Cradle of Lies

He Stayed

The silence stretched so long Dorothy could hear everything—the hum of the refrigerator in the kitchen, a siren wailing somewhere blocks away, her own pulse hammering in her ears.

Jake’s hand slipped off the doorknob.

“What?” His voice came out barely above a whisper.

Dorothy’s mouth had gone completely dry. She’d said it. The words were out there now, hanging in the air between them, and she couldn’t take them back. “I’m pregnant.”

He turned around slowly, his duffel bag sliding off his shoulder and hitting the floor with a soft thud. His face had gone pale. “Are you—are you sure?”

No. She wasn’t sure. She wasn’t pregnant at all. This was a lie, a desperate lie, and she should tell him the truth right now before this went any further.

But he’d taken a step back into the apartment. Away from the door. Away from leaving.

“I took a test yesterday.” The lie came easier now, building on itself. “Two tests, actually. Both positive.”

“Yesterday?” Jake ran his hand through his hair, that gesture he always made when he was trying to process something. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was going to.” Dorothy wrapped her arms around herself, suddenly aware that she was shaking. “Tonight. I had it all planned. I was going to make your favorite dinner and—” Her voice cracked. “And then you started packing.”

Jake stood there, frozen in the middle of their living room, halfway between the door and her. His eyes were wide, searching her face like he was looking for something. Proof, maybe. Or lies.

“How far along?” he asked.

Dorothy’s mind raced. She’d had her period two weeks ago. Before that, three weeks. “Maybe five weeks? Six? I don’t know exactly. I haven’t been to a doctor yet.”

“Jesus.” Jake sank onto the arm of the couch, his legs seeming to give out. “A baby.”

“I know it’s not ideal timing—”

“Not ideal?” He looked up at her, and she couldn’t read his expression. Shock, definitely. But anger? Fear? Hope? “Dot, I was just walking out the door.”

“I know.” The tears were real now, hot and fast down her cheeks. “I know. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry about everything—the phone checking, the jealousy, all of it. I know I have problems. I know I need help. But—” She pressed her hand to her stomach, to the lie growing there. “But now there’s a baby.”

Jake stared at her hand on her abdomen. “We can’t bring a kid into this. Into us fighting all the time. Into you not trusting me. Into—” He gestured helplessly around the apartment. “Into whatever this is.”

“We can fix it.” Dorothy moved toward him carefully, like he was a wild animal that might bolt. “I meant it about therapy. I’ll go. I’ll actually go this time, not just say I will. And we can do couples counseling too. Work on the trust issues together.”

“Dot—”

“Please.” She was in front of him now, close enough to touch but not touching. Not yet. “I know I’ve said it before. I know I haven’t followed through. But this is different. Everything’s different now.”

Jake looked down at his hands, then back up at her. “Are you sure? About the pregnancy?”

“Yes.” The word came out firm, certain, even as her stomach twisted with guilt.

“Can I see the tests?”

Her heart stopped. “What?”

“The pregnancy tests. Can I see them?”

Dorothy’s mind went blank with panic. She hadn’t thought this through. Hadn’t planned past the moment of him stopping, of him staying. “I threw them away.”

“Both of them?”

“Yeah, I—I didn’t think. I was in shock and I just—” She gestured vaguely toward the bathroom. “They’re in the trash at work. I took them on my break and I was so freaked out I just threw them in the bathroom garbage.”

It was a terrible lie. Flimsy. Obvious. But Jake just nodded slowly, still processing.

“We should get you to a doctor,” he said. “Make sure everything’s okay. Get a due date. All that.”

“Okay.” Dorothy’s voice was barely audible. “Yeah. I’ll make an appointment Monday.”

“Monday.” Jake stood up, pacing now, his earlier exhaustion replaced with nervous energy. “Okay. Monday. And we should—what do we need to do? Prenatal vitamins, right? And you’re not supposed to drink. Or eat certain things. Fish, I think? Raw fish?”

He was spiraling, his mind already jumping ahead to doctor appointments and nurseries and all the things that came with an actual pregnancy. With an actual baby.

With something that didn’t exist.

“Jake.” Dorothy reached for his hand, and this time he let her take it. His palm was warm, slightly sweaty. “We don’t have to figure everything out tonight.”

“I was about to leave.” He looked at their joined hands like he couldn’t quite believe they were touching. “Two minutes ago I was walking out that door.”

“But you didn’t.”

“Because you’re pregnant.” He met her eyes, and there was something raw in his expression. Something that looked almost like accusation. “Is that the only reason you told me? To make me stay?”

Yes, Dorothy thought. Yes, that’s exactly why.

“No,” she said out loud. “I was going to tell you anyway. You deserved to know. Even if you still wanted to leave, you deserved to know you were going to be a father.”

Jake pulled his hand away and resumed pacing. Three steps to the window, three steps back. “I can’t believe this. We’re going to have a baby.”

“Yeah.” The word felt like ash in her mouth.

“I need to think.” He grabbed his phone from the coffee table, checked the time. “I need—I should call Marcus. Tell him I’m not coming.”

“Okay.”

“And we should talk. Really talk. About what this means. About whether we can actually make this work.” He looked at her again, his expression serious. “Because a baby doesn’t fix the problems we have, Dot. You know that, right?”

“I know.”

“The phone checking, the control issues—that stuff has to stop. Baby or no baby, I can’t live like that.”

“I know,” Dorothy said again. “I’ll change. I promise.”

“You’ve promised before.”

“This time is different.”

“Because of the baby.”

“Yes.” At least that part was honest. Everything was different now. Everything had changed the second those words left her mouth.

Jake ran his hand over his face, suddenly looking exhausted again. “I need some air. I’m going to take a walk. Clear my head.”

Panic spiked in Dorothy’s chest. “You’re coming back though, right?”

He looked at her for a long moment. “Yeah, Dot. I’m coming back.”

She watched him grab his keys and his jacket—not the winter coat, she noticed. Not the one he’d packed. He paused at the door, his hand on the knob just like before, and for a second she thought he might say something else.

But he just opened the door and left.

Dorothy stood alone in the apartment, listening to his footsteps recede down the hallway. The door to the stairwell opened and closed. Then silence.

She sank onto the couch, her legs finally giving out. Her hands were shaking. Her whole body was shaking.

What had she done?

She’d lied. She’d lied about being pregnant to keep her boyfriend from leaving. And now she had to figure out how to maintain that lie long enough to—what? Actually get pregnant? Fake a miscarriage? String him along for nine months and then somehow produce a baby?

Her phone was on the coffee table. She picked it up with trembling hands and opened a private browser window.

How long before pregnancy shows on ultrasound

Can you fake a pregnancy test

How to get pregnant fast

She stared at the search results, her vision blurring with tears. This was insane. This was impossible. She couldn’t actually pull this off.

But Jake had stayed. He’d stayed and he was coming back.

And maybe, maybe if she actually went to therapy like she’d promised, if she actually worked on her issues, if she became the person he needed her to be—maybe by the time he figured out the truth, he’d love her enough not to leave anyway.

Or maybe she could actually get pregnant. They’d been careful, but not that careful. If she stopped taking her pill, if she tried—it could happen. It happened to people all the time by accident. Surely she could make it happen on purpose.

Dorothy set down her phone and pressed her hands to her face. Through the window, she could see the sun setting, painting the sky in shades of orange and pink. Beautiful and normal, like the world hadn’t just tilted sideways.

She had until Monday to figure out her next move. Monday, when she was supposed to call a doctor and make an appointment for a pregnancy that didn’t exist.

Three days.

She could figure this out in three days.

She had to.