Hidden Sanity

Full of Wonders

It was 11 o’clock in the evening. The employees in the office just started going home. Joe went to Alice’s table and said “Hey. Shall we?”

Alice moved her head from side to side, stretching out her muscles. “Where are you taking me?”

“Coffee shop, where else?”

“Right. This will be your treat, right? Because if not, I would have to go and just spend my money on something else… ‘Cause you know, I have coffee in my house too.”

“I get your point but relax, this is my treat. Jesus! Why are you so defensive?” He laughed.

“That was a joke. You know, I find it hard to joke around with you. You are such a serious person!”

“Hell no, I’m not.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Get to know me, come on.” He grabbed her by her hand and brought her to the coffee shop.

Joe offered a seat to Alice. Joe was always nice, to Alice, at least. He said “Not really my thing, but guys in movies do this…”

Alice smiled. She sat down and said “Thank you. You’ve been fond of watching movies these days huh? Romantic ones, I guess.”

“Come on, who doesn’t like movies?” He sat after she did.

“Uh, I do?”

“Really? That’s weird. Hahaha. Are you for real? What do you do? Play soccer? Like you’re a guy or something?”

“Joe, let’s get serious. Movies are all fictional. I prefer news.”

“This lady right here doesn’t have a life. Have fun!”

“No time for fun.”

"Yeah. You rarely laugh.”

“After the projects, I’ll laugh.”

“I’m sure now. I made up my mind. I’ll help you.”

“Yeah, and because of that, I’m here with you. You’ve got what you came for, haven’t you? Now what am I going to get in return?” She joked.

Joe was taken aback, he did not show it. “What is there that I can give you?” he asked.

“We’ll talk about that later,” said Alice. “The problem is—what exactly have we got?”

“What do you mean?” He gave her a confused look.

“A topic? Anything?”

“Ah. Hahaha. I thought it was something else.” He thought he was talking about the ‘thing’ between them.

Alice brushed her hair, looked at the table and said, “Yes, what were you thinking?” She looked like she didn’t give even a small damn to what’s happening right now. Like she wanted it to be over, just go home and sleep.

“Nothing. Uhh… Just ask me anything. I suck at this. But oh wait, I got to order first.”

He called in for a waiter and ordered two cappuccinos for both of them. While waiting for their orders, Alice leaned forward and stared broodingly at the edge of Joe’s chair. “I’m being disorganized about the whole thing. I can’t just follow my instincts. What happened to the case of Jack Kinley?”

“Now you’re interested? God, finally!”

“Someone I know got involved so yes, I am now.”

“And yeah about that, it’s very breezy and offhand. Oh, that old story. That was years ago. It was to quell a rumor that some spiteful men get to spread around. They published articles about it. It says he killed 10 people, 11 as of now, I’m thinking he got more under his sleeves. He’s very evil. People call him the daredevil, reckless demon and many more nicknames!”

“What was his answer to all of the rumors?”

“He never did answer but if he did, the answer was that he wanted me to come to it with a completely open mind, not lumbered with someone else’s theories, so I searched for it myself.”

“That’s absurd. No one would ever do any research on anything at all if it weren’t for somebody else’s theories.”

“Exactly. And people made their usual sarcastic remarks with their academic minds but I managed to stick to it, although I’m really rather scared of him, you know, Jack, he said that he had satisfied himself for not admitting his crime to the public, and telling everybody that it was not him who did it. He did not confess his own crime. What a smart man.” He meant sarcastically.

“So he still managed to scotch the rumors?”

“Yes. And he’ll make damn sure people won’t find out. Can you make sense of it?”

“I don’t know. He’s indeed crazy,” said Alice thoughtfully.

“It sounded like a very profitable line of inquiry. But if you’re going to come up against the case’s own obstruction… What an extraordinary business.”

“Good Lord, no. I’m not going to start my own investigations into that case. Because in that way, madness lies. You don’t want me to be crazy or even killing people, do you?”

