Hidden Sanity

Midst

Jack moved around his office. He felt so hot. Might be because of the tension with him by trying to fight himself before losing his sanity. He was beginning to wish he’d worn a tank top and shorts to work. Of course, he didn’t look a bit overheated. He was still wearing his suit jacket. 

He wanted to talk to Alice. Now if only he could get the courage to call.

He took a wheezy breath. The heat bothered him a little. He tugged at the collar of his white long sleeve. He might have to take medication but he was so far from his apartment. He left his pills there.

He got his phone from the table. He stared at the number on his phone for a moment. Then he dialed and listened to the hum of the dial tone, feeling a little dizzy. He called Alice but Alice had hung up on him immediately.

That’s a little ungrateful.

He walked away from his office. He started walking fast down the sidewalk toward his apartment, head down.

It was hot. Really hot. Although it’s cold outside, he felt hot. He could feel the heat going off his body, spreading across his face. His long sleeve was stuck to his chest and back, damp with perspiration. And there was that buzzing in his head that he hadn’t heard for a long time. It was a loud buzzing, like having a big fat bumblebee in his brain, but somewhere in the buzz he could hear Alice’s voice. I looked up to you! I hope you knew that. He could almost feel the sting of the sweat that ran across his bare nape.

Jack hurriedly hitched up a cab and shuffled up the street. He pushed the imaginary bee out of his head. Pushed Alice out of his head. He wasn’t stupid. He didn’t care what she said. A man who had done the things he had done and gotten away with them couldn’t be stupid.

Why would she hang up on me? I was trying to explain, he thought. But that wasn’t it at all. Of course not. He realized that he had just shocked Alice to  what she saw from him.

Jack immediately started to rationalize. That was how he calmed himself, kept himself in control. He was just caught off guard by Alice. That was all.

He wiped the sweat from his brow. He’d go back to this apartment and make some ice water then drink his pill. He’d park himself in front of the TV and watch.

But in the meantime, Joe and Alice were out together for another date.

They walked their way to the restaurant.

Alice spoke, “I’m sure this isn’t a dirt-cheap restaurant. Is it?”

Joe laughed. “I accept your irony but I won’t take a beautiful girl like you to an inexpensive restaurant.”

“Oh, then that’s great.”

“What foods do you like to eat?” 

“I eat everything.”

“Even a goat's brain?”

“Eww. Was that even a food?” She looked disgusted by the thought.

Joe laughed and Alice laughed with him. Joe said “People nowadays like to eat exotic foods that aren’t actually foods back in the ancient times.”

“So what are you trying to say? I’m from stone-age? Joe, people normally eat animals back in the ancient times. It’s just that, nowadays, people add more preservatives to make it look and sound delicious. But it’s disgusting, I don’t eat meat, fresh meat, I mean.”

“But you like fried chicken? And fried fish?”

Alice looked at him and stopped walking. “Do you really want us to eat? ‘Cause you know, if not, I’ll go back… I’m really craving fried chicken tonight!”

“So that’s the food that you want. Finally, you answered.” He smiled.

She sneered in amusement. “Jesus, how could you be so smart to figure that out? Really? Goat’s brain? That’s a brilliant idea to make the whole thing go to my answer. Bravo, Joe, Bravo!”

Joe said “Scholar.” He shrugged as if bragging by the fact.

“Ugh! You airy guy!”

Joe laughed and said “Yeah right!”

They had a long walk on their way to the restaurant. And when they got there, Alice’s feet ached.

“Shouldn’t have worn these heels.” She wore off her heels for the moment.

Joe smiled. “Why do you girls always blame your heels? If you suffer from it, don’t wear them. Easy like that.”

“So you expect me to wear flip flops in the office?”

“Right. That… won’t look right.”

Alice chuckled. She said “Shall we order now?”

“Yeah.” He called for the waiter, ordered for the foods they like and waited for them to be served.

While waiting, Joe said “So how are you feeling about Jack Kinley?”

“Joe, please, let’s not talk about that thing tonight. I just want to rest my mind, even just for a little while.”

He snorted. “Alright. Fine. But, last question, did you search for him alone by yourself? ‘Cause that would be totally hot.”

“How did that become hot?” She almost laughed.

