I Want To Live

Chapter Four

The train travelled the rails leaving Portland behind. Katie noticed a homeless camp near the tracks not far from the city. Blue tarps rigged as temporary shelters. Scrubby looking men milled about smoking cigarettes. Some huddled beside a makeshift fire in a barrel. Faces haggard, forlorn, devoid of hope. Her heart went out to them. She pondered the circumstances that might have left them without a home. I’m not the only one facing a major upheaval in life. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, Katie. 

    Four hours later the Amtrak train stopped in Claremont. She retrieved her suitcase, stepped down to the pavement, grabbed the handle of her wheeled-luggage and pulled it behind her, wheels whirring along the sidewalk. The bus depot was directly across the street up a slight incline.  At her approach a sensor caused automatic doors to slide open. Katie walked into the lobby. 

    She saw a ticket window on the far wall. “Is there a bus leaving for Chelan soon?” she asked the African American woman behind the counter.

    “You’re in luck,” the pleasant woman said. “There’s a bus pulling into the circle drive now. In fifteen minutes it’ll head for Chelan.”

    “I’d like a one way ticket, please.” Katie handed the agent the exact amount, then hurried up a ramp and outside to line up for the bus. While waiting to board she saw an elderly woman wearing several layers of clothes pushing a shopping cart full of black trash bags. That cart must contain all her worldly possessions. No one standing in line paid any attention to the homeless person. Apparently, this is commonplace. Her thoughts were interrupted by the loudspeaker announcing, “Bus #15 boarding for Entiat and Chelan.” 

    She chose a window seat and closed her eyes, lulled by the rhythmic cadence of the tires. Route 97A followed the Columbia River passing fruit orchards beside the road. The bus stopped at Entiat for fifteen minutes before continuing on the winding highway. When the route veered away from the river and entered a tunnel, Katie knew the bus would arrive in downtown Chelan very soon. The panoramic sight of Lake Chelan never failed to impress her as the highway dipped down before skirting the lake’s edge. Rounding a corner, Katie legged down the aisle to the driver.  

    “Excuse me, could you possibly drop me off at the Ferry building?”

    “Why sure, Miss. No problem.” 

    The Lady of the Lake was about to make the last junket up lake for the day. Katie panted with relief as she scurried along the ramp and hopped aboard just seconds before the boat reversed engines to line up for a direct run to Stehekin.

    She opened the door to the passenger cabin, having discarded her suitcase with the other cargo lumped on the forward deck. Even though it was June there was a lingering chill in the air. Katie had ridden this ferry many times. The cruise past the fiord-like cliffs and peaks enclosing the fifty-five mile long lake was familiar terrain. She visited her grandparents every summer over the years. Grandma was the major female model in her life since she was raised by a single dad.

    It was the start of the tourist season, for many their first journey along the majestic passage. The newbies huddled along the railing of the upper deck clasping the collars of their mid-weight jackets close to their necks. Scarves and wool hats were donned quickly. Some had the foresight to wear mittens or gloves. Vapor clouds hovered by their nostrils with each exhalation. Digital cameras recorded the picturesque landscape.

    Katie recognized some of the retirees seated inside who owned cabins in Stehekin. Most of the old-timers didn’t indulge in small talk. Kept to themselves. They nodded in greeting when she claimed a spot on a wooden bench, then resumed reading a paperback or the paper. Many were regular customers at the dining room of the Cascade Inn. They would amble down the dirt road from their cabins for breakfast. A chance to converse with old friends and catch up on local gossip. Katie spent her summers waiting on tables to earn extra money towards college expenses.  Life at Stehekin was slower paced, away from the hubbub of cities. The primary reason why permanent residents chose to live there, despite the hardship of winter weather. Katie’s retired grandparents owned a Bed and Breakfast in town. Grandma Meg had been an inner city teacher. Grandpa Harold a former fire fighter.

    The ferry disembarked passengers at Lucerne Landing. A big yellow school bus was parked near the dock, waiting to transport them up a steep dirt road to Lucerne Village, a Lutheran Retreat Center occupying a former copper mining town. Four young backpackers were going to start their wilderness trek from there. Lofty mountains loomed around the village and a network of trails radiated throughout that isolated wilderness terrain. 