He laughed at Alice’s intellectual response. She continued. “Otherwise, I would have to give up my job then do the investigation instead. It sounds more fun.”

“Oh, don’t do that,” cried Joe with feelings. “Please don’t give up the job. It would mean we wouldn’t meet so often, and I’m very much enjoying it. It’s like getting to know you all over again.”

There was silence. Joe seemed to realize that he had strayed beyond the agreed limits of their friendship.

“Oh, do shut up, Joe!” cried Alice. “I don’t want to be analyzed. I’ve got a job to do.”

“So you’re not delving into other people’s lives in order to cope up with your own? Alright, I’ll go along with it, but—we’re coming back to the subject of Jack Kinley because I’m really fond of mysteries too, and you’re a mystery to me.”

Alice remained silent. For most of the time nowadays, she enjoyed a full and active life with work she liked and many friends and interests, and with her home and family as a light little anchor. She told herself that she was not capable of any lasting love or permanent relationship, and that she had come to terms with the fact. There were to be no more highs and lows in her life. Looking forward to the age of 30, she was going to spread her emotions thinly over a wide area instead of concentrating them all in one place or one person.

She thought “That was sensible, wasn’t it, when you knew that you were constitutionally incapable of adjusting yourself to anybody else?”

Joe talked again. “I want you—I want to be closer to you, like what we have before, that closeness—but you were too busy.”

Yet every now and then she would be attacked by this overwhelming sense of pointlessness and of despair, as if there were no light or color in the world. It came to her now, sitting in front of Joe.

Nothingness. No sense of meaning anywhere. It came without warning and her reason told her that it would pass, but while it lasted, it was bad. This time it seemed to be particularly bad, and the presence of such a good friend made it even worse for her because Joe is not just her ordinary friend, she knows that. She didn’t want to show any acts of positivity to him because it would only start the cycle all over again and destroy their precious foothold of goodwill and trust that they had reached together.

“I don’t really know how to continue our brother-and-sister act nowadays. It’s hard.” She had made a cowardly contract to keep away from life for fear of being hurt. In ten years’ time, maybe, it would make sense, but she was not old enough for such a contract, and maybe Joe, who’s still willing to risk entanglement, was the braver between the two of them.

“I’m making a way, Alice. I don’t want to lose you just like that.”

“You did the right thing there”, went Alice.

“Yes,” said Joe miserably.

The coffee was brought to them by the waiter. After the saucer hit the surface of the table, Alice opened up a new topic just to avoid the silence they got. “You know, Christine was a very pretty girl.”

And by that, they talked as if Joe didn’t get to bare his feelings for her.

“She was the youngest girl within her circle of friends, just as I was myself before, but I was never much to look at, and I always wished I could be like her. She was tall and fair, with big blue eyes and a cupid’s bow of a mouth. And she is way like a princess. No wonder she was liked by many.”

“She had admirers?” prompted Joe, like he was once again to be deep in thought.

“Buzzed around her like flies.” was the quick reply. “But she wouldn’t look at the local boys. Oh no, she was out to catch a bigger fish.”

He sipped coffee. Joe said nothing. He knew she would go on unprompted now.

“Maybe she was hoping for better things. Or maybe she fell in love so she didn’t hang out with just anyone. I don’t know anything about that sort of thing.” ,she said.

There was another pause, and then he began to laugh. “I met 5 girls, brought them up for dates and hung out with them a couple of times. And I’ve never been in love. What’d you think of that, young woman?”

“Well… I see she didn’t.” She chuckled. “I must have got hold of the wrong end of the stick.” She went on, “Christine.” She murmured. “I used to envy her so much. But I daresay she came to a bad end.”

Joe nodded, and he waited without speaking and without movement, looking at their cups on the table and listening to the clock ticking the minutes away. He watched it with some kind of amusement.

They emptied their coffee cups as if both of them do not exist in the same coffee shop. They didn’t mind each of their businesses. They just sat there and drank their coffees. Too much stillness.