“Guys find independent girls hot. Because it made them appear tough, like they don’t even need our help… That is hot.”

“Someone is helping me through it so I’m not hot, is that it?” She scorned at his opinion.

But Joe’s reaction was different. His smile was washed out immediately. He said “Someone is helping you? Who?”

“You wouldn’t believe it but… sir Jorge is.”

“That Jorge?!”

“Yes… our boss.”

“Wow.”

“I know right? Can you believe it?”

“Still working on believing…” He looked stunned.

“What’s the shock all about?”

“Alice, that is weird……… Don’t you think he’s just trying to act nice to get into your shorts?”

“What the hell are you talking about? No!”

He leaned his elbows on the table. “I don’t trust that man, Alice.”

“What? Why? Do you know each other?”

“Yes, we do. Of course! We’re in the same office.”

“What I mean is, do you talk to each other too?”

“We talked twice. Not a lot of times… but I just don’t like that man.”

“So… what you’re trying to say is?” She squinted her eyes.

“There’s something different with that man. I don’t feel safe when he’s around.”

“You………want me to stay away from him?” She smiled, teasing him for acting so jealous.

Joe talked like he had read her mind. “I’m not jealous… Okay, maybe I am. But I just don’t like that you’re hanging out with that man.”

“Don’t be jealous! Joe, he’s my boss. I’m just a secretary! It’s impossible for that thing to happen! Geez! Whatever was in your mind was... But yeah, he’s kind of a jerk.”

“Do me a favor, Alice.”

“What?”

“Don’t hang out with that man ever again.”

“Why? Is he some kind of a freak?” She pokes fun at him.

“If he hurts you, I don’t know what I’ll do… Maybe crash him to bits. I don’t know.”

“It’s not like he’s going to hurt me. Relax, Joe.”

The orders were served at their table but their conversation didn’t stop.

Joe replied, “Just in case, he did, tell me!”

Alice stared at him and said, “I like that you’re being so protective, Joe. Thank you.”

“I just want to protect you from anyone who will hurt you.”

“Thank you.” She got the fork. “Here’s the chicken. Winner winner chicken dinner!”

Joe slightly smiled at that expression. “Right.” He chopped his chicken then grabbed a bite.

Alice looked at his handsome face. She thought that Joe was really a sweet man. With Joe, she forgot her worries, her problems, like everything is going to be alright, like life is very easy. Joe evidently knew how to touch a girl. Just through Joe’s presence, Alice felt safer and she couldn’t feel less than a woman. She can’t stop thinking, why doesn’t she give this man a chance? Surely, he’s a keeper.

She liked him but she’s afraid that when they get through that end point, when they entered a relationship, a simple glitch may end the whole thing and damage the whole system, their friendship.

She thought that for now, it’s not the right time to think about it, that she must enjoy the little things that are happening. Enjoy whatever life brings, forget what life brought, and look forward to what life will bring. Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery. And tonight, Joe is with her. That’s what matters the most. Maybe she needed to pay more attention to people like him.

When they’re done eating, Joe said “So I guess, I would have to send you home. You can be in any type of danger so to be sure…”

Alice was touched. She gave a smile and kept silent.

“Alright. Get your shoes on and let’s get going.”

Alice laughed because she almost forgot that she wore them off. It’s always fun talking to Joe.

She said “Oh! Right! Thanks for reminding me!”

They walk their way home again. Alice liked Joe’s company. Just a very comfortable relationship. She could be herself when she’s with him. She never enjoyed long walks until now. It was a whole new different perspective tonight. Being with Joe has put her to that realization.

Then as they reached the driveway of her apartment building, they met Jack unexpectedly. He just got home too. Jack looked shocked when he saw them together.

Alice didn’t speak a word. Joe said “Oh, hey there, sir.”

Jack didn’t reply and he was just staring at Alice’s face.

“Sir?”, Joe asks.

Alice said “I got to go, Joe. Thanks for the time! Bye!” She walked her way to get inside the building.

Until, Jack called her. “Alice!”

Alice stopped. He said “Can we talk, Alice?”

“I don’t want to talk to you!”

“We need to talk!!” He yelled.

Joe interrupted, “Hey, don’t shout! Why are you yelling at her?” He went closer to Jack and looked at him fiercely.