    Katie sat up alert. Just a short jaunt and Stehekin was next. Her heart skipped a beat at the sight of two mountain goats on the starboard rocky cliffs. That particular mountainous section was close to North Cascades National Park. The remaining backpackers were headed there. Access to the Pacific Crest Trail was nearby. Stehekin was a resupply and rest stop for thru hikers of the PCT who craved real food, a shower and laundry facilities. 

                                                                                                          ----

    The tiny village of Stehekin hugged the shoreline beneath lofty peaks. Katie felt the noticeable slowing of the engines. “Last stop, Stehekin village,” the captain announced over the loudspeaker as he deftly manuveured the boat alongside the slip. Katie scanned the waiting crowd for a glimpse of Grandma. There she was. A petite woman, Meg MacKenzie, waited near the wharf wearing an Irish wool sweater over Jeans. A red felt cloche covered long white hair. Katie lined up with other passengers, ready to retrieve her suitcase before disembarking. A crewman standing by the stowed luggage, handed claimed articles to each person before they stepped off the boat. 

    Katie had yet to explain the reason for her impromptu visit to her grandparents. She had left a message on their phone before leaving Portland. They were so proud of her. She dreaded telling them that she was pregnant and had quit college.

    “Katie, Yoohoo! What a surprise!” Meg yelled, the moment she saw her granddaughter.        

    Tears threatening to let go, Katie ran to Grandma’s open arms for a warm embrace. A heartfelt enveloping hug was just what she needed. The two stood, arms locked tightly until Katie’s trembling subsided.  

    “Katie, darling. What has you so upset?” Meg cupped her granddaughter’s shoulders transmitting all the love she had, searching Katie’s eyes for an explanation. With no answer forthcoming, “The golf cart is nearby.” They walked in companionable silence holding hands. 

    Once they were settled on the cushioned seat, Meg started the engine. The battery operated motor groaned awake. Meg backed onto the main dirt road and drove toward the Lodge waving at neighbors as she passed.

    “Would you like to take a run up to Rainbow Falls for a bit?” 

    Katie smiled, Grandma could always sense what she needed. The side trip would allow time to collect her thoughts instead of heading directly to the Lodge.

    “Yes, Grandma. I would like that.” Katie squeezed the older woman’s hand affectionately, then blurted, “Do I look like my mother?” 

     Meg cleared her throat, caught off guard, silent for some time before answering. “You have Sherry’s strawberry-blonde hair and freckles. Your mouth and nose come from your dad. Those green eyes are definitely Irish genes. You’re short like me and a natural athlete like your grandpa. You’re a kind caring individual with a big heart, a rare quality in many youngsters today.” 

    Meg glanced at Katie out of the corner of her eye. “Why the sudden interest in whether you look like your mother?” 

    “I was just wondering why mom left dad and me like she did ---” Katie hiccuped. “Was it something I did? Didn’t she want me?” 

    “Katie. It had nothing to do with what you said or did.” Noticing Katie’s flushed face and brimming tears. “What’s wrong?”

    “Oh, grandma---I’m pregnant. I was r***d by a professor at college!” 

    Meg slammed her foot on the brake, thrusting them forward. Fortunately, no one was behind them. She turned to embrace Katie, squeezing her tight. Now she knew why the sudden visit. When Katie quieted in her arms, Meg released her and drove toward the parking lot for Rainbow Falls. She turned the motor off.  Looked at Katie with concern. “Are you okay?”

    “Yes, Grandma, I’m all right now.” 

    Both women got out of the cart and strolled the winding dirt trail toward breathtaking Rainbow Falls. The meltwater spilled over a lip in the high canyon wall. A cool mist enveloped them. The cascade dropped into an emerald pool below. Wet rocks glistened as late afternoon sun struck them. The noise was nearly deafening. A spectacular rainbow suddenly appeared in front of the waterfall. They stood in awe, silently admiring the pristine beauty. 

    Meg slipped an arm around Katie’s waist. “We will face this challenge together. You’re with a family who love you now.”