“As far as I’m concerned, this inquiry is now at the end. And that I should forgive her for whatever she did to me before and she should be free to be where she wants by now.” Alice spoke.

“It had to happen one day. It’s been a relief to talk to you.” He remarked.

“Properly and gratefully accepted,” said Alice. “Thank you very much indeed.”

“Are you free the day after tomorrow?” He asked.

“No. I’ve got to collect the other works from the committees. Presentation’s next week. I can’t do it.”

“Yes I know, but just ‘till the day after the presentation. Okay? Please. Please promise me.”

“That would be lovely. Alright then.” She stood up.

He remained seated. “Take care, okay?”

“Yes. I’ll take care. See you soon. Go home safely, Joe.”

“You too. Call me right away when you need something.”

“Sure.” She left the coffee shop.

She thought that Joe was the type of guy to adore but she just doesn’t see the possibility of her being with him. She likes him but it’s only up to that. “It’s not the end yet, I’m very much willing to know what might happen next.” she thought.

She still doubted if she should put up the level he was in her standards or let it stay at the old position. For now, she felt touched by what Joe said and did to her on this day. She just wasn’t showy to let Joe see that she does appreciate everything he does.

While as, in the dark corner of the street, a house was lit up wherein a man was kept in.

The black cat, who had been waiting patiently on the doorstep to be let in, gave a disappointed meow and trotted off round the far side of the house. It leapt up onto the window-sill and squeezed through the aperture. It went to the kitchen. The kitchen was tidy, well equipped, but apart from an empty milk bottle standing in the sink, showing no signs of recent use.

The bedroom was of medium size and had as much the appearance of a show-house as did the living room. Beside the bedroom was a clinic.

Inside the clinic, Jack was lying in the bed. He just woke up. As he opened his eyes, they squinted as if surprised by the brightness. He was kept in darkness. He must be sleeping for so long. He looked around. He tried to remember what lastly happened to him then he found out that his doctor took him off guard. He began to wonder why he wasn’t in the same hospital that he was confined to. It was a different clinic now.

He saw a doctor washing something on the bathroom’s sink. He was facing him back. Jack couldn’t see the face. He said, “Excuse me? Hey.”

The doctor looked back. Jack didn’t know the doctor. He looked so unfamiliar.

“Oh hey, I’m glad you’re awake.” He wiped his wet hands through the towel from the top of the cabinet. He walked near him. Jack said “What am I doing here? Who are you?” He sat on the bed.

“A concerned citizen brought you here. They saw you lying on the street, unconscious. This is a clinic, I’m a doctor.”

“Didn’t they tell you who I am with? There must be someone with me. Did they see any doctor around when it happened?”

“No Jack, you were alone.”

He looked surprised. “What did you just call me?”

“You have a plain face, but a strong one. Very intelligent. Not altogether unfriendly, but not particularly kind or forgiving.”

“Who are you?!”

“I’m Thomas Skitson. I saw your medical receipt from your pocket while I was looking for the patient’s identity. It says Jack Kinley. You can’t have that if it wasn’t you, right?”

Jack frowned and looked at the doctor. He made no reply.

“I know, I am entirely in your hands right now. I knew your true identity. You can kill me now. You have every reason to do so,” said the doctor.

There was a short silence. Jack looked anywhere around the room, trying to find his way out. He doesn’t like it there and he was left unarmed for attack.

On the bedside table, next to the reading-lamp, was a slim glass vase containing a single-yellow rose. Some of its petals had fallen. He couldn’t use it to kill him. It was very weak of him to use that.

The doctor said, “You are indeed guilty of a criminal offense, but I doubt if our local police force would be pleased to be in such a case. Everybody hardly needs your confirmation of your identity but I think you did yourself justice in that case. You were too pretentious.”

“But I’m not pretentious,” said Jack indignantly.

“Then you must learn to project your personality more effectively. Whether or not, you will have the opportunity of killing.”

“I’m most dreadfully ashamed. Of course it’s a criminal offense. It’s completely unforgivable. But I didn’t do any of it.”

