Changing Her Stars

Chapter Fourteen

The space felt still, and even the busy kitchen behind them seemed to grind to halt. With the descending quiet, she realized that the staff had left them alone, giving them space to carry out their conversation. Without even needing a word, they read the room that the duke and duchess needed to have a private discussion. Though she had thought she had trained the staff well, nothing compared to them reading their master’s wishes, and she was impressed by it.

“Apologize? Whatever for? You’ve done nothing to cause offense,” Leira replied after taking a moment to process his words.

“I must disagree.”

She took a sip of her coffee, savoring the slight sweetness on her tongue. “And why is that?” she then continued to question once she set the cup down.

“I was… harsh. And, I made assumptions about you that were baseless and wrong. I let my feelings of being hurt by your actions lead me to incorrectly judge your character.”

Leira frowned. He was hurt by her actions? The duke, who had fought countless battles and faced horrors unimaginable, who could get any woman he wanted by merely gazing in her direction, and had the favor of the royal family, was hurt by her perceived choices?

“I…” she cleared her throat. “May I ask you a question?”

“Of course.”

She bit her bottom lip as she felt a nervousness surge through her. She found herself insanely curious about him as well as protective over his feelings. She did not want to hurt him, even if it had been by a misunderstanding. His actions constantly showed that he must care for her in some regard, but then he would turn cold as ice in the next moment. He was impossible to read, and yet, she wanted to learn how to understand his expressions. She wanted to ask him about it, but chickened out at the last moment.

Instead, she asked, “Did you think moving me now would clear everything up? Is that why I was informed this morning of the room change?”

“I had hoped to set things right, yes. You are my Duchess, and I want you to live as such.”

Leira nodded slowly, feeling her earlier anger returning to her. This man vexed her, and to make matters worse, he probably didn’t even realize it.

“Also,” he continued. “Mrs. Varn told me the truth of the matter. If you so wish, I will let her go immediately for her wretched behavior.”

“Certainly not,” she replied instantly, her eyes widening in shock. “That is cruel. She has been serving this household for 40 years!”

The duke gazed back at her with interest. “She was out of line. It is only a natural consequence based on her poor treatment of you.”

“Still, it wouldn’t sit right with me. We’ve spent too much time together now. I have won her trust, or so I believe.”

“You have,” he nodded.

“So, that’s that, then. I will hear nothing about your proposal to let her go.”

He looked at her pensively, sizing her up. Leira felt uncomfortable under his unblinking stare. She wasn’t sure what he was searching for, but she didn’t want him to continue.

She coughed awkwardly. “If that’s all…”

“I will be resuming all duties from today onward.”

Leira balked at him. “Are you being serious right now?”

Leaning back against the window, the duke rested an arm on the window sill. “Yes, I am being serious. Why would I joke about this?”

“So, you send me here without any perimeters, have me make decisions in your stead, and then when you’re ready to come back to your land, you just take everything away without a real conversation? Again, you’re totally disregarding everything I’ve done for the past couple of months. You say this is our land, and our people, and our ‘this’ and ‘that’, but that’s all it is: talk. You don’t believe what you’re saying because your actions are abysmal.”

“What are you–”

She stood up, furious. “I’m not finished talking.”

He looked up at her, taken aback, but remained silent.

“You expect me to do the work, and then expect me to stop when it’s convenient for you. Have you ever once thought about what I may want? You make me change rooms without warning. Next, you’re going to say that my dresses are too plain, or I don’t do my hair and make-up as nicely as you’d like. Everything is according to your standards without any regard for how I want to do things.”

She took a breath.

“Are you unhappy with my work or with what I’ve done in your absence? Have I not met your standards? Am I not enough? You’re nice to me and then you’re not. Being without you is easier than dealing with your mixed signals!”

She stopped, shocked by her own words. They had slipped out in her anger. His face was unreadable. A blank slate. She couldn’t tell if he was mad or upset or furious.

