Changing Her Stars

Chapter Fifteen

Without even a moment of hesitation, his hands gripped her waist, settling her into a straddling position. His lips responded in kind, hungry for her touch. Leira almost felt dizzy, intoxicated by his desire for her. Her mind solely focused on the feel of his lips against hers, even as her arms circled around his neck. One hand wound its way into his hair, grabbing a handful and gently pulling. The duke hummed into their kisses, clearly getting aroused.

Leira pulled away abruptly. Clarity replaced the fog of lust that had descended upon her. She looked into his eyes, her mouth still slightly agape from their passion. His eyes bore into hers with sparkling excitement.

“I, uh,” she started, unsure of how to even begin to explain her brash behavior. “I don’t know what came over me. I’m–”

“Sorry,” he chuckled ruefully, but she saw sadness creep into his once gleeful eyes.

The mood shifted once again, though now it was somber. They stared at each other, neither one having the courage to either say how they felt nor that they wanted to continue. A few more unsettling moments passed before the duke shifted and helped her stand.

“I suppose I should get going and let you return to your slumber,” he said stiffly.

“Why did you come here tonight?” she asked hesitantly.

He let out a small sigh. “I wanted to see you, that’s all.”

“But, you didn’t talk to me all day.”

Leira watched him frown as his eyes shifted away from hers. She couldn’t tell exactly, but it seemed as though he was mulling over her words as if he’d never thought of them before.

“Did you… want me to talk to you today?” he then asked slowly.

She opened her mouth to respond, but she was at a loss for words. His question completely baffled her. He asked it with such innocence that she believed that he was genuinely curious as to whether she had wanted him to talk to her.

“Of–of course I did. Why wouldn’t I?”

“Because we had an argument, and you left upset. You shut your door, which indicates that you wished to remain alone and undisturbed. I only attempted to adhere to your wishes.”

Again, Leira was speechless. Even though she understood his words logically, she didn’t comprehend how he could have gotten to such a conclusion.

Timidly, she replied, “While true that I left, it doesn't mean that you are to ignore me the rest of the day.”

“What do you mean?”

Letting out an exasperated sigh, her confidence grew. “People fight. Couples argue. But, that doesn’t mean that you attempt to avoid the conversation. It won’t disappear on its own. We need to talk these things out in order to understand each other better and move on.”

“You left, though, Leira. In tears, no less. How am I supposed to keep talking when I see you like that?”

“Leaving me alone is better?”

“N-no,” he faltered. “However, how am I to know that you want me to follow or bring the conversation up at a later date? You don’t talk to me, either.”

Leira was caught off guard by his comment. The realization was hard to swallow. He had said it matter-of-factly, and it provided her with an insight she hadn’t previously seen about herself. She couldn’t argue with him nor defend herself. Leira was admittedly closed off from the duke. How would he know what she needed or wanted? She hadn’t really ever voiced her needs or concerns. So far, he had been guessing, and she had judged him based on his poor attempts to meet her needs.

“You’re right,” she whispered, taking a step back and hugging her arms to her chest.

He reached out to her, but hesitated. “Please don’t pull back again.”

Standing there quietly in front of her husband, Leira saw that she had a choice to make. She could either use this moment to be open and have a healthier connection with the duke, or she could remain closed off and keep the distance between them. The latter option was tempting, since it was comfortable. She was used to being disconnected from her husband, and though the fear of being divorced still plagued her, she was beginning to understand how to navigate being duchess well enough to stave off the option. However, she wasn’t sure that she should keep the duke at arm’s length. He would most definitely grow tired of her until divorce was the only solution.

“Alright,” she said, her mind made up. “I will try not to pull back from you so long as you stop ignoring me after we fight. We will do our best to talk things out until we can come up with a compromise or way to move forward.”

There was a way for her not to get divorced, but to still keep him somewhat far from her. She could let him in a little, let down a few chosen walls, and it would be enough to satisfy him without making her vulnerable. She could appease them both.

“It’s a promise then,” the duke said, taking her hand in his. “We can both do better.”