    Grandpa welcomed Katie warmly when they pulled in front of the Lodge. “How’s my big girl?” He enveloped her with muscled, tanned arms. Still fit and lean with a full head of snow-white hair despite his seventy years. 

    “I’m kind of under the weather right now, Grandpa. I need some time away from the city for a while. Kind of tired from traveling too. Is it all right if I go to my bedroom for a nap?”

    Harold looked at Meg with questioning brown eyes and arched brows in a what’s up manner. He didn’t say a word, knowing she would enlighten him in due time. “Of course, Katie.” He kissed her forehead tenderly. “Do you want help with your luggage?”

    “No, Grandpa. I’ve got it. See you guys for dinner.” Katie trudged into the Lodge, her body hunched with weariness as she carried her suitcase inside the rough-hewn cedar lodge. 

    “Let’s have a cup of tea in the kitchen, Harold.” Meg placed a hand on his arm to still his questions. “I’ll fill you in on the details.”

They trailed Katie up the stairs to their living quarters.

                                                                                                       ----

    The Mackenzie Lodge, with a view of Lake Chelan., was built in the early 1900s by Harold’s ancestors. Lofty jagged peaks beyond the B and B hid an expansive glacial system, cascading waterfalls, forested valleys, remote trails, alpine lakes, all offering spectacular campsites. Harold hired out as a backwoods and fishing guide. Both MacKenzies relished the quiet lifestyle that Stehekin offered, having spent many years in the frenzy of Seattle.   

     Comfortable couches, beneath picture windows that framed the expansive lake, welcomed guests who stepped past a carved oak door. The small service counter at the rear held check-in registration forms, maps, brochures of nearby attractions, a computer, a SAT phone for emergencies, and a bell to alert the owners if temporarily absent. A field stone fireplace occupied an entire wall with a seating arrangement of more couches and armchairs before it. A shelving unit held paperbacks and board games.

    Guests stayed at one of six separate log cabins containing a utility kitchen, one or two bedrooms, a living area with dining table and a bathroom with shower. Linens were provided but guests had to bring their own food and snacks.

    Meg boiled some water on their propane-fueled four-burner stove and steeped a pot of English Breakfast tea. She pulled a chair away from their table nestled against a picture window. The kitchen/dining area was an open space running the width of the lodge. Harold joined her, cradling a hot mug in his large hands, waiting for Meg to speak.

    “I love this view of the lake,” she said, raising a cup to her lips. “Look, Harold. There’s a redheaded woodpecker at the suet feeder.”

    “I see it, Dear.” Harold tapped his fingers on the table, unable to mask his annoyance at her delaying tactics. “Would you please get to the point?”

    Worry lines etched Meg’s forehead as she sighed, “Katie’s going through a rough patch right now---She quit college.”

    “She what?” Harold’s eyes widened in disbelief.

    “Let me finish.” Meg scowled. “She was r***d by one of her professors who warned that no one would believe her if she dared to report the incident.” Meg shook her head in resignation. “As you can imagine. She’s devastated.” Meg paused to take another sip of tea. “That’s not her only setback .  .  . “ She enveloped her husband’s hands with her own. “Our precious girl is pregnant.”

    Harold shook his head, stricken, wiping unbidden tears from his eyes. “What is she going to do?”

    “I think that’s why she’s here---to do some soul searching.” Meg leaned back in her chair. 

    “How does one protect their children as you let them go out into the world on their own?” 

    Harold stared lost in thought. “Sometimes, Meg, I don’t like humankind that much.”

    “Not all humans do immoral acts.” Meg gazed into Harold’s eyes. “I believe the majority try to do what’s right in the world.” 

    “What is the man that thou art mindful of him?” Harold squeezed her hand, his gray eyes communicating his love for her. “I don’t understand God and how He works but I am so grateful He led me to you.” He leaned over and kissed her with tenderness. “You are my moral compass, Meg. You keep me balanced.” 

    “Are you sure God isn’t a woman.” Meg grinned, mischief in her eyes.

    “Oh you!” Harold slapped her hand in response to the repartee.