“Mr. Schmidt, you don’t know anything, please don’t bother us here,” he sharply said.

“Oh I know! She doesn’t want to talk to you. That’s what she said. Now please let her go inside the building.”

Jack was hushed as Alice replied, “Thanks, Joe.” Then she went up the building.

He wanted to kill Joe badly but now’s not the right time to lose his temper. He had to appear kind. He controlled his anger by taking a deep breath.

Joe knew that something was going on between them. He’d always figure it out correctly. Though he didn’t know what exactly it is, all he knew was that he had to keep an eye on him.

Jack said “I’m sorry.”

“What is really going on?”

“Nothing is going on. Just about the business that we forgot to talk about. Office thing.”

“I understand. But shouldn’t you be talking about it in the office and not here? Office hours are done. That topic is now off limits here.” He pulled back the same warning he did to him before.

Jack thought he was a clever man like him. It challenged him, in fact.

But he replied with such benevolence, “You’re right. Just got to do it in the office. OK. I’m going up now.” He walked and left him outside. He didn’t like someone else getting in the way of Alice. It may be bad for him but he liked it in some way. Must be a new flavor to his game.

He got inside his apartment. Instantly feeling better, Jack picked up his pace a little. Once he and Alice got to talking, he might take it a little more seriously. But for now, he realized he had to give her the space she wanted. Jack would let Alice for a while. That’s what he’d do. Then he’d call again. That was all Jack needed. A little time to get used to the thought of not having Alice the easy way.

Now that he had made a couple of trips here and there, busied himself here and there, having meetings with the other company for 3 days straight, he wasn’t so worried about getting caught by leaving the place anymore. Jack knew he was too smart for the police officers.

Always had been. Always would be.

A day had passed and on the other hand, Jack and Morrie made up. It was Morrie’s strong persuasive force. They are no longer under quarrel. Morrie, just by stating the name, is Jack’s habit. He’s seeing her in stand-in of his broken routine of seeing Alice.

She went to Jack’s house.

Jack went inside the shower to refresh his body from the long and miserable day.

Jack turned in the shower stall, pressed his palms to the wall and let the warm water run down his back. He heard the shower door open.

“Mind if I join you?”

He smiled to himself, then turned his back to Morrie. “Nothing like a shower party.”

“My thoughts exactly.” She stepped inside and closed the door.

Jack could smell the faint scent of her perfume. She was naked.

“Want me to do your back?”

“Sure.” Jack heard her unhook the bath sponge from the faucet and squirt shower gel from the dispenser. He moaned with contentment as Morrie dragged the rough scrubby sponge down the center of his back.

“Another bad day?” Morrie scrubbed his shoulder vigorously.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

Morrie chuckled, scrubbing methodically. “It can’t be that bad.”

“Oh, it is. I’ve been torn with the Jack Kinley case and working in the office. It’s totally bugging me at work but I like it because I get to be with Alice in that.”

“Oh God, really? The Jack Kinley case? What does Alice have to do with any of it?”

“She’s the next target.” Jack closed his eyes and groaned. As Morrie washed his back, he could feel his knotted muscle relaxing.

“How can she be so sure that she is?”

“Because the FBI told her so.” Jack stretched his shoulders forward and back, pressing his hands to the slippery wall. The warm water running over his skin mingled with the light caress of Morrie’s bare hand, sending ripples of pleasure through him.

“I don’t understand. Why Alice? There are so many girls out there to kill, why her?” Morrie rested her hands on Jack’s hips and Jack turned in his arms to face her.

“I know, I know,” Jack said, opening his eyes. “But that’s not how it works. I sharply reminded myself that evidence is what we go by, so I want to work on it with her.”

It was reassuring to see Morrie. To have her close like this. He reached out and rubbed a smudge of mascara from her eye.

“Unfortunately,” Jack continued, “That’s been our case from the start and everything’s still unclear.”

He lifted his hands and let them fall to her sides. “Coincidence with a hint of suspicion, nothing more, that’s what it leaves to us.”

“And what about that suspicion of yours, huh?” Morrie caressed one of Jack’s buttocks and then gave it a playful slap.