Leira looked down at him and saw his gentle smile and warm eyes. She was almost tempted to ask how he could be so sweet in these moments and then unbearably cold in the next. She chose, though, to keep her thoughts to herself. She didn’t want to ruin the small moment they were sharing. She didn’t want to see the warmth vanish.

“Then, um,” she cleared her throat. “I suppose we should both retire for the night.”

“I suppose you’re right,” he replied, standing as well.

She watched him exit the room and softly shut the door behind him. Leira was then left alone to ponder the encounter and process her thoughts. She felt somewhat relieved by their conversation, and yet, she felt a weird sense of uneasiness creep over her as well. Though they had communicated and cleared up their present misunderstanding, it still felt to her that he had wanted more from her. She just wasn’t sure what it was that he wanted from her.

Leira sighed and sank back into bed. Fretting about it now wouldn’t help her get to sleep, and she needed the sleep before her next practice with Ezair in the morning. Thankfully, her mind shut off enough for her to drift back into sleep.

Waking up, her body felt sore from the previous morning’s practice, but she was excited to feel her muscles screaming at her in defiance. It meant that she had done something, and it was a feeling she hadn’t felt in far too long.

Leira made her way to the training grounds with a huge smile on her face after getting dressed as Ezair waved at her. She grabbed the hilt of her wooden sword, her hands groaning from the lack of calluses. Without a word between the two, Leira immediately dropped into Sturdy Stance and waited for Ezair to lunge toward her in his first attack. She hoped to last even a second longer than she did yesterday.

After sparring for over an hour, the two decided to call it for the day. Leira was practically wheezing, but the smile wouldn’t fade from her face. She had still been beaten badly by Ezair, losing every match, but he said that she was already improving tenfold. She had begun shoring up her defenses and closing a lot of her openness that he had seen the previous day. Ezair was truly impressed with her natural talent. She would have excelled at Aleyne Academy if women were permitted to attend, and if her father would have let her go.

Ezair sighed, drawing Leira’s attention. “What’s with that?” she asked.

He shook his head. “Oh, nothing. Just… thinking.”

Leira looked at him sideways and raised an eyebrow. “That definitely wasn't a ‘nothing’ sigh. Come on, tell me.”

“Fine, fine,” he chuckled. “You’re a rare talent with the sword. I wish that the Academy would let women participate, and I wish your Father would have sent you.”

Leira couldn’t stop herself from letting out a hearty laugh. “My father! Can you even imagine?”

Ezair smiled sadly at her. It was obvious to him that she was deflecting with humor. He knew better than anyone that every time her father was mentioned, it pained her deeply.

“Also, don’t you need an aura to attend? I think I heard that from somewhere.”

“Yes,” he replied with a soft grin. “You heard it from me. But still, it’s a shame. And if he cared about you–”

“He never did,” she interrupted harshly. “That awful man never cared for me, even when I was the perfect child. Nothing was enough for him, especially after I was sent home.”

Tenderly, he rested a hand on her shoulder as they sat together on a bench, resting. “Have you said anything…”

“About that time?” she asked.

Ezair nodded.

“No, I haven’t told anyone. You only know because you were there, but you don’t know about anything that took place after you left…”

“After he made me leave…”

There was a heavy silence hanging in the air. It was true that he saw her abuse, but after the viscount fired him, he hadn’t heard from her. He had attempted to keep tabs on her, but it wasn’t long before he was cut off fully.

“I only heard a few months ago that you were divorced. How did you escape? That bastard loved having such a young wife, so I was surprised to hear that you weren’t in his clutches any longer.”

Leira sucked in her breath and sprang to her feet. “I have to go get ready for the day.”

Ezair watched her go, taking note of the tears in her eyes that she attempted to hide from him. Whatever had happened to her was still deeply affecting her. He sighed, hurting for his friend and former charge. Looking up, he noticed the same figure retreating from the window. He hoped that trusting the duke had been the right decision. He didn’t want Leira falling into a similar situation as when she was married to the viscount. Ezair didn’t regret telling the duke what he had witnessed while living at the viscount’s residence. Yet.

The swordsman walked swiftly back into the manor. Only time would tell if he had made the correct decision, but he knew that this time, he wouldn’t leave Leira’s side so easily. He’d never leave her side again, no matter what the duke did to him.