“I…” she started, but tears flooded her eyes.

Leira rushed out of the room and ran into the office she had claimed. Slamming the door behind her, she pressed her back against the door, sliding down until she sat on the ground. She pulled her knees up and let her tears spill down her face.

Unable to help it, she replayed the scene in her mind on repeat, hearing herself say that last sentence over and over again. She might as well pack her bags now. Divorce was inevitable at this point. Nothing had gone to plan since the moment she’d found out that she’d be marrying again. She was supposed to be docile, obedient, and above all, irreproachable. Her behavior at the breakfast table had been none of those. How could she call herself a duchess? She was a failure and that was all she’d ever be.

Hiding herself in the office, she saw neither the duke nor Ezair. She had had both lunch and dinner delivered to her, and ate in silence, finishing up the last project she’d started before her husband’s arrival. If he was going to take away her work and eventually divorce her, she may as well complete her current endeavors for the townspeople. They didn’t need to get caught up in her misbehavior and suffer for it later.

Once she had finished her notes and explanations about how to best proceed carrying out her ideas, she opened the door and peeked out into the hallway. Tip-toeing to her room, well, her ‘new’ room, soon to be ‘old’ room, she dismissed the maids, changed, and crawled into bed. With her mind a mess, she fell into a fitful sleep, waking occasionally.

When her eyes opened once more, she sighed. The level of darkness told her it was still too early to begin her day. Leira sat up, negative thoughts crowding her mind. She rubbed her eyes and peered around the room before freezing in fear. Someone was sitting in a chair to the left of her. As her eyes adjusted to the darkness, she could make out broad shoulders, an arm perched on one of the armrests, and a steady, rhythmic breathing pattern. Her husband was sleeping in a chair in her room.

Leira, unsure of how best to proceed, slowly lifted her covers, stood, and then crept over to where he was asleep. Though he was soundly resting, he looked uncomfortable.

She couldn’t fathom why he was in her room, especially after their last conversation. He hadn’t said anything to her or even showed her any emotion. He hadn’t tried to resolve the issue nor sought her out to continue talking. Why would he be asleep in her room?

Reaching out a hand, she was going to jostle his shoulder in order to wake him up. Leira thought it best to send him back to his own room, as he was likely to injure his back or neck by sleeping in such a position. Before she could ever touch his nightshirt, though, his hand snaked out and grabbed her wrist. He twisted her around while simultaneously pulling her into his lap and held her to him by the waist. A dagger point rested on her jugular.

Leira let out a yelp, a cold sweat breaking out on her brow. She was completely engulfed by fear. One wrong move could end her life.

“I–I–I’m so s-sorry,” she managed to stammer.

He swiftly pulled the dagger away from her throat. The duke felt her body tremble against his.

“I didn’t mean to scare you,” he said.

“It’s, uh, alright.”

“I don’t want to scare you.”

She turned her head to the side, seeing his face from her peripheral view. He sounded sincere, and his features had softened up, though he kept his hold on her.

“Old habits must die hard,” she dryly chuckled.

He nodded. “War teaches you to always be on guard.”

She turned her gaze back to look at her bed. From this vantage point, it was clear that he had been watching her sleep. The mood was awkward, and she felt embarrassed for both how she was sitting on his lap and for now knowing that he had been watching her.

“I wasn’t lying when I said I missed you. I didn’t actually mean to be away for so long,” he said gently. “I want to wake up every morning with you next to me. I want to see your smile, especially after I’ve done something to make you happy. Call me selfish, but I don’t really want you to have an easier life because I’m not in it. You are enough. In fact, you’re more than enough, and you’ve been amazing. I just wish I could show you how I actually feel.”

Leira’s chest tightened. She felt her heart beat wildly, and she turned around to face him. She saw tears in his eyes and a tenderness that she’d seen glimpses of in the past. Before she could stop herself, she leaned forward and placed her lips on his.