Jack laughed, and the release felt so good. “I don’t know. I just wanted to look for that bastard myself before he hurt anybody in my office.”

“Before he hurt the assistant secretary huh?” She leaned forward and brushed her lips against his.

“Anyway, it will be over again. I believed that.” Jack gazed into her dark brown eyes. “Only I’m not sure she is safe, Morrie..., and I don’t know what the hell to do about it.” His voice caught in his throat and the last words were ragged.

“Ah, sweetie, she’s safe.” Morrie pulled him against her thin, lean body and hugged him tightly, her breasts touching his chest. She caught a lock of Jack’s wet hair between her fingers and pushed it behind his head. “It’s going to be alright.” She held his gaze. “You give it your best shot. That’s all you can do. You can’t control the people who commit these crimes. Surely you know that by now.”

“I know. I know. I do.” Jack tightened his grip around Morrie’s waist and rested his cheek on her shoulder. “I would just hate it if he hurt her without me being able to do anything.”

Morrie caught Jack’s chin between her thumb and forefinger and tilted her head back to gaze into his eyes. “You’re a smart guy, Jorge. You are not a cop. You don’t have to save people out of order.”

Jack smiled, sad and yet momentarily content. He was so lucky to have Morrie.

“I love you,” she whispered.

Morrie smiled and brushed her lips against Jack’s. “Now come on, let’s get in bed.”

She winked. “And let’s seriously forget our troubles.”

Few minutes later, after making out, they went to his kitchen to have coffee. They were sitting across from each other.

Morrie said “Hey, you talked to Alice last night?”

“No. Haven’t talked to her yet these days.”

“Why?”

“We’re both busy.”

“Did you like her?”

“No. But she seems like a sensible woman.”

“Well then… What pretense did you use for making the deal?” She set down her coffee.

“I just told her that I will be with her, helping her with the case.”

“So she was OK with your deal?”

“To tell you, she was a little touchy about it at first, but I think I just startled her. She calmed down, though. I think she understands well about our position with that.”

“You’re still going to keep her updated?”

“I don’t know but I need to contact her in case.” He brushed his messy blond hair off his forehead.

Morrie stood up and massaged his shoulders from behind. “Sweetie, I think you’re stressing yourself too much in that case. Come on, you’re a CEO, not an investigator.”

“Yeah but I’m kind of dealing with both positions at the same time.”

She kissed his neck. “Don’t be. Come, let’s do another round.”

She pulled him to his bed again. She pushed him to his bed and she lied on top of him. She licked his bare chest, fresh from the shower, up to the direction of his mouth.

Jack put his hands on her waist. He said “Let’s not do it like this, Morrie.”

She sat on his crotch to look at his face. “What do you mean?”

“Uh, casually having s*x?”

“Jorge, we do this every time! How come you only complain about this after months?!”

“Great, so we were doing this, months ago. Glad you counted.”

“Why are you like this?!” She spanked his chest.

He looked away. “Alice—”

“Oh, so it’s all because of Alice?!” She tucked her hair that showered down to her face by looking down at him, behind her ears.

“Morrie, it’s only up to this. We can’t be anything more than this. I told you that! We are here for each other. For pleasure! And we both get benefits from this. What is your problem?”

“You! What is your problem?! I told you I love you! Haven’t you heard?!”

“Well I love Alice, that’s my f*****g problem!” He raised his voice.

Morrie was astounded and she got mad. She stood up and said “What is with that b***h that I don’t have?! She barely even knows how to do what we’re doing!”

Jack stood up and walked towards her. “I don’t think you should be talking about her like that.”

“Why? Because I’m right? She’s less attractive than me!”

“How many guys have you slept with? Tell me.” He stared in her eyes as he suddenly came up with the question.

“What?” She frowned.

“You sleep with anyone in the office. You made out with our graphic designer! Yes! Yes! I knew that! Why? Because I saw it! You thought I don’t see what you’re doing?! Well you’re wrong. I’ve been watching you! And I ain’t hurt about it. You know why? Because I knew from the start that you’re a hoe, you usually do those stuff!”

They were now yelling at each other. Morrie slapped Jack’s cheek and said, “I may be a hoe! But I like that side of me!! You liked that too so don’t you dare put it all on me like I was the wrong one here!”