     Dinner was a quiet subdued affair. No one said much except “please pass the potatoes” and “looks like a storm is brewing”. The light in the room lessened as grey clouds gathered outside. 

    Much like the mood in here. Harold broke the icy tension around the table. “Your grandmother shared why you’ve graced us with your visit, Katie.” 

    The compassion on his face and in his voice broke the stoicism she wore like a cloak. Katie stopped chewing, placed her fork on the plate and looked directly at her grandpa. “I’m so sorry to be a disappointment to everyone. I didn’t do anything deliberately. I’m so ashamed, Grandpa.”

    “You shouldn’t feel ashamed for a heinous act like rape.” He pounded his fist on the table, rattling the dishes. “I would like to throttle that professor. Rip his eyes out. Cut off his balls myself!” Everyone laughed at the image he painted.  “We want you to know you can stay with us for as long as you like.”

     Thunder boomed. Lightening cracked. The metal roof resounded with the heavy staccato beat

of hail pelting in earnest. The view through the windows was obscured. 

    “Quite a symphony tonight,” Harold raised his voice to be heard. He clinked a knife against his water glass. “Let it go! Let it go! Let it go!” he boomed the lyrics from Frozen.

    Meg took up the beat clinking her own glass and tapping her spoon against the table. She joined her husband in the refrain of the new musical that year.

    Katie tapped her feet and laughed, raising her voice with theirs, blending with the strident discord of glasses, plates, utensils and hail.

                                                                                                          ----

    The following evening Katie dialed her father, the Head Ranger at Yosemite. Before reaching for the Sat phone the image of tall Richard MacKenzie in his forest-green uniform and broad-brimmed hat popped into her mind. He was a strict single father after his wife left him with a ten year old girl to raise. Rule-oriented he could be opinionated as hell. Steely blue eyes and tight lips when upset were enough to keep her in line as a teenager. God forbid she get caught doing any crazy typical stunt usually associated with that age group. She wasn’t allowed to socialize after school anyway. There were household chores to do and dinner to prepare. He would be hungry after his workday. Weekends she was expected to accompany him on official rounds in the Park so he could keep an eye on her. Katie didn’t mind that. She loved hiking the trails and learning wilderness skills. Female activities like painting your nails and going clothes shopping never did appeal to her. 

    Meg sat at the table to give Katie moral support, she knew her son too well. It took some time for the call to go through. Phone service at the Park was sketchy at best.

    “Hello?” Richard’s voice was brusque. “The reception’s garbled. Could you speak up?”

    “Dad. It’s Katie.”

    “Katie? Where are you?”

    “I’m at Grandma and Grandpa’s, Dad.”

    “You’re what?” he bellowed. “Why are you hanging out with them? Talk to me, KATIE.” He spit her name out, demanding an answer.

     Katie was intimidated by his tone. “I can’t talk to you when you’re angry, Dad.” She handed the phone to her grandmother.

     “Richard. Listen to me carefully.” Meg reprimanded him sternly like the retired teacher she was. “I have disturbing news. Please sit down, son. . .  Katie was r***d at college by a professor and warned to be quiet.” She paused. Letting that information sink in. “She’s just discovered she’s pregnant. .  . I don’t want you judging her. This is not her fault.”

    “That’s what I’ve always feared, Mom.” Richard was clearly disappointed. “That she would turn out to be like her mother. She’s no daughter of mine. You tell her that. Understand?” Click.

    Meg stared at the phone. “He hung up on me! I’m very upset with my son.” She slammed the Sat phone down on the sideboard. 

    Harold stormed into the room when he heard the commotion. “What’s going on in here?”

    Meg took a deep breath to calm herself, hugged Katie and suggested, “Com’n everyone. Let’s take a refreshing walk down to the Bakery Shop for an ice cream cone.”

    The trio walked hand-in-hand along the dirt road. The waves slapped the shoreline from a motorboat’s wake. A gentle breeze rustled the leaves overhead. A Stellar Jay squawked in a nearby tree. Katie’s heart swelled, encompassed by the love of her grandparents. Meg’s words, We will face this challenge together bolstered her spirit. She was determined not to be disheartened.