“Don’t make me laugh, Jack. I just knew it. You aren’t Jorge Kione yourself, are you?” burst out the doctor. “I saw from your I.D. You were Jorge.”

Jack laughed. “No. Doctor, whoever you are, has no doubt discovered my name is Jorge Kione. I doubt if you have discovered anything else, and I doubt even more whether you have discovered anything at all.”

“Nothing at all,” said the doctor, sadly shaking his head but Jack, being so smart, was not so sure.

“But I feel rather more inclined to call the police.” 

With great excitement, Jack replied. “Very desperate.”

The doctor looked at him. He saw that Jack was smiling and looking in his eyes. “So aren’t you going to call the police right now?”

The doctor found his personality so tricky. He tried to look away and said “I don’t think you know yourself and what you’re going to do. But you very much want to know how much I have found out about you. And you want to know what I know, so it boils down to a question of which side put its cards on the table first. And since we are very much in the wrong and you could make things unpleasant for us if you wanted to, I guess I’m the one who has to do the talking.”

“What did you find in me?” He said in a low voice. He gave the impression of having been silent for some time, and not of having just broken off a discussion.

“You want something sensational, of course. I’ve been investigating in a perfectly legitimate manner, but not making any progress, and I was getting very frustrated. But if you would like me to tell you exactly what I have observed and discovered, then I will do so now, and after that you can decide what to do with me.”

“That’s what I had hoped you would say right now,” inclining his head slightly.

“I do like things to feel psychologically right. Don’t you think your doctor had a hand in what you’re into for the past years?”

“He did. He’s curing me. Why?”

“Drugs are only effective for a short term, Jack. It’s not a cure. Last time you saw him, what did he do?”

“He knocked me out by putting something over my mouth. I fell asleep. Kind of like, kidnapping.”

“Look, if he did, if he’s really into helping you, why does he have to kidnap you or get you through that way?”

“Because I killed the nurses back then.”

“But if the doctor knows you were psychologically ill, he would consider that. He knows in the first place that you’re a criminal inside that hospital. What will he expect?!”

“And you’re saying?”

“You’ve got something, Jack. You’ve taken something.”

“What?”

“Could I put you on a drug test, right now?”

Jack looked at him suspiciously. He thought that he certainly doesn’t look as if he had been concocting some lies and perhaps it’s just as well that he doesn’t know what his doctor has been up to. He got to his feet. He’s ready for it.

After two hours, the test had been conducted. The doctor got the result.

He said “I’m right! You said your doctor gives you antipsychotic drugs but it doesn’t show here. The drugs you’ve been taking and they’ve been giving are negative for that content.”

“Then what does it suppose to mean?”

“You’re still sick. They’re giving you something not for you to be fine, but it’s for you to be worse.”

Jack didn’t talk back. He wasn’t expecting it. All his life, he was confined with lies. The doctor said “Talking seemed to relieve the unbearable tensions. Getting it all out somehow helped me.” He knew that the more he tried to help him by aiding him the right medicines, the less chance he had of doing his next murder. He gave him his recommended medicine. Jack took it right away.

Jack read the name of the medicine. “Effexor? Are you suggesting that I would descend to killing people if I took this?” He said with a most convincing air of injured innocence.

“You certainly still would. You’ve done it before,” snapped the doctor.

“I’ll do my best to avoid it, but you’d be surprised how news gets around.” He slightly smiled.

“I wouldn’t be a bit surprised, I know you.”

Jack showed a crooked smile and bowed down. He said “What? After this, you’re going to get me to chains huh?”

“No. I’m here to help you, Jack, not to arrest you.”

“Why are you helping me?” He raised his chin and looked at him.

“I feel sorry for someone like you who’s a criminal because you’re mentally sick. I feel sympathy towards people like you. You didn’t mean to be in that state.”

“I’m undeserving of your sympathy, sorry to say.”

“I knew you would say that, based on your personality, yes, quite expected.”

Jack sat down on the bed. He seemed to be more comfortable with him now.

“Why can’t you tell that you’re Jack Kinley yourself and not Jorge Kione?” said the doctor.

“I like having my privacy.”

“Well…… people do sometimes change their style very late through their career.” said the doctor doubtfully. “Let’s say, if you were freed from the strait-jacket of being Jack Kinley—”

“A strait-jacket? Or was it a vital prop?” He said with his revengeful eyes.

“Vital prop?” The doctor wondered.

“I’ve been used. They all benefited a lot from me. I should’ve killed that motherfucking doctor before I escaped the hospital.”

“You shouldn’t kill people, Jack.” He gave a warning.

“I have my plans. I wouldn’t be killing people… Not too soon… not too soon…” He said as the name Alice popped into his head automatically.

He thought, “I will make big use of these pills. These are great instruments for my plans…”

“Killing people is what makes you insane, Jack. Don’t do it again.”

Jack looked at the doctor with a threatening look. “You don’t own me.”

He stood up and searched for a way out of the doctor’s house. The doctor followed him even before he stepped out of his house.

Jack said as he found the exit door. “Thank you for helping. I now know your address. I’ll come back if I want. And—” He looked back. “If ever a single detail about my identity spilled, I sure know where to go. If you’re not here, I can find you. I will find you.”

The doctor swallowed back. He didn’t say a word back to him. Who’s not afraid to be killed? Therefore, he just watched him as he walked out.

And now he’s finally outside. He tends to remember every single feature around the place just in case the doctor was not really his ally. He took a picture of it in his head and walked his way in front of the last place he’s been to before his doctor that he now despised, caught him. He drove his car back to his apartment.

When he arrived in front of the building of the apartment, he saw someone just from the entrance doorway. He parked his car then climbed down. He was looking fine.

He locked his car through his car keys then he walked towards the man.

He looked recognizable. He said “Aren’t you a staff member from the office?”

The man looked at him and he was shocked. He made way for him to pass by. “Oh Sir Jorge! Yes, I am—”

He rubbed the back of his head, “Actually… I’m the admin in the office.”

Jack looked at him from top to toe. “And what is the admin doing here?” He looked so serious.

“I’m here for something… personal.”

“Ahh…” He ignored him and just walked away haughtily.

Joe asked him “Sir, where have you been? You’ve been absent the whole day. There are files pending to be checked by you.”

He stopped walking and turned around. “Shouldn’t we talk about this in the office and not here?”

He stuttered. “Sorry sir, I’m just asking.”

“I was in a meeting by the way.” He started walking again.

“Sir! You also live here?”, he said, stopping him from leaving.

“Yes. Why?”

“Because Alice lives here too…”

He looked back immediately when he heard her name. “Is that what you’re here for? For Alice?” He gazed at him with a defiant stare as if Alice is only meant for him to see.

“Yes.”

“Is there something going on that I don’t know yet?”

“Nothing.” He gave a shy laugh. “So you live here too… I see. Heh, anyway sir, I have to go now.” He walked away fast.

“Hey!”

Joe stopped and looked back at him. Jack looked at his eyes from afar and said “What’s your name again?”

“Joe Schmidt, sir.”

“Alright.” He then entered the building without any sign of worry. He left their conversation just like that, easy as breaking an egg.

Joe, who was left outside, on the dark street in front of the building, bent his eyebrows, appearing to be displeased. He stared at the whole building and Alice’s block. He didn’t feel right. Something within him told him that their boss and Alice already have a connection. He didn’t like it. But he told himself that it was just another business matter and nothing to think maliciously about. It was a connection that a boss and a secretary must have. Yet, he was discontented.

However, he left the place.

Whereas inside the building, Jack was riding the elevator. He can hear nothing but the meek silence that surrounded him. He slowly carved a smile on his lips and a vicious look began to appear in his eyes.

He said “Joe Schmidt huh?”

Then he reached the floor of his apartment. He went out of the elevator then pressed the knuckles in his right hand through his thumb from the same hand.

“Joe Schmidt…”

He smiled even wider.