The Beginning Called Past

Summer Butterflies

Hours had passed since I woke up but I was still contemplating on what happened last night. I was hungover the whole day, basically staring at the ceiling of my messy room. I should be doing my laundry and go to the grocery store. My Sunday had never been this unproductive.

I am really nervous about tonight's dinner. With Rob. My first childhood dream turned into a nightmare. It all started in the summer of 2007. We spent the entire summer waking up early and running around the neighborhood every day (we're both athletes back in the days) and wrapping the night up with stolen kisses before we go home. We even dreamt about having our entire lives together as a couple. I suddenly remembered those thousands of butterflies in my stomach the first time we held hands. I can feel them flying out of my mouth as I talk to him, I can feel them hovering all over us when we're together.

He was 17 back then and I was 16. I am going to be in my senior year in high school and he was ready to go to college and live the life he always wanted to have. I remember having a vague memory of his last day in town, crying my eyes out asking him not to go. The past summer we had was the most amazing time of my life and I can't let him go. I wasn't ready to let him go. He hugged me tight and told me everything's gonna be fine. He said he would come home during the holidays, semester breaks and on times that he would miss me so much.

Days, weeks, months had passed. We talked to each other through email and phone calls. Everything was going so well for him and I started to miss him so much. I have been busy with my studies and with the volleyball team too. But I always made time for him and he was finding time to talk to me too. But he never came home the first year, Not once for an entire year. He said he had a lot of things going on with his football career and studies. I understood it completely. With the help of my mom, I managed not to feel any anger towards him for breaking his promises to come home during the holidays. She helped me understand that love should not be felt only when you're together. She said the distance will either break us or make us stronger. I chose to believe that it did make us stronger.

I graduated high school and I hosted a year-end party with the help of my dad. My parents broke up when I was young. He does this extravagant things for me from time to time to make it up for the lost years he should have spent with me. He now has a new family but Gigi, my stepmother, is such a sweet lady. It's hard for me to hate her because she loves me so much. My mom also talks to her from time to time. They aren't close, but they are civil enough to discuss things concerning me and my dad. Gigi told dad I can use their vacation house as the venue for the year-end party as a graduation gift to me because I also graduated Valedictorian of the class.

To my surprise, Rob came home. He brought me flowers and danced with me. He changed a bit. His body had grown so much. He was clearly having the time of his life. I was so ecstatic as he held me in his arms and we talked nonstop.

I remember walking down the shore with him, he was holding my hands.

"You look beautiful. You can only imagine how much I wanted to come home every day that we talk. You've grown so much. And I still love your hair." He whispered in my ear, smiling. I felt my eyes welling up and I hugged him tightly.

"I missed you so much. You don't know how much I wanted to get mad at you for not coming home when you promised me you will. You are the best graduation gift I have received. The only thing is, you ain't wrapped." I chuckled.

"I am. Look at you. Look at how wrapped I am now. You sure have grown big arms and shoulders. Your hair is longer and you can tie me it now. I always miss touching your hair, your face." He hugged me tightly and said, "Oh God. I don't know if I ever wanna go back." He let out a deep sigh and let go of me. As he touched my face, I glanced at his bluish-gray eyes and touched his chest. I felt the familiar summer breeze as it swept my hair out of my face. I knew I saw thousands of colorful butterflies flying all around us again. He said, "We can do this. I'm gonna study fast and we're gonna be together again every day just like the old times."

"Promise?"

"I promise." he smiled and planted a soft kiss on my lips.

After a few days, Rob went back to finish his remaining school days. I worked for his uncle's coffee shop as a part-time job while I was taking entrance exams to universities here and there. Luckily, I passed every exam and I didn't have a hard time picking the school I will be going to. I chose the closest university from home.

After two weeks, Rob passed his final exams and he immediately went back home to enjoy the remaining days of our summer together. I was expecting him to stay only for 2 weeks, at most. I knew he had to go back early to take care of his enrollment for his 2nd year. We spent the next weeks amazingly. We did the usual summer activities we used to do, except that he had to run every morning alone because I gotta go to work early. He would drop by the coffee shop after running to have his breakfast. He would come back at noon so we could have lunch together. He would stay at home in the afternoon or spend some time with his friends and would go back to the shop to pick me up. And then we would finally have the entire night for ourselves.

On his last night in town, we had dinner and he took me to the movies. We finished the movie and he took me home. I was happy that he spent his summer with me and I couldn't be more thankful for it. When we got home, I suddenly felt the same extremity of sadness I felt about him leaving a year ago. I removed the seat belt, looked at him and smiled.

"Hey." He reached out for my hand. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I am just gonna miss you a lot. Like, a whole lot more than I missed you the last time." I said, looking at him straight in the eye.

"It's still gonna be the same. I would still visit you if I have time. Soon enough, you will also be doing the same thing for yourself. For our future."

"Yeah. You're right." I said and he kissed my hand. "Have a safe flight. And call me." He smiled at me and hugged me tight.

"I will. Only if you kiss me and tell me how much you love me." He said and I chuckled. "You are so cheesy." He laughed at me. "I love you so much. More than you ever know." I said, my voice breaking and my eyes starting to well up.

"I love you too."

And we kissed the night away.