginity away right? 

And of course, Alexander is here willing to help me.

Should I agree? I mean, I did ask for it in the first place and I want to get this over with. I feel like I have nothing to lose now. I've been humiliated, insulted and now...now I'm heartbroken.

"Okay."

Feeling determined, I just need to be careful without breaking my heart further. I don't think I'll get over it the second time. We can just do it one time like a one night stand. Yes, I will just treat it just like that.

He was about to say something but I stop him. "But this will be a one-time thing."

"What?"

"Like a one night stand kind of thing."

"What?"

"No emotions attached of course."

"What?"

"We will forget it ever happened after we're done with the ordeal."

"What?"

"And we'll do it in your place." So I can leave and run after the ordeal is done. My inner voice added.

"What?"

"Don't you have anything else to say other than 'what'?"

He didn't respond and just blinks his eyes twice.

"So tomorrow night?"

"What?" Yup, I think he just lost his marbles.

"I said, I'll go to your place at nine tomorrow. We will be doing it there!"

Then I left, leaving him with mouth agape. I better leave fast before he starts saying something else.

Tomorrow...we will finally do it tomorrow.