She picked up her clothes from the floor and wore them. Jack said, “Listen, I don’t get it! Why are we fighting?!”

“What? Because you like to have s*x with me again?! Do you even care enough for my feelings, huh, fucker? No! Because you are a pervert! You only have s*x with me because you like it!!”

“Wait, what? I only have s*x with you because you’re inviting me to! Yes, I admit, I liked it but that’s only because I thought you knew that what we’re having is only for a one night stand! That’s originally like that, right?!”

“Uh-huh? So you thought I’m the one who’s crazy for you now huh? You think I’m a hoe who f***s different guys each night? Well guess what, you’re right—” She shouted “I am a hoe who sleeps with a lot of guys!! Hahaha! Yes! I’m disgusting! That’s a fake laugh by the way!”

Then she walked away.

“Where are you going?!” Jack followed her through his door.

“I’m going to teach that b***h a lesson! And prove that I’m better!”

Jack held her arms and pulled her. “You might not want to do that, Morrie!”

“Why not? She’s a useless woman! Doesn’t even know how to blow it! Doesn’t even know how anything but work! That workaholic b***h!”

Jack directly dragged her to the wall and cornered her. He wrapped his hand on her neck, almost like choking her to death. “You don’t know her! I’m warning you Morrie, once you hurt Alice—”

Morrie can hardly breathe. Her face was almost red. Jack’s grip was so tight. Is he losing himself tonight?

Jack was staring at her face as she suffered from the pain, like he was a different person. He looked evil. Morrie got scared. Jack continued “—expect more from me!”

But when Jack noticed that Morrie was already scared, his grip went lighter. His hand crawled up to her face, pressed her cheeks to make her open her mouth. Then he said, “I want you to stop being mad at me and her and let’s keep it like this.”

He inserted his tongue inside her mouth and flicked it. He kissed Morrie with so much intensity. Morrie wasn’t able to do anything because Jack was holding both sides of her face. Jack spoke while kissing her, “We can still have each other with this.”

Then while kissing her tenderly, he slowly felt her arm touching his back. She was easily pleased by what he did. He scared her just lately so it’s his way to calm her and to avoid larger issues that may possibly come if he completely loses himself this time.

Jack was only wearing boxers. Morrie noticed that. She slowly slid herself down, her back leaning on the wall. She sat and wore off Jack’s boxers.

Later on, Jack felt the pleasure from what she’s doing. It had his mouth hung open. He had a sudden arousal. He pulled her up and said “Let’s do it on the sack.”

Then they filled the cold bed with their warmth. That was a hot night for them and perhaps, the last night Morrie ever slept with Jack. She couldn’t get his scary eyes off her mind. He strangled her and she can never forget that. After that night, Morrie rarely slept with him.

It was just a makeup s*x after all.

It’s the morning after dark, so Morrie left his place right away to go back to her house and prepare to go to work. It was dawn then Jack got up his bed to fix himself to go to the office. He thought it might be the right time to call Alice. It had been almost a week. He knew Alice was already awake by this time and had already cooled her head as well above all that happened to them. He dialed her number without hesitation.

“Alice, it’s me, Jorge.” When Jack didn’t immediately hear the click of the phone disconnecting, he went on excitedly, “I……I understand why you hung up when I called before. And…… and it’s okay. Just…… just please don’t hang up on me now.”

“Why are you calling me?” Alice’s tone was flat. Angry. “What do you want?” Still, hearing his voice brought a lump of emotion up in her throat.

Jack’s voice trembled. He was scared and excited at the same time. “You… you know what I want.”

“What do you want exactly?”

“I want you.”

“Oh please, boss. Flirting is so off zone. And please, don’t talk to me on the phone! I told you that!”

“I wanted to explain myself, Alice.”, he calmly said.

“You already did! Saw it all.”

“Alice, no, you’ve mistaken that view!”

“Great. How often do you lie? Do you do this every time?”

“I’m sorry, Alice. I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“You didn’t hurt me. Not at all. And please, just please, don’t call me again!”

Then Jack heard the dial tone in his phone. She hung up again.

He called her one more time but her line was already said to be out of the coverage area. She didn’t want to talk to him again, ever. And she clearly